Why does my Catholic husband detest the rosary so much?

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Therese20

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I’m new to this group and am hoping to gain some clarity and insight as to what I should do in my particular situation. My husband and I have been separated for the past few months, but since we live in Texas, there is no legal separation except a temporary divorce decree, which we don’t have, so technically we’ve just been married yet living apart. I struggle with anxiety and depression and he struggles with narcissistic tendencies (either that or borderline), so we have had our fair share of issues. Over the past few weeks, in the wake of this pandemic, we’ve both re-evaluated our marriage and have apologized and are on the road to reconciliation. Most of this has to do with the fact that we already have three children together and one on the way (in July). We were married by the Church and despite this, my husband has turned out to be more of a cultural Catholic. He doesn’t accept many of the Church’s teachings and this is where we have the most friction. I’m not the best Catholic out there, by far, but I respect all of the Church’s teachings and try my best to adhere to them. It took me years to understand their value. Some of the issues we have pertain to family planning and daily prayer life. My husband and his family have been expressing how they believe I should be on birth control or getting a tubal ligation, to which I explain my reasons for not doing so. The moral dilemma holds me back from getting a tubal ligation, but my husband has expressed he wishes I would get one and sees it as a psychological weakness that I refuse to do so. We’ve practiced NFP, but he isn’t happy about this. A priest told me that since we’ve already said “yes” to children, being on birth control wouldn’t be so bad. However, the majority of priests say “no.” Abstaining from sex put a huge divide in our marriage as well, so I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t “work” with me when I use NFP and still tries to come on to me when I’m fertile, hence the last pregnancy (yes, my fault too). One of the most disheartening things occurred tonight. He FaceTimed our daughters to tell them goodnight, and saw they were holding rosaries. It upset him and he said he disagreed with it. He accused me of making them fanatics (just for learning about the rosary) and said when we moved back in together, if he didn’t allow it, I was probably going to get so upset I’d lock the door. When I questioned him why he felt that way, he hung up on us. I find this whole attitude so disheartening and discouraging to the progress I thought we were making. He completely flipped out on me just because of the rosary, then tried blaming me. He went from being kind and understanding for the past few weeks to acting like a totally different person in one night. Are there any prayers I should say for him? I can’t understand him when he gets like this.
 
I’m new here, too, and with some marriage troubles myself. You both seem much more in the faith than we are so I don’t know how much help this will be, but if you were married in the Church then you should be fine praying the hedge of thorns prayer. Incidentally this is the reason i came to this forum today to ask if I could pray that as we were not married in a church and our marriage is not blessed. From what you said personally i would lay off from bringing up anything religion related to him as that seems to be a topic of contention for him. Pray for him, in silence without him even knowing. Also, for me, Saint Rita De Cascia has answered my prayers, smaller ones but effective. She is the patron saint of difficult marriages, and parenting.
 
If what you say is accurate, the priest who said birth control ‘isn’t so bad’ is committing a grave sin.

As a Catholic, you cannot contracept with the intention of preventing conception. If your husband uses contraception, then this is a grave sin for him. He has to come to understand and appreciate the sacredness of the conjugal act instead of following his impulses all of the time.

Peace.
 
Thank you. I’m sorry to hear you are facing marital issues as well. I’ve read so much about St. Rita but have never truly sought her intercession. I think it’s time.
 
Yes, a priest once told me in confession that God understands why we possibly couldn’t have more children at the time, and to basically not be so hard on myself. However, as much as I wanted to rest in that, I couldn’t. I did get on oral contraceptives for one year, and it worked, but my soul wasn’t at rest. I got off of it, much to the disappointment of my husband. He knew my beliefs when we married, and said he appreciated that I was a moral woman, but now that we’re in the thick of it, he’s acting like he expects me to just give up my convictions in order to make life easier on him. It’s bad enough we’ve at times used the withdrawal method. He’s a wonderful father and I know many people at praying for us, but when he acts like he did tonight, it just breaks my heart.
 
