Why do married men go to prostitutes?

[whatevergirl]

Isn’t It obvious?
Theres more to sex than the regular old “missionary” routine . Men get tired of it, and see their wives as boring. Unless if they are with somebody who knows what they are doing, than thats what they want. I can understand it from there perspective, but its still wrong. People like this need to be prayed for. Its not there fault their partners are inexperienced. But thats okay. Being inexperienced can usually mean pure innocense inside, which is very good. Still, there are tapes and books where people can learn different positions, and differnet techniques on sex. Othere things, like fantasizing can spice up the relationship in a marraige. And in the case where the women were good, but just past their prime, and don’t feel like doing it anymore; as older men, we got to show our wives that they still got it, because usually, thats when the sex gets boring. A women hits menopause, and she doesn’t want to do it any more. As men, we also need to know what we are doing in bed as well. That can bring your older wife running back. Also, women too, can get bored. This can make a man insecure and run to a different woman to feel wanted. And she doesn’t have to be a prostitute. Thats why different sexual techniques, positions, and prayer are crucial in bringing back fire in our marraigies. It really doesn’t hurt to pray. In fact that should be done first, then you can take care of the physical needs afterwards.

Fantasies are also very good too. As long as there isn’t anything fantasized that is immoral like two or three more women, and its being done with you partner, i don’t see why it shouldn’t be done. I’m also not saying we should picture angelina jolie or Jennifer Anniston, or in my case, Kim Kardashain and Bria Myles (I luv curvy women).
We should dress up, do role play, and then have intercourse. That can make things more exciting. The man can feel as though he is in a different situation with his women, and that can be a major turn on for a man.
I don’t believe that God is angry at us when we fantasize. As long as we are thinking about our partners, in a situation where they might be dressed up differently, and they might pretend to have a different profession, and the man is their client.
I’m not talking about prostitution, i’m talking about the women pretending to being a teacher, or a nurse, and her husband pretending to be a student or a patient. Or the man is the president of his company, and his wife is his sexy secretary.That makes things more exciting for a man. And it can also make things much more exciting for women.
Remember we should try

I agree to keep things ‘interesting’ in the bedroom, but I don’t believe merely ‘bored’ husbands seek out prostitutes. It’s illegal you know. lol It takes quite a risk to seek out a prostitute on many levels, just the std risk and the fact that it’s illegal, should be enough. Men who seek out hookers, are often sex addicts, many studies have shown. Sure, there could be a regular Joe here and there who seeks them out out of boredom, but by and large, they are sought out by men who have a very distorted and dysfunctional view on sex. To take such a risk to cross over into illegal activity to pursue sex? Takes more than just a bored husband. Just my two cents.

 

[royal_archer]

I agree to keep things ‘interesting’ in the bedroom, but I don’t believe merely ‘bored’ husbands seek out prostitutes. It’s illegal you know. lol It takes quite a risk to seek out a prostitute on many levels, just the std risk and the fact that it’s illegal, should be enough. Men who seek out hookers, are often sex addicts, many studies have shown. Sure, there could be a regular Joe here and there who seeks them out out of boredom, but by and large, they are sought out by men who have a very distorted and dysfunctional view on sex. To take such a risk to cross over into illegal activity to pursue sex? Takes more than just a bored husband. Just my two cents.

I feel the more benneficial question would be why would men even think about it or any other thoughts that pull them away from their wives. Seeking prostitutes is one symptom of an underlying and more widespread problem. As to what can be done about it: yes treatment for addictions is one potential, educating spouces on how to avoid boredom is another, educating spouces on how to make the other feel loved is another potential solution.

 

[Tosk]

I feel the more benneficial question would be why would men even think about it or any other thoughts that pull them away from their wives. Seeking prostitutes is one symptom of an underlying and more widespread problem. As to what can be done about it: yes treatment for addictions is one potential, educating spouces on how to avoid boredom is another, educating spouces on how to make the other feel loved is another potential solution.

I really doubt that boredom in the bedroom has anything to do with men seeking out prostitutes. Often times married men who seek prostitutes have already pushed their wives into freakish sexual practices that the women often feel uncomfortable with. It is often a compulsion that these men have fed with porn and practiced on their wives until their wives either feel too degraded or disgusted to continue to acquiesce, and then the men go to prostitutes. I would say it is a symptom that these men need psychiatric help and are mentally ill, not that the wife somehow failed to keep things spicy in the bedroom.

 

[Ailina]

Why is this thread being revived an entire year later?

