Why do married men go to prostitutes?

[DeusCaritasEst]

Do you gossip? Get jealous of your friends new house, baby, husband? Disrespect your parents? Hate your neighbor? Read female-porn (or watch those soaps?) Have you ever withheld affection to punish your husband? Have you no besetting sins? If so, do you not know that your husband’s treatment of you can influence them?

Disagree again here. I do not gossip, never have, hate it. I recognize jealousy when I suffer from it, and I control it, if I don’t have anything nice to say, I don’t say anything at all. I show respect towards my parents, even when they can’t hear what I’m saying about them. I defend my neighbors from my husband’s hatred of them. No porn, no soaps, can’t stand the stuff. I can’t say I have no besetting sins, everyone does, and it is my responsibility, not my husband’s to work on those sins. If I could land the responsibility for controlling myself on my husband’s shoulders, instead of my own, that would be nice, it would make things easy on me. But that’s not reality.

But let’s look at this question separately: “Have you ever withheld affection to punish your husband?” If you make me mad, I will not want to have sex with you. Simple. If you act like a beast, and behave like an animal, it’s not going to turn me on. I’m not punishing you by having standards, wants, needs and desires. Figure them out, or if you don’t want to, then leave. But don’t torture me by telling me I’m punishing you for having wants and needs, and desires. I’m not punishing you if your off-color humor has put me in a foul mood once again like you know it does every time, and then when you come to bed want a little nookie. Get a clue Sherlock.

 

[royal_archer]

DeusCaritasEst, You obviously have two choices dump him or work on the marriage. If you are going to Dump him, Grab the bags and your son, leave and don’t look back. However if you are going to try to work this out you should consider somethings. I have some thoughts for you that are beyond sugar coating so I appologize in advance for the thoughtlessness, harshness, and insensitivity. But please consider these thoughts and if they apply great if not, disregard.

I get the sense you husband has one person in his life who acts like they care about them and she charges by the hour. I don’t know but I beleive it is possible to see a hooker and not be physically intimate. There are many people in various areas of the service industry who earn their money by paying varying degrees of attention to their clients. On the other end of the spectrum are stylists and salon workers who make their clients feel pampered and special. Men do not go to salons (at least us old fashion types don’t). Men also do not normally talk about their need for personal intimacy (except on annonymous forums). Is your husband a personal connection and a lack of intimacy? I know that my possition in our fammily fell a rung with each child, and dog. I can tell you I do not get the special attention from my wife that I got when we were first married, or even when we were dating. This lack of attention will cause a hole that a husband will need to fill by other means.

You said you do not have a job. I am guessing he is out of the house 9-10 hours per day supporting you and the rest of his family. Does he feel you are pulling your fair share of the weight? Are you putting in 9-10 hours of work a day? Does he see that? if not does he think you are just taking advantage of him? He gives you money, what does he get in return? Normally this is a question that would not come up in a happy marriage but you asked about motives and I am offering speculation. A marriage should be both partners working together to take care of the financial / labor needs of daily life. Both partners may contribute in different ways but the total should be equivalent. Both partners should also be making equal emotional investments and receiving equal rewards. Problems arrise when these two areas get crossed and one partner is providing a disproportionate financial / labor contribution and the other is providing a disproportionate emotional contribution. If this escalates it can become akin to the partners trading finance for emotion. Is there any chance your husband feels this is the case with your marriage? Has your recent lifestyle change caused him to feel like he is not getting as much out of the relationship emotionally? If so and if he is under the mind set of trading finance for emotion, he may have motive to go to a new source of emotional support.

Scanner’s comment about not knowing why he did not seek the services of a professional made sense to me. I have had challenges in my life and temptations. I could say I don’t know why I did not give into temptation because there have been times in my life that the temptation far exceeded my will to resist. However, the grace of God and reason kept me on the proper path so far. (Or at least not straying to far from it.)

As for men having desires. News flash: we have annimalistic instincts. However, I doubt your husband would have gone off and done something with a professional unless he was conviced that you had no desire to meet his needs. On the other hand if you were continuing to deny his requests, I could see where he would want to go elsewhere. Not that I agree with it, I just see physilogical temptation.

I hope this helps more than it hurts.

