Why does God allow us to suffer relationship disasters?

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89ARIES

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I have had enough of my fair share of relationship problems and break-ups. I don’t walk on water, but all I can say is I went into each “potential relationship” with the intent of marriage with honorable intentions. Due to my own issues, bad experience, and financial state, I have now done a 360 degree turn, and I am just plain afraid and wary of any more “seeking” women. I also have had trouble forgiving from my heart the last three women I knew, most particularly the last two.

I also got kinda lectured by office co-workers where they said I have no social skills and I am too old now at 31 to be really taken seriously by any woman as a potential partner. I have had plenty of family feuds and spats. Women don’t want needy men or men who don’t quite have it together. High expectations. Maybe they are entitled to that.

People will stay I am stupid to be so upset because I never really went to the next level, i.e. having coffee together and the last one strung me along for nine months on a long-distance emailing relationship where she didn’t want me to call her. Yes, I was that stupid.

I keep trying to convince myself mentally I am better off single, and for the most part, women seem to be the problem, not men. I feel I would rather not have anything to do with them, even though my heart yearns for the prospect of being married and a provider, not a needy consumer. I am a little ashamed to admit a desire for lifelong friend is a half of it, besides having as many kids as God wants, and I am trying to stifle those feelings.
Sex is a very awkward topic for me that I don’t dwell on, and I have only thought of marriage in terms of companionship and raising kids.

They say a man is truly fulfilled as a man when he can be confident in who he has, not be needy, not need a women, and he can pursue a woman and win her heart because she trusts him as that magical prince, rescuer, and provider.

The last one that hurt me hurt me so that I don’t think I even want her back and yet I can’t help missing her. I guess we men are stupid that way.

I don’t think its fair that men are abandoned into a minefield where they are expected to do all the work in courting a women only to be cruelly taken advantage of or dumped because of a woman’s unusually high expectations. I feel a woman should do her part in starting a courtship through subtle hints, but don’t waste a guys time and his energy and lifespan by using him and not being upfront.

In a long winded way, why can’t God give someone a spiritual premonition where one could back out right away and just not to waste ones lifespan on the wrong person.

I don’t feel brave enough anymore to walk up to a lady and ask her if she wants to go out for a cup of coffee, much less her email address or phone number. If anything, my excuse has been for most of this year, don’t even think about women until I really am making a lot of money, and can honestly say I don’t need support from my parents.

And know, I guess its just me, but it does not get easier getting dumped each time. Even this last one was far worse than the insane redhead biker chick mom who threatened to call the police on me and turned her daughter against me and lied.

… I digress.

I think I would honestly feel a whole lot better if I didn’t have to blame myself,
or does God really just deem that certain people are too flawed or indisposed to marriage.
Feeling a sense of resolution about myself as a person would make me feel a whole lot
better, and I would just work on not having to feel I need a woman to be happy.

I know I would feel a whole lot better if I was rested better, got more exercise, and basically could see that our family business was really getting better. I am scared that I will be broke and dependent on my parents the rest of my life. I wish I could
just sit back, not worry, and know that God will send me someone if he wants, and I don’t have to try so hard to make it happen. Maybe God has a way of making it naturally happen. I am not pursuing anymore, that is over.

Well, thanks for listening. And you know, I don’t even feel like talking about these feelings to a priest or my own family. How pathetic is that? I guess I am going to have to at some point…maybe I shouldn’t have posted all this.
 
89ARIES said:
I have had enough of my fair share of relationship problems and break-ups. I don’t walk on water, but all I can say is I went into each “potential relationship” with the intent of marriage with honorable intentions. Due to my own issues, bad experience, and financial state, I have now done a 360 degree turn, and I am just plain afraid and wary of any more “seeking” women. I also have had trouble forgiving from my heart the last three women I knew, most particularly the last two.

I also got kinda lectured by office co-workers where they said I have no social skills and I am too old now at 31 to be really taken seriously by any woman as a potential partner. I have had plenty of family feuds and spats. Women don’t want needy men or men who don’t quite have it together. High expectations. Maybe they are entitled to that.

People will stay I am stupid to be so upset because I never really went to the next level, i.e. having coffee together and the last one strung me along for nine months on a long-distance emailing relationship where she didn’t want me to call her. Yes, I was that stupid.

I keep trying to convince myself mentally I am better off single, and for the most part, women seem to be the problem, not men. I feel I would rather not have anything to do with them, even though my heart yearns for the prospect of being married and a provider, not a needy consumer. I am a little ashamed to admit a lifelong friend is a big part of it, and I am trying to stifle those feelings.

They say a man is truly fulfilled as a man when he can be confident in who he has, not be needy, not need a women, and he can pursue a woman and win her heart because she trusts him as that magical prince, rescuer, and provider.

