Why do most women today want a wedding outside of the church?

[MP_Kid]

Many women I have spoke to and the few I have dated over the years always express what they would like their wedding to be like. They usually say something like: “Have the ceremony in my parents back yard.” “Just go to the Justice of the Peace.” “Get married on a beach.”

As a single catholic man I find it hard to find a woman who i would even think about marrying. I want to get married in a church! Unfortunately, a lot of women my age do not.

I have never dated a Catholic woman. There doesn’t seem to be many in the area I live in. There is a young adults group at a nearby parish, but 1.) Most people in that group are already married. 2.) The events they hold do not usually work with my work schedule. 3.) Most people in that group do not talk to people outside of their group of 3 to 4 friends. The only women who ever seem interested in me are non-believers who refuse to go to church with me if I ask or are protestants who have not been to church in years.

Where are all the good catholic women hiding?

 

[1ke]

Where are all the good catholic women hiding?

Online.

Ave Maria Singles is a good place to start.

 

[MP_Kid]

Is there anyway at all to see if there actually are women who live in my area who use that site? I do not want to pay for something that won’t be worth it.

 

[1ke]

Is there anyway at all to see if there actually are women who live in my area who use that site?

You will have to ask them. However limiting yourself geographically is part of your issue. Be open.

I met my spouse on Ave 15 years ago. He was in one state and I was in another. We’ve been married 13 years.

I do not want to pay for something that won’t be worth it.

Cuz, free is working so well right now?

Dude, you’ve thrown out all the reasons you can’t meet good Catholic women and when given a place to do so, throw up more roadblocks which boil down to not really wanting to put time and effort into that which you say you desire.

 

[Irishmom2]

The fact that you haven’t dated Catholic women is the explanation of why they haven’t wanted a church wedding. They are all on Pinterest looking at beach weddings etc, and are not Catholic. Catholics are raised knowing a wedding takes place in church.

 

[MP_Kid]

How did you two have your first date? What states did you live in? How does something that long distance turn into marriage?

 

[1ke]

How did you two have your first date?

We emailed and spoke on the phone for about 6 months. That was pre-Skype or WhatsApp. It would be much easier now.

For our first actual in person meeting/date, I flew to where he lived.

What states did you live in?

WI and TX.

How does something that long distance turn into marriage?

We talked about the important things. We got to know each other really well. We discerned together for a year.

We talked for about 6 months before meeting.
Then we visited each other about 6 or 7 times, alternating between his/my location. We got engaged about 18 months in and married 24 months in. I moved to WI after we got married. We’ve been married 13 years.

 

[Allegra]

I don’t know about Ave Maria Singles, but Catholic Match ususally gives you the first month for free.

 

[Allegra]

I also met my husband on CatholicMatch.com and we lived in two different states. The site has a forum similar to this one and we began talking about music. He mentioned to me that he was attending a conference for Church musicians in Chicago and it so happened that was the exact week I was planning to help my friend move to Chicago. So we met up and walked around and talked. Our first official date was Mass! I’m a teacher, so I was able to travel to his state fairly frequently, especially during the summer. He came and visited me a few times as well. After we became engaged, I spent the summer in Wisconsin and the priest he worked for helped us with our marriage prep. Then he moved back to Missouri with me when I had to go back in the fall. He lived in my apartment and I stayed at my parents. We bought a house and spend the school year doing all the repairs and painting ourselves. Eventually, he moved into the house. Then when the school year ended, we got married! We feel like God guided us together.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Movies and television.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

Where are all the good catholic women hiding?

You don’t have to find where all of them are hiding! Just where the one God has waiting for you is hiding if your vocation is to marriage. When the time is right, she won’t be hiding. Also, some of them are hiding inside of people who have yet to convert to the faith, but will get there soon!

As to why so many want to wed in odd places, whoever mentioned pinterest/instagram/other weddings they’ve been to hit the nail on the head. Don’t worry too much about that part. When you find your person, dating and marriage prep will have been enough time together for you to know that person values the Mass.

 

[Phemie]

The fact that you haven’t dated Catholic women is the explanation of why they haven’t wanted a church wedding. They are all on Pinterest looking at beach weddings etc, and are not Catholic. Catholics are raised knowing a wedding takes place in church.

Not so much anymore, at least where I live. Lots of Catholics are opting for the tropical beach setting which means, 99% of the time, that there is no parish involvement.

