"Why Does God Allow Some Couples to Suffer Infertility?" The Response a Priest Gave in His Answer Column

[mdgspencer]

Advice from a Priest on a Subject Where It is Rare.
see rcspirituality.org/ask-a-priest-why-does-god-allow-some-couples-to-suffer-infertility/

 

[ClearWater]

It is a terrible cross to bear.

 

[MarcoPolo]

I’m not fond of limiting advice to such things as, “A couple experiencing infertility may have the call to go deeper in their prayer lives” or “Perhaps God is allowing them an opportunity to grow in humility and patience”. The article also includes he idea that the couple might think a child is a “right,” which might not be the case at all.

Each of these statements places a “defect” of sorts on the sufferers, that they apparently didn’t have a “good enough” prayer life or that they didn’t have enough “humility and patience.” Now that might be the case, but it very well may not be, yet this is frequently the focus in statements of advice to sufferers.

The main reason I am averted to such limitation of advice is this: Plenty of persons in the exact situation, who pray for a child (or whatever is the petition), and receive “answer” to that prayer, are not necessarily more “patient” or have the “proper” amount of prayer in their life. By focusing only on what the sufferers “may” be called to do, it gives scandal in the notion that those who were able to conceive were somehow more righteous in those regards than an infertile couple, when such is certainly not necessarily the case. The entire book of Job, a benchmark on the topic of suffering, is about God permitting the devil to torment a righteous soul who was not to blame for his suffering.

Bottom line, if you give such advice to an infertile couple who genuinely feel the call for parenthood, their suffering can be multiplied with frustration. It should at least be considered that the couple has a genuine call to parenthood that is not being fulfilled here in this fallen, unjust world, through no limitation or fault of their own.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

As a person facing this situation I only hope that there is something else worthwhile for me to do even if it is outside the Catholic church. I definitely feel called to prayer and I constantly pray that I will be able to let go of my desire for a baby if it isn’t God’s will for me. I just wish I could find an alternative to attending mass at a family parish, I even sometimes wish I could get the sacrament taken to me like the housebound rather than having to go sit somewhere I don’t belong.

 

[Wampa]

As part of an infertile marriage, I thought the priest gave good advice.

Marco, although I certainly agree with the spirit of your post, I thought it was a little harsh on this particular priest because he did offer both “negative” and “positive” potential reasons. He talked about the possibility that the desiring parents are called to adoption, especially of a special-needs child that a “normal” family might not be able to handle (this is something I have prayed about a lot), as well as a calling to pro-life work to save the lives of others’ babies. But I do think your “bottom line” comment is a good point and worth remembering!

[Edit: I finally hit 1,000 posts. Woot! It only took me just short of 13 years ]

 

[BlueEyedLady]

As part of an infertile marriage, I thought the priest gave good advice.

Marco, although I certainly agree with the spirit of your post, I thought it was a little harsh on this particular priest because he did offer both “negative” and “positive” potential reasons. He talked about the possibility that the desiring parents are called to adoption, especially of a special-needs child that a “normal” family might not be able to handle (this is something I have prayed about a lot), as well as a calling to pro-life work to save the lives of others’ babies. But I do think your “bottom line” comment is a good point and worth remembering!

[Edit: I finally hit 1,000 posts. Woot! It only took me just short of 13 years ]

I don’t understand this at all, especially from a religious perspective. I’m pregnant right now because 4 years ago my husband and I were told we were infertile, so we took no precautions and now, here we are. We weren’t hurt over it, we figured when the time came we would seek treatment and/or adopt. This was so not a big deal to either of us. But, this kind of news breaks other people’s hearts.

I don’t understand the use of infertility as a divine way to guide a religious couple’s life. Why would two atheists ever be more “called” or deserving of a child than devout Catholics? How painful to explain that a couple needs a better prayer life or to do other good things with their time when a hedonistic couple just made it through their infertility without trying and before either person turned 30.

Maybe sometimes bad things just happen. Rather than treating these bad things as some sort of divine calling to a consolation prize, which seems very patronizing, why not support couples as they explore alternatives (or choose not to), without putting any sort of higher calling pressure on the situation?

 

[JanetF]

As a practicing catholic with one child, I found this priest to be right on the money. I never ever considered children to be a right, rather a gift from God that I was either blessed with or not. In our case, we received one wonderful blessing, and then no more. I would have loved to have been able to fill an entire church pew with my own children, but I came to realize that that was not God’s plan for me.

I can’t make judgments about the blessings that other couples who may or may not be “worthy” receive from God.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I struggle with the idea that all infertile couples are called to adopt. Adoption is a really important vocation that needs proper discernment, its not just the back up option for infertility. I once knew a wonderful infertile couple who (for whatever reason) didn’t adopt and the mean comments behind their backs made me so sad. This sort of pressure helps no one.

 

[His_helpmeet]

I struggle with the idea that all infertile couples are called to adopt. Adoption is a really important vocation that needs proper discernment, its not just the back up option for infertility. I once knew a wonderful infertile couple who (for whatever reason) didn’t adopt and the mean comments behind their backs made me so sad. This sort of pressure helps no one.

IIRC, the Catechism states that couples who are unable to have children after ethical means have been exhausted may CONSIDER the possibility of adoption. This does not mean they are REQUIRED to adopt children.

 

[Wampa]

BlueEyedLady, having been an atheist in my younger days, I know why you don’t understand our approach and I also know that I can’t explain it in way that would make sense to you (or the younger me). I do wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy! Congratulations

ConfusedLucy, I hope that people aren’t pushing “all infertile couples are called to adopt”. The Church doesn’t and I don’t think that the priest in this article does either.