Why do "expert" Catholics extinguish the faith of the hopeful?

[handmaidenByzC]

I was born into the Byzantine Catholic Church, and my first confession and Holy Communion (at age 5) were the happiest moment in my life. My life has been complicated by many things. The summary is that my parents divorced a few months later…my only access to religion and learning was the baptist church…I was re baptized because I wanted to honor my mother and not make her cry. I was told by my father reading the bible she gave me was a sin…an so on. I had a small child’s catholic prayer book and 3 days of catechism by a Ukrainian priest who I could barely understand…I held on to this in my heart and dreamed of the day I would be able to “not just be, but practice being” Catholic.
As an adult, I embraced my freedom and went to the Catholic Church, uncatechized. I moved a lot, and went to many different Catholic churches, some eastern rite, more latin rite. There was no internet, no teaching of dogma from the pulpit, there was a strong liberal agenda, no books, no barnes and noble, no amazon, no Catholic book stores, no books given out by the church, and I had no money anyway as I spent years as a poor student and in training. I learned Catholic teaching through hearsay, the little I heard in church. My simple faith had already been set by my reception of the sacraments and a gift from God.
However, I spent most of my life breaking every single commandment and virtue, some not through my fault (especially as a child), some through unavoidable ignorance, some through irresponsible ignorance. For example, before the evangelical movement, protestants encouraged people to embrace “rights for women, and access to good health care, including abortion, so they did not die in alleys.” When I was older, I heard that Catholics did not believe in abortion, but that they debated it amongst themselves. I had no knowledge of what a Magisterium was. I knew that Catholics had big families I thought due to culture, not lack of contraception. Innocently and ignorantly I thought that if a woman could not care for a child (especially in impoverished countries)…I thought she should not have sex…and wondered why contraception was not used…as so many children died of starvation. Nothing of the sacrament of confession was discussed, and I had heard it was no longer required. (I only once saw a priest in a confessional…it was a latin rite “box” and there was a light on…having seen this in movies…I thought I would give it a try). I was terrified…the priest asked me how long since I was there…I do not remember what I said…perhaps years? He screamed at me a lot and may have told me to leave and come back later, I mumbled something…left…and never went back.)

You get the picture.

After JPII came along, disappointing liberal hopefuls, and doctrine was mentioned on TV…followed by the internet, and book stores…I began to learn

I spent a lot of time in confession and at liturgy.

Then, while trying to further progress in the faith…this is my experience:

Experts and knowledgeable people…like in this forum, emphasize such doctrine and definition of sins…that I can never ever live by…and can despite my childhood dreams…never realize. Claims are made which make me realize I can never be truly Catholic, eg “all grave sin, not remembered at the last confession OR FROM ANYTIME IN YOUR PAST, must be confessed.” This may work for those who had the sacrament their whole life…but for others…this requirement is impossible. Even with my best efforts I could not remember things…and grave sins unconfessed would always occur to me. Running to confession in this manner would be unfair to the priest and not be spiritually helpful to me, imho. Therefore, if this is indeed the teaching…I would have to confess to a priest who was willing to accept the following: Father, I broke every commandment and virtue in a grave way in numbers too numerous to count…DONE with confession!.
Additionally, there are sins I have read on here that can only be absolved by a bishop and receiving absolution from a priest is invalid…well I have never been privee to that knowledge. So I guess my confessions have been invalid and my reception of the eucharist blasphemous, in what I am now learning is my excommunicated state.

Finally, after having attained the age, consistent access and use of all the prescribed Church sacraments, reading materials (which BTW, I have found my orthodox books to be argumentative, and elitist)…

I no longer wish to attain my childhood dream. I do not feel I will find the Lord in another church…and I feel recourse only to my faulty moral compass and my heart.

God Bless You, and thank you for any help
Unworthy, sad, exasperated, excommunicated handmaiden

 

[Lutgardis]

Dear sister in Christ,
Do not give up! Think of Christ. Think of Him on the cross. There isn’t anything you could possibly do that He will not forgive. Please, try to put aside all the feelings you have about men, and cling to God! Cry out to him. If you cannot take the necessary steps on your own to be in full communion with the church, ask the Lord to send you someone to help you, to support you emotionally, and to walk with you through this very scary and discouraging darkness that you feel. It could be an older woman at your parish–or another parish. There are groups of nuns who minister to women in similar circumstances to what you seem to be implying; some of these women are full of the Holy Spirit, are not judgmental, and would be willing and eager to help you get to where you need to be.

