Why do not many people stay married these days?

[distracted]

Because they don’t love eachother, they don’t love God, and they don’t love themselves.

Because they are perpetually dissastified, and never content. Because they’re hearts are in the wrong places, because this society is one of consumerism, and the only people who buy are the ones who want…

y.

this was one of the most interesting posts I’ve read in a long time… :coffeeread:

and very right on!!

i don’t even know waht to add to it…



hmmm… so unlike me (a female) not to have anything to say…

(oh well… just give me a minute. . . )

 

[distracted]

Well, in my case, my ex told me he “never thought marriage was for life anyways”. He forgot to mention that back in our dating days, unfortunately, or I would have broken off our relationship then. It wasn’t until he left that he mentioned that. No fault divorce makes it so easy to just slip away. Marriage is the only contract where there are no legal penalties for breaking it.

I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through…

I know what its like to be involved with those who don’t take relationships seriously (or i should say they don’t take the other person seriously… don’t even seem to think the other person is created in God’s image… as, of course, HE is… )

actually, there sometimes ARE legal “penalties”… .and they always seem to be incurred by the woman…

but then, how would i know? I"ve never been married… just seen a few things in my lifetime…

hopefully you will find someone who believes… well, the Catholic way…

i pray you do… :heaven:

 

[distracted]

. I personally can’t think of any childhood role model who respected, were fully committed for life and truly loved their spouse (even when they disagreed with them) . Let alone allowing God into their “marriage”!

i could say the same thing… which, again, is why i doubt i will ever marry… i expect “too much”… which you wouldn’t really think was “too much”… but i guess it is… too much to expect that a person, for example, stay faithful…

this one guy told me that men cheat because they “see all the variety of women around”…

Oh PLEASE!!!

these are the same men who call women sluts and whores for cheating themselves…

how would they like their wife/girlfriend to say… “I need some variety… See ya…”

 

[distracted]

Because Love is willful, conscious self sacrifice for the other, and this society despieses all pain, all suffering, and all sacrifice.

Jesus said that unless we pick up our crosses and carry them, we cannot be his disciple

hmmm…

only question is: How do we know when we should accept a given cross and when we should… “cut… off and… cast from” us some… thing that isn’t good for us? How do we know waht is good for us, ultimately…

 

[wcknight]

Because folks are too lazy to work at their marriage. They are not commited to keep the marriage together through good times and bad.

50% of marriages break up within the first year. That is ridiculous. A lot of people get married out of lust and when that wears off, usually in a few short months if not sooner, they are no longer committed to the relationship. Give them a few obstacles, like finances, problem in laws, disagreements in every day living, kids etc etc, and their marriage comes apart at the seams like a cheap suit.

Folks go into the marriage with their foot half way out the door. They are thinking up front that IF things don’t work out they can always get a divorce. Well IF they went in with the notion that they HAVE to make things work out, that they are commtted unto death do they part, the marriage would have a much better chance of surviving. Folks set themselves up for failure at the beginning, and their marriage becomes a self fullfilling prophetcy.

Marriage is a two way street and both have to make a huge effort to make things work. Compromise, mutual respect, true caring for the other persons wishes and happiness are essential. It is way too easy to find any little excuse to break up. It is far harder to hold onto the determination to make a marriage work.

I am a little disappointed to find the church is a bit more lenient with divorces and annulments and remarriages now. I think it sends the wrong message. I hope it does not increase the divorce rate.

I think the divorce rate is so high because folks give up way too easily. Other than the case where there is a really abusive spouse (as in dangerous physical abuse), I think folks need to work much harder at trying to work things out.

This our 35th year and with God’s help maybe we can stick together for another 35 years or more.

 

[withwind]

I’ve never been married (and proably never will be, the way things are going…

but oh well… So God chooses to bless me more than others… what can i say? )

If we live the life which God asks us to live…we are blessed … it does not matter if one is married, stays single…and in religious life.

 

[LongingForLight]

Point of fact: Many people who marry do, in fact, stay married. First marriages have the odds in their favor (unlike second or third marriages, where often the participants bring flaws that they were unwilling to work out in their first marriage).

