Why do you date?

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Hi everybody. I have had a question in my mind for a long time. Why do you date? just for marriage? Does Catholicism give an answer to that?
 
Personally, i don’t see why there has to be disagreement between the Catholic Church and society on why we date…at least for the most part. I date to have fun. I enjoy meeting women and getting to know them. And for the most part, i enjoy sharing my life with the few women who impress me.

If you see dating’s goal as sex, as much of society does, then yes, you’ll find the Catholic Church will tell you otherwise. As it should. But dating isn’t about sex. It’s about getting to know a person.
 
Why would you get to know the woman you are dating with? To marry her? Is getting married the final goal or destination of dating?
 
zhangxupage said:
Why would you get to know the woman you are dating with? To marry her? Is getting married the final goal or destination of dating?
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Yes it is.

But apparently some people don’t see it as such.

It makes it rather pointless.

In fact, it would only be reduced to simply going somwhere with a friend.

However, in the two cases that its not…you’re doing one of two things.
  1. Trying to “hook up”
  2. showing a lack of prudence since if you are only dating for fun, you’re not only putting your own heart at risk, but someone else’s.
To be honest, dating as a way to get to know someone (with the intent of discerning your vocation together) is fine as long as there are no…problems.

But being romantically involved with someone you know you won’t end up marrying is pointless and manipulative if the other person isn’t doing the same. Or rather, it can be hurtful when they find out.
 
zhangxupage said:
Why would you get to know the woman you are dating with? To marry her? Is getting married the final goal or destination of dating?
Click to expand...
Of course that’s the goal of dating!

Why else would us women spend all that time getting ready for heaven’s sake? 😃

For me, dating was also a way of getting out of the house and spending time with someone who appreciated me and wanted to be with just me. I wasn’t allowed to go out on one-on-one dates with men until I was 18, and I married my Dear Husband when I was 22 – he was my second boyfriend and only serious boyfriend.

Part of why I loved spending time alone with DBF – who later became Dear Fiance and Dear Husband – was that he was pretty much the only person in my life who was always kind and complimentary, always happy to see me, and who always ALWAYS made me feel loved and appreciated. My parents did the best they could, but with five other kids, I was ever only one of many at their house. When I’d come home to my family, my father would barely look up, and my mother would say: “What kept you? Hold the baby, help with dinner, clean this or that, put the laundry away.”

With my DH, it’s always: “Hi there, sweetheart!” hug, kiss “How was your day? What’s for dinner – wow, that smells great!” Then he’ll pick up our son and ask how his big guy is, and hug him and play with him.

Life would have been a dreary round of schoolwork, work at my job, and housework at home without my DH’s love for me back when we were a couple of young kids dating, and then when we were a young engaged couple in college.

Not sure why folks are so down on dating – sometimes happy marriages do actually result from it. 😃
 
So you think dating without the intention to marry is pointless and meaningless? What if you just date to have fun, enjoying being with another woman but you just don’t want to marry her?
 
zhangxupage said:
So you think dating without the intention to marry is pointless and meaningless? What if you just date to have fun, enjoying being with another woman but you just don’t want to marry her?
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Then I would suggest hanging out as friends. You can still have fun together, but without all the trappings of a relationship. Basically, I view dating as the process of discerning whether you want to eventually marry the person or not. Hope this helps.
 
Jaden(name removed by moderator) said:
Of course that’s the goal of dating!

Why else would us women spend all that time getting ready for heaven’s sake? 😃

For me, dating was also a way of getting out of the house and spending time with someone who appreciated me and wanted to be with just me. I wasn’t allowed to go out on one-on-one dates with men until I was 18, and I married my Dear Husband when I was 22 – he was my second boyfriend and only serious boyfriend.

Part of why I loved spending time alone with DBF – who later became Dear Fiance and Dear Husband – was that he was pretty much the only person in my life who was always kind and complimentary, always happy to see me, and who always ALWAYS made me feel loved and appreciated. My parents did the best they could, but with five other kids, I was ever only one of many at their house. When I’d come home to my family, my father would barely look up, and my mother would say: “What kept you? Hold the baby, help with dinner, clean this or that, put the laundry away.”

