Why Do Women Choose the Wrong Man?

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This does not seem to be a problem for most people in this forum, yet judging from the advice columnists and the divorce statistics, many must be choosing the wrong man, so it’s a problem for society at large.

And the question could equally be phrased, why do men choose the wrong women? But in most cases, it is women who suffer the most from bad decisions, by being abused or abandoned. I know of one woman whose chief criteria in a man seems to be that he must have at least one felony count. Her friends tried to fix her up with a nice guy with a real job (but no felonies). It didn’t take; and it was right back to the probation list. So the question is, why do some women so often choose someone who is bad for them?
 
Poor self esteem. Lack of close personal relationship with Jesus. Honest. That is it.
 
If you persoanlly know any women (or men) who habitually choose the wrong type of person, may I recommend Dr.laura’s “10 stupid things women (or men) do to mess up their lives”?

It is also a great book to give teens before they even start dating

Finella
 
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JimG:
This does not seem to be a problem for most people in this forum, yet judging from the advice columnists and the divorce statistics, many must be choosing the wrong man, so it’s a problem for society at large. And the question could equally be phrased, why do men choose the wrong women? But in most cases, it is women who suffer the most from bad decisions, by being abused or abandoned. I know of one woman whose chief criteria in a man seems to be that he must have at least one felony count. Her friends tried to fix her up with a nice guy with a real job (but no felonies). It didn’t take; and it was right back to the probation list. So the question is, why do some women so often choose someone who is bad for them?
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Wish I knew! Some people think more with their heart instead of their head!!! Like me~~~~~~hindsight is 20/20 isn’t it? We really don’t know the things that are really good and important to us I guess, before we jump in, lack of knowledge I guess, stupidity, lack of parental guidance too.

People should really ask “is this the person God has in store for me?” before they marry. I know I didn’t, and we’ve sure had our share of problems, still do-----but I trust God all the same.
 
disclaimer-----I’m just a sinner and not a marriage counseler still very dependent on God’s grace to get me through this life…

Where I used to work wihen I did work…they called 'em “Bum Magnets”…not very flattering to either gender mind you.

My guess is that, no offense to the feeeeeeelings generation, but I would guess that too many feelings might be involved and not enough thinking although I myself have surrendered to many a similar feeling…our advertising media and media in general has put many an objective criteria into the “zone” of feelings…ya can’t even watch the fair and balanced news these days without having to process the info through a stage audience…let’s see the applause meter registered an 8.3…hmmmmmmmmm… I guess we will use that segment on the evening news. Do I really need an audience to tell me how I “feel” about the news…hecck, do I even need the news.

Don’t want to leave the “feeeeeeeeeeeeelings generation” thinking they are the source of the problem…would seem to be pointing the finger at mostly women. My wife (depending on her to drag me to heven with her) says that men have feelings too, although we call it something different…(sexual arousal).

Back to the querstion…we may have to regain control of our feelings…love and marriage should be a decision, imho, not just a feeling.

Again please read disclaimer (above)…advice is cheep and ya can always walk away from it.

Humbled and grateful
 
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Fitz:
Poor self esteem. Lack of close personal relationship with Jesus. Honest. That is it.
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Yup!:yup: You got that right! I am a true example of this for sure. I have poor self esteem and when I married both my first and my second husband I had no close personal relationship with Jesus. Now that I have changed my life, I often find it very difficult being married to a man who doesn’t exactly share my opinions about almost everything. We disagree about Catholic teaching, church, weather, money, children, etc. and never talk about anything.:nope:
 
I selected the man I wanted - which clearly was not the man God had selected for me. I can say that with 100% clarity now because God also granted me an annullment. I am hoping He has granted me this annullment because He has intentions of delivering His choice to me.

Work on me and make me a willing servant. I am listening God!!!
 
Because the “right” man doesn’t always present himself.

I had a friend who was in an abusive marriage for years. She was very bright, warm, and generous. She had several male friends who were devout Catholics and yet immature (in their late 20’s). They were hung up on physical appearances and passed her over for women who were blonder/thinner/younger. When she was 37, she finally married. He had all the signs of a potential abuser, but the way she saw it, she could either spend her life alone or share it with this man.

Sometimes God doesn’t select a mate for a woman, as she’s not intended for marriage. Accepting this is extremely difficult; who wants to live alone? She selects a mate herself. Disaster ensues.
 
They don’t realize the deserve better, or they believe that a person like that exists. Most women put up with bad behavior, because they are taught that “all men do it”… Women then defend their terrible behavior and call you a “prude” for speaking up!
 