 

[duskyjewel]

get pregnant on purpose to trap a man into taking care of you, with no regard for the new life she’s bringing into the world. As long as we’re getting mean… you mean like a woman choosing to get pregnant by a cheating dope smoker, with no regard to what kind of father that guy will be? You keep asking why it’s your responsibility to help him be a better person…I will address that later, but if you wanted a decent guy, why didn’t you pick one? I have sort of restrained myself on this point before now, but as I’m getting tired of your self-pity, I have to tell you that purposely choosing to give a child a hooker-visiting drug addict for a father is one of the most immoral things a woman can do.

Here’s where I get extremely frustrated. Why as a woman is it my responsibility to help him be a decent person? Sometimes I do ignore him, disrespect him, and mommy him. He does me the same way. Sometimes I don’t know I’m doing it. Sometimes I figure out I’ve done it and I apologize. As for the mommying, it seems to me that if I don’t do that he feels unloved. Honestly, mommying is an easy way to show love which can be done when he’s not even in the room. And actually it’s sometimes a lot easier to love him when he’s not in the room.When you got married in the Church, was it not explained to you that the spouses SANCTIFY each other in the Sacrament of Marriage? That is why it is your responsibility to help him be a decent person. Each of you is supposed to be working toward getting the other one to Heaven along with yourselves. That includes calling our spouse on it when they do wrong, and demanding that they respect us and our human dignity. We are our spouse’s helpmate, which means we work to bring out the best in each other. You seem to be stuck in the “what do I get out of it?” mode of marriage, when in Catholic marriage, we are supposed to spend each day thinking, “what can I give my spouse today?”

 

[DeusCaritasEst]

You may not like this, but you have so much power - for good or bad - over us. A man’s ego is a fragile thing. You want to be loved? Then, love the man you have. You want to be treasured? Then, respect the man you have. You want to be considered a jewel? Then, respect that your husband is a man who can be tempted and let him know that you are proud of the man he is.

The animal is unredeemable - save God’s grace - but the tempted man can be saved. Are you going to be judgemental or supportive?

You see, this is unfair and unjust. I’m not supposed to have this power, and telling me that I do, I honestly believe it’s a lie. It’s a cop-out. It’s your way of getting out of being responsible for yourself. I want to be loved, treasured, considered a jewel, but I don’t always do the right thing, or say the right thing. I can be a right idiot who’s insensitive and moody and uncharitable. At least I take full responsibility for it when I do behave badly though. And for men to think that they have some out of the same responsibility for themselves, well I’m sorry, but that is downright offensive.

Again, thank you for letting me show a little of the viper tongue that I have to keep tamed inside my head most of the time. I am not after you personally.

Sad thing is, none of that was cathartic. I really sincerely wish we could just all be nice and just love each other. I don’t feel good at all when I let my meanness show.

 

[duskyjewel]

It’s not a lie and it’s not a cop out. Women don’t want to hear it because then they can’t put all the blame on the man. No one said you have to be or behave PERFECT for your man to love you. But you do have to live with an ethic and communicate it every day that your mission is taking care of him and loving him. We swear to love, honor, and cherish. CHERISH. That means to treat something like it is of central importance, to care for it lovingly, to preserve it from damage, and to regard it with warm feelings.

Again, as I said, your marriage has so many other problems that I think the prostitutes are a symptom, not the main problem.

 

[DeusCaritasEst]

As long as we’re getting mean… you mean like a woman choosing to get pregnant by a cheating dope smoker, with no regard to what kind of father that guy will be? You keep asking why it’s your responsibility to help him be a better person…I will address that later, but if you wanted a decent guy, why didn’t you pick one? I have sort of restrained myself on this point before now, but as I’m getting tired of your self-pity, I have to tell you that purposely choosing to give a child a hooker-visiting drug addict for a father is one of the most immoral things a woman can do.

I got married before I had the baby, and we had already been together ten years by then. I didn’t expect him to see prostitutes, I feared it, but thought more of him than that. I knew about the drugs, but hello…. I did them too. I did not purposely choose to give a child a hooker-visiting drug addict for a father. He was not visiting hookers at the time, and I didn’t have an attitude towards his “habit” as seeing it as an actual “addiction”. You can call me immoral if you like, if it makes you feel righteous. You can judge the mistakes I’ve made, although you may want to look for the plank in your own eye before you do. I’ve made some stupid choices, and yup, I’m paying for them.

But the type of situation I was referring to is a woman who is after money and gets pregnant so she can get some. I’ve known them, they exist. I didn’t do that. I wanted a baby, my husband, not my boyfriend, but my legally wed husband also wanted a baby, and we had one. So before you pass judgment, at least get your facts straight. Better yet, keep your judgment to yourself.