The last one that hurt me hurt me so that I don’t think I even want her back and yet I can’t help missing her. I guess we men are stupid that way.

I don’t think its fair that men are abandoned into a minefield where they are expected to do all the work in courting a women only to be cruelly taken advantage of or dumped because of a woman’s unusually high expectations. I feel a women should do her part in starting a courtship through subtle hints, but don’t waste a guys time and his energy and lifespan by using him and not being upfront.

In a long winded way, why can’t God give someone a spiritual premonition where one could back out right away and just not to waste ones lifespan on the wrong person.

I don’t feel brave enough anymore to walk up to a lady and ask her if she wants to go out for a cup of coffee, much less her email address or phone number. If anything, my excuse has been for most of this year, don’t even think about women until I really am making a lot of money, and can honestly say I don’t need support from my parents.

And know, I guess its just me, but it does not get easier getting dumped each time. Even this last one was far worse than the insane redhead biker chick mom who threatened to call the police on me and turned her daughter against me and lied.

… I digress.

I think I would honestly feel a whole lot better if I didn’t have to blame myself,
or does God really just deem that certain people are too flawed or indisposed to marriage.
Feeling a sense of resolution about myself as a person would make me feel a whole lot
better, and I would just work on not having to feel I need a woman to be happy.

I know I would feel a whole lot better if I was rested better, got more exercise, and basically could see that our family business was really getting better.

Well, thanks for listening. And know, I don’t even feel like talking about these feelings to a priest or my own family. How pathetic is that?
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Relax. I was 34 when I met my wife. I have friends who met their spouses at 40+.

Maybe God is allowing you to have “relationship disasters” so you’ll learn about yourself, and what you want/need in a wife?

God Bless
 
God allows these things in the same way He allows any suffering. We have free will.

I am very sorry, however, to hear that such things are happening to you. As a woman, well, let’s just say that I have never been guilty of leading a man on or of “playing games”. At all. Ever. Not all women do that.
 
i would suggest you get counseling from a qualified therapist. You have multi-faceted issues that should be addressed with the help of an objective third party.
 
Get it together. Using God as an excuse is not going to be productive in this situation. Your post seems to me that this is something you’ve thought a lot about and agonized over. You want to be financially independent? Make steps to do something about it. You don’t feel as if you’re emotionally ready to be in a relationship with a woman? Don’t get into a relationship with a woman right now. You seem to have a holistically angry opinion of them anyway. Not cool. Don’t want to seem needy? Reevaluate why you feel that you are, change your behavior.

360 turn seems like a very accurate way of describing you and your situation. You are going in circles. Your situation is not hopeless. Work on yourself. Get a hobby. Learn a new skill. Life is a process. There’s no rule that says it has to all happen for you at 31 or at any age for that matter.
 
Aires

God does not set people up for failure. People make bad decisions.

You made bad decisions, but fussing over spilled milk will do you no good. At least you are aware of some problems disrupting your life. I would suggest that you seek professional counselling, or at least speak to a priest, to help you address them.
 
There are millions of women and one of them is for you. Don’t go searching for any women especially ones who don’t treat you right. You can start looking for a spouse at your local church. Start a resolution to get closer to God and his mother buy reading short scripture passages daily and by praying the rosary daily. Also, God might not be calling you to the marriage life ,so try to discern what God is trying to call you to do by getting spiritual direction from a local priest. Sometimes we do what we want rather than what God has in his plans.
 
89ARIES said:
I have had enough of my fair share of relationship problems and break-ups… Due to my own issues, bad experience, and financial state… I am just plain afraid and wary… I also have had trouble forgiving from my heart the last three women I knew, most particularly the last two.

…they said I have no social skills… Women don’t want needy men or men who don’t quite have it together… the last one strung me along for nine months on a long-distance emailing relationship… I am a little ashamed to admit a desire for lifelong friend… I don’t think its fair that men are abandoned into a minefield… why can’t God give someone a spiritual premonition where one could back out right away and just not to waste ones lifespan on the wrong person.

I don’t feel brave enough anymore to walk up to a lady and ask her if she wants to go out for a cup of coffee, much less her email address or phone number. If anything, my excuse has been for most of this year, don’t even think about women until I really am making a lot of money, and can honestly say I don’t need support from my parents.

And know, I guess its just me, but it does not get easier getting dumped each time. Even this last one was far worse than the insane redhead biker chick mom who threatened to call the police on me and turned her daughter against me and lied.

… I digress.

I think I would honestly feel a whole lot better if I didn’t have to blame myself,
or does God really just deem that certain people are too flawed or indisposed to marriage.
Feeling a sense of resolution about myself as a person would make me feel a whole lot
better, and I would just work on not having to feel I need a woman to be happy.

