Why do so many people not care?

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Obsidion

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I’m so frustrated with my many aunts, uncles, and cousins who seem to have it so much easier than I do. And the reason for this is because they don’t care about anything other than their good times on the weekends or at the bars. They’re never worried about anything and get on me about my worrywart tendencies. I know that me being a worrier is a sin, and I try my hardest to work on it. But I feel that it’s better to care too much than not at all. I’m so frustrated with how selfish they all can be. Why do so many people not care about anything other than themselves?
 
One thing that may help you is to realize you’re comparing the external appearance of others to your internal experience. Folks who may appear to have no care or worries may simply be private people.

As a person who could make a profession out of worrying, I will say there is a lot of peace to be had when I choose to stop worrying over things I cannot control. How much other people care about whatever is definitely one of those.

It’s also not sinful to have a good time. In fact, this time of year, it’s mandatory to celebrate! 😃
 
Worrying it not a sin, its a natural part of the human condition. If it gets out of control, it may be a sign of clinical anxiety. Either way, its not a sin.
And the reason for this is because they don’t care about anything other than their good times on the weekends or at the bars
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There are very good reasons that excessive drinking **is **a sin. One is that it destroys your health. Going out and drinking too much every weekend is a sin because it is harmful to you. Not engaging in this behaviour is quite rational and sensible.
 
I once read a protestant church marquee that read " Why worry when you can pray?" Maybe pray a prayer of thanksgiving that you have a faith practice and maybe pray that your relatives become more conscious and find a faith practice. Be well.
 
Well, since you asked:

It is not for you to look over your shoulder and resent someone else who “has it easier” than you because they aren’t so preoccupied with business that is not theirs as you are. You have been taught by Our Lord himself not to worry and you are plainly forbidden from judging others. Cut it out. If that makes you feel better, great. If it doesn’t, cut it out, anyway. No one whose heart you would like to change is edified by your current choices. If you are going to be concerned about someone else, be concerned about who needs your help and is not getting it. No one needs to have you looking down your nose at them. That does no good whatsoever.

*One of the first things to learn if you want to be a contemplative is how to mind your own business. Nothing is more suspicious, in a man who seems holy, than an impatient desire to reform other men. A serious obstacle to recollection is the mania for directing those you have not been appointed to direct, reforming those you have not been asked to reform, correcting those over whom you have no jurisdiction. How can you do these things and keep your mind at rest? Renounce this futile concern with other men’s affairs! Pay as little attention as you can to the faults of other people, and none at all to their natural defects and eccentricities. *
–Thomas Merton

From silly devotions and sour-faced saints, good Lord, deliver us --St. Teresa of Ávila
 
Obsidion said:
I’m so frustrated with my many aunts, uncles, and cousins who seem to have it so much easier than I do. And the reason for this is because they don’t care about anything other than their good times on the weekends or at the bars. They’re never worried about anything and get on me about my worrywart tendencies. I know that me being a worrier is a sin, and I try my hardest to work on it. But I feel that it’s better to care too much than not at all. I’m so frustrated with how selfish they all can be. Why do so many people not care about anything other than themselves?
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In general, it is a good idea to avoid comparing yourself to others and just think of ways that you can make something better. Comparing yourself to others only causes you unnecessary anxiety since you will generally use a tunnel vision, and just look at one area.

I think the basis of Christianity is to love God and neighbor. Thus, that is the area we should focus on and not on what someone else does or has.

Sometimes we get reminded of that in different ways. I just got back from a last minute Christmas weekend trip to visit an elderly relative I had not seen in a while, inspired in part by someone’s insightful post regarding the importance of not withholding affection from people who need it, and who we are here to serve.
 
Obsidion said:
I’m so frustrated with my many aunts, uncles, and cousins who seem to have it so much easier than I do. And the reason for this is because they don’t care about anything other than their good times on the weekends or at the bars. They’re never worried about anything and get on me about my worrywart tendencies. I know that me being a worrier is a sin, and I try my hardest to work on it. But I feel that it’s better to care too much than not at all. I’m so frustrated with how selfish they all can be. Why do so many people not care about anything other than themselves?
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What would they have to do for you to care about something other than themselves?

If someone does not care about anything and you are not responsible for them, just let them fall on their face. It is not your problem.

Complaining in any way that someone has it better than you never gains one sympathy. I can guarantee you have it better than a lot of other people. Lots of people have it better than me for various reasons, but I know I have it better than a lot of people too. Almost everyone does in some way.
 
In my experience many people party, drink a lot and do drugs because that is their “coping mechanism”. That is how they deal with their problems. Unfortunately how they deal with their problem can also end up being a “problem” i.e. addiction.

People may drive expensive cars and live in expensive homes, doesn’t mean they are happy or coping. Doesn’t mean they “own” those assets, in all likelihood they are paying it off and will be for many years. They have bills and a mortgage like the rest of us.

A superficial look at the surface things may appear great but dig deeper and there is usually more than meets the eye.

