Why do most women today want a wedding outside of the church?

[1ke]

Churches should not be marrying non-parishoners.

They may marry somewhere other than the parish of the bride or groom only if they have permission from the ordinary. Which isn’t given on a whim but for good reasons.

So, there is nothing in Church law of the 1980s that can be construed as promoting “church shopping” or “pretty princess day”.

You disparage the Church and ascribe motives to priests that are simply untrue. This is wrong of you.

Can. 1115 Marriages are to be celebrated in a parish where either of the contracting parties has a domicile, quasidomicile, or month long residence or, if it concerns transients, in the parish where they actually reside. With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Xanthippe_Voorhees:

Churches should not be marrying non-parishoners.

They may marry somewhere other than the parish of the bride or groom only if they have permission from the ordinary. Which isn’t given on a whim but for good reasons.

So, there is nothing in Church law of the 1980s that can be construed as promoting “church shopping” or “pretty princess day”.

You disparage the Church and ascribe motives to priests that are simply untrue. This is wrong of you.

Can. 1115 Marriages are to be celebrated in a parish where either of the contracting parties has a domicile, quasidomicile, or month long residence or, if it concerns transients, in the parish where they actually reside. With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.

Most of the priests aren’t even involved. I am not ascribing motives to the priests–more often the parish finance committee.

It’s not in church law, but in church practice. Until the 80’s it was very, very difficult to get married at a parish other than your own. Today it is very easy. Churches know that.

Just google it and you get bunch.

Most were about $400 to $1,000 difference. I found one that was $100 for parishioners and $1,500 for non. Out of the dozens I looked at only one indicated that a non-parishoner would need permission.

 

[1ke]

Most of the priests aren’t even involved. I am not ascribing motives to the priests–more often the parish finance committee.

The parish finance council does not make decisions like these. Pastors are the decision makers, pastoral and finance councils are consultative bodies only.

Until the 80’s it was very, very difficult to get married at a parish other than your own. Today it is very easy.

Permission from the bishop, then and now.

 

[alphawoman]

It’s not a matter of wanting to be married in a church, but rather of not wanting to be married in The Church, and all that entails.

 

[1ke]

Actually, in my experience working with young people it is actually ignorance in many cases. We’ve had young people in our parish get married outdoors, or whatever, because they didn’t know they had to get married in the church. Most of these were marrying non Catholics.

 

[alphawoman]

Point well taken, but I’m speaking to the larger issue of people self-selecting away from the Church prior to marriage.

 

[AdamP88]

Is there anyway at all to see if there actually are women who live in my area who use that site? I do not want to pay for something that won’t be worth it.

As @1ke said, perhaps don’t limit yourself geographically.

I was reluctant to date someone long distance…but then I met my wife who was on the other side of Europe from me…

 

[TheLittleLady]

We are in a tourist town with a historic church.

People want to get married here.

We have a very simple policy for non-parishioners. They need to show that their pastor has granted permission, this is all part of the “wedding packet”. If they are from another Diocese that they have followed their Dioceses’s marriage prep guidelines. In general, the priest who will be officiating the wedding does the prep 95% of the time. Most people bring in their own priest for the wedding (if they are also from a distant Diocese they have to follow the Diocese visiting clergy process, a simple form to have signed and faxed).

After that, there is a fee that is negotiable. If the family cannot afford the fees we will work with them, however, most who are having a “destination wedding” can afford to cover the cost of the church.

If the people are simply from across town, and for some reason that parish cannot facilitate the wedding, we work with them.

This is all done by the office staff, for discounts that we request it is a simple “blah blah cannot afford the set price, they can pay $$.” Father knows we are competent professional staff and gives the thumbs up. Sometimes on these forums I get the feeling that these are brand new parishes with newby staff and a brand newly ordained man as Pastor. At the parishes around here, we have been doing weddings for a long time and have a process in place. Believe me, your wedding is not our first, we don’t make it up as we go.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

We are in a tourist town with a historic church.

People want to get married here.

We have a very simple policy for non-parishioners. They need to show that their pastor has granted permission, this is all part of the “wedding packet”. If they are from another Diocese that they have followed their Dioceses’s marriage prep guidelines. In general, the priest who will be officiating the wedding does the prep 95% of the time. Most people bring in their own priest for the wedding (if they are also from a distant Diocese they have to follow the Diocese visiting clergy process, a simple form to have signed and faxed).

After that, there is a fee that is negotiable. If the family cannot afford the fees we will work with them, however, most who are having a “destination wedding” can afford to cover the cost of the church.

If the people are simply from across town, and for some reason that parish cannot facilitate the wedding, we work with them.

This is all done by the office staff, for discounts that we request it is a simple “blah blah cannot afford the set price, they can pay $$.” Father knows we are competent professional staff and gives the thumbs up. Sometimes on these forums I get the feeling that these are brand new parishes with newby staff and a brand newly ordained man as Pastor. At the parishes around here, we have been doing weddings for a long time and have a process in place. Believe me, your wedding is not our first, we don’t make it up as we go.

My opinion is that there should under no uncertain terms be “destination weddings churches” for Catholics. Permission or not, you’re renting a church out. Non-parishioner weddings should be something rare and done when there is a strong tie to that parish community.