Why Do Men Hate Church?

[JB]

Fidelis:

… I think it is the *general * experience on Sunday that you won’t see Bob the builder, Joe the plumber, Mike the mechanic, or Michael Angelo the house painter in the pew or teaching marriage prep/RCIA/CCD or leading the Rosary. Maybe ushers. Perhaps on the Building or Carnival committee. For sure at Bingo or in the K of C…

I don’t know about your parish, amd associated K of C Council, but in ours, the K of C is precisely where you will find the men who also teach RCIA & RE, help with marriage preparation, take Communion to the homebound, hospitals & nursing homes, usher, serve on various church committes or boards, and, it goes without saying, also be in the pews every Sunday with their families (and many on weekdays as well).

Men who do not want to be actively involved in the Parish are unlikely to get involved with a K of C council full of brothers who will find ways for them to be even more involved in the Parish. The K of C is for real Catholic men, not for wannabees who can’t see any farther than the swords, regalia, and a refreshing beverage in the company of brothers.

 

[Fidelis]

JB.:

I don’t know about your parish, amd associated K of C Council, but in ours, the K of C is precisely where you will find the men who also teach RCIA & RE, help with marriage preparation, take Communion to the homebound, hospitals & nursing homes, usher, serve on various church committes or boards, and, it goes without saying, also be in the pews every Sunday with their families (and many on weekdays as well).

Men who do not want to be actively involved in the Parish are unlikely to get involved with a K of C council full of brothers who will find ways for them to be even more involved in the Parish. The K of C is for real Catholic men, not for wannabees who can’t see any farther than the swords, regalia, and a refreshing beverage in the company of brothers.

Like I said above, there are refreshing exceptions. Bless you and them!

 

[Al_Masetti]

Mike_D30:

I think a lot has to do with the Church forcing Marian dogmas. As Catholics we are bombarded with accusatons of worshipping Mary. The biggest push hasn’t been to increase evangelizing, or to bring people back into the fold, it’s been to give Mary titles such as coremptrix and comediatrix. In a country where we are already bombarded with accusations of being Mary worshippers, when we hear the Pope refer to Mary as coredemptrix, it can send Catholics running to their nearest Evengelical Lutheran Chuch faster than Carl Lewis. Especialy those with a weak Catechesis (like me), who don’t fully “get” the Marian dogmas.

That, and at 28 I can honestly say the generation before me (my parents) in general did a terrible jopb raising their children in the faith. (as a whole, not everyone of course). My generation is essentially lost wayward Catholics.

Some Jehovah Witnesses came to the house one day and I engaged them in discussion. Husband and wife. Both were ex-Catholics. They said their new faith was such that they felt very strong about it. So I asked them a bunch of questions and they could not explain anything about their new faith, apart from having strong feelings. And they knew virtually nothing about the Catholic Church apart from having strong negative feelings about such things as “Holy Communion being a form of cannibalism”…

I strongly recommended to them, that having strong feelings is fine, but if they cannot provide factual biblical explanations of various aspects of either their new faith or of the Catholic Church, that they had a moral responsibility to do some homework before holding themselves out as “experts” and going door-to-door.

Basically, they had NO knowledge of the Catholic Church and its teachings. Zip. Zero. Nada.

 

[cainem]

i also enjoy going to church, but the author has hit the nail on the head by saying the hymns are to high to sing along too, perhaps another reason some men don’t go back to mass is that they cannot relate to the priest , most of our parish priests tend to come from well to do backgrounds amd most males around here are labourers, farmers/ fishermen types, so i think there is a perception that they feel alienated judging by the conversations with lapsed parishioners that the priest won’t understand due to different social background etc

 

[seagal]

Comments about the “effeminized church” aside, I don’t think this is a new phenomenon at all. The job of raising the children has long been the woman’s job and making sure they get to church was part of that job. While men may have a strong faith, the actual “going to church” is more of a social thing which appeals more to women than men.

Of course, this is wildly generic speculation and assumes that most people are not serious about their faith. Not everyone who goes to church is devout, not even Catholics.

 

[oldfogey]

Men have a lot of false pride, and I have always thought this was the most important reason that some did not like the Church. By the way, it also seems to me that the relative proportions of men and women in the pews is about the same now as pre Vatican II.

