Why do i constantly hear this about my SSA

[theCardinalbird]

When I tell a priest that I experience SSA, I usually hear something along the lines of, “God made you this way.”

I dont know what they mean. They say God made me this way for a mission in life, which I could sort of understand but why?

Can anyone help me understand what they mean when they say God made me this way?

 

[1Lord1Faith]

You need to ask them what they meant.

 

[Lee1]

You could ask of course.

I’d say that since God is perfect when He made you this way His purpose was to bring good to the world and you in some way. I would imagine that SSA is a very great burden and so perhaps in finding a way to reconcile this characteristic with your Catholicism you will discover something of great value not just for you but also perhaps to assist other Catholics with the same cross to bear. After all who would know better how to cope well with something than the person affected.

And actually that is food for thought for me too in other ways.

 

[redbetta]

Probably some variation of the “born this way” idea.

 

[Lee1]

I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

 

[ascetic]

This is just a W.A.G. since you’d have to ask them, as the first pair of members said.

It could just be a canned response that they get so used to saying that it comes out automatically. I’ve heard plenty of times that hetero-desires aren’t morally wrong; the sin of ___, ___, and ___ are what’s wrong. They may have a lot of confessors who feel like they’re bad because of their homo-desires and assume you need to hear it.

I’ve noticed that there have been times when the priest didn’t hear or “get” what I had said, once I think it was a language issue. Once at a multi-parish reconciliation service, he even assumed that I was married when I confessed something. I usually just try to roll with it since the Holy Spirit is guiding us both.

I hear you, though. I wouldn’t know what to think either.

 

[otrrl]

The Catechism says that the causes of same sex attraction are not understood, and they are probably very complex. I think it is possible but still not proven that one is “born this way.”

Having said that, people with ssa are commanded to live a life of chastity to achieve holiness. It is the highest form of self sacrifice to put those desires of the flesh to death, as scripture says, to mortify the flesh. It may not be as hard as it sounds.

Every one must assess their life to see that they are following Christ.

 

[Roguish]

When I tell a priest that I experience SSA, I usually hear something along the lines of, “God made you this way.”

To be honest, if a priest (or anyone) tells you this, it’s basically a cop-out. They don’t know what to tell you, so they go for “God made you this way.”

The truth remains that SSA isn’t a good thing. So since it’s not a good thing, it’s a bad thing. I don’t say that to sound judgmental – I have my own bad things – but just to bring the matter into focus and get you away from this “God-made-you-this-way” stuff that some people are feeding you. God isn’t the creator of those aspects of us that aren’t good. Everything that’s not right about us, has its origins in the Fall, which, as you know, was due to an act of disobedience. Every that is right about us, has its origins in God, and it is those aspects of us of which we may say that “God made us this way”. The phrase should not be applied to our sinful tendencies, whatever they may be.

So, how do you deal with it? Generally speaking, you let God make you better, of course, and that may take a lifetime. I don’t have any specific advice on how the matter of SSA, because I don’t experience it.

 

[Genesis315]

Yeah, it would be more accurate to say God permits something like this in order to bring about a greater good rather than imply it is directly willed by God. God only creates our soul immediately, while our bodies are taken from pre-existing matter that was affected by the fall–that’s where any concupiscence of the flesh comes from (which we all suffer in one form or another).

 

[Prodigal_Son]

A couple things could be going on here, Cardinal. The two most likely, to my mind, are these possibilities:

(1) The priest doesn’t understand how the faith and homosexuality are supposed to be reconciled, and is trying to be helpful by saying something that will allow you to work it out in your own way. He’s afraid of saying anything to set you off in the wrong path, but he absolutely – and rightly – doesn’t want you to hate yourself.

In this case, the priest might be grappling with some of the things you’re grappling with. He could be a spiritual support to you, though he’s not going to tell you how things are – because he’s not sure how things are.

(2) The priest thinks that gay people should act out their desires in actual relationships, but obviously isn’t going to say that out loud. If the priest fits this category, look elsewhere.

I’m sure there are other alternatives besides these two, but these are the obvious ones. I just don’t see why someone who sees homosexual activity as a definite sin would ever tell someone that “God made them that way.” Does God make thieves that way? I hope not!

Then again, there IS a grain of truth to it. God made me sensitive, God made me a sexual being, God made me to appreciate emotional and physical closeness with other guys. These are normal and good characteristics, but they probably make SSA more likely than if He had made me otherwise. God made me with all sorts of GOOD traits that might make me more susceptible to a bad trait (sexual attraction to men).

But that does not mean God made me gay (or rather, in my case, bisexual).

