Why do YOU use NFP to prevent conception?

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Matt33

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There is a lot of discussion on these boards about NFP and “just reasons” for spacing. Given the current culture I want a thread about people’s reasons. I expect honesty. And though it will be hard for all of us to play by the rules lets try not to judge too much.

Many people state that they want some kind of “list of reasons” to use NFP. they Church leaves it up to your FAMILY. (I hate it when people say it is up to an individual) But lets come up with some kind of concensus.
Keep it brief and the moral justification to a minimum. Lots of introspection here.

It could be like this…
A) financial- we can’t eat.
B) Financial- How will I pay for my fararri? And I want a new house.
C) Mental- the 15 kids under 15 years old are driving me nuts.
D) Mental- how will I juggle walking my dog with a new baby.
E) Medical- I will die or the baby will die
F) Medical- I don’t even like constipation how will I handle labor?

Anyway you get the idea. Be as honest as you can and lets try to come up with some parameters.
 
I can’t say my husband & I have been all that successful at using NFP to avoid, but then again, we haven’t been really rigorous about it either… Here are some of our reasons…
  1. **Financial **- we’re struggling to pay off our wedding (not large by any means, but still expensive), not to mention the poorly thought out vehicle loan, and some other outstanding debts that will be gone shortly.
  2. **Financial **- we’re trying to get our finances to a point where I can stay home and care for the children full-time, but hubby just started his own business & is struggling somewhat although in reality he’s doing pretty well considering…
  3. **Health **- I have a 20% success rate for pregnancy - the miscarriages are very hard on me physically and emotionally. It would be nice to get a handle on why I miscarry before getting pregnant and most likely miscarrying again. UPDATE: I think we’ve solved this one for the time being - I’m 20 weeks pregnant.
  4. **Health **- My husband has moderate to severe anxiety disorder, the stress of worrying about his new business (he was unemployed before), finances, our 16 month old son, my health, his heath, etc can cause him to ‘melt-down’ and not be able to be my help-mate. UPDATE: He’s changed medication & I’m doing pretty well w/ this pregnancy, so maybe we’ve got another one under control for now. Although he still melts-down periodically and I get overstressed and ill from it.
  5. **Health **- This one is only a possibility, but if the lump I’m having removed this afternoon is cancerous, I’ll probably be on treatment for the cancer that would/could lead to severe damage to a newly conceived baby and/or cause miscarriage. It would be prudent to avoid pregnancy while on this treatment & hope everything works afterwards.
  6. **Personal/convenience **- We’d like to have the oldest potty trained prior to having diapers to change all over again w/ a new baby. Plus we’d like the oldest to be able to understand simple commands like “easy, don’t hit” etc prior to bringing a defenseless baby into the family.
I think I speak for many NFPers that its not just ONE reason we have to abstain, its a combination of possibly smaller less severe reasons that have lead us to try to avoid (w/ priestly & theologian approval - I’m a big EWTN “Ask the Experts” fan). I also think I speak for many NFPers that just b/c you have “reasons” for avoiding doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t rethink them every time you think about having relations in a fertile time. Like I said, although I think our reason(s) are just enough, we haven’t truly felt called to rigorously avoid (beyond a month/cycle after each miscarriage/birth) conception.
 
We use NFP because I was very ill with kidney problems and autoimmune problems after baby #4. I was hospitalized, had several surgeries and almost died. We had a new business which I am a partner in. I do the sales and marketing and since I was out of commission, we were making almost no money. We went into debt because I don’t have health insurance (can’t get it because of pre-existing conditions). We were liquidating stocks we had inherited to live on. My parents and mother-in-law several times paid expenses and rent. My husband isn’t the strongest disciplinarian in the world and became depressed trying to manage taking care of four children, a sick wife and the business.

My health and the financial condition of the business are improving. I really, really desire another baby. I believe God does have more babies to bless us with, but I am working on improving my health and trying to work myself out of being so necessary for our family business (that if I took a few months off, the business wouldn’t fall apart).

I don’t know how our situation would have fit into a Vatican approved list for using NFP!
 