But, this technicality aside, marriages do break up too much. Anything higher than the rate of abuse is a clear problem; even around the rate of abuse is too high, since some abusive situations can be worked through with seperation, counseling, etc.

I definitely think we are in a cultural snarl. If a woman can’t be pro-life, pro-family, anti-contraceptive, and still be considered pro-woman? Yeah. There’s a problem.

Traditionally, women have been the cultural defenders of life, families, patience, meekness, self-sacrifice - especially in the area of sexuality. They exemplified and were praised for these things. Now they are downtrodden and insulted if they show these traits. Feminism addressed real problems, but then they screwed up superlatively. They addressed sexual inequality not by demanding that men be as chaste and pure as women, but by demanding that women be culturally permitted to lower the bar, too. They didn’t realize women already had the better position. Most women live healthier sexual lives than men do. They also didn’t realize that women do get hurt far worse than men by innapropriate sex even without pregnancy (and still work hard to blind themselves to that fact). But, because feminism has started out doing some very important good things, it had a lot of credibility. It’s a favorite tactic of the devil: Take something good, and then corrupt it.

 

[distracted]

If we live the life which God asks us to live…we are blessed … it does not matter if one is married, stays single…and in religious life.

so true…

i just wish (sometimes?) that i had someone to share Jesus with… it seems it would be SO nice to have someone in my life who sees things somewhat as i do…

but then even those who see things more/less the same as you do also see other things not so the same… and then there can be problems… but if a couple has religion and spirituality in common… all that other stuff, you would think, would fall into place…

this one poster once complained that her husband was too religiious…!!!

I’m thinking: some people are just never happy… !!!

she ought to walk in my shoes for a few days…

 

[distracted]

Po

, but then they screwed up superlatively. They addressed sexual inequality not by demanding that men be as chaste and pure as women, but by demanding that women be culturally permitted to lower the bar, too. They didn’t realize women already had the better position. Most women live healthier sexual lives than men do. They also didn’t realize that women do get hurt far worse than men by innapropriate sex even without pregnancy (and still work hard to blind themselves to that fact). But, because feminism has started out doing some very important good things, it had a lot of credibility. It’s a favorite tactic of the devil: Take something good, and then corrupt it.

so incredibly true…

the only thing i think i disagree wtih (or do i fool myself?) is the statement about how women suffer more from sex that isn’t “right”…

i think men suffer also but don’t want to admit it (its not macho)… The reason i tend to think this is because i read this report once on child sex abuse & it basically it said that boys have psychological problems from being molested in equal numbers (& severity, tc) as girls…

so i think that it goes back to that macho thing… men just dont TALK about how illicit sex hurts them…

i really cannot accept that men are all that different from women (other than physcially and - somewhat - mentally). they are told by society to not cry, not show feelings, not admit to vulnerability… I wish they would knock that macho *&^%$ off… but i doubt that will ever happen… ?

 

[distracted]

50% of marriages break up within the first year. That is ridiculous. A lot of people get married out of lust and when that wears off, usually in a few short months if not sooner, they are no longer committed to the relationship. Give them a few obstacles, like finances, problem in laws, disagreements in every day living, kids etc etc, and their marriage comes apart at the seams like a cheap suit.

i think one big problem is that they don’t take enough time to get to know each other really well before jumping into marriage… Even after knowing someon 2 yrs or more, it can still be “jumbping into” because sometimes it takes a long time to really know someone… When dating, people usually show their best selves… and hide their problems… Also, no one knows the meaning of commitment these days… as you say, at the 1st sign of trouble, they think leaving is about the only option. Love turns to hate… but if people would learn to talk things out…maybe hate could turn back to love…

Folks go into the marriage with their foot half way out the door. They are thinking up front that IF things don’t work out they can always get a divorce. Well IF they went in with the notion that they HAVE to make things work out, that they are commtted unto death do they part, the marriage would have a much better chance of surviving. Folks set themselves up for failure at the beginning, and their marriage becomes a self fullfilling prophetcy.