 

[His_helpmeet]

Catholic Match was where I met my husband. We lived in the same geographical area (1 hour’s drive apart) but because he was a single dad and we are both introverts we would have been unlikely to find each other in person. We emailed for 4 months, our first date was Mass and lunch, we got engaged 6 months later and married 9 months after that (15.5 months after our first in-person meeting). We had our 7th wedding anniversary yesterday, in fact.

 

[Irishmom2]

Happy anniversary!

 

[Irishmom2]

Well of course it is going to charge for non- parishioners. Otherwise, too many people want to go just to the so called “beautiful” churches. Why shouldn’t people have to pay to have a wedding at a church they are not a member of? Weddings are not without expenses to a parish. And all of the beautiful decorations you mentioned in an earlier post are not provided by the church, but by the bride and groom.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Well of course it is going to charge for non- parishioners. Otherwise, too many people want to go just to the so called “beautiful” churches. Why shouldn’t people have to pay to have a wedding at a church they are not a member of? Weddings are not without expenses to a parish. And all of the beautiful decorations you mentioned in an earlier post are not provided by the church, but by the bride and groom.

Churches should not be marrying non-parishoners. The parish is the heart of sacramental life. People should be tied to a parish by their own worship, by their childhood worship or by the worship of close friends or family. There is a bit of theological “thin ice” by church shopping for the prettiest place.

I do have an issue with churches that are active parishes but so pretty they have weddings with people who will never darken their doors again. It’s ridiculous, and it is often part of their sustainability model. Typcally, we’re not talking a couple hundred dollars difference either, but thousands.

 

[TC3033]

Irishmom2:

Well of course it is going to charge for non- parishioners. Otherwise, too many people want to go just to the so called “beautiful” churches. Why shouldn’t people have to pay to have a wedding at a church they are not a member of? Weddings are not without expenses to a parish. And all of the beautiful decorations you mentioned in an earlier post are not provided by the church, but by the bride and groom.

Churches should not be marrying non-parishoners. The parish is the heart of sacramental life. People should be tied to a parish by their own worship, by their childhood worship or by the worship of close friends or family. There is a bit of theological “thin ice” by church shopping for the prettiest place.

I do have an issue with churches that are active parishes but so pretty they have weddings with people who will never darken their doors again. It’s ridiculous, and it is often part of their sustainability model. Typcally, we’re not talking a couple hundred dollars difference either, but thousands.

This is very true, and not everyone is shopping for the prettiest place either. My wife (at the time) was a member of a small country parish. The church wasn’t nearly big enough for our wedding and tried to go to the Catholic church about 6 blks down the street. They wanted around $1,800 for us because my wife wasn’t a parishioner.

 

[His_helpmeet]

Thank you!

 

[Ljrm18]

I agree with so many of the comments above. But to add to the conversation, I met my husband on catholic match, we emailed for a month or two and then talked on the phone for another month before meeting. He lived in the same state as me, but he was on the opposite side, about 300 miles. I drove over to see him the first time we met, and stayed with his parents. Then eventually, he moved to my side of the state where we dated for 2 months before getting engaged. We’re celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in July. I really believe that meeting people online just opens another avenue for meeting people. You weed them out as you get to know them.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Xanthippe_Voorhees:

Irishmom2:

Well of course it is going to charge for non- parishioners. Otherwise, too many people want to go just to the so called “beautiful” churches. Why shouldn’t people have to pay to have a wedding at a church they are not a member of? Weddings are not without expenses to a parish. And all of the beautiful decorations you mentioned in an earlier post are not provided by the church, but by the bride and groom.

Churches should not be marrying non-parishoners. The parish is the heart of sacramental life. People should be tied to a parish by their own worship, by their childhood worship or by the worship of close friends or family. There is a bit of theological “thin ice” by church shopping for the prettiest place.

I do have an issue with churches that are active parishes but so pretty they have weddings with people who will never darken their doors again. It’s ridiculous, and it is often part of their sustainability model. Typcally, we’re not talking a couple hundred dollars difference either, but thousands.

This is very true, and not everyone is shopping for the prettiest place either. My wife (at the time) was a member of a small country parish. The church wasn’t nearly big enough for our wedding and tried to go to the Catholic church about 6 blks down the street. They wanted around $1,800 for us because my wife wasn’t a parishioner.

Which is unfortunate. In that cases, parishes should work together. We got married at a the smaller cluster parish because we wanted to make sure we didn’t use up unneaded resources.