 

[DeusCaritasEst]

When you got married in the Church, was it not explained to you that the spouses SANCTIFY each other in the Sacrament of Marriage? That is why it is your responsibility to help him be a decent person. Each of you is supposed to be working toward getting the other one to Heaven along with yourselves. That includes calling our spouse on it when they do wrong, and demanding that they respect us and our human dignity. We are our spouse’s helpmate, which means we work to bring out the best in each other. You seem to be stuck in the “what do I get out of it?” mode of marriage, when in Catholic marriage, we are supposed to spend each day thinking, “what can I give my spouse today?”

Actually, the marriage was convalidated, and the primary concern that day was Baptizing the baby. I had to have the marriage convalidated in order for me to accept the Eucharist and fully participate as a practicing Catholic. My husband argued with me about convalidating the marriage, but for some reason he was fine with me Baptizing the baby. So, in other words, not a whole lot was explained to us about Christian marriage and the responsibilities therein, it was actually not even our focus. We were already married, and were told specifically that we were not to make a big celebration out of the convalidation. There was no prep, there was no retreat, there was nothing like that. It was just not a big deal. Although my husband did put on a suit and a tie.

 

[duskyjewel]

Then the priest who convalidated your marriage failed you grievously, and I am sorry for that. To obligate a couple to sacramental marriage without fully explaining what that means is disgustingly negligent. Some priests are so interested in being pastoral that they do disservice to the Faith.

 

[rinnie]

You know Ghostman I have to hand it to ya, As much as I hate to admit it there is alot of truth to what you say. Us women do have the power, you are right. ITs just down to how do we use it. Thank GOd my husband never did this to me, but on the other hand he knows better. But you are right on how you treat him too. I want to make one point in all honesty. First of all there is no excuse for him going to a prostitute NONE. That is unacceptable. And no women should make an excuse for that. The man is selfish, and all he thinks about is himself. But now what do you want to do is the thing. Thats the hard question to answer, I would put the cards on the table. Usually men like that have no self esteem so they take yours. and that sounds like what has happened, You need to find yourself first, And know you are somebody thats deserves to be loved and respected. IF and I mean if this can ever get resolved then down the road think about what ghostman said too. If you can get somehow on a level of God, trust, and Love all in one that is where its at. You will give and receive. You can be his best friend and him yours. But its both ways. I will pray that you can some how figure this out. But you have alot ahead of you. But you need to find yourself first. Make yourself important first. You deserve it, and dont ever let any man do this to you again, Never!

 

[Huiou_Theou]

I didn’t say they wouldn’t fall to adultery–and women do as well–but I think it’s presumptious to say that men who lack sex in their marriage, for whatever the reasons, would seek out a prostitute. Do I think that can potentially lead to adultery? Yes…but this thread is not about adultery, in an of itself. It’s about prostitutes, and why (married) men use them.

Substitute prostitute in for everywhere I said Adultury, then.

Prov 5:18 – “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely hind, a graceful doe. Let her affection fill you at all times with delight, be infatuated always with her love. Why should you be infatuated with a loose woman and embrace the bosom of an adventuress…”

Prov 6:25 Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes; for a harlot may be hired for a loaf of bread, but an adulteress stalks a man’s very life.

The particular case I am citing above with my ex-inlaw occured in a vehicle (van) picking the woman up on a street corner who was willing to be a mistress (she was a phillipino mistress to be exact), and had the hope of being a concubine if they moved to the Phillipines. They met for sex and there were payments in gifts. When the original wife found out, in her rage, she allowed an opportunity to arise.

Let me give another example; a stripper at a club in Atlanta Ga, (real story) doesn’t have a way home to her cocaine abusing live in. So she hitches a ride home with the last men to leave the stripping joint – at the end of the ride (surprise surprise) she decides that she feels sorry for the man who drove her home because he “isn’t getting any” – So, she offers him the use of her body for free. They had never met before that night.

I still feel justified in calling it prostitution, because she does thiswith different men each time she gets a ride home and there is a monetary value to the ride home.
(Cheap sex, but the same idea none the less.)

If you wish to add more precision to the conversation, please do. I may have misinterpreted what you said…

God bless you.

 

[DeusCaritasEst]

Then the priest who convalidated your marriage failed you grievously, and I am sorry for that. To obligate a couple to sacramental marriage without fully explaining what that means is disgustingly negligent. Some priests are so interested in being pastoral that they do disservice to the Faith.