 

[Polaris]

I just can’t understand how a man who loves his wife would cheat on her and on top of that pay money. Im pretty sure I would not even be able to perform if it wasnt my wife, and the loss of three Hundred dollars. I mean sex is ok but its defenately not that good, I rather spend that money on some books to read in bed. … Oh no more proof that I am a romantic lesbian trapped in a mans body. My way to understand this behavior is that he probably never actually loved you, you were an object when you got married that allowed for children, status and sex. All valid Catholic reasons, so Im not saying you should get an annulment, but I can imagine that it will leave or maintain a void. When I got married it was for the sole purpose of love of a her as a person, that void was filled perfectly and even after years of her moving on, I still feel complete, happy and definately no sex desires without her physically teasing. He however is unable to fill the void because he has used you, an object cant fill that void, so what does he do he thinks the object is wrong, you, and tries to fill it with other objects he pays for, prostitutes, which again does not fill anything. Most likely he will not investigate the root cause of why it does not work, so he will continue the cycle of looking for an object to fill a void that can only be filled by love for another person.

 Now Im not a psychologist and I must say I really do not understand most men's minds.  Like the posts on this board about problems with masturbation, they make no sense to me.  Sex without love or object acquistion why even do it.  All it does is make a mess. :shrug:  So take everything I say with a grain of salt.

I will pray for you and your husband and I hope it all works out for the best in whatever form God wants…

If your marriage does survive be safe, STDs are more dangerous for you than him. If I were you I would make sure to get tested right now and get a pap smear done. Do not have sex with him for at least 6 months, incubation periods can take this long and his tests for STDs will show negative till than, though he still will be able to infect you. After that period get him tested again for as much as possible. Unfortunately some things can not be tested for in males so you will have to be extracareful and regularly visit an OB-GYN. Im not sure about your age but get the HPV vaccination if you can. It can prevent future infection if you get back together.

 

[Polaris]

Why is this thread being revived an entire year later?

Hahaha I did not even notice. Thanks for the heads up.

 

[royal_archer]

I really doubt that boredom in the bedroom has anything to do with men seeking out prostitutes. Often times married men who seek prostitutes have already pushed their wives into freakish sexual practices that the women often feel uncomfortable with. It is often a compulsion that these men have fed with porn and practiced on their wives until their wives either feel too degraded or disgusted to continue to acquiesce, and then the men go to prostitutes. I would say it is a symptom that these men need psychiatric help and are mentally ill, not that the wife somehow failed to keep things spicy in the bedroom.

I don’t think you understood the context of my post. I concur that some men have adictions or other problems that cause them to seek prostitutes. But my intent was to take it one step broader and address the general issue of men seeking satisfaction outside the marriage. Which is an issue that many couples deal with even if neither if sexually unfaithfull. There is an old addage: behind every successfull man is a woman who makes him want to spend more time at work… Many people seek comfort in work, golf, etc. because their spouse has created a home environment where the person feels unwanted. This is related to the boredom issue where a spouse feels the other has stopped making an effort. Lack of effort is translated as lack of love. lack of love mannifests itself in an individual seeking self worth outside the spousal relationship. for many it is in innocuous activities but for some it is in affairs (paid and unpaid).

 

[royal_archer]

Hahaha I did not even notice. Thanks for the heads up.

It’s mdluffy90’s fault.

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t think you understood the context of my post. I concur that some men have adictions or other problems that cause them to seek prostitutes. But my intent was to take it one step broader and address the general issue of men seeking satisfaction outside the marriage. Which is an issue that many couples deal with even if neither if sexually unfaithfull. There is an old addage: behind every successfull man is a woman who makes him want to spend more time at work… Many people seek comfort in work, golf, etc. because their spouse has created a home environment where the person feels unwanted. This is related to the boredom issue where a spouse feels the other has stopped making an effort. Lack of effort is translated as lack of love. lack of love mannifests itself in an individual seeking self worth outside the spousal relationship. for many it is in innocuous activities but for some it is in affairs (paid and unpaid).

Agree to an extent, but many people cheat because they lack something within themselves, and they are hoping their marriage, work, another person, can fill them up. Only God can fill us up, and many times people who cheat, turn to another person thinking their marriage was the problem, or their spouse. No, often times, it’s the cheater that has to figure out why he/she isn’t happy in life. Happiness comes from within, your spouse cannot patch up past hurts…childhood pains. Often times, people cheat because they never healed from something years and years ago, and when the marriage doesn’t resolve whatever it is that ails them, they turn to others.

If you read a lot of threads of women/men who post about their husbands/wives cheating on them, they were caring, loving spouses. From the sounds of it, it appeared that the spouse just wanted to cheat, plain and simple. Was not happy in the life that he/she has, and decided to find happiness elsewhere. When a divorce soon followed, the men/wmoen realized that the new person has flaws, and that they should never have abandoned their marriages for sex with a stranger.