We’ve used it mostly to space our children for when we felt we were ready…
We used it for about a year when we were first married… I was still in college, then started my first job. We had LOTS of debt (still have some actually)… then we had our first child.
After the first child I had massive Postpartum depression coupled with hyperthyroidism, which caused a good portion of my hair to fall out from the stress/trauma of giving birth. So we waited a little while before having our second.
After the second child I had even worse PPD - reluctantly went on medication, but I think it saved my life (literally), so I can’t really argue against that medical issue… then we had our third.
After our third (who is 1 year old TODAY! :D) for the first time I DIDN’T have PPD, but had major medical issues with breastfeeding (and scars on my nipples to prove it). We’re currently using it until we feel God eases our struggles in life - we’d LOVE more children, it would just be more than overwhelming at this time… our reasons being:

We have a 3 bedroom house, which needs a LOT of work. Our 2 boys already share a room, and our daughter’s room is still being worked on (she sleeps with me still anyway). Our master bathroom has been gutted for almost 10 years (we have one shower/tub in the house). Our kitchen is falling apart, and we have 30 year old furniture. It’s challenging trying to keep decent living conditions when you’re in constant remodel mode. It would be nice to have the house fixed up and then be able to sell it off and find a bigger house… not any time in this market, but still… we’re praying and dreaming. Another child in THIS house would be challenging, unless it was another girl (we could double them up), but the boys are already sharing a room…

We made the decision last year to send our oldest to Catholic School - we prayed and prayed and prayed on this decision and really felt we were called to have our kids go there. The other choice was to have me FINALLY stay home from work (oh yeah, did I not mention I’ve worked FULL TIME through all 3 of my pregnancies and after childbirth??? yeah.) and we could have sent our kids to public school - hence why we prayed so hard on this decision. I hate working full time, but it’s a sacrifice I make for this Catholic Education. My husband’s job has been getting better and better - we continue to pray that one day I can stay home… maybe that would ease the burden of the cost of daycare and allow for more kids??? Maybe… we hope!

So there you have it… our past, and current reasons for using NFP. We’d love more kids… but we’re just taking it one day at a time and praying that God leads us to His will in everything we do.
 
BiologyBrain said:
I
  1. **Financial **- we’re struggling to pay off our wedding (not large by any means, but still expensive), not to mention the poorly thought out vehicle loan, and some other outstanding debts that will be gone shortly.
    .
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Thanks for your post!

It is interesting what the debt beast does to us. We have a mortgage and about 5 grand in CC debt but no car payments and our third on the way. Finances always enter into our equasion but I always go back to the idea that debt is actually a luxury. Albeit an evil one. But would “typical American debt” constitute different morality of NFP “financial” reasons than say someone in south america that is poor but “happy” Does the Church say that there is a different morality for those fortunate enough to have a credit score to get them in debt? Just musing.
PS if debt is a reason to abstain I better not see a pregnant statue of liberty anytime soon.😉
 
Keep in mind that NFP can be used to determine the best time for conception, too.

I think that all women should be familiar with this technique, whether or not they use it for birth control.

It’s only smart to know what’s normal and not with one’s body.

It wouldn’t surprise me to hear that women who use NFP will catch abnormalities before they become serious malignancies.
 
My wife and I have used NFP as a subject of conversation at the dinner table and in bed. As for avoiding pregnancies…

Three kids, four years of marriage. And counting. 😊

Yeah, it’s all talk in our house.
 
bpbasilphx said:
I think that all women should be familiar with this technique, whether or not they use it for birth control.

It’s only smart to know what’s normal and not with one’s body.

It wouldn’t surprise me to hear that women who use NFP will catch abnormalities before they become serious malignancies.
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I apologize for horning in, but, in response to the above: seriously!!!

I think we ought to teach girls how to track their cycles using NFP methods of observation (and leaving out the rules for avoiding/achieving pregnancy 'til they get to marriage prep) simply so young women are not forced to go like sheep among the wolves, unarmed, into GYN appointments when they have medical issues!

Ok, now returning you to the topic of this thread… :o
 
I think the Church is being her usual, wise self in not providing a cookie-cutter list of when it is or isn’t moral to use NFP to postpone pregnancy. I don’t think it is possible to come up with such a list, given the staggering range of positive and negative factors that can come into play.