But I do agree that the new liturgy is hard for a man to feel comfortable with, with it’s variations and feel-good style.

And there are always new reasons for men to turn away (isn’t that always the devil’s way?) Raising my four sons in catholic school, the catechesis is dreadful. Also, my wife and I have been fighting for over fifteen years against people in the school (mostly former female religious) who favor the girls and brand the boys as troublesome, when they are just being boys. This is a trend well documented in public education, but it has infiltrated the Catholic schools also. My sons, being that is all they know, have tended to think at times that the Church (as perceived through the school) doesn’t like males.

 

[stargazer257]

Fidelis:

First, what has been your experience with this?

Second, if this is indeed true, what can we do about it?

Reply:

First, I have seen this but only on a limited scale. There are a few wives (including my mother) that endure this, but I don’t believe it is “widespread.”

Second, what can be done? Cursillo is one answer. The Cursillo movement started in the 1940’s in Spain, spread to the US in the late 50’s I believe, and has continued to grow. It’s inception was based on this trend (in this case, Spanish women being faithful, while the men were Catholic in name only, not actions). The movement brought men back into the faith with such success, that the movement continues to grow today. I can personally relate; as a guy who was basically Catholic in name only, I did my Cursillo two and a half years ago. I wouldn’t recognise myself today from my perspecive back then. I am infinitely more involved in my parish today, and my knowledge of Scripture and my faith is at least 1000 times greater. I could go on, but I’ll leave it at that.

One more bit of info: The “Walk to Emmaus” that you may have heard of is based on the Cursillo. It is a protestant version of the Cursillo with, of course, a few subtle changes. That’s how successful the Cursillo is; it was copied by others because of how well planned the program is and how successful it has been in bringing men (and women) back to their faith.

Check it out! Better yet, attend one. Your life and strength of your faith will never be the same again.

 

[Pacbox]

If men hate church, I certainly haven’t seen it. (And I am a woman to clarify.) I see and have been personally told that women more than men were not wanting to go to Mass.

I noticed at Mass this morning that all but one of the canidates and catechumanates that will be coming into the church at Easter in my parish were MEN. Now that says something. And they ranged in age from 18 through mid 50s. Most of the lay run minsitries have large numbers of men actively involved (religious ed is the only one without any men).

I have seen young men my age come to church of their own free will. I see more fathers bring their children to Mass than the mothers bring children to Mass by themselves (I hope this is just a means of giving mom a break and letting her have some time to herself and to pray quietly and able to go to Mass at a different time and be able to focus more on the Mass instead of on the kids).

Our archdiocese has had an increase in priestly vocations. (I personally know three men who are in seminaries now and will be priests, hopefully, when they finish. I hope more go.)

So I don’t see it. But then my parish may be the exception and not the rule. But it would be better if it was the rule.

 

[JW10631]

Marian devotion has been laregely de-emphasized. It cannot be the reason for Catholic men to stop going to Mass.

My dad rarely attended Mass, and my uncle, his brother, quit going entirely. My dad would get involved in local politics, fund-raising for youth sports, coaching baseball, etc., but he apparently had not much interest for things spiritual.

It happens. When men believe they are challenged rather than lectured, they will react positively.

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

gyms and workout facilities should be manitory for church buildings, also throw in a garage for us guys to help each other with car repairs, and don’t forget the superbowl parties and throw away those burial suits and fancy grabs, everyone both sexes should wear blue jeans and flannel shirts. Also, we want to build things like houses for those who need them, give us some barn raisers. And, Libraries in churches that rival seminary libraries. Throw away all those sissy left behind novels. Fire the preists and preachers and replace them with debates every other day.
Last, don’t forget those dallas cowboy cheerleaders. Instead of pasing the offering plate, pass the pizza, cheezits, beer, and prezels.

That should do it for us guys.

