I thought I felt the hair on the back of my head prickle. How flattering to be mentioned - of course, being thought of in a post synonmous with a pig-of-a-man made me wonder.
The funny thing is, in general I believe that men are pigs. We’re susectable to the basest sins, often care for nothing other than our own satisfaction and are capable of horrible deeds. That being said, I don’t think we’re as bad as many of you ladies make us out to be.
I think men have more of an animal inside them that they need to battle than women do. You ladies have other issues - including dissatisfaction with your husbands thanks to Hollywood - but we men are stuck with the same old sins that have plagued man since the dawn of time.
I’ve enjoyed the refreshing honesty that some of the man have had the courage to post. I’ve also cringed at the closed-minded bashing they’ve taken for doing so. It seems to me that ladies often want us to talk and express our feelings and are then disgusted by what they hear. You can’t have it both ways. We’re scratching, drinking, farting, hard-playing louts who can be tamed by the love of a godo woman. Sometimes.
We’re not the goodie-twoshoes proclaimed by the Hallmark channel or on some of that “Christian Romance” smut peddled in fine “Christian” bookstore. We are tempted; sometimes we fight through it, sometimes we fail. We sin. We smell; we are loud, obnixous, hard-headed, stubborn, ungrateful, unfeeling and without redeeming merit - but some of you stick with us enough to bring out what we can be.
Now, to the question. I think there are two types of men: those who will frequent prostitutes and those who are sorely tempted. There is a third type, those who are not tempted, but this thread is not about them.
There are some men who will want to take a fling as often as they can for the cheapest price they can get. Sometimes this is money, other times dinner, or fancy words, or even marriage. The point is, what ever the shortest path to hanky-panky is, the better. These men, for lack of a better word, are not able to contain the animal within them. They are depraved and - often - don’t care. These men are not worth your consideration.
The second type, the ones who are tempted, are - probably - decent guys who are driven by more of their base desires than they wish, but who don’t act on their impulses. Like any sin, however, the more they dwell on it, the more likely they are to fall. You can’t stay sober if you’re an alcholic at a bar. You can’t stay pure if you’re tempted by a prostitute and have the money and ability to get away with it either - if the impulse is too strong.
The second type of man is strongly influenced by his wife - if he’s married. If she respects him, admires him, shows affection and desire, he will probably never get off that level 1 or 2 temptation. If he’s ignored, disrespected, belittles, mocked, heckled, mommied and told to roll over and forget about it, he’ll have a harder time.
You don’t know what goes on in his head. You can’t. You can help him, just like he must help you overcome your (hypothetical) falling sins. Do you gossip? Get jealous of your friends new house, baby, husband? Disrespect your parents? Hate your neighbor? Read female-porn (or watch those soaps?) Have you ever withheld affection to punish your husband? Have you no besetting sins? If so, do you not know that your husband’s treatment of you can influence them?
It’s so easy to beat up on men for sexual temptation. The fall is long and hard if one of us fails. There is no excuse for failing, but there is also no excuse for a life-partner - especially one interested in the other’s after-life - to make things more difficult by their own selfish behavior.
Some of you ladies are so scandalized by the words other men have spoken that you would probably not be able to help your husband if he were tempted. Is that what you want? Are you so judgemental about temptation - not the act, just the temptation - that you would reject him? That is not what we are called to do.
You may not like this, but you have so much power - for good or bad - over us. A man’s ego is a fragile thing. You want to be loved? Then, love the man you have. You want to be treasured? Then, respect the man you have. You want to be considered a jewel? Then, respect that your husband is a man who can be tempted and let him know that you are proud of the man he is.
The animal is unredeemable - save God’s grace - but the tempted man can be saved. Are you going to be judgemental or supportive?
… Look… sigh… you gotta confront him. I cannot say how terribly I think he is treating you. But the sooner you stand up for your self the sooner you are also standing up for your marriage, your child and even your husband.
But, we carry different crosses that is for sure. I have had my fair share…In some strange ways, I thank God for the crosses, for without them, I might not have grown as close to God as I have–and I wouldn’t be who I am. I do think though, it would be hard to stay in a marriage, where my spouse refused to be faithful. One thing to forgive someone who is willing to change…we all stumble. I haven’t read through all the recent posts–are we talking about staying with someone who continues to see prostitutes? Or staying with someone who ‘saw’ prostitutes, and is willing to change and work on the marriage? **