So, while your points make sense, please be careful to not blame spouses as why their spouses cheat, because I have seen this in my family a lot, and with friends, and there was nothing that the spouse did to deserve that treatment. Boredom is not an excuse for cheating…life gets boring, we don’t hurt those we love because life gets boring now and again. Cheating is a complex thing, and just from my observations with people I know who have turned to that, they gravely regretted it saying that it was them that had the problem, not their spouses. Just something to consider before blaming a wife on why her husband visits prostitutes.

And as an aside, many women work outside the home. And even when I was a sahm, it wasn’t my sole responsibility to make the home warm and inviting…it takes two to make a marriage work–TWO. Not just the wife bending over backwards, and hoping the husband takes notice. No, it takes two. My husband treats me with respect, and I treat him with respect. WE make the home a warm and loving place, he would never think that’s just my responsibility. Do men have any responsibility in making the home warm and inviting FOR THEIR WIVES? Yes, they do. I want to come home from shopping, or from work, or from wherever, to a home that is loving and kind also. My husband doesn’t expect me to behave in ways he doesn’t. It’s a two way street. I am not sure if I’m reading your post wrong, but it’s coming across as it’s the wife’s responsibilty to keep the sex life exciting, the home warm and inviting, and the marriage alive. I only answer to that, that it takes two.

Frankly, I wouldn’t care what my dh’s reasons were…to visit a prostitute? He would not be welcome back in my life as my husband. *

 

[royal_archer]

Agree to an extent, but many people cheat because they lack something within themselves, and they are hoping their marriage, work, another person, can fill them up. Only God can fill us up, and many times people who cheat, turn to another person thinking their marriage was the problem, or their spouse. No, often times, it’s the cheater that has to figure out why he/she isn’t happy in life. Happiness comes from within, your spouse cannot patch up past hurts…childhood pains. Often times, people cheat because they never healed from something years and years ago, and when the marriage doesn’t resolve whatever it is that ails them, they turn to others.

If you read a lot of threads of women/men who post about their husbands/wives cheating on them, they were caring, loving spouses. From the sounds of it, it appeared that the spouse just wanted to cheat, plain and simple. Was not happy in the life that he/she has, and decided to find happiness elsewhere. When a divorce soon followed, the men/wmoen realized that the new person has flaws, and that they should never have abandoned their marriages for sex with a stranger.

So, while your points make sense, please be careful to not blame spouses as why their spouses cheat, because I have seen this in my family a lot, and with friends, and there was nothing that the spouse did to deserve that treatment. Boredom is not an excuse for cheating…life gets boring, we don’t hurt those we love because life gets boring now and again. Cheating is a complex thing, and just from my observations with people I know who have turned to that, they gravely regretted it saying that it was them that had the problem, not their spouses. Just something to consider before blaming a wife on why her husband visits prostitutes.

And as an aside, many women work outside the home. And even when I was a sahm, it wasn’t my sole responsibility to make the home warm and inviting…it takes two to make a marriage work–TWO. Not just the wife bending over backwards, and hoping the husband takes notice. No, it takes two. My husband treats me with respect, and I treat him with respect. WE make the home a warm and loving place, he would never think that’s just my responsibility. Do men have any responsibility in making the home warm and inviting FOR THEIR WIVES? Yes, they do. I want to come home from shopping, or from work, or from wherever, to a home that is loving and kind also. My husband doesn’t expect me to behave in ways he doesn’t. It’s a two way street. I am not sure if I’m reading your post wrong, but it’s coming across as it’s the wife’s responsibilty to keep the sex life exciting, the home warm and inviting, and the marriage alive. I only answer to that, that it takes two.

Frankly, I wouldn’t care what my dh’s reasons were…to visit a prostitute? He would not be welcome back in my life as my husband. *

First I don’t want to make it sound like I am making excuses for behavior, I’m not. Just like a rape victim is never to blame, but that does not mean they can’t change their behavior in order to better their odds for happines. I am trying to talk in ways that are gender neutral but l am a man so I am not able to fully appreciate what women see, or want to see, in men.

 

[whatevergirl]

First I don’t want to make it sound like I am making excuses for behavior, I’m not. Just like a rape victim is never to blame, but that does not mean they can’t change their behavior in order to better their odds for happines. I am trying to talk in ways that are gender neutral but l am a man so I am not able to fully appreciate what women see, or want to see, in men.

