Why does it still hurt?

[richbansha]

SemperJase:

In theory your advice sounds noble but there is a reality that must be dealt with. The marriage is over when a man is living with another woman. The legal part is a mere formality as far as morality is concerned.

Not so. Marriage is never over until death. A bishop may decide that a marriage does not exist, but if it does exist then it continues for life.

The divorce is important for other reasons. There are children who must be provided for. Lexee needs to do what she can to protect her children. It will ensure she gets the child support necessary to provide necessities like food, shelter, and medical care.

That is a father’s job and nobody else’s. Lexee forfits that protection for her children if she deprives them of a father. If Lexee provokes her husband enough, then no black robed terrorist will be able to stop him from flushing the bunch of them.

Letting it go gives him a free pass to continue hiding assets and will allow him to dodge the responsibilities of providing for Lexee and the children.

Here is the root of it then! Divorce is no longer a disgrace – it is a career opportunity! You can’t serve both God and money. If what you say were true then they would have already starved to death. From Lexee’s post, we have no indication that her husband has anything against the children. It is best for all concerned that she keep it that way. If her husband does decide to stop doing his fair share, the court option will still be open when and if she needs it.

Is there no one who believes in for better or worse anymore? If this marriage was good enough to enter into, why is it not good enough to try to salvage? Maybe divorce is chic – everyone is doing it. The more acrimonious the better. It is a fine way to publicly vent your spleen and impress your friends with your bitterness. I still think that peace and contentment are a better lifestyle choice. But the decision is not mine.

Maybe I am just too old fashioned, but I always thought that “what God has joined, let no man put asunder” was a command and not just idle chatter. I suppose that since daytime tv has made divorce a spectator sport, there is no way back to the days when it was a reason for scorn. So be it. At least divorce has not been made mandatory yet.

 

[Chovy]

Wow Rich. I have only followed Lexee’s issues from afar but I think she definitely has grounds for divorce and a good basis for an annulment. One cannot seek an annulment without a divorce. I am wholeheartedly in favor of marriage and would go to the death to defend my own, but Lexee’s husband has done nothing to show that he intended for the marriage to work. There is an ongoing pattern of infidelity, including bringing women to Lexee’s home. There is an ongoing pattern of mental and emotional abuse. Her husband has purchased a home and vehicle without her knowledge or consent and has lied to her about these purchases. He is presently living with one of his sexual partners. What sort of example would it set for Lexee’s children if she condoned this action? History is full of families where the wife looked the other way and the children went on to fall into the same cycle.

Lexee has struggled with this decision, wanting to do what is right for her children and herself. I know that there have been several threads on here where she really agonized with what to do. This is not a situation where mommy and daddy don’t get along too well and should stick it out for the kids. This is a situation in which daddy has and had no intention of ever being a faithful and caring husband or father. I know Lexee has spoken to a priest about her situation and given that neither you nor I really have the entire history of her marriage, I think we should leave her decision, evidently guided with the assistance of the Church, to her.

 

[Mom_of_one]

richbansha:

Not so. Marriage is never over until death. A bishop may decide that a marriage does not exist, but if it does exist then it continues for life. No one will argue with that.

That is a father’s job and nobody else’s. Lexee forfits that protection for her children if she deprives them of a father. If Lexee provokes her husband enough, then no black robed terrorist will be able to stop him from flushing the bunch of them. She isn’t depriving them of a father. He did that himself by buying another home and living with someone else. He has other children from previous marriages that he does not see, even though he told her when they were dating that he was going to see his other children.

Here is the root of it then! Divorce is no longer a disgrace – it is a career opportunity! You can’t serve both God and money. If what you say were true then they would have already starved to death. From Lexee’s post, we have no indication that her husband has anything against the children. It is best for all concerned that she keep it that way. If her husband does decide to stop doing his fair share, the court option will still be open when and if she needs it. See my above reply.

Is there no one who believes in for better or worse anymore? If this marriage was good enough to enter into, why is it not good enough to try to salvage? Maybe divorce is chic – everyone is doing it. The more acrimonious the better. It is a fine way to publicly vent your spleen and impress your friends with your bitterness. I still think that peace and contentment are a better lifestyle choice. But the decision is not mine.

Maybe I am just too old fashioned, but I always thought that “what God has joined, let no man put asunder” was a command and not just idle chatter. I suppose that since daytime tv has made divorce a spectator sport, there is no way back to the days when it was a reason for scorn. So be it. At least divorce has not been made mandatory yet.

 

[Toni]

Lexee I am sure it is very hard on you and we are all keeping you in our prayers. My daughter was married to pretty much the same kind of scum. My grandchildren and daughter are with us now. We learned to take one day at a time real quick.
But it is a good lesson in life when my mom died many times I just lived for one moment at a time. Time and God do heal all wounds.

 

[richbansha]

Chovy:

I know Lexee has spoken to a priest about her situation and given that neither you nor I really have the entire history of her marriage, I think we should leave her decision, evidently guided with the assistance of the Church, to her.

Well Spoken!

 

[Lexee15]

Thank you all for your replies and opinions/advice and prayers. Rich…believe me I tried to make this marriage work…after finding out about his MULITPLE affairs he asked for forgiveness and another chance I gave it to him…I want more than anything to keep my family intact, unfortunately he wasn’t serious, he didn’t really mean it. He continued with his affairs, something else I did not know about until after I was married is that he has addictions, he is an alcoholic and a gambler…I didn’t know any of this until I was married and saw the bank statements and witnessed his uncontrollable drinking, he drinks and drives and of course there’s the constant unprotected sex he is having with several women at a time.

As far as unprotected sex I don’t use ABC, but he’s a married man with no concern for my health or the health of his child, I do care. When I realized what he was up to again I became off limits to him, I had to protect myself and my child. What kind of a marriage is that?

I also recently found out that he was not being faithful to the relationship BEFORE we married, I was even given names of the women he was with…that tells me that he never intended to keep his vows. I wanted more than anything to save my marriage, I didn’t want to be just another woman that passed through his life and keep my children from growing up with an intact family…I tried he wasn’t interested…and yes, I have to protect my children’s future with child support, he still has an obligation and if he’s not going to be part of their lives then I need to make sure that they get what they need, food, shelter and clothes on their back…it’s the least he could do. I can’t force him to give them that if we are married, and just to give you a glimpse, on Thursday there was appox. $6000 in the joint account yesterday there was $1300…he bought his new woman a phone, he spent thousands at the casino and at Circuit City (things for his new house I’m sure).

He isn’t concerned with bills or food for me or my baby, what else is there to do? I am also a person who believes in marriage is forever, that’s why I got married and had every intention to keep it that way…his intention was to be married as long as he felt good or there were no problems. To tell the truth I don’t know what his intention was since he was cheating before we got married and it continued after we married, his women, gambling, drinking and lying were more important than maintaining a marriage. I don’t know what else to say about this except that this was NOT an easy decision.

 

[Island_Oak]

richbansha:

Simply take for granted that your husband is a philanderer and try to ignore the details. It is easier than you think. My grandmother did it for 25 years or more…

Utter and complete nonsense…the whole post. No offense intended but what this woman has been through shouldn’t happen to a family pet, much less a cherished spouse. You know not of what you speak and offend almost as highly as the one who betrayed her to suggest she is in any way responsible for the dissolution of this “marriage.”

 

[LSK]

Lexee, we all know how hard you tried to make your marriage work. It is so natural for you to still feel sadness over this and to feel, at times, like your hard work was for nothing. That’s not true. You learned more about yourself and learned how to make better choices in the future. Stay close to the Holy Mother Church. You will surive!