God judges us by our hearts. If you really want Him, put everything else aside. If you cannot see where to turn, ask Him to show you, and wait in faith. He always hears the cries of the contrite, of those who are sorry for their sins:

Ps 51:17: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit ; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
David cried out to God in this Psalm after committing adultery with Bathsheba, and then plotting and accomplishing the death of Uriah, her husband. Yet, David expressed deep repentance for his sin, and he died in faith. The Lord summed up David’s life like this when comparing him to Jeroboam, a disobedient king:

1 Kings 15:3-5 And he [Jeroboam] walked in all the sins of his father, which he had done before him: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father.
4 Nevertheless for David’s sake did the LORD his God give him a lamp in Jerusalem, to set up his son after him, and to establish Jerusalem:
5 Because David did that which was right in the eyes of the LORD, and turned not aside from any thing that he commanded him all the days of his life, save only in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.

You see . . .
Ps 103:12-14
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

I will be praying for you.

 

[Halo]

Yes, indeed do not give up the "pearl of great price. Find yourself a strong, kind, faithful priest and have a good talk. Your situation is very manageable and I fear you have been a bit mislead. “For my yoke is easy and my burden light” God Bless

 

[greenmoira]

I understand your dillema, confusion, and disappointment. You have been searching for the Truth, which is Our Lord Jesus Christ, and not finding Him. However you must realize that this forum has many people posting their opinion, which may or may not be the teaching of the Catholic Church. Many posts are spot on and can be relied upon, many are not. First, you need to pray; asking God for the grace you need to find Him. He never rejects those who are sincere in their request. If you are not saying a daily rosary, start now, today. Our Blessed Virgin Mother loves you as no one else, except God. He gave her to us to be our mother too. If you don’t have a rosary, that’s OK. You can count each decade on your fingers, if need be. Before you begin, ask Our Lady to help you, offer her your anxiety and desire to find God. Start with the Apostles’ Creed, 3 Hail Marys, 1 Glory Be. Then 5 groups of prayers starting with The Our Father, 10 Hail Marys, 1 Glory Be.

You might want to start slowly. For example, decide to say the Rosary every day for two weeks. If you miss a day, that’s all right, just start again. Keep it up - no matter what! If you finish two weeks, then do a month. If you can do that, you’re on your way to daily prayer. Remember, prayer is just talking with God. It’s not hard to talk with someone you want to get to know.

You also need to learn about your Catholic faith. Get a children’s catechism - it’s easy to understand and usually is put in a logical flow from simple truths to more advanced ones.

Don’t worry right now about your uncertainty on Confession, Sacraments, etc. God knows what is in your heart and will lead you to Him. Just don’t give up if it gets difficult at times.

Hope this helps you. God bless and keep you.

 

[Lancer]

If I ever did anything to thwart your faith journey to God…please forgive me. I am truly sorry.

Please remember that I and all in the Church are sinners…and for me it is sinner par excellence. You have to get in line behind me if you think that you are a sinner.

Even the Pope, all the bishops and all the priests, deacons sisters, nuns and brothers…are sinners. Only the Lord Jesus, the Blessed Mother Mary, Saint Joseph and all the saints in heaven are not sinners.

So…when sinner fools like me try to thwart your faith journey – advertently or inadvertently – …go to your God as His adopted child…through your savior and brother, Jesus, The Christ…in the power of your Advocate and Comforter, the Holy Spirit…with His spouse and your Mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary…as your intercessor.

Very quickly, almost instantaneously, sinners like me will warrant only your mercy, your forgiveness and your humble pity…you will not be derailed again…ever!

Pax Christi

 

[Iron_Donkey]

As others have said, do not give up, especially because you do not think you can live by the teachings of the Church - no one can.

Confession may be difficult (it certainly is for me), but I think you may be making it harder on yourself than it actually is. For one thing, know that the sins you honestly forgot about forgotten been forgiven, though they do need to be mentioned next time you go to a confession.

Perhaps you should seek a spiritual director, or make an appointment with a priest to talk through the past some time? Most priests I know would be more than happy to help you get everything figured out. If you want to know more about the faith, you could even join in RCIA classes, which are probably starting soon, just to learn.

It may seem like a daunting task to get everything sorted out, but it is certainly worth it.

 

[Alexander_Roman]

My own experience is similar to yours.