*Okay, I was beginning to worry. I think that putting it bluntly, any man who would take the risk to seek out a prostitute for sex, is in pretty sad shape. As much as I’d be upset and beyond angry with my husband (and disgusted)…I would really feel sad for him, because I’d wonder what has caused him to sink so low in his life. It’s really symptomatic to me, of someone who has for some reason, developed a really dysfuntional way of viewing women. It’s not just like someone having an affair, and that’s bad of course, also. Prostitution is risky, illegal, and just such a poverty of the soul. Any woman who does this for a living, I too, ache for her. *

 

[royal_archer]

Okay, I was beginning to worry. I think that putting it bluntly, any man who would take the risk to seek out a prostitute for sex, is in pretty sad shape. As much as I’d be upset and beyond angry with my husband (and disgusted)…I would really feel sad for him, because I’d wonder what has caused him to sink so low in his life. It’s really symptomatic to me, of someone who has for some reason, developed a really dysfuntional way of viewing women. It’s not just like someone having an affair, and that’s bad of course, also. Prostitution is risky, illegal, and just such a poverty of the soul. Any woman who does this for a living, I too, ache for her.

I figure that for a guy to get to the point where he enlists the services per say, a whole chain of things have to go wrong. Most of what I was refering to address an early few links in that chain. I think you are addressing some of the final links which are things a spouse has no control over.

 

[whatevergirl]

I figure that for a guy to get to the point where he enlists the services per say, a whole chain of things have to go wrong. Most of what I was refering to address an early few links in that chain. I think you are addressing some of the final links which are things a spouse has no control over.

*Yes. I still think I’d go balistic…you spent money on WHAAAAAT??? I can’t even imagine my reaction. I pray for anyone going through this. On both sides. For the women, that God may give you strength and courage to deal with such a challenging thing, and for the men who are seeking this out–that you overcome this compulsion through a restored relationship with Christ. *

 

[royal_archer]

*Yes. I still think I’d go balistic…you spent money on WHAAAAAT??? I can’t even imagine my reaction. I pray for anyone going through this. On both sides. For the women, that God may give you strength and courage to deal with such a challenging thing, and for the men who are seeking this out–that you overcome this compulsion through a restored relationship with Christ. *

Aside from the disease, illegal aspects, I figured a wife would be more upset about an affair involving a personal relationship as opposed to a more annonymous paid act. Which is worse a husband having a loving relationship with another woman or a husband relieving some accumulated bio-chemical “frustrations” with another woman?

"Yes. I still think I’d go balistic…you spent money on WHAAAAAT??? " I’ve gotten that reaction from my wife for paying for stuff that was no where near the realm of a hooker. .

 

[whatevergirl]

Aside from the disease, illegal aspects, I figured a wife would be more upset about an affair involving a personal relationship as opposed to a more annonymous paid act. Which is worse a husband having a loving relationship with another woman or a husband relieving some accumulated bio-chemical “frustrations” with another woman?

"Yes. I still think I’d go balistic…you spent money on WHAAAAAT??? " I’ve gotten that reaction from my wife for paying for stuff that was no where near the realm of a hooker. .

lol

Neither is better than the other, to be honest, but I know what you’re saying.

 

[Ailina]

"…things a spouse has no control over".

Hmmmm…my ex accused me of being TOO controlling, to partially justify his wandering ways (wandering men are very fond of justifying themselves, I have discovered). Of course, prostitutes are submissive and will do whatever the client wants. It’s also very impersonal and requires no emotional effort, which suits those who are afraid of intimacy.

 

[royal_archer]

"…things a spouse has no control over".

Hmmmm…my ex accused me of being TOO controlling, to partially justify his wandering ways (wandering men are very fond of justifying themselves, I have discovered). Of course, prostitutes are submissive and will do whatever the client wants. It’s also very impersonal and requires no emotional effort, which suits those who are afraid of intimacy.

They also provide a service with out baggage, strings, or conditions (except one small fee). For a man who does not feel loved at home but instead has a very unpleaseant marriage, They may find value in paying for something they don’t get at home: someone who acts like they care. Wouldn’t it be great if the church encouraged married couples to go to a once a year refresher course where they get education together, counceling, and education on how to contribute more to the marriage? If prostitutes know how to keep men happy, statisfied, etc. shouldn’t married women have the same knowledge? I am not talking about willingness to go to the extreme realm of deviant activity, Which I doubt most prostitutes would do anyhow. I am talking about flirting, attentiveness, and mood setting.

I am sure we men also need such training since earning a paycheck, mowing the lawn, and killing the spiders isn’t good enough for some of you…

When marriages go stale it opens the door for spouses to seek comfort elsewhere.

 

[rinnie]

Usually the root of the problem is they are lacking something in themself. And they are just looking for help in the wrong places.

 

[whatevergirl]

Usually the root of the problem is they are lacking something in themself. And they are just looking for help in the wrong places.

Bingo.

 

[mrpathetic]

Usually the root of the problem is they are lacking something in themself. And they are just looking for help in the wrong places.

And what they lack is piety. No truly pious person could ever do such an act.

And yes, they are “looking for love in all the wrong places.” (I think that phrase came from some bad C&W song from the 1970’s.) Rather than looking for Love where it can truly be found - in Jesus - they look for it in base, carnal pleasure.