I’ve always found it most useful to approach this question by keeping in mind the virtues of** prudence and generosity**. The couple (joint decision!!!) needs to weigh them both when deciding.

Sadly, I am currently using NFP to avoid per my doctor’s advice. After giving birth to eight healthy, beautiful children, I’ve lost my last two babies to miscarriage. Her strong recommendation was to give it a full three months before getting pregnant again. I’d put that one in the health category, I suppose. It’s very sad waiting, however, and I really hope the next baby will come home from the hospital with me.

Margaret
 
I am pregnant with my 3rd child now, but after this one is born we will use NFP until we have a bigger house and are more financially secure (we may end up not having anymore because of our finances). Hubby is looking like he will get laid off soon and we are very worried about not having money. At one point DH worked 3 jobs, but moved it down to 2 jobs because our marriage was suffering from him being gone so much
 
The beauty of NFP is that if your reasons aren’t “serious” you won’t TTA when the time comes to “just say no”. There were times when we thought we’d better slow down on the number of kids we were having (we have 7) but sure enough, we didn’t really think there were too many to handle so when the fertile time came we didn’t TTA. Thus, sometimes there was a new baby on the way!

In other words any couple willing to follow the rules probably has just reason.
 
DH and were kinda using NFP when I got pregnant - I call it the “best guess” method, and that should give you a good idea of why I got pregnant 😛

Our reasons to TTA:
Mine:
  1. Spouse: DH wasn’t willing to not avoid pregnancy (pardon the double negative, but it’s the only accurate way to describe the situation). This is my only reason, although I will acknowledge that his reasons were sufficient from a pragmatic POV. I just really wanted to get pregnant and felt called to trust God if DH’s heart should shift.
DH’s reasons:
  1. Financial: We were barely scraping by, and had no room in the budget. In fact, we are having to pay for the medical expenses of the pregnancy on credit so we can pay our mortgage.
  2. Financial: My job will definitely end in March 2010, and DH hasn’t been able to find work. We can expect a period with $0 income next March of at least one month.
  3. Financial: We have $18K in debt after spending 1/3rd of the last year without any income at all (job loss and medical problems) and needing a roof replacement.
  4. Medical / financial: Twins runs in my family, and my first pregnancy was twins. We had about a 20% chance of having twins again. Realistically, we could expect me to be out of work for a minimum of 6 months if I became pregnant with twins due to the difficulty of the pregnancy (need to quit work sooner) and the greater importance of a delayed return to work to care for two babies. For my last twin pregnancy, I was out of work for 11 months - 3 months during pregnancy, and 8 months after birth.
  5. Medical / Financial: If I am unable to work due to pregnancy complications, even if DH gets a job it will probably not cover our expenses.
  6. Health care / Financial: Our coverage is pretty bad. We will be paying over 40% of the medical costs of this pregnancy. If I need a C-section, it will really add to our debt.
  7. Family structure: DH is a SAHD, and while we want him to become the primary income and me to be a secondary income, there is a decent chance that he won’t find work before the baby is born. And DH really doesn’t want to have to take care of a baby all day at home while I provide. I can understand that; dealing with bottles is a real pain, and I can’t imagine dealing with a baby without being able to comfort-nurse.
  8. Religious: DH isn’t Catholic or even Christian, and doesn’t see new life as the unconditional blessing that it is in the Catholic worldview.
Nonetheless, we’re pregnant now. God blessed us with a single baby, so thank His Wisdom for not stressing our meager faith! Hopefully He will bless us with twins again in a later pregnancy, when we are better prepared to accept such abundant riches with grace.
 
Well, I guess after we have this one (20 weeks from now hopefully) we’ll be TTA while I undergo whatever treatment is necessary for my breast cancer. 😦 😦 :crying: :ouch: :bighanky: 😦 😦

Not to be snarky really, but a reaction of mine… Do you guys that don’t think NFP is moral think that’s a good enough reason??? :rolleyes:
 
So sorry to hear about your breast cancer. 😦

My husband and I used NFP for the first time for two reasons: we were newly married, and we knew that he would be deployed in six months. I didn’t think that I could handle a pregnancy, especially my first one, alone.