I think you should try especially in the face of this pandemic and I will explain by sharing my testimony here as it’s also something I “promised “ I would do if my prayer was answered, which it was. I prayed (to St. Rita) my husband wouldn’t go to work after the pandemic hit a point where most started staying home. He STILL wanted to go the next day when it became clear most people weren’t there aside from the one lady that i feel might have an interest in him. I prayed he would not after he gave me no answer that evening… originally just said “if I’m here in the morning then i didn’t go”… we have a young child and i felt like he was placing himself in danger for no reason as no one woukd hold it against him except this lady … Not 1 min after I finished praying he walked in and said “you can relax I’m going to email them” ( that he wouldn’t be in) . Unfortunately things have turned for the worse again as work lady is doing things to keep him extra busy and also on the weekends working from home, but that’s a separate prayer I have out to St. Rita .
 
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I’m sorry you’re going through this situation with another woman who seems to be a thorn in the flesh of your marriage right now. Does your husband know your concern about this woman? If he does, how does he respond to it? Hopefully he is prioritizing your feelings.
 
He does know some of my concerns. Not until recently that it was specificalky about her and he started defendung her slightky. Our conversations about it are vague as i don’t want him mad at me. He doesn’t try to ease my concerns aside from saying there’s nothing going on, but he acts distant and I feel something is very off. He is not doing anything physically and hasn’t, but I fear it may lead to more than just flirting which I also don’t know is definiteky going on or not but I think it is if at a very subtle level. He does little if anything to reassure me, but has expressed he is open to having another child with me and we tried, twice ended in miscarriages. He’s reluctant about it so I’m left with confusion if I’m driving him away by making things up in my own mind or if there is something. Caught me looking her up which didn’t help things.
 
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It’s very tough to be in that situation. Just a word of advice: please don’t let it escalate as suspicion can negatively impact a marriage. I experienced that and may know how you feel. An ex-girlfriend found my husband on Instagram a few years back and started messaging him and followed him. He told me about it, pointed out who she was, etc. He then started telling me that she kept messaging him and pressing him for answers about our marriage, etc. She liked all of his posts. Her boyfriend had recently died, and I think she reached out to him out of loneliness, hoping he was available. I was pregnant and hormonal at the time and wanted to know what her intentions were, so I thought if I followed her on Instagram and she was ok with it, her intentions were ok. However, if she made an issue of it I would know she was up to no good.:woman_facepalming:t2: Well, she flipped out and messaged my husband with a screen shot of my request to follow her. Mind you, I’m the pregnant wife and she’s almost starting to wage a war against me over a simple social media follow. I didn’t even message her. Anyway, my husband yelled at me and told me I was a ticking time bomb and mentally imbalanced. It took me a whole year to forgive him for his reaction. In all reality, I should have just played it off and calmly explained to him there was no need for her to be so offended over a follow, and that she could have just deleted it. Instead, I harped on him and became so enmeshed in suspicion. While my husband’s reaction wasn’t warranted, I should have just let it go and prayed for him and also her, that she could heal from her broken heart.
You’re doing great by not allowing the situation to get out of hand, yet acknowledging it and communicating to your husband in an effective manner.
 
In order to save your marriage and his soul, you both need to consult with a Priest at you parish. Your husband has many spiritually dangerous issues. Being “Catholic” is not like joining a club - where you pay your dues (tithing) and club rules become commonplace. When was his last confession? Last Communion? Does he attend Church services with you? How often? Every week? Does he read the Bible?
Consider that he may be a backsliding Catholic - often harder to spiritualize than a new convert.
 
I agree it’s a dangerous road and sounds similar in part to what you are describing. That is good your husband told you at least. And I don’t see you having done anything wrong, if there were no bad intentions she wouldn’t mind. I had a wife of a coworker add me to linkedin years ago. I didn’t think anything of it aside from well I don’t know you but I know someone you know so no biggie. With lady friend and my hubby I think she’s been fishing for stuff, and he also may enjoy it to some extent that she’s interested and he may be reciprocating flirting. I already made some mistakes by bringing her up and I feel like ilI may be giving him ideas in some way or confirmation that she’s a threat ir that she “matters” so he feels more justified in talking to her when I do that… If there is something going on I pray to God my hubby is convicted and finds his way back to us his family. These are my larger prayers that haven’t yet been answered, but how do you pray for something to go away when you don’t even know it’s definitely there? I wish you luck with your hunby. I think it sounds like he’s open to reconciling, just needs a break to think. Congrats on your baby btw, it is a true blessing. That must be very hard to deal with him away, but God gave that gift to you because he feels you can handle if. Hopefully this stops your husband and gives him new focus when baby is born. I am so wishing God lets us have another, but time is ticking big time here with hubby not wanting to after a few months now so our chances are slim.
 