Feeeeelings have little to do with those who believe they are either or both:ugly and stupid and believe they should just take what comes along~and settle for it.
 
I too have seen many of the above scenarios – women with low self-esteem, women who are willing to settle rather than be alone.

There are two other groups of women: Daredevils and Florence Nightingales.

The Daredevils find bad boys exciting. Perhaps they are trying to rebel against parents or society – but they do not want to BE Harriet Nelson and they certainly do not want to be married to Ozzie Nelson – Ozzie Osborne looks far more exciting and daring and romantic. Falling for the dangerous man, thinking that it will lead to an exciting life - - the Rebel Without a Cause syndrome. They do not want to be “bored”, thrive on chaos, the original Drama Queens! (This one is personal, in my young days, I was drawn to the bad boys…)

The Florence Nightingales want to take those lost boys in and cure them. Break that wild pony and make him into the man of her dreams. These women can become wonderful martyrs later in life…

My opinion and a few bucks will get you the Latte of your choice…

Kage
 
because we are so darn tempting.

here’s a few things to know…
-you can’t change him once you are married (or even dating)
-he won’t become more affectionate
-he won’t become more verbose
-he won’t become sweeter
-he won’t stop cheating (if he already is)

women go with men who do all of these and expect to be able to change him, but he won’t change while he is in a relationship with you. if there is no compelling reason to change, no change will take place. this is from a man who knows (trust me) we don’t change unless we have to.
 
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bengal_fan:
because we are so darn tempting.

here’s a few things to know…
-you can’t change him once you are married (or even dating)
-he won’t become more affectionate
-he won’t become more verbose
-he won’t become sweeter
-he won’t stop cheating (if he already is)

women go with men who do all of these and expect to be able to change him, but he won’t change while he is in a relationship with you. if there is no compelling reason to change, no change will take place. this is from a man who knows (trust me) we don’t change unless we have to.
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Well, then we better pray that the Holy Spirit can change him!!!
 
When I was an older teen I broke up with the wrong guy. Yay! But he called me up months later asking me what he had to do to get back with me. I told him, if he didn’t know by now he would never know.
 
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LabChick:
Because the “right” man doesn’t always present himself.
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This is interesting because it may indicate not just a personal problem (and I agree poor self esteem is a factor), but a sociological problem. Have we raised a generation of men who lack the maturity or responsibility to commit to a woman in marriage?
 
Many years ago, I read in a psychology book that people are attracted to people who are the same level of emotional maturity as they are. Think about that. It is so true. Someone who is emotionally and psychologically mature isn’t going to be attracted to someone who is immature. It is probably just another way of saying that women who marry the wrong guy have self-esteem issues. Because if a woman has strong self-esteem, she probably isn’t going to be attracted to the bum! (Ooops, that is not very charitable. I should say that she would have enough self-confidence that she would know she deserved better and wait until she found it!)
 
Usually the bums run away. 🙂

In the beginning I would be depressed feeling rejected, but I turned it the other way around from a psychological pointof view. It was me rejecting them, when they were turned off.
 
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JimG:
This is interesting because it may indicate not just a personal problem (and I agree poor self esteem is a factor), but a sociological problem. Have we raised a generation of men who lack the maturity or responsibility to commit to a woman in marriage?
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A generation? Oh, Please! Ever was it thus…

Men, given the opportunity (however so slight) will take the easy way out. There are a few, in each generation, who have enough moral fiber to do the right thing. A few.

Why commit, when society, and the bimbo you are with, don’t require it?

Given the challenge to be all that they can be, many, if not the majority (remember, that’s 50% +1) will rise to the committment level necessary. But who’s challenging them? Barbie of the round heels? By the time they are in their twenties, how many men will run at the sight of a woman with some moral fiber? All too many, becasue they have been exposed (literaly) to so many who had no fiber at all, that they don’t want to.
 
This whining makes me tired. All people need to do now to get an annulment is fill out the form and wait awhile. If people get married then they need to play the cards they are dealt, not gripe about it for the rest of their lives. “In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better or for worse,” remember. It would be better to just bite the bullet and get along like adults. The shine comes off the glamour and romance after a few years and the warts become apparent. The best thing to do is to plan sensibly and stick it out. Divorce is the most expensive word in the English language.

What about men who choose the wrong women?
 
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otm:
Why commit, when society, and the bimbo you are with, don’t require it?
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Well, since in some previous generations divorce was actually a rarity, there were times when society DID require it!
 
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