I am posting for the first time here. I am a Catholic from my birth and baptism from now until forever. A thousand years atleast of Irish `Catholism run through my veins

I am also married, and the father of six beautiful children, thanks be to God! I too, though, have questioned the Church’s teachings on contraception… We march to the beat of Rome, but there is dissention in the ranks, as is obvious from the use of contraception within our Church.
We are a Catholic, loving family. We are also in a townhouse in metropolitan area; we cannot afford a single family home, and we’ve ran out of room. ]We are in debt like the rest of America, and our kids go to public school, because we can’t afford Caholic education. Unlike when I was a child, when Catholic teaching/education was available to Catholic families; big or small… Now, it’s about who can afford it, and I’d guess half the children in Catholic Schools are not Catholic! But that’s a different story.
We’ve always been open to life, as is obvious; baby every ‘even’ year from 2000, but if we had another, i think my wife might be commited. The last child the most difficult… i’m soon to be 44, my wife 43 in May; the thought of another is beyond, beyond… but there is that chance, and I would love a seventh as much as the first,.
I ws reluctant to post my User Name here, because some of my best Catholic friends may see but I’m being completely honest tonight. I believe, and my wife disagrees, that abstinence in marriage, is the same as artificial contraception. Both prevent life, and that’s what union in the sexual act is all about. My father was diagnosed with multiple myloma at the age of 40, when i was two years old, in 1970. My younger sister was a newborn. So, he was a father of six himself (twins died in utero earlier) The doctors gave him six months to live and he lived for 11 more. My parents had no more children after my younger sister. I never asked my mother about her ‘relationship’ with my father after his diagnosis, but if they used contraception and commited grave mortal sin, prior to NFP?, and he is doomed to hell, then let me follow in his footsteps, because he was the holiest man I’ve ever known.
There have been instances in our marriage, rare, where we have used contraception. Our anniversary, during the fertile time, where we used contraception. We confessed it later, and haven’t since, But in the majority of those confessions!, the priests have told me what my wife and I do is between Me and Her and GOD. and these are veteran priests!
personally, if this isn’t already, i find it unique that the Church teaches that sexual union is ok when the potential for life is there… yet when the wife, isn’t fertile, i see a contradiction, especially, and this is way too much, when the female, in my experience, prefers union during the fertile period… It’s as if the Church says, you may conjugate, however, if you really want to conjugate, but don’t want the possibility of more children, then you should refrain.
In our marriage, again, too much information, I’ve found the ‘fertile season’ to be a wedge between my wife and me. I’ve found this time together to be brief, and not what Christ would want in our marriage. Because, the infertile seasonn is not much better, with 1 or 3 child sneaking in our bed every other night, fertile season or not. Yet we do as we’re told and end up frustrated with each other…
I would love to talk to a priest to help us through this… and from the ones i’ve met, they are willing… but one has one view and one has the other… read Pope Paul the 6ths take on this same…
Again, we march to the beat of Rome, but may question…