At one point, when I thought that my faith was vain since I could not keep the commandments etc., I came across a little book entitled, “The Way of a Pilgrim.”

It taught me all about prayer and the saying of the Jesus Prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”

God’s Grace soon welled up within me and I realized that Christians can only rely on God’s Grace to get them through life and live according to His Will.

It is impossible to live a Christian life without a lot of prayer and the school of prayer is one in which we are always learning.

Whenever I feel I can’t do what God demands of me, I know I’ve been weak in prayer.

My grandfather was a married Eastern Catholic priest who had survived wars and many troubles. I used to go to Confession to him with a long list of my sins. He would look at me with a slight smile and tell me that the root cause of all this, including my scrupulosity about writing down my sins, is because my prayer life is weak.

He then went on to prescribe set prayers to be said, “now, after confession, tonight before you go to bed, tomorrow morning, afternoon and evening, for the next three weeks . . .”

Prayer brings God’s Life into us and we can then do anything in Him.

Alex

 

[Bookcat]

It seems you have picked up some misconception along the way…I will just mention one here…

Yes we need to do a good examination of conscience and make a good confession…

Yes one is to confess all mortal sins …but if you forget some by mistake …that does not mean they are not forgiven. It is not like one was hiding them. If you later remember them yes one is to mention them in the next confession…but one does not have to run there right away…or all the time.

And If you NEVER remember them…such makes them impossible to confess and the Church does not require the impossible. So one never has to confess them. They can be absolved “indirectly” with the sins one does remember.

 

[revert_jen]

Claims are made which make me realize I can never be truly Catholic, eg “all grave sin, not remembered at the last confession OR FROM ANYTIME IN YOUR PAST, must be confessed.” This may work for those who had the sacrament their whole life…but for others…this requirement is impossible.

First, here is a piece of information you really need to know. The Church NEVER requires the impossible on pain of mortal sin. When you made your first Confession, as long as you honestly included all of the grave sins that you remembered at the time, all the ones you did NOT remember were also forgiven.

Because we are fallen, we all sin on a pretty regular basis. But it is really possible, with the help of God’s grace, to avoid all mortal sin (going forward ). If you stumble, just go to Confession and start again. It is a difficult road sometimes, but really worth it.

Even with my best efforts I could not remember things…and grave sins unconfessed would always occur to me. Running to confession in this manner would be unfair to the priest and not be spiritually helpful to me, imho.

My understanding of this is that if you remember some other grave sins, you do not have to run out to Confession or forego the Eucharist, but that you should mention them the next time you are going to Confession anyway. I think this is “it is a good idea to do this” rather than “you are required to do this,” but I am not sure. Ask a priest.

Additionally, there are sins I have read on here that can only be absolved by a bishop and receiving absolution from a priest is invalid…well I have never been privee to that knowledge.

Well, the primary reason for that would be that there are very few things that a lay person can do that require absolution by a bishop. Assuming that you have not physically attacked the Pope, the only thing left (that I am aware of) is purposefully disposing of the Eucharist in some manner other than consuming it, or keeping the Eucharist in your possession for sacreligious purposes. If you attempted to confess such a sin to a priest, it would be the priest’s job to tell you that he couldn’t absolve you. If you in good faith confessed and received absolution, you are OK.

So I guess my confessions have been invalid and my reception of the eucharist blasphemous, in what I am now learning is my excommunicated state.

Here is another thing you need to know. It is not possible to commit a mortal sin by accident. If you don’t know it’s grave matter, or alternatively if you don’t know it is even wrong, it is NOT a mortal sin for you. It is your responsibility to try to find out what things constitute grave matter, throughout your life, but if you don’t know, it simply can’t be mortal.

There are three things you want to be careful of. I don’t know whether you have done any of them, but just in case, I thought I’d mention them.

First, generally, be careful of applying things you don’t fully understand to your own situation. Ask a priest if you are worried.

Second, do not confuse grave matter with mortal sin. Grave matter only becomes mortal sin when it is combined with full knowledge of the gravity of the matter, and full consent of the will to committing the sin (e.g. it can’t be an accident, and things like addictions can make the sin venial instead for a particular person).

Third, specifically on these forums, pay close attention to whether someone is making a recommendation or stating a requirement. If they’re unclear, ask them. For example, it is accurate to say, “You should say a Rosary every day.” That doesn’t mean that it is a sin if you don’t, it just means it would be good for you if you did it. Granted, it would be better to say, “It is a good idea to say a Rosary every day,” instead, but this is an online forum, not a Canon Law debate, and people don’t always use very exact language. Sometimes (like me above) they just don’t know which it is.