This is probably the main reason marriages don’t work out… I love what the Church says about marriage… but one problem is that i can’t seem to “find” a man who believes (and lives) the same beliefs… i realize i am not looking too hard for someone… probably because at this point, i figure “they are all the same anyway… Why bother?” just being honest…

I am a little disappointed to find the church is a bit more lenient with divorces and annulments and remarriages now. I think it sends the wrong message. I hope it does not increase the divorce rate.

This our 35th year and with God’s help maybe we can stick together for another 35 years or more.

congratulations… i can’t go 35 days!!! (not that i’ve tried actual marriage… i’ve never been married… just “relationships”… I’ve been celibate for a long time but in that time, i’ve known / thought i liked this guy & that guy… and, well, again, it seems nowdays they don’t last more than 35 days…if that… becasue, well, one reason is that i am a “fanatical” Catholic… and wel, haven’t found anyone who fits that description himself… etc).

i also tendto think the Church is too lenient… but i do know of one interesting case where the couple was married with a couple children… but the woman had started an intimate relationship w/ someone else. The husband wanted to continue the marriage even despite this… He was Catholic & she was non-Catholic at the time of marriage but in any case, the Church said NO to an annulment… Unfortunately, th woman continued in her “relationshiop” anyway… i didn’t know her well but one time She made some comment about how she didn’t like organized religion. I told her. “well… it’s better than dis -organized religion”… to which i’m not sure she responded (long time ago)…

anyway… wish i could find someone lik you…

 

[distracted]

Sometimes we make a mistake and the most important thing to concur that mistake is to have FAITH, if your marriage has no FAITH, your marriage has no chance …

I think comments should only be made on this is you are married or have been.

how about me…

i don’t want to be in that category of “have been”

i’d like to know what marriage means and the best way to find out is to ask people who have made marriage work…

 

[distracted]

IMHO, this expectation of instant gratification spreads across everything from sex, material possessions, etc. Marriage is just one piece of the pie now.
.

very true… in another thread the issue of self-gratification came up (don’t like the m- word)…

it seems a lot of people justify this and many other sins for this reason alone: they feel they are entitled to instant gratification…

We Americans are spoiled rotten…

I’m a little less spoiled than most because i choose to be “poor”… but even i, with my few possessions, well… i get used to having things a certain way… and we get attached to our lives…all the conveniences, etc… and well, when one is attached, one doesn’t want to detach… and without detaching from the things / people of this world, we can easily end up in Hell… but i digress…

or do i??

marriages dont’ work out becaus people can’t detach from their wants… they confuse wants wtih needs… (for instance: they WANT constnat “romance”… and think that if they don’t have it, “love is too boring”…)

i talked to this one recently (who may just be trying to argue with a Catholic… God knows…) but anyway, he said that men cheat because they want variety…

i doubt its a simple as that, at least probably not for the average cheating male… ? but then, again… Who knows? I’m not a man and don’t know how they think… but any man who watches TV, well… i kinda DO know how he thinks… Unless he is watching nothing but educational shows… i know he is being brainwashed by all the sexual looseness shown on TV… and i don’t want to have anything to do with someone who is into that… (impure mind)…

i guess i desire a creature that doesn’t exist… or at least not in my world (yet??? ): a man who loves Jesus and puts Him first… someone who attempts (and succeeds at) being chaste in mind and body…

Why do i get this feeling I’m going to be alone for a very long, long time… ???

 

[Sillara]

Well, my twelfth anniversary is coming up at the end of the month. (I love you, dearest!)

I don’t know if that is considered “long”, but I know that my husband and I shall be together for the rest of our lives. We chose to do so.

People don’t stay married because they don’t have to. A sworn oath means nothing. Matrimony is indeed holy, and it is desecrated by those who do not treat it as holy.

 

[distracted]

Been married for 47 years. The reason that my marriage has lasted? Marriage takes 3 people-husband,wife, and God. The correct order is God first. If you are not committed to God,you will never be committed to your wife and children. When you truely love God, you are able to handle your EGO-your selfishness. A priest friend of mine told me that he feels selfishness is the biggest problem in the world today.Selfishness=divorces and lack of Vocations to priesthood and religious life. Selfishness also makes a person less likely to commit to marriage and a selfish person is drawn to a live-in arrangment.