I know I would feel a whole lot better if I was rested better, got more exercise, and basically could see that our family business was really getting better. I am scared that I will be broke and dependent on my parents the rest of my life. I wish I could
just sit back, not worry, and know that God will send me someone if he wants, and I don’t have to try so hard to make it happen. Maybe God has a way of making it naturally happen. I am not pursuing anymore, that is over.

Well, thanks for listening. And you know, I don’t even feel like talking about these feelings to a priest or my own family. How pathetic is that? I guess I am going to have to at some point…maybe I shouldn’t have posted all this.
Click to expand...
…too late… you should have thought of that before hitting the “submit” key! :rotfl:

…as that old movie I see “issues within issues.”

…slow down; know that God does not set us up for failure–we do that all on our own! :yup::nope::yup:

…pain… yeah, it would not hurt so much if we did not employ our emotions–that’s why the hollowoodsy “love” or “love making” is so carefree and liberating; of course that’s the part they portray in front of the cameras… reality is not so grand; remember Spear’s (you can insert all sorts of names here) meltdown?.. and how many times did Liz Taylor find her soul-mate? …and what of that liberating film whose lead imploded shortly after the experience?.. …and that guy that keeps going in by himself (one goes in a more messed up one comes out)? …I could go on… :crying:

'K… so power, wealth, and fame can only take us so far…

…are you past prime? …if you were a dancer or an athlete… yeah… you could well be; but if you are just a regular guy… well you could well have a few years to a few decades (depending upon your control of vices and your general health)…

…lack of social skills… yeah that’s a killer!

…pent up anger/hatred… that’s totally a murderous plague!

…spiritual advisor? …if you are not strong enough to meet with one of your parish Priests, go to the next town (or farther) and explain that you need help but you prefer to be assessed by someone not from your own parish…

…wether you seek help or not, make a list of your pros and cons… commit yourself to improving the flaws/faults and enhancing the “skills;” remember that though Marriage is between man, woman and God, God’s function is Blessing not seeking, gathering, compiling, and arm-twisting… we have to put in our own work… define what you truly want in a wife–please do not involve yourself with internet/texting/email romance–remember every shtick in movies and shows where the wonderful and lovely female turns out to be Bruno, the 300 pounds gorilla? …do not compromise on important issues (practicing Catholic, loving, caring, responsible, not moraly challenged…); as we dress the part (social events) so must we represent who we are by not over-selling or down-balling just to appeal to a greater number of prospects…

…do you have an older sister, cousin or friend? …mature (mentally) females can truly help curb your lack of social skills and assist you in improving your abilities–this is something you can do even without their knowledge… just listen to them when they correct/help their husbands, boyfriends or kids…

Finally… prayer, patience, and action (you can get to that cup of coffee if you are serviceable, witty, respectful, confident, hospitable, reliable, trustworthy…)

I pray that the Holy Spirit grant you peace and happiness!

Maran atha!

Angel

PS: …you might start by changing your screen name–it contradicts your deposit of Faith!
 
Well my experience of life is that we all need a very good friend, a friend that you dread is not beside you, but the key to that friendship is first of all you have to be a good friend yourself before expecting others to be that good friend.

The kind of friend that fulfils that role is that they are honest, kind, caring, someone that you can turn to at any time in need, very simple, but most of us require that from a friend but do not live up to those expectations.
 
Free legal advice: people have a constitutional right to have expectations, even stupid expectations, and we just gotta put up with it. The beautiful point, however, is that most people basically qualify for “reasonable person”.

Stop worrying. A man aged 31 is too old to be taken seriously by women, really? Including the women are 35 and single? Whoever told you that needs a bit of a reality check for his stories. As for, “not quite having it all together,” what I said above applies. If most people fussed about relatively trivial details like that, we’d have negative population growth.

Personally, I’m put off by women who are put off by men who don’t have everything together. I seriously doubt those women themselves have it all together and at any rate people who will skip you because of a couple of scars don’t know anything about life.
I don’t think its fair that men are abandoned into a minefield where they are expected to do all the work in courting a women only to be cruelly taken advantage of or dumped because of a woman’s unusually high expectations.
Click to expand...
Let’s set one thing straight: she has the right to her expectations. But like I said she’s also the one to deal with the consequences of what she does with that right. And, again like I said before, if everybody had unusual expectations, we’d have negative population growth or most people would be single or something like that, which is not true.
I feel a woman should do her part in starting a courtship through subtle hints, but don’t waste a guys time and his energy and lifespan by using him and not being upfront.
Click to expand...
Don’t give users your precious time. Tell toxic ones to go away.
I don’t feel brave enough anymore to walk up to a lady and ask her if she wants to go out for a cup of coffee, much less her email address or phone number.
Click to expand...
You’ve got to brave it. I remember a day or rather night I was turned down by every single woman I asked to dance and I suspect I asked every single one of them. I still try. I’ve got numbers from strangers on busses and in streets. Rejection still stings and I still get soft knees basically every single time I care for somebody, but things are doable. You just need to do them. Just fake it till it becomes natural to you. Or just do it, it isn’t really important whether it’s natural to you. Confidence isn’t as important as actually doing things, either.
If anything, my excuse has been for most of this year, don’t even think about women until I really am making a lot of money, and can honestly say I don’t need support from my parents.
Click to expand...
You aren’t the only one with the problem. Economy’s bad and times are hard. People married when the times were much harder, though.
And know, I guess its just me, but it does not get easier getting dumped each time. Even this last one was far worse than the insane redhead biker chick mom who threatened to call the police on me and turned her daughter against me and lied.
Click to expand...
You’ve got to cut toxic people out of your dating loop. Don’t tolerate unacceptable behaviour just for fear of being alone, and you might find yourself all the freer of that drama. Have your own expectations and hold women to them.
 