In the end, the truth is that God loves you, and he gave you His Church to help you come to know and love Him better. I suggest getting the Catechism and just reading a few paragraphs a day. It is very beautiful, and will help you get to know the Church better, so people can’t discourage you with false or misleading information.

–Jen

 

[Iron_Donkey]

An article by Fr. Z which may be helpful: wdtprs.com/blog/2011/08/the-most-important-thing-i-will-ever-write-on-this-blog/

 

[Formosus]

Please do not let us “experts” scare you too much. As the poster above said, if you can never remember a sin and you have been to confession for other sins, then you do not need to fear because you are already forgiven by Our Lord. I hope you find a parish that is not so harsh. I do not wish to judge a member of the clergy, but if that is how the confession went then it was his lack of pastoral sensitivity that created that bad situation, not anything you did. Perhaps you could find a Catholic priest who could do a face to face confession or a Byzantine priest. Maybe that would lead to a better experience then the box confession. Do not let the weight of your past grind you into the ground. That is Satan attempting to separate you from Our Lord’s great love. I will say a prayer for you that your situation improve. No matter how dark things may seem, God always loves you. Just remember that.

 

[fred_conty]

Hi Handmaiden,
You had a really sad experience in life trying to do the right thing.
But it really isn’t as bad as it appears to be.

Chose a kindly priest, one that other people would recommend to you.
People always know which to go to. You may go to any priest
at any parish. You could even call the Bishop’s office and ask the
secretary or whoever answers the phone who they would prefer to go
to confession to. You don’t have to give your name. Then contact
the priest.

Then explain that you would like to make a general confession and
that you need help. Set a time up and just go. He will ask
you the questions and make it easy for you to get thru it.

As far as sins that can only be forgiven by the bishop, if anyone
mentions them in confession, the priest will always explain this to
them at the time of your confession and he will explain what will
be done. If he says nothing, then nothing is to be done.
In any case, they don’t have to go to the bishop, only the priest.

If someone is sincere and mentions all mortal sins in confession,
but then later on remembers one or more that was forgotten
in the confession, then the next time the person goes to confession
those sins should be confessed and just mention that they were overlooked
accidentally. Noone has to rush to confession in this
case, and they may still receive holy communion. But they must
mention the sins in the next confession whenever that occurs.

Anytime a sincere confession is made, all mortal sins are forgiven
whether mentioned or forgotten. They are all forgiven, with no
exceptions. The only time they would not be forgiven is if someone
deliberately hids mortal sins, then the whole confession would be bad.

It does sound that you need more info about your faith. Usually
parishes of any size have RCIA classes which explain the faith.
The classes are either once or twice a week. Those classes will
make you feel comfortable about living and knowing your faith.

Best wishs to you.

 

[Wesley7]

FYI, the priest is just a middleman. That’s what I’ve learned from my experience.

 

[handmaidenByzC]

