Hello Anna,
Thanks for sharing

… I am not a ‘craddle catholic’ and I spent many years in various churches - though I was ‘catholic’ in my heart for years and years … [my family comes from a very anti-catholic perspective - though that was not really discussed openly - I even had attended Masses with friends - it was not until I expressed a desire to become catholic that the perverbial ."…hit the fan" so to speak] … Thus I never followed through - instead I went from this church to that one … Family - Baptist - mother remarried - Church of Christ … moved to new town different version of Church of Christ [much to step-dad’s dismay - those apostates!] … Assemblies of God, Methodist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Episcopalian, Non-denominational, Bible Believing, Christian, Evangelical …
And I really had great experinces in all of them … nice people, even Godly people. Loves of Christ and His Word. I learned to love Scripture in those communities. But Scripture - by itself - in a vacuum - is not all that revealing at times [in spite of the Holy Spirit or perhaps because of Him

]. Its a fact that the scriptures were written by believers for believers - not as a conversion tool - Thus …
Everyone who comes to the scriptures [in reality] is lead to them by a Christian and the lens of that person’s Christian experience … what one does from that moment on is your journey of faith - your seeking … faith seeking understanding … as they say …
I am a student of history … thus my experiencing the fractured Christian community - caused me to ask “Why?” “Why are there so many Churches and why do they all teach different things?” … and then you have to wonder “Is God the Author of confusion?” “Is God the Creator of Relativism?” Like Pilot … You must ask “What is Truth?”
St Paul discusses these same topics … so on some basic level I can see that we are no different now then then… I had to know - what was the early church like? what did they believe? About God, Jesus, the Church, Communion/Eucharist? what did their worship look like? Who were they, what did they write about? … Inquiring minds want to know
And finally I was no longer content to be the “Closet Catholic” … I had to respond affirmatively to Jesus … submit myself to His Church and do my part to be “one” as He prayed in the Garden on the road to calvary …
The scriptures have meaning and purpose, Jesus is real and I have an intense love for Christ and a firm purpose to be the best Christian I can … when I fail, I pick myself up and begin again - like St Paul, I am working our my salvation in fear and trembling and I have never been more alive … and I can say this after nearly two decades as a catholic christian …