Why do we help people when we don't have to go out of our way?

[LifeIsAbsurd]

A few on this forum may have a crisis when they don’t help somebody. I’m having a crisis because I helped somebody today!

I lent 15 minutes of my time to an almost complete stranger when there was no immediate or long-term benefit. When she thanked me I was embarassed and scrambled away troubled as to why I had helped her. And it’s not the first time. It got me thinking:

Everyday, people help others if they don’t have to go out of their way to do it.

(a) When someone falls, others offer a hand and ask, “Are you okay?”
(b) When someone needs to make a phone call, others often let them use their phone.
(c) When someone leaves their car lights on, people often shout to let them know.
(d) When a non-competitor asks advice, others are often eager to help.
(e) People often offer their sympathies, even when they don’t care.

Why do humans do these things?

(a) Religious conscience? I doubt it. First, because I have no compunction about doing many things religions classify as evil. Second, because when the cost of helping the stranger becomes measurable there are dramatically fewer offers of help.

(b) A learned habit? In some cases that might apply, but certainly people offer to help in new and unique situations, and I’ve seen the behavior in many countries.

(c) Perhaps social animals are endowed with this tendency as it helps societies thrive?

What is the scientific, psychological, philosophical, or religious basis for this behavior? Perhaps that’s an unusual way to ask a question, but I thought it fit the forum, and the mix of members might provide good answers.

 

[AdriannaJean]

C.S. Lewis, in the first couple chapters of Mere Christianity goes into our innate moral sensibilities in quite some detail and provides good evidence for it. I’m not going to pretend I’m anywhere near as eloquent as him so I will not attempt to re-create the arguments and, in my opinion, his style is so fantastic that even when I disagree with him, reading his works is always a treat. I hope that helps point you in the right direction, while I know it provided little to no immediate answer.

 

[puzzleannie]

AWhat is the scientific, psychological, philosophical, or religious basis for this behavior? Perhaps that’s an unusual way to ask a question, but I thought it fit the forum, and the mix of members might provide good answers.

the anthropologist or scientist would probably answer that altruistic behavior is practiced because it has a positive selective value for the survival of the species, group and individual. he might further observe that all societies even prehistoric show evidence of valuing altruism, cooperation, and values consistent with the decalogue such as recognition of a higher power and ordering society to obedience to it, rejecting murder and so forth.

the psychologist would probably say that altruistic acts result in positive feelings which are pleasurable and necessary, releasing endorphins, reinforcing positive self-image, and maintaining healthy interpersonal and societal relationships

 

[Los_Angeles]

A few on this forum may have a crisis when they don’t help somebody. I’m having a crisis because I helped somebody today!

I lent 15 minutes of my time to an almost complete stranger when there was no immediate or long-term benefit. When she thanked me I was embarassed and scrambled away troubled as to why I had helped her. And it’s not the first time. It got me thinking:

Everyday, people help others if they don’t have to go out of their way to do it.

(a) When someone falls, others offer a hand and ask, “Are you okay?”
(b) When someone needs to make a phone call, others often let them use their phone.
(c) When someone leaves their car lights on, people often shout to let them know.
(d) When a non-competitor asks advice, others are often eager to help.
(e) People often offer their sympathies, even when they don’t care.

Why do humans do these things?

(a) Religious conscience? I doubt it. First, because I have no compunction about doing many things religions classify as evil. Second, because when the cost of helping the stranger becomes measurable there are dramatically fewer offers of help.

(b) A learned habit? In some cases that might apply, but certainly people offer to help in new and unique situations, and I’ve seen the behavior in many countries.

(c) Perhaps social animals are endowed with this tendency as it helps societies thrive?

What is the scientific, psychological, philosophical, or religious basis for this behavior? Perhaps that’s an unusual way to ask a question, but I thought it fit the forum, and the mix of members might provide good answers.

I will try to provide an answer, but I can only speculate why others would or would not go out of their way to try to help someone.

My reasoning starts with myself, in that I find it hard to help everyone I meet that I think could use help because I am not a specialist in that particular area. For example, if a homeless person with teeth in poor condition were to ask me for help I could reccomend a good dentist to them, but I couldn’t do the work myself, or afford to pay for expensive dental care. So I am realistically bound at that particular moment by limitations on time, talent, or treasure.

I think that the reason why people do small things to “help” like you mentioned is becuase what (a),(b),(c),(d), and (e) all have in common is that they are relatively small or take little time investment for a person to go out of their way to help others. Also, (a),(b),(c),(d), and (e) are also are things that the “average” person could do to help another without special training. They also have the ability to relate to that persons situation becuase maybe they have been there before themself. It would bother their concious if they let another person who is going through similar circumstances without helping.

Second, because when the cost of helping the stranger becomes measurable there are dramatically fewer offers of help.

On this part, I don’t see why this should come as any suprise. Maybe the volunteer does not posess the time, talent, or treasure to help.

I have a question for you, if I may. Are you talking about situations in general where people go out of their way to help someone asking for help, or situations where people appear to be in need in some kind of help without asking for it?

If anything I have said is against the Catholic Church, let it be anathema.

 

[LogisticsBranch]

It touched my heart when I was driving the other day and noticed an old woman standing at the curb with a grocery cart filled with clothes and stuff. She had a sign asking for money. I gave her $20.00. Her smile was worth a million dollars to me.

 

[fhansen]

Because within all of us there’s still a fairly strong presence or vestige of the love mankind lost, a virtue that gives us empathy towards others and compels us to resist and go beyond our natural instincts for self-preservation/self-serving and do the “right” thing even when our brain tells us it isn’t the smart thing-and a virtue God desires us to grow in.

 

[tonyrey]

You couldn’t have asked your question at a more appropriate moment because I recently asked a member of this forum:

How do people benefit when they know they could have saved others’ lives and did not do so?

He has given no reply but he had implied that we don’t benefit when we help others! Yet it is common humanity to consider the feeling and needs of others. We are social beings and not designed to live solely for ourselves. In fact people who never put themselves in some one else’s place become progressively more inhumane. They virtually worship themselves and finish up in hell!

The logical outcome of egolatry is alienation and isolation from others. Most people realise this intuitively and know it is in their own interest to consider the interests of others. They are not being selfish but realistic. What possible reason is there to consider ourselves more valuable and important than anyone else? The only one I can think of is the belief that we exist by chance and when we die we disappear. So in the meantime “Eat, drink and be merry - and let others fend for themselves!”

In practice very few people go to this extreme even if they think life is absurd. Their conscience tells them it is not only wrong but unnatural. All evil is a form of ignorance but it is culpable ignorance when we know what we are doing is wrong. Like all moral rules the Golden Rule - which embodies the principle of equality - is not an arbitrary decree. It is a law of personal development we ignore at our peril. Why? Because we are made in the image not of a solitary Person but of a divine Community. Their joy and fulfilment do not stem from egoism but altruism, i.e. unselfish love!