With my DH, it’s always: “Hi there, sweetheart!” hug, kiss “How was your day? What’s for dinner – wow, that smells great!” Then he’ll pick up our son and ask how his big guy is, and hug him and play with him.

Life would have been a dreary round of schoolwork, work at my job, and housework at home without my DH’s love for me back when we were a couple of young kids dating, and then when we were a young engaged couple in college.

Not sure why folks are so down on dating – sometimes happy marriages do actually result from it. 😃
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It’s very encouraging to me to hear that! I’ve been brought up in the mind-set that dating is bad, and I should stay away from it at all costs. Just wondering though, how did you handle dating during college? Or did you go to college? Thanks! 🙂
 
Personally, I feel that dating is for marital discernment.
That being said, one can go out to coffee or lunch with a friend and have it not be considered a date. (And sometimes what is actually considered a “date” is open to interpretation.)
Also, you one can go on one single date, and discern that marriage won’t happen already due to large differences in the two people involved. (I.e. “marital discernment” sounds very serious, but the beginning processes of it are pretty laid back.)
zhangxupage said:
So you think dating without the intention to marry is pointless and meaningless? What if you just date to have fun, enjoying being with another woman but you just don’t want to marry her?
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If nothing is happening beyond friendship on all of the occasions in question, then my answer is simple: These occurrences are not within my definition of dating.
I would point out that one-on-one repeated “hanging out” can often lead one person to have feeling for the other. So even this could cause complications, especially if only one person becomes interested in more. Even if both people develop feelings there could be issues if it is clear they wouldn’t last a lifetime together.
Generally, I have my guy + girl hanging out to be done in groups.
 
  1. The ‘feelings’ being with a guy/girl you are attracted to
  2. Discernment as it’s basically on feelings that we first initially act, but then dating when you realize there could be something possibly more, and something beyond the looks and whatever first impressions that you get.
  3. A form of intimacy (not sexual) with the opposite sex that you can’t have with friends, which I see as a personal development in a way too, by sharing at a different level your thoughts, feelings, expectations and getting a taste of what marriage holds when you’ve been through the initially fuzzy feelings.
  4. To show off to everyone else that you got the best guy/girl God has ever made 😛
 
zhangxupage said:
Hi everybody. I have had a question in my mind for a long time. Why do you date? just for marriage? Does Catholicism give an answer to that?
Click to expand...
I date in order to find the guy that GOD intends me to marry. I would perfer to court honestly…but as there are no guys asking and certainly none in the wings I’m still waiting for GOD to send him along. Or let me know what I’m supposed to do otherwise. 👍
 
Courtship is to discern whether the two people involved will be compatible in a marriage. Marriage is to help each other grow in the Lord, and bring up children in the Lord. Thus, to court someone outside your Faith is a BIG mistake, as getting one to convert is not as easy as we’d like to think it is.

Recreational dating is selfish and leads to broken hearts, some so severely severed that they will never love again.
 
We date to discern who is right for marriage. When dating, one must think, could I live with this person? Can I love them til I die? Will they love me? Are they religious? Are we alike in many ways? Things like that. If you believe the answer to any of these questions is no then you should end the relationship in a gentle manner. If one continues a relationship in which marriage is not a possibility, it will come back to bit them. I know.
 
I love the term courting. It sounds so much more romantic than dating which to me just sounds well a little … nuts. :rolleyes:

Ok so here is what I heard said once and I said it to one of my AA sponsees last night and it made her feel better.
  1. You date when you go out to places with multiple people (not at the same time but at different times just not exclusively) trying to find “the one” that you feel you want to be in a “relationship” with.
  2. The purpose of a “relationship” is to find out if you want to marry “the one” or go back to “dating”.
It is kind of A to B then back to A or C process for those of us logical thinkers. 🤷

However the problem is today that some people have what they call euphemistically “friends with benefits” and like to call that dating. That is not dating. Because if you already you know you can’t stand the person than a relationship or marriage would be out of the question. Dating becomes a word that just is used to make that person feel better about an action they already know is wrong. That is just my opinion and I hope I haven’t offended anyone. God Bless.
 
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