May God bless the family-it is becoming an endangered species.

thanks…

selfishness… it gets worse and worse as the days/years go by…

with abortion, people can be selfish all they want… and not have to pay a price… (well, they do, but they pretend they don’t)…

if you can get rid of your child, why not your spouse? if your spouse, why not just about anyone??

no respect for human life…

Ok, so i agree that humans can be annoying… very annoying sometimes but they are still c reated in God’s image…

(God can be annoying sometimes, too… if you think about it… i mean, it’s kind of annoying tht he doesn’t just… step in somehow and tell all the evil-doers: Knock if off already!!! )

 

[distracted]

Well, my twelfth anniversary is coming up at the end of the month. (I love you, dearest!)

I don’t know if that is considered “long”, but I know that my husband and I shall be together for the rest of our lives. We chose to do so.

People don’t stay married because they don’t have to. A sworn oath means nothing. Matrimony is indeed holy, and it is desecrated by those who do not treat it as holy.

another thing is: there are a lot of loose women these days… (loose men also…) but anyway… think about how this contributes to divorce… a man has problems with his wife but Joan Blow down the street is willing to sleep with him and accept him as he is … (so he thinks)… no incentive to work things out with his wife…

also, why should a man marry a woman when he can get so much “free” fornication?? (Why buy the cow…)

i feel that women these days are far too quick to say Yes to a man… concerning sex… and that makes it hard on the ones who are waiting for marriage… These kinds of loose women make men not want to bother going to all the trouble to marry a woman who waits… when he can “have fun” without marriage… marriage, as we all know, is not always “fun”… sometimes takes hard work… etc…

that’s my opinion…

***Just think what would happen if ALL women said NO to sex before marriage (which is usually sex without marriage)??? ***

things would be different…

how can married women be all that secure about their husbands’ fidelity these days???

 

[Sillara]

another thing is: there are a lot of loose women these days… (loose men also…) but anyway… think about how this contributes to divorce… a man has problems with his wife but Joan Blow down the street is willing to sleep with him and accept him as he is … (so he thinks)… no incentive to work things out with his wife…

also, why should a man marry a woman when he can get so much “free” fornication?? (Why buy the cow…)

i feel that women these days are far too quick to say Yes to a man… concerning sex… and that makes it hard on the ones who are waiting for marriage… These kinds of loose women make men not want to bother going to all the trouble to marry a woman who waits… when he can “have fun” without marriage… marriage, as we all know, is not always “fun”… sometimes takes hard work… etc…

that’s my opinion…

***Just think what would happen if ALL women said NO to sex before marriage (which is usually sex without marriage)??? ***

things would be different…

how can married women be all that secure about their husbands’ fidelity these days???

I agree about the “loose women.” They are a blight upon the earth. They can and do contribute to the destruction of many marriages. I would dearly love to see a return to the days when there was societal pressure in favor of marriage and not against it.

That does not in any way excuse the men who sleep with the loose women. They are both to blame.

Sadly, married men can no longer be secure in their wives’ fidelity, either. Statistically, female adultery is on the rise.

Marriage is about making the decision to love; fear of being betrayed can be cast out by perfect love. Of course, it takes a long time to get to perfect love! But my husband and I have 12 years under our belts, and we are learning.

 

[YADA]

I’ve never been married (and proably never will be, the way things are going…

but oh well… So God chooses to bless me more than others… what can i say? )

anyway…

i think one reason pepole don’t stay married - if not THE reason - is that there is so much illicit sex on TV and movies… and people just don’t take God’s version of how sex should be seriously…

What do you married / divorced people think?

Why don’t people stay married these days??

---

Because our society teaches that “love” is a feeling rather then an action -

LOVE is something you DO

Not simply something you Feel …

You need to work at “loving” …

 

[srlucado]

I think a big part of the problem is that it’s too easy to get married.

If it was something a couple had to earn, maybe they’d take it more seriously.

 

[distracted]

Summary of responses:

don’t get to know each other before marriage…

no commitment…

(gotta go … please add to this list)