Thank you all for your kindness, prayers, and help…your charity is very much appreciated…though I am not sure there is much that can be said to console me right now where my heart is.
] I do not think I have given you enough background for you to understand. As I mentioned I have had to move a lot. But since 1993, at most all places have lived, I have been blessed by having access to wonderful priests. There were a few short time periods of exception, while in the mid Atlantic area…a byzantine priest always said he was too busy. And the time I was in Massachusetts, the priest was Spanish, extremely nice, but during confession times I could not find him. These were less than ideal times but I usually found a way to make do. Otherwise, for this long time period, I have had face to face…byzantine style confession, on average from weekly to monthly.
I struggled for a while with some sins (and occasionally I still question whether my contrition is due to a love of God, fear of God, or sorry for having damaged my pride…or some or all of the above.) This problem comes and goes. Recently it has come back…so I pray about it. AND would you know, I felt some consolation and gained some understanding I never had? I realized what I have worried so much about, is that my actions or inactions, through the domino effect have effected infinite lives. And that I could never in a lifetime repair the damage. My priest emphasized that if I made confession, my sins were gone. He told me for my penance to “go get an ice cream cone” (which I did
Finally, I realized that I did not need to worry about fixing things, that God was not just all merciful, but all just. In his wisdom, in ways I will never understand, he will justify everything to assure His will be done. I felt some spiritual growth…and signed on to this forum, to continue to learn
My priest is wonderful…though in a few months I will have to move again for a job…and there will be no byzantine churches. For now, I look after my sick father. I go to confession every two weeks with the same priest. However, I am not sure this will continue…as in the byzantine rite…women wait for a male to go behind the iconostasis and tell him you are waiting. I am always the only one there. I do not want to falsely appear pious, as a few people have seemed to have noticed my habit.
After I read several posts, I became very discouraged and depressed.
You may not understand my concern. First of all I have a memory problem. I had an illness which left me with “event memory” problems. I do not remember consistently my past. So EOC does not help as grave sin will always come to me in pieces. I also probably HAVE confessed things but do not remember that. And there are many things that I did not know were sins…that I do not think I ever talked about.
What I am understanding is that mortal (we do not use this concept in the east…as far as I know…I think sin is a continuum…so I will use the word grave) sin remembered later, that is, between the last and the confession before that, but forgotten…should be mentioned the next time.
That I get…and have practiced.
What I have learned here is that any grave sin remembered from your whole past should be confessed. That is impossible. I have memory problems, I have had a long life where I did not have the sacrament. I learn new things like…you are obligated to follow the Holy day calender of your rite, regardless of where you live. Much of what I have learned here is that I cannot turn in any direction as everyone defines everything as grave sin.
I cannot live a healthy spiritual life if I have to think I must confess grave sins of my past when I remember them. I am 49, I have a lifetime of sins to remember. Save for a blanket check list of admitting to breaking every commandment and virtue…I cannot realistically maintain a positive and merciful outlook on my church and the Lord.
Secondly, this is not helpful to me…as I have struggled to let go of sins. Priests get frustrated or bored or bothered or feel sorry for me…if I go down that path of lamenting my sins. They tell me to believe in God’s forgiveness and basically move on. Based on what people say about forgotten sins…this will only weaken me as a christian…and lead me to focus on the past, not the present.

This new found knowledge of my requirements for state of grace…just wants me to leave the Catholic church. I just cannot in a healthy and positive way live these rules.

I know that you all have managed to learn and master this formula…I respect your devotion and obedience. I cannot do it…I simply despair.

God Bless you,
Handmaiden

 

[steve_b]

Thank you all for your kindness, prayers, and help…your charity is very much appreciated…though I am not sure there is much that can be said to console me right now where my heart is.
] I do not think I have given you enough background for you to understand. As I mentioned I have had to move a lot. But since 1993, at most all places have lived, I have been blessed by having access to wonderful priests. There were a few short time periods of exception, while in the mid Atlantic area…a byzantine priest always said he was too busy. And the time I was in Massachusetts, the priest was Spanish, extremely nice, but during confession times I could not find him. These were less than ideal times but I usually found a way to make do. Otherwise, for this long time period, I have had face to face…byzantine style confession, on average from weekly to monthly.
I struggled for a while with some sins (and occasionally I still question whether my contrition is due to a love of God, fear of God, or sorry for having damaged my pride…or some or all of the above.) This problem comes and goes. Recently it has come back…so I pray about it. AND would you know, I felt some consolation and gained some understanding I never had? I realized what I have worried so much about, is that my actions or inactions, through the domino effect have effected infinite lives. And that I could never in a lifetime repair the damage. My priest emphasized that if I made confession, my sins were gone. He told me for my penance to “go get an ice cream cone” (which I did
Finally, I realized that I did not need to worry about fixing things, that God was not just all merciful, but all just. In his wisdom, in ways I will never understand, he will justify everything to assure His will be done. I felt some spiritual growth…and signed on to this forum, to continue to learn
My priest is wonderful…though in a few months I will have to move again for a job…and there will be no byzantine churches. For now, I look after my sick father. I go to confession every two weeks with the same priest. However, I am not sure this will continue…as in the byzantine rite…women wait for a male to go behind the iconostasis and tell him you are waiting. I am always the only one there. I do not want to falsely appear pious, as a few people have seemed to have noticed my habit.
After I read several posts, I became very discouraged and depressed.
You may not understand my concern. First of all I have a memory problem. I had an illness which left me with “event memory” problems. I do not remember consistently my past. So EOC does not help as grave sin will always come to me in pieces. I also probably HAVE confessed things but do not remember that. And there are many things that I did not know were sins…that I do not think I ever talked about.
What I am understanding is that mortal (we do not use this concept in the east…as far as I know…I think sin is a continuum…so I will use the word grave) sin remembered later, that is, between the last and the confession before that, but forgotten…should be mentioned the next time.
That I get…and have practiced.
What I have learned here is that any grave sin remembered from your whole past should be confessed. That is impossible. I have memory problems, I have had a long life where I did not have the sacrament. I learn new things like…you are obligated to follow the Holy day calender of your rite, regardless of where you live. Much of what I have learned here is that I cannot turn in any direction as everyone defines everything as grave sin.
I cannot live a healthy spiritual life if I have to think I must confess grave sins of my past when I remember them. I am 49, I have a lifetime of sins to remember. Save for a blanket check list of admitting to breaking every commandment and virtue…I cannot realistically maintain a positive and merciful outlook on my church and the Lord.
Secondly, this is not helpful to me…as I have struggled to let go of sins. Priests get frustrated or bored or bothered or feel sorry for me…if I go down that path of lamenting my sins. They tell me to believe in God’s forgiveness and basically move on. Based on what people say about forgotten sins…this will only weaken me as a christian…and lead me to focus on the past, not the present.