I think he did the best he could. I think his objective was the same as mine, and that was to ensure I could raise the baby as a Catholic. In order for me to do that, I had to be able to participate in the sacraments, and do so regularly so I could set an example. My priest is a very holy man, but he also has a whole lot to do. He did the best he could. He met with me yesterday so I could get some counseling and advice. Specifically I needed help understanding why my husband’s and my faith differences was such a huge problem for him. And I also needed support in my own faith. You see, one could look at this in such a way that my practicing the faith has ruined my marriage. That’s one way of looking at it. I don’t feel that’s necessarily the case though, we have probably been doomed to suffer as we are now from the beginning. I don’t doubt that my coming back to the faith has possibly hastened encountering our current crisis, but I wouldn’t be surprised if had I never converted we wouldn’t still be doomed to suffer as we are now.

I would not say my priest did a disservice to the faith, and I pray that he does not feel that he has in any way. I thank God for him. I thank God for my husband too.

 

[rinnie]

I totally agree with you. You cant blame the Priest for goodness sake. He did the best he could for the sake of that beautiful baby,. You are right to not blame the Priest and I hope you stick with him, trust me he will help you. Dont be afraid to tell him anything, im sure he has heard worse. As far as that husband of yours, maybe Father can do an exorcism on him (just kidding). But Please stay with your Religion, and stay with the Priest. Hopefully he can help you or lead you where to go. And maybe he can somehow help your husband get the help he needs. Whos to judge him I guess, but i hope you realize that you cant fix him. He can only fix himself. if he wants to. Thats the bottom line. You need to sit him down and say this is going to change right now, You either get help or hit the trail. Im sorry but you have got to be strong. And please think about yourself and all of the diseases out there. Please make him and yourself get checked. this could be death for either of you. I hate to sound this way but its true. these are some nasty people he is with. Please be careful.

 

[DeusCaritasEst]

DeusCaritasEst, You obviously have two choices dump him or work on the marriage. If you are going to Dump him, Grab the bags and your son, leave and don’t look back. However if you are going to try to work this out you should consider somethings. I have some thoughts for you that are beyond sugar coating so I appologize in advance for the thoughtlessness, harshness, and insensitivity. But please consider these thoughts and if they apply great if not, disregard.

I get the sense you husband has one person in his life who acts like they care about them and she charges by the hour. I don’t know but I beleive it is possible to see a hooker and not be physically intimate. There are many people in various areas of the service industry who earn their money by paying varying degrees of attention to their clients. On the other end of the spectrum are stylists and salon workers who make their clients feel pampered and special. Men do not go to salons (at least us old fashion types don’t). Men also do not normally talk about their need for personal intimacy (except on annonymous forums). Is your husband a personal connection and a lack of intimacy? I know that my possition in our fammily fell a rung with each child, and dog. I can tell you I do not get the special attention from my wife that I got when we were first married, or even when we were dating. This lack of attention will cause a hole that a husband will need to fill by other means.

As I stated in a previous post, he’s not all that accessible to me. He likes to be dirty. It would sure be nice if he would clean up and go somewhere with me where I could hold his hand and gaze lovingly into his eyes and run my fingers through his hair and make him feel like the king of the world. I’d love to do that. But his hobbies and interests take precedence, and he’s said so. He is selfish, but if I tell him that, his feelings are hurt, he shuts down and hides in the yard with his pipe. I expected him to straighten up with the baby being born, and before I get a lashing for thinking such a thing, we talked about it before we got pregnant. I thought we were on the same page. I quit smoking, and he was going to at least cut down. He specifically said he wanted to set a good example, and start exercising more and eating right and adopting healthier habits. That’s what he said! I didn’t tell him he had to do that, he knew it already. He still says he wants that. I know he’s struggling.

 

[DeusCaritasEst]

You said you do not have a job. I am guessing he is out of the house 9-10 hours per day supporting you and the rest of his family. Does he feel you are pulling your fair share of the weight? Are you putting in 9-10 hours of work a day? Does he see that? if not does he think you are just taking advantage of him? He gives you money, what does he get in return? Normally this is a question that would not come up in a happy marriage but you asked about motives and I am offering speculation. A marriage should be both partners working together to take care of the financial / labor needs of daily life. Both partners may contribute in different ways but the total should be equivalent. Both partners should also be making equal emotional investments and receiving equal rewards. Problems arrise when these two areas get crossed and one partner is providing a disproportionate financial / labor contribution and the other is providing a disproportionate emotional contribution.

