Hi Brother,
I noticed, its been about a week since anyone else has posted, but I hope you
do get this. First off, I want to say, reading this thread has inspired me. You
may think you have no courage, but you do. It took courage for you to come
onto this website and post, and read and respond. It means you truly have
not given up, and the light of Christ continues to burn in you. First, don’t forget,
if there is one word that can sum up God, it is Love. And I pray that your heart
may open up to that Love soon, and that you may be restored with Grace and
have a better sense of where to go. Remember, we will truly never fully
understand God, because he is God! Father Almighty, and for us to really
comprehend him, wouldnt mean that he is soo mighty after all. But, I say that
to give you hope, because
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31
I just have to tell you though, reading this thread has made me feel guilty. As I may
have been one of those on the streets that have jeered and laughed at you. I do not
mean this literally, but I have done so to many before, then continuing on with my business not thinking of what that person may have felt. I know I have though of this before and as I continue in my daily life, I pray to be more holy, especially in these circumstances of everyday life. Hearing what you had to say, makes me want to have more courage to go up to those people, like yourself and give them love, true love.
I consider myself a very active Catholic christian, and want to truly fall in love with God, but reflecting over all of this makes me realize I have a lot of growing and loving to do. And I too, have my inner demons, things that have made me feel as you have felt, in the pits of hell. Feeling abandoned, and alone, and unwanted and unliked, and then time spent in the mirror, hating myself, because of how un perfect I am, and so forth. Brother, the truth is we all suffer. And all our circumstances of suffering are different. What may be suffering for me, may not for you, and vice versa, but to each individual it is real suffering. But hope for us comes from the Cross. Where else, can we find a God who would be among his creation and allow them to scourge him? and Ridicule him? Call him crazy, for calling himself God? And yet… forgive them all for his Love of them? Remember, we are all united through the Blood of Christ. And I ask for your forgiveness. For the times that I have failed to love you. My arrogance and self-centerness and jealousy for me make me an ugly person. It may not be visible on the outside, like your physical ailments, but how it hurts on the inside. I will try to pray for you. In fact I am going to a healing mass today, and I will lift you up in prayer. But just know, you have helped me grow a little today, and I only hope to grow more. You see, God used you right now for good.
I dunno how to end this, but only with two things. Remember, at some point in everyone life, we have travel in our own personal desert, like Christ, before his ministry, or Gods chosen people. For some, its short, like Christ, 40 days, for others, its a lifetime, like the Israelites, 40 years. But God will always be there with you. So turn to him. step back, and dont worry about how much you’ve failed or turned away. Nows the time to just let him embrace you, like the Father embraced the prodigal son. He did not care, he just wanted to love him. God to mass my brother. Be it a weekly service or sunday. Even if you just go to Church during the day, and sit there in the empty building. Now that God is there. You dont even have to say a word. Just being allowing youself to be embraced by him.
God bless you, and I hope one we may meet each other and share all of the blessings of Gods love with each other.
**