 

[Bluebright]

Yes it is probably best to ask them what they mean, but more perfectly ask God to explain it to you. Pray on it, that is. I’d advise adoration if you can go and go regularly.
In my opinion, obviously just a guess, this is your vocation, your calling to a single life and perhaps other places that that may take you. You, have possibly been given the gift of celibacy if you choose to accept it with the inevitable grace given by God, you will like many people who God chooses for this gift face trails and temptations in life, for when one is given good things from God one must accept the hurt and struggles and sufferings in this life that come with it, but also the glory that comes in the next. I say possibly above as we (I, the priest, others who talk to you, do not know if this SSA is a phase in life or how you will always feel - I mean no disrespect to you, I just do not know you or your heart so I cannot say, you with God can know) . So now is the time to pray and see what God says and where He leads you, really all that matters is what He wants for you. The priest is right, God made you and He has chosen this path for you, the next choice is will you let Him lead you. Ask God to tell you His will and lead you where He wishes. If SSA is something that you feel will always be present in your life then God will be with you still, remember St Paul who had a thorn in his side and God told him that His grace was sufficient. This may be your thorn in your side and Gods grace will be sufficient for you too. We all have a thorn in our side, whatever it may be and if we let Him, God helps each and every one of us with it so His grace is always sufficient. God made you this way and provides a life of celibacy a truly wonderful gift of grace to support you. Pray for His grace. God bless you.

 

[woolycaterpillar]

Perhaps God allows this SSA to be a way of making choices every day. For instance, it may be always in your consciousness that another guy is attractive and you would like to get to meet him. But since you already know that this could lead to things which are sinful, you choose to love God instead. You confirm that love every day of your life. The thing is, the same sex person should try to make friends with people who are not SSA. Usually they would stay out of trouble that way because the friend would just not be interested. I have a very close relative who is gay, and although I am not thrilled about it, I could help him if he wanted help. I don’t think he does. He has a significant other and are apparently happy.

 

[ServusDei1]

God did not make you this way. Neither should you take this advice from these heretical priests. If I were you, I’d say this. “Father, God did not create concupisence.”

 

[Wozza]

theCardinalbird:

When I tell a priest that I experience SSA, I usually hear something along the lines of, “God made you this way.”

To be honest, if a priest (or anyone) tells you this, it’s basically a cop-out. They don’t know what to tell you, so they go for “God made you this way.”

The truth remains that SSA isn’t a good thing. So since it’s not a good thing, it’s a bad thing. I don’t say that to sound judgmental – I have my own bad things – but just to bring the matter into focus and get you away from this “God-made-you-this-way” stuff that some people are feeding you. God isn’t the creator of those aspects of us that aren’t good. Everything that’s not right about us, has its origins in the Fall, which, as you know, was due to an act of disobedience. Every that is right about us, has its origins in God, and it is those aspects of us of which we may say that “God made us this way”. The phrase should not be applied to our sinful tendencies, whatever they may be.

So, how do you deal with it? Generally speaking, you let God make you better, of course, and that may take a lifetime. I don’t have any specific advice on how the matter of SSA, because I don’t experience it.

This is exceptionally bad advice. Not just for you, Cardinal, but for anyone else who experiences ssa. Heaven forbid that young people who experience this should go through adolescence believing that their very thoughts on the opposite sex are wrong. That is a scenario that could, and often does, lead to situations that result in tragic consequences.

Nonody in their right mind would consider an attraction to someone of the opposite sex wrong in itself. And that INCLUDES the Catholic church. So there is nothing wrong in what you feel.

However, if you are determined to be a good Catholic then the church’s teachings on ACTING on such an attraction are clear. You can’t control what you feel and nobody (with some unfortunate exceptions) is going to say you are wrong. Whether you act on those feelings is something you’ll need to decide yourself.

 

[Roguish]

Nonody in their right mind would consider an attraction to someone of the opposite sex wrong in itself. And that INCLUDES the Catholic church. So there is nothing wrong in what you feel. However, if you are determined to be a good Catholic then the church’s teachings on ACTING on such an attraction are clear.

It’s true that feelings and acting on those feelings aren’t the same. But to separate the judgment of one entirely from the other, makes no sense. Consider another vice: lust. By your reasoning, it is fine for me to lust after various women, even if I’m married, as long as I don’t act on those feelings. This is patently not so, and anyone in a sincere marriage understands that. The vice starts with the feelings, even though indeed the gravity increases when one acts on those feelings. Consider yet another vice: greed. Is it alright if I covet my neighbor’s possessions but do not act on that feeling? Again, of course that is not the case.

As for your point that you cannot control your feelings, there is some truth in that. In a situation where the feelings are triggered, it is often impossible to control them, and indeed in that case the best one can do is not act on them. However, avoiding such situations (known as “the near occasion of sin”) is part of one’s responsibility. Again, this is no different from a heterosexual man avoiding siutations in which lust might overtake him. Furthermore, even though one cannot control one’s feelings in a situation where they are triggered, this does not necessarily mean that it’s okay to have those feelings for the rest of one’s life. One should be open to the possibility of God making certain changes in one’s constitution, whether it is one’s mental constitution, or emotional, or sexual. That’s what I meant when I wrote “you let God fix you”. If that doesn’t happen, okay, no need to beat yourself up. But to give up beforehand by saying “all my sexual feelings are fine” is to rob oneself of the possibility of change under God’s guidance.