89ARIES said:
I have had enough of my fair share of relationship problems and break-ups. I don’t walk on water, but all I can say is I went into each “potential relationship” with the intent of marriage with honorable intentions. Due to my own issues, bad experience, and financial state, I have now done a 360 degree turn, and I am just plain afraid and wary of any more “seeking” women. I also have had trouble forgiving from my heart the last three women I knew, most particularly the last two.

I also got kinda lectured by office co-workers where they said I have no social skills and I am too old now at 31 to be really taken seriously by any woman as a potential partner. I have had plenty of family feuds and spats. Women don’t want needy men or men who don’t quite have it together. High expectations. Maybe they are entitled to that.

People will stay I am stupid to be so upset because I never really went to the next level, i.e. having coffee together and the last one strung me along for nine months on a long-distance emailing relationship where she didn’t want me to call her. Yes, I was that stupid.

I keep trying to convince myself mentally I am better off single, and for the most part, women seem to be the problem, not men. I feel I would rather not have anything to do with them, even though my heart yearns for the prospect of being married and a provider, not a needy consumer. I am a little ashamed to admit a desire for lifelong friend is a half of it, besides having as many kids as God wants, and I am trying to stifle those feelings.
Sex is a very awkward topic for me that I don’t dwell on, and I have only thought of marriage in terms of companionship and raising kids.

They say a man is truly fulfilled as a man when he can be confident in who he has, not be needy, not need a women, and he can pursue a woman and win her heart because she trusts him as that magical prince, rescuer, and provider.

The last one that hurt me hurt me so that I don’t think I even want her back and yet I can’t help missing her. I guess we men are stupid that way.

I don’t think its fair that men are abandoned into a minefield where they are expected to do all the work in courting a women only to be cruelly taken advantage of or dumped because of a woman’s unusually high expectations. I feel a woman should do her part in starting a courtship through subtle hints, but don’t waste a guys time and his energy and lifespan by using him and not being upfront.

In a long winded way, why can’t God give someone a spiritual premonition where one could back out right away and just not to waste ones lifespan on the wrong person.

I don’t feel brave enough anymore to walk up to a lady and ask her if she wants to go out for a cup of coffee, much less her email address or phone number. If anything, my excuse has been for most of this year, don’t even think about women until I really am making a lot of money, and can honestly say I don’t need support from my parents.

And know, I guess its just me, but it does not get easier getting dumped each time. Even this last one was far worse than the insane redhead biker chick mom who threatened to call the police on me and turned her daughter against me and lied.

… I digress.

I think I would honestly feel a whole lot better if I didn’t have to blame myself,
or does God really just deem that certain people are too flawed or indisposed to marriage.
Feeling a sense of resolution about myself as a person would make me feel a whole lot
better, and I would just work on not having to feel I need a woman to be happy.

I know I would feel a whole lot better if I was rested better, got more exercise, and basically could see that our family business was really getting better. I am scared that I will be broke and dependent on my parents the rest of my life. I wish I could
just sit back, not worry, and know that God will send me someone if he wants, and I don’t have to try so hard to make it happen. Maybe God has a way of making it naturally happen. I am not pursuing anymore, that is over.

Well, thanks for listening. And you know, I don’t even feel like talking about these feelings to a priest or my own family. How pathetic is that? I guess I am going to have to at some point…maybe I shouldn’t have posted all this.
Click to expand...
Start digging through some PUA material. Just remember to always have respect for women. Some of the guys in the PUA community are in it for the wrong reason and I’m sometimes ashame to be apart of it. But for the most part it’s a life changing lifestyle!
 
Confine in God sweet heart, hold nothing back because he already knows your heart then ask him to give you peace and wisdom. You will have clarity and the answer that you seek for.

I pray for you.

All the best!
 
Until we sufficiently Love ourselves and heal from our pasts these (relationships) are for learning

Love and best wishes to you on your journey through Jesus Christ Our Saviour
 
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