We’re practicing NFP now to space births (my baby is 8 months old), to let me lose my birth weight (had a kind of unhealthy weight gain), and, again, because my husband will be deployed next year. We also have some concerns about the size of our house; it’s really only made for four people (we could squeeze five with some effort), and I would not be able to be a stay at home mom if we bought a larger house. Whether or not that’s a good reason to stop at two or three children will be a decision we’ll have to make in the future.
 
Those who use NFP to prevent conception while still going through with intercourse . . . how is that not contraceptive? i don’t buy the “well if i get pregnant so be it”. You’re either 100% for pregnancy or you are abusing sex.
 
Em_in_FL said:
We’ve used it mostly to space our children for when we felt we were ready…
We used it for about a year when we were first married… I was still in college, then started my first job. We had LOTS of debt (still have some actually)… then we had our first child.
After the first child I had massive Postpartum depression coupled with hyperthyroidism, which caused a good portion of my hair to fall out from the stress/trauma of giving birth. So we waited a little while before having our second.
After the second child I had even worse PPD - reluctantly went on medication, but I think it saved my life (literally), so I can’t really argue against that medical issue… then we had our third.
After our third (who is 1 year old TODAY! :D) for the first time I DIDN’T have PPD, but had major medical issues with breastfeeding (and scars on my nipples to prove it). We’re currently using it until we feel God eases our struggles in life - we’d LOVE more children, it would just be more than overwhelming at this time… our reasons being:

We have a 3 bedroom house, which needs a LOT of work. Our 2 boys already share a room, and our daughter’s room is still being worked on (she sleeps with me still anyway). Our master bathroom has been gutted for almost 10 years (we have one shower/tub in the house). Our kitchen is falling apart, and we have 30 year old furniture. It’s challenging trying to keep decent living conditions when you’re in constant remodel mode. It would be nice to have the house fixed up and then be able to sell it off and find a bigger house… not any time in this market, but still… we’re praying and dreaming. Another child in THIS house would be challenging, unless it was another girl (we could double them up), but the boys are already sharing a room…

We made the decision last year to send our oldest to Catholic School - we prayed and prayed and prayed on this decision and really felt we were called to have our kids go there. The other choice was to have me FINALLY stay home from work (oh yeah, did I not mention I’ve worked FULL TIME through all 3 of my pregnancies and after childbirth??? yeah.) and we could have sent our kids to public school - hence why we prayed so hard on this decision. I hate working full time, but it’s a sacrifice I make for this Catholic Education. My husband’s job has been getting better and better - we continue to pray that one day I can stay home… maybe that would ease the burden of the cost of daycare and allow for more kids??? Maybe… we hope!

So there you have it… our past, and current reasons for using NFP. We’d love more kids… but we’re just taking it one day at a time and praying that God leads us to His will in everything we do.
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Em - I always feel a kindred spirit with you when I read your posts. I hope that’s ok. 😉

We have used NFP to space our children. I have not had the best of luck breastfeeding, so fertility returns about 6 weeks postpartum (one exception…I was successful bf’ing my 3rd DD…and fertility did not return until 8 months post-partum.)

Also, I work full-time (like Em) … So, some space feels necessary. WE have at least 2 years between each child.

We also have a small 3-BR house with 1.5 bathrooms and less than 1000 sq. feet living space. It feels crowded…I have my younger two sharing and my older two sharing for now…

And I use NFP mostly because I love how I have learned so much about my body and the things wrong with it! I have PCOS, I also suffer from luteal phase defect and low progesterone issues. I would know none of this if I weren’t paying attention to my body each cycle!
 
fulbert4605 said:
Those who use NFP to prevent conception while still going through with intercourse . . .

No, that means they’ve decided NOT to use NFP to prevent conception. It’s that easy to do an about face while using NFP. One day you could be TTA, the next TTC, the next ignoring your symptoms and drop charting to leave it totally up to God.

how is that not contraceptive? i don’t buy the “well if i get pregnant so be it”. You’re either 100% for pregnancy or you are abusing sex.
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