I worked till my seventh month of pregnancy when I was laid off. The company I worked for shut down, and moved to China. Not too easy to find a new job when you’re seven months pregnant. But we discussed this, and we both wanted our son to have his mommy. That’s how I was raised, and he wished it had been that way for him, so he said. I think he vacillates between wanting me to work and wanting me home. I’m in school right now to change my career such that I could possibly work from home. I go to school at night two days a week. He gives me enough money for groceries and gasoline. In return I cook most nights when I’m not in school. He does not cook, he rarely even makes himself a sandwich, I feed him. And I mean I cook, I’m not a hamburger helper kinda cook, I don’t cook from cans and boxes for the most part, unless I’m pressed for time. I take care of his laundry, make sure he always has his necessary toiletries. When he’s out of soap and shampoo, it magically appears the next day. Not sure if he even notices that. Now, I do get behind, especially on the laundry, (the toddler goes through three wardrobe changes a day) but I will stay up late or get up early to iron his shirts and make sure he has clean socks and under ware. But you are on to something here, because when I started school, the housework suffered seriously. It was at the same time that I started school that the baby was walking and climbing and getting into everything, and the mess was unlike anything I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. I needed help, but he resents the fact that I need help. So the place is a mess, and I am exhausted. He works a lot of overtime. I have the baby all the time, except for a few hours here and there. I’m a bit burned out. He started complaining about the mess, and when I tell him what I need to get organized and facilitate the work I need to do, like hanging some shelves, baby proofing rooms so I don’t have climb over gates (and subsequently falling with basket of dirty laundry in my arms), or setting aside some time to sort through things we need to give away, he makes excuses. Especially where the house is concerned, we do need a better space to live, but when I ask him to hang a shelf for me, he tells me we need to move. It’s very frustrating. I know he works a lot. He works a whole lot. But that means that I am too, cuz I’m mommy. I’m round the clock at work. I’m the one who bathes the baby, feeds the baby, and everything else although my husband does play with him and will change diapers when he is home. And I do realized that nagging and criticizing gets you nowhere with anyone, but my requests are often ignored till I let them go, then resentment builds up, an argument ensues, and he finally does a chore. I don’t want him to do the laundry, or the dishes, I can’t find anything when he does, and he doesn’t always know what needs to be done first. The only regularly occurring chore I’d seriously appreciate him doing for me is taking out the trash, but he won’t do it unless I ask, and most often I just have to do it myself cuz he’s not here for me to ask. He doesn’t complain when I do catch him and ask though, he just does it, so that’s good.

He’s just come home from work, and I need to make an effort to spend time with him, so I have to get off the computer. I don’t think he likes me on here too much. Baby’s waking too.

I do want us to work out. I have a huge chunk of my life invested in this relationship, and he is not without some redeeming qualities. For all my complaints, I have stayed with him for an awful long time, so it can’t be complete misery around the clock or I would have left long ago. Getting older has had some consequences for us though. In a way we’re growing up kind of late maybe? Little kids who are actually 30 years old can get into some serious trouble.

 

[Katie1723]

Men often go to prostitutes because the head they think with isn’t the one on their shoulders.
Kathy

 

[Huiou_Theou]

For everyone else:

Uuuummm… No this is not OK with me. Why I would let him touch me and kiss me even with the knowledge I have is because I still love him, and I always will. If I turned off the hugs and kisses, how on earth is that going to save my marriage?

Amen. This is wisdom even in an impossible situation.

Even though the local priest told me a couple of years ago that he would never have baptized my God Daughter because her family situation was hopeless – he none the less baptized her new out of wedlock child this last year even though the situation was worse. It was fun to clue him in after the fact exactly what he had done, so hey, everything DeusCaritasEst says fits with normal priestly attention to details.

 

[Huiou_Theou]

What on earth would be the logic behind that advice?

God Bless

Yes, weird isn’t it?

It came about like this – Her husband was starting a business to care for the elderly. He is not a US citizen by birth, but by marriage to my sister in law and that is what allowed him to make his start and stay in this country. My sister in law married him to get OUT of a situation her parents put her in at a time where her US Citizenship was of value that way to him.