You say they have it so much easier than you do. Then good for them, be happy for them and don’t envy them. :hug1: Embrace the difficulties you are having, work out a plan to deal with them, pray on that and pray for your relatives.
 
Obsidion said:
They’re never worried about anything and get on me about my worrywart tendencies.
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Perhaps, they like to keep their worrying private and when they are around other people, it is their time to forget about their problems and have fun. If you are worrying, you are putting them in a position where they can not forget about their problems for a few hours. As you probably know from experience, it is hard to stop worrying. They are making tremendous effort not to worry and they don’t need you sabotage them. It is like lighting a cigarette in front of someone who is trying to quit. They don’t want the temptation.

If you want to worry, yes it is your right. But they obviously don’t want to be around it. And the considerate thing is to not do it in front of them
 
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. - Plato

And you have no way of knowing exactly what that battle involves. An awful lot of people put on a cheerful face and hide their pain from others.
 
Anglewannabe said:
…As you probably know from experience, it is hard to stop worrying. They are making tremendous effort not to worry and they don’t need you sabotage them. It is like lighting a cigarette in front of someone who is trying to quit. They don’t want the temptation…
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The other group of people who don’t want to be around clouds of cigarette smoke are non-smokers. They just think it is a foul habit that permeates everything with its stink. If you’re going to kill yourself with your filthy habit, at least don’t blow your second-hand smoke on anyone else. Mostly, though, if they love you they want you to find a way to quit.
 
EasterJoy said:
The other group of people who don’t want to be around clouds of cigarette smoke are non-smokers. They just think it is a foul habit that permeates everything with its stink. If you’re going to kill yourself with your filthy habit, at least don’t blow your second-hand smoke on anyone else. Mostly, though, if they love you they want you to find a way to quit.
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So if your saying the OPs relatives want her to quit worrying because they love her and want her to be happy, wouldn’t that imply if she is not going to listen and continue to worry, then maybe she should quit worrying around them?
 
Anglewannabe said:
So if your saying the OPs relatives want her to quit worrying because they love her and want her to be happy, wouldn’t that imply if she is not going to listen and continue to worry, then maybe she should quit worrying around them?
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Well, yes. Still, hiding the worry doesn’t accomplish the end she is looking for. The thing that is needed when she prays is trust. The Lord thirsts for their welfare more than she does. She can pray, hope, trust, and have peace about the situation. It is not as if God does not know her relatives need grace. In the economy of grace, her prayer will prime her to be God’s instrument, even in ways that she isn’t aware of, both giving her relatives grace and growing her faith and reliance on God.
 
EasterJoy said:
Well, yes. Still, hiding the worry doesn’t accomplish the end she is looking for. The thing that is needed when she prays is trust. The Lord thirsts for their welfare more than she does. She can pray, hope, trust, and have peace about the situation. It is not as if God does not know her relatives need grace. In the economy of grace, her prayer will prime her to be God’s instrument, even in ways that she isn’t aware of, both giving her relatives grace and growing her faith and reliance on God.
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ok, I think there are 2 points that are getting intertwined.

Issue 1: The OP needs to quit worrying. As much as I agree it is not good to over worry, I still respect the OPs decision. ie she appears like she wants to worry and IMO that is her choice to make. I just don’t think she will receive support for it from her relatives

Issue 2: The OP’s relatives don’t worry enough. Yes, praying for them is a good thing. However, it also the relatives choice to not care. And I think the OP needs to respect their choice
 
Maybe it’s not that people don’t care. it’s that we don’t have the tools to deal with life properly so we mask our suffering with distractions such as tv, computer games, alcohol, and narcotics, food, etc… to numb ourselves from the realities in life. If we have the tools do we use them properly and daily or simply understand them intellectually? Following is a quote from someone on another site that I think is very helpful for me in many instances.
Code: 
 "Becoming conscious of being unconscious is difficult work, and it's not always perfect work. It is, however, very important work."
Most of us in my view are quite content not to do the work(spiritual work) but simply be part of the culture as it helps to numb us from our suffering, though it has no long lasting real benefits. Just my 2 cents.
 
Anglewannabe said:
Issue 1: The OP needs to quit worrying. As much as I agree it is not good to over worry, I still respect the OPs decision. ie she appears like she wants to worry and IMO that is her choice to make. I just don’t think she will receive support for it from her relatives
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I don’t want to worry at all. I even said in my original post that I know it’s a sin and I’m trying my hardest to give it up and am failing badly. I hate how much I worry. It’s gotten to the point where I’m having really bad panic attacks on a consistent basis now, so I know it’s not OK.
 
Obsidion said:
I don’t want to worry at all. I even said in my original post that I know it’s a sin and I’m trying my hardest to give it up and am failing badly. I hate how much I worry. It’s gotten to the point where I’m having really bad panic attacks on a consistent basis now, so I know it’s not OK.
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Then it’s about time you talked with your doctor. That’s not “normal” worry.
 
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