This new found knowledge of my requirements for state of grace…just wants me to leave the Catholic church. I just cannot in a healthy and positive way live these rules.

I know that you all have managed to learn and master this formula…I respect your devotion and obedience. I cannot do it…I simply despair.

God Bless you,
Handmaiden

Sit down with a parish priest. Tell him what you’ve said here. I’m sure he will put your mind at ease and give you absolution. Once that happens the past is forgotten. If you keep bringing it up in your mind, and you keep this boiling inside you, after you have made a good confession, then you’re not trusting the mercy of Jesus and His sacraments. If you ask the priest about that, I’m sure he will tell you the same thing.

It’s all fixable…relax

 

[handmaidenByzC]

Thank you…for your kind encouragement. I am not sure what I will do. I guess for now I will t r y to pray. I never in my whole life thought I would leave the Catholic church I fought so hard to find…but I am not sure it is possible for me to live in a state of grace with such rules. My faith has never been based on rules. My faith is from when I was 5, just that I felt God in my heart, loved the Church, and wanted to love and honor God. Things seem so hard now…so judgemental, not merciful.

God Bless you all, and thank you for your kind and helpful words…hopefully I will make it through what ever is necessary…I do not know.

Handmaiden

 

[Vico]

Thank you…for your kind encouragement. I am not sure what I will do. I guess for now I will t r y to pray. I never in my whole life thought I would leave the Catholic church I fought so hard to find…but I am not sure it is possible for me to live in a state of grace with such rules. My faith has never been based on rules. My faith is from when I was 5, just that I felt God in my heart, loved the Church, and wanted to love and honor God. Things seem so hard now…so judgemental, not merciful.

God Bless you all, and thank you for your kind and helpful words…hopefully I will make it through what ever is necessary…I do not know.

Handmaiden

We are trying to be Christlike, but some give up and consciously turn away from God no longer trying to be Christlike. To be successful we simply begin again, and the mercy is the grace we receive from the Holy Spirit which strengthens us against sin. It is not necessary to remember all your sins, which are countless for everybody, just what you can when you confess them, and be contrite for all of them.

It there a grey area?

 

[Lutgardis]

My faith has never been based on rules. My faith is from when I was 5, just that I felt God in my heart, loved the Church, and wanted to love and honor God. Things seem so hard now…so judgemental, not merciful.

As you have said, these are the most important things–God within you, loving what He loves (the Church), and wanting to love Him and honor Him. Be content with this. I am so sorry that Catholicism feels like a Church of “rules”. That’s not what we as Catholics should convey. The sacraments are meant to lighten our burden, to free us, not make our burden unbearable. May God grant you His peace.

 

[steve_b]

Thank you…for your kind encouragement. I am not sure what I will do. I guess for now I will t r y to pray. I never in my whole life thought I would leave the Catholic church I fought so hard to find…but I am not sure it is possible for me to live in a state of grace with such rules.

keep praying. And remember Jesus words

Jn 14:15 *If *you love me, keep my commandments.

God puts a condition on us …true? (* if* ) is there for US, because He wants us to know we have to show , not just say , we love Him. By following/obeying His rules, we show we walk the walk not just talk the talk.

True?
h:

My faith has never been based on rules.

True. Belief in God is a pure gift/grace from God.