In order to make the transition from working garbage jobs to his own business (garbage=laundry at hospitals, etc.) he began working 80 hour weeks on starting an elderly care center and more – while doing both things at once. If he failed to make the transition they would loose everything. My mother in law became concerned for him because my sister in law was not a house keeper, and rather, well lazy – she is not a typical woman/wife – her husband was desperate – and my in-laws are the cheapest things since the Great depression. He was doing everything, laundry, dishes, diapering the first baby, she had a horrible time – liked to cook, leave the dishes, go to beauty school talk lust talk with her friends there…

What happened is that my interfering mother in law wanted to put the fear of God in my sister NOT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY RIGHT THEN – because they were financially stressed to the limit, and she didn’t want to PAY FOR IT. My wife and I had learned NFP so she naturally thought to suggest that to her mom as a moral solution – on the way there, I realized that he was not a catholic, and not likely to be open to the requirements of NFP, and my sister in law was not likely to understand the technical requirements. So, even though I protested – explained why this would be a mistake – my MIL and WIFE shushed me, said I was nuts, etc. and put the fear of God in to my sister in law anyway.
Famous last words – “a man ought to be able to keep his pants on when working 80 hours a week.”

The rest can be figured out from what I already posted, it happened very quickly upon my sister in law denying sexuality to her husband. AND ANYONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT NFP AND CHURCH TEACHING KNOWS THEY WERE WRONG TO FORCE THIS TO HAPPEN.

When my wife disagreed with me going back to college, guess what mommies advice was???
****.

 

[rinnie]

Stay in school, that is a good thing. What you need is a good friend someone to talk to. I feel so bad for you. You are just so broken down right now, But hold on. Just hold on and dont give up on YOURSELF. Think of yourself and that baby right now. But please dont beat yourself up anymore. this is not all your fault. just work on tommorow. Forget yesterday move on. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Ailina]

Alina, the entire premiss of the the thread is why a man is tempted toward a sin and naturally tends to study the fall of one of the sexes which is itself sterotypical.
I can understand the thrust of your question, but since your statement may be mistakenly taken by others as a reflection on myself and since I feel quite strongly on these issues – I will reply from my personal perspective…

… What have you witnessed? Ok, another thread.

Hi, I wasn’t singling you out at all, Huiou Theou. I have personally witnessed how porn and especially Internet porn chat rooms can change the way a person thinks. My ex husband has become completely disordered by it. By the end of our marriage, he didn’t want my loving attention, but preferred the women he had chatted up. He completely rejected me, no matter how hard I tried. I am not unattractive either, so it wasn’t my personal appearance that turned him off.

There are almost as many women influenced by porn as men, so it isn’t just a man’s issue, especially with todays younger generation, many of whom have grown up with porn and think it’s normal to view it.

 

[Huiou_Theou]

Do you think it would be wise for me to give in to those wants? It would sure make me feel better.

I’ll try again.

As I said you are quite bright to be in this situation. Your “viper” tongue was not cathartic. But the experience needed to know that isn’t available to the common person who thinks “those wants would make her feel better” – but it is commonly found in psychology courses in colleges.

No doubt that hurt little girl has caused problems in the past to worsen! I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I have to initiate this healing process, but I have absolutely no control over his ability to heal.

You may not be the one to initiate the process in any dramatic way. No one controls the whole world they live in.

I’m the one who has to stick the needle in, but I don’t know what medicine needs to be in that needle.

Nor does anyone else, your husband is amorphous.

He doesn’t come to you for sexual release.
He has fear of you leaving him because of the Catholic church.
You think he is vulnerable because of “dirt” you have on him.
He is not violent, and can keep a job.
He works a lot, perhaps too much.
Yet he notices housekeeping although he isn’t clean himself…

so, the first question, is why sleep on the couch – he doesn’t chase you sexually anyway right? He doesn’t hurt you, and the only actualization of humiliation at this time is anonymous.

To be honest, you are safer in the bed than on the couch.

If the stereotype being presented is taken to its logical conclusion, your husband won’t ask you for sex. He only gets a rise out of you going after him. He appears Sartian in nature – he wants you to want him. But then why bother with the prostitute, it has the wrong effect for him.

On the other hand, he self services instead of coming to you.
There are two possible reasons for that – not wanting responsibility – and overly powerful sexual urges which he can’t control – If it were the latter he ought to enjoy your sexuality unless he is afraid of something, you, or perhaps he feels controlled by the sex drive itself.

The only things left are combinations of of adrenaline and release – fear and anger. Prostitutes have no control over him – but apparently, you do, he has a need to feel in control, powerful, dominant or something – and at the same time he hides it from you.

Perhaps he is unable to please you with his sexual activities?
Does he think you want more than he can give?

Unhappy married men go to prostitutes by far the most often.

I’m sure of this – he isn’t the kind of man who thinks sexuality is “dirty” in any meaningful sense of the word.