In summary, homosexuality remains a sin, same as heterosexual lust is a sin, same as greed is a sin, same as sloth is a sin. And no, none of these are alright if you “only want it but don’t act on it”.

 

[Gertabelle]

When I tell a priest that I experience SSA, I usually hear something along the lines of, “God made you this way.”

I dont know what they mean. They say God made me this way for a mission in life, which I could sort of understand but why?

Can anyone help me understand what they mean when they say God made me this way?

Huge hugs, my red-feathered friend.

When I was younger (I’m in my 50s now), I experienced SSA – basically from my teens through 30s. I chose to leave the Church and live as a lesbian for about 10 years.

It’s a long and complicated story, and one that I’m tired of sharing publicly, but feel free to PM me if you’d like details.

Point is, I declared I was born that way, marched in the parades, and sang at the rallies, and on and on and on.

But somewhere in my mid-30s, and shortly after my father died, my feelings started shifting. I had left the Church, so it wasn’t as though I was trying to conform to her teachings. At that point, I was dabbling in wicca and other new age spiritualities that celebrated my lesbian lifestyle.

Fast forward to today, and I don’t have the slightest inkling of SSA. I still can’t explain why or how this changed within me, it just did. And all those changes within me came about long before I returned to the Church. At the time, this was not something I thought needed to change, nor was I trying to.

I don’t believe people are born this way. Perhaps there is some genetic predilection, but if that were the case, SSA should still hold some interest or desire for me. But it doesn’t.

I’ve had people on CAF try to tell me their latest theories on why I wasn’t actually a lesbian, or that I am bisexual, or that I (as a woman) am prone to sexual fluidity. I find all those comments incredibly arrogant and insulting. I know my past. I lived it. And I’m here to say that I once knew for certain that I was born a lesbian, and now I don’t have the slightest sexual interest in woman – and yes, I do have that interest in men, such that I’m a regular in the confession line.

 

[Wozza]

Wozza:

Nonody in their right mind would consider an attraction to someone of the opposite sex wrong in itself. And that INCLUDES the Catholic church. So there is nothing wrong in what you feel. However, if you are determined to be a good Catholic then the church’s teachings on ACTING on such an attraction are clear.

It’s true that feelings and acting on those feelings aren’t the same. But to separate the judgment of one entirely from the other, makes no sense. Consider another vice: lust. By your reasoning, it is fine for me to lust after various women, even if I’m married, as long as I don’t act on those feelings. This is patently not so, and anyone in a sincere marriage understands that. The vice starts with the feelings, even though indeed the gravity increases when one acts on those feelings. Consider yet another vice: greed. Is it alright if I covet my neighbor’s possessions but do not act on that feeling? Again, of course that is not the case.

Thinking that a man’s wife is sexually attractive is NOT wrong. Thinking about ways in which you could get her into bed IS wrong. Thinking that you’d love a car just like your neighbour’s is NOT wrong. Thinking about stealing it IS wrong.

Thinking that a person of your own sex is sexually attractive is NOT wrong. But the church would consider thinking about getting them into bed IS wrong.

As I said, propagating such nonsense as you have to convince young people that thoughts that they cannot control are sinful is a very dangerous thing to do. There are many examples of this type of thoughtless nonsense resulting in tragedies with which you would not wish to be associated.

 

[otrrl]

I haven’t read all the other comments, but I thought that Pope Francis made a controversial statement like that, and perhaps the priests have simply repeated it.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says , as I recall, that the causes of SSA are unknown. On EWTN radio, psychologist Dr Ray Guarendi said that the cause(s) of SSA are complex.

The fact that the old books of the Bible condemn homosexual activity show that it was known of thousands of years ago. Modern communication shows us that SSA is known around the world. So, there might be some genetic component to it, although no “gay gene” has yet been identified. It is just not understood.

For priests to say this to you – I hope they also said it was not your fault, also.

 

[guanophore]

When I tell a priest that I experience SSA, I usually hear something along the lines of, “God made you this way.”

God allows evil, temptation, and struggle so that good can come out of it. God did not make people to have disordered sexual attractions, but it is a consequence of being born into original sin, and a fallen world. God does not “make” birth defects either, but He allows them to occur so that His glory can be made manifest through suffering.

We are all called to pick up our cross and carry it, and that might be a more appropriate expression in this case. We all have our challenges and temptations to bear, whether it is SSA or another kind. We are all called to chastity, and some persons with strong SSA are called to live a celibate life, just as a priest is called to do.

We are also called to give thanks in all circumstances, and that is the place to keep your focus. Be thankful to God for the plans He has for your life, whatever they are, and consecrate your whole self to Him, including your sexuality. In this way, you will discover the glory that He will make manifest through your suffering.

 

[Wampa]

This thread is a good lesson in using descriptive title/subject lines. This topic should easily have 5x as many responses at this point, but no one reading the front page has any idea what it’s about.