Yet doesn’t faith/belief require more than just belief? Doesn’t it require certain actions on our part, as well as avoidence of certain actions? iow, Doesn’t that acceptence/avoidence of actions get assimilated into rules of faith?

One of the things Paul complements the Church of Rome on, is their obedience of faith.

Rom 1:
1* Paul, a servant * of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God. 2 which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy scriptures, 3 the gospel concerning his Son, who was descended from David according to the flesh 4 and designated * Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, 5* through whom we have received grace and apostleshipto bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations, 6 including yourselves who are called to belong to Jesus Christ; 7* To all God’s beloved in Rome, who are called to be saints: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 8* First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is proclaimed in all the world. "

Once one has faith, obedience of faith is next.

As Peter says, (paraphrased by me ) faith is not just a yummy feeling, and that’s it. We need to DO something with it or else.

2 Pet 1:
To those who have obtained a faith of equal standing with ours in the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ: * 2 May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. 3* His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to * his own glory and excellence,* 4 by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, that through these you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of passion, and become partakers of the divine nature. 5 For this very reason make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these things is blind and shortsighted and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. 10 Therefore, brethren, be the more zealous to confirm your call and election, for if you do this you will never fall; 11 so there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 12 Therefore I intend always to remind you of these things, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have. 13 I think it right, as long as I am in this body, * to arouse you by way of reminder, 14 since I know that the putting off of my body will be soon, as our Lord Jesus Christ showed me. 15 And I will see to it that after my departure you may be able at any time to recall these things."

don’t worry. You’re going through a rough patch. Not even the gates of hell will prevail against Our Lord’s Church. If that can’t be believed we’re all screwed.
h:

My faith is from when I was 5, just that I felt God in my heart, loved the Church, and wanted to love and honor God. Things seem so hard now…so judgemental, not merciful.

As you already know, faith is a gift/grace from God. Cherish it. Guard it with everything you have. But Satan is sifting powerfully today as he has throughout history to snatch faith from everyone he can… And imo, what you’re seeing today, is lots of people giving in to that sifting and losing their faith. All anyone of us can do is strive to live by the obedience of faith Paul speaks of and add to it (our faith) all those attributes Peter instructs, for the sake of the safety of own individual souls. If each one of us does that, we already have the promises associate with obeying those truths we’ve been given. …

The Catholic Church won’t steer you wrong on matters of our faith and morals. That’s already been promised. Pray, go faithfully to the sacraments, read the Catechism, scripture, encyclicals, and official Church documents. …AND don’t worry

 

[Bookcat]

First of all I have a memory problem. I had an illness which left me with “event memory” problems. I do not remember consistently my past. So EOC does not help as grave sin will always come to me in pieces. I also probably HAVE confessed things but do not remember that. And there are many things that I did not know were sins…that I do not think I ever talked about.
What I am understanding is that mortal (we do not use this concept in the east…as far as I know…I think sin is a continuum…so I will use the word grave) sin remembered later, that is, between the last and the confession before that, but forgotten…should be mentioned the next time.
That I get…and have practiced.
What I have learned here is that any grave sin remembered from your whole past should be confessed. That is impossible. I have memory problems

I have not followed the whole thread…but I think I have a very important thing to note for you. I assume now you are seeking to follow Christ and live according to the Teachings of the Church…but that it is your past sins that bother you due to your memory problems mentioned above…

What I noted above forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=8261689&postcount=8 is yes the norm…however that being said.

There are even further exceptions. That is other times when such a confession becomes what is termed in Theology “physically or morally impossible” and thus the obligation will be different for that person due to the physical or moral impossibility. Moral as used here does not refer to “morality” in the sense that it would be “sinful” to confess…but we do not have to get into all the technically explainations here.

*What is important for you is to sit down and discuss this all with a Priest in confession…it may very well be the case from the parts I selected above (from your post) regarding your illness and the way your memory functions now…that you will be excused from such “integrity” in confession (another theological term used in a different sense then the normal word). *…and will be told that you should in your case only confess recent mortal sins (and venial sins one would like to confess)…or the like.

So go bring this up with your confessor. (and it would be good for you to have a regular confessor who knows you and your situation…) (Also since you are an Eastern Catholic your Eastern Priest will know better how such is treated in the East…I assume it is the same as in the West…mortal sins (also called serious sins or grave sins) and venial sins are universal…as is confession and the possibility of physical or moral impossibility…).

Jesus is the Good Shepherd he loves us and desires us to have true life…