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

I read the book. The sermons rarely have illustrations that men can relate to. Have a preacher admit that he had a bout of road rage and his struggle to contain it. Talk about sports from time to time – boxing. Talk about things men like to do. And, yes my last post above was serious, at least most of it. Look at the illustrations, images in the sermon. How many appeal to men and to women to children to families? Now those that appeal to women, children and families subtract those from the ones that appeal to men. If you get a negative score, time to get a new preacher. Jesus spoke more about Hell then any other subject, that appeals to us guys, torture yeah. Why you think we like football and hokey? the fights? and crashes at racetracks.



majorleaguekids.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/DCCB1-14.gif

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

JW10631:

Marian devotion has been laregely de-emphasized.

online to non-catholics it seems to us all you talk about is Mary.

 

[Mike_D30]

JW10631:

Marian devotion has been laregely de-emphasized. It cannot be the reason for Catholic men to stop going to Mass.

I don’t think it’s been de-emphasized. Pope John Paul II used the terms co-redemptrix, and co-mediatrix numerous times, which is basically the pre-cursor to becoming Dogma. I should say that this is a big reason for Catholics as a whole leaving the Church, especially those not catechized well, or converts. Those of who don’t get the Marian Dogma’s have real issues with the titles and what not.

I also think in the Catholic Church there’s a very high standard to attain, and when one doesn’t attain that standard it sometimes becomes easier to just not go instead of continuously confessing and trying but knowing you’ll keep failing. Men are proud, it’s tough to continue to fail at something, sometimes apathy is easier.

 

[Rebecca_New]

Fidelis:

I think there is a lot of truth to this. However, in my experience, men that are more devout also want it to be worth their while – to be challenged from the pulpit once in a while. Not necessarily to be made felt guilty (“For Pete’s sake! At least I’m here at Mass–why don’t they yell at the guys who aren’t here!”), but to be *strongly encouraged * to manfully exercise their faith where they really live – at home and out in the workplace, where the pressure to conform to the world is intense.

Isn’t that conformity pressure a reason to go to Mass? I am surprised to see how many spiritual men there are at our Church. I was raised in a house where the churchgoing was definately a woman thing. Unfortunately, our divorce and disfunctionalism ratio reflects this.

 

[seagal]

I think the men who could answer this are not the ones who visit this forum. When I look around my parish it’s women who are filling the pews and going to bible study. It’s mainly women who are catechism teachers. I’m always gratified to see a father accompanying his wife and children to church. My father didn’t come to church with us. And now my husband doesn’t seem to feel the same urge to attend either. He was a fallen away Catholic who found his way back when we started going out. Since then he’s gone to church faithfully. He made a Cursillo weekend about 3 years ago, was a Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist (is that what they’re callign it now?) for 2 years, and accompanied me when I did my hour at the Adoration chapel. But I noticed that if I didn’t go to mass for some reason then he wouldn’t go. Recently he started a new job where he has to work Sundays noon-8pm. We could go to an early mass, and I offered to get up and go with him even though I sing with the choir at 7pm mass. We did that once. If I “made” him go (i.e. set the alarm for him, bugged him about getting up, etc.) then he would but I figured it’s his responsibility not mine. So why is this practising catholic not that interested in going to mass? I have no idea.

 

[Crumpy]

Mother Angelica and other prominent Catholics in the priesthood or professed religious vocations betray their calling when they feign ignorance of the married life.

They don’t know anything about it, they say.

Protestant ministers are almost always married, they will speak often about the married life and raising children.

I think priests tend to get a bit too carried away preaching from the point of view of their philosoply training. The average priest can induce sedation in any gathering, by going into the philosophy of anything.

I don’t think they’re effective priests unless they can, notwithstanding their celibacy, preach about married life and responsibilities toward children.

Instead, they may hear the priest wax on about the mysteries of the rosary.

I don’t think that the priests that often bring to bear the teaching of the Bible to the pulpit (whoops, we can’t use that word anymore, it’s an “ambo” whatever that means), Men want practical spiritual inspiration and guidance to deal with their responsibilities. Have to turn on Charles Stanley or D. James Kennedy to find out what the Bible says about those things.

 

[buffalo]

seagal:

, was a Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist (is that what they’re callign it now?)

It was always called that. It was hijacked to Eucharistic Ministers.

 

[m134e5]

seagal:

I noticed that if I didn’t go to mass for some reason then he wouldn’t go.

Many men won’t do things unless their wives/girlfriends do it too.