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He has always been very private with me and resents my offers to go to confession together or pray together. When I’ve asked him to pray for me in the past, he would often retort, “pray for yourself and I’ll pray for myself.”
This all hit me with a ton of bricks as when we were dating, he was contemplating the priesthood, helping out with RCIA and would go with me to confession and sometimes adoration. I always did notice another side to him, but could never put my finger on it and thought I was being paranoid. While married, he enjoyed serving on the altar as an acolyte, and would often assist at three masses on a given Sunday. However, it seemed it was more for praise as when he wouldn’t be recognized, he would become completely turned off and stop going. He refuses to talk to a priest and our current pastor and him do not get along. Parishioners look on me with pity and it’s embarrassing yet confusing. I know he has issues from his childhood, but he denies it even though he’s opened up to me before. I feel as though prayer is my only solution at this point and want his soul to be saved as much as I do my own.
 
Our circumstances at their core are not the same as my hubby never was religious aside from getting baptized, but despite that i feel our situations are similar in the way they both are acting. I’ve seen a flip, a big change in mine in the last year. He was always the perfect gentleman and lately he pays me little respect, at times is plainly detogatory and vulgar in his demeanor, not like him. I’ve susoected a midlife crusis. What you have going for you is that you were married in church and as much as he wants to deny his faith right now there’s a huge chance that his religious background and you are what in the end will save him from himself. I know how hard it is not to press him vecayse it takes me hour by hour not to question him but probably distance is good. Sounds like things were going ok, he may need time to process the rosary thing and come to his own conclusion that there’s nothing wrong with it. btw the “pray for yoursef i pray for myself” is something my hubby would say if he were the praying type…
 
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Thank you for the pregnancy congratulations.❤️ If a baby is God’s will for you and your husband, it will happen in His time. I wish our husbands weren’t acting this way. I think if they understood the pain it was causing us, they would hopefully stop. My therapist did mention my husband had many narcissistic traits, but I don’t know. The mind games make me believe she may be right. All we can do is pray for them and like you suggested, asking St. Rita for help. Marriage is so hard.With God’s grace we will get through this.
 
Good to know that in Texas there aren’t divorce law, in my country basically divorce is a rule, there is no more one marriage anymore, is much much rare, in my childhood street where I live most part of my live many families from that get divorced.

Even being a catholic doesn’t mean that he will accept everthing from the Church, what is bad. In my country people think being a catholic is like a social status, and they sometimes are okay with divorce and other things that unacceptable by Church. Living for ourselfs and their wills instead by the Church, your husband need to understand that as long he want do the act conjungal there is a chance to have a kid and if he not want anymore then just stop make it.

Don’t take away the Rosary from our daughters and keep praying the Rosary well, I like your love and devotion to our family and God, I will help your, too. Your family and your marriage is in my Rosary this month.
 
Therese20 said:
A priest told me that since we’ve already said “yes” to children, being on birth control wouldn’t be so bad.
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I’m so sorry a priest would tell you that!! Contraception and direct sterilization is always gravely wrong.
Therese20 said:
expressed he wishes I would get one
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Listen, if he wants to go get a vasectomy, you can’t stop him (which he won’t If he’s a narcissist) but do not cave to pressure to mutilate your own body.
Therese20 said:
He completely flipped out on me just because of the rosary, then tried blaming me.
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If he’s really NPD, stay far far away. I would insist on counseling before I let him back into my life or my kids.
Therese20 said:
He went from being kind and understanding for the past few weeks to acting like a totally different person in one night.
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Sounds like NPD to me, he’s got you coming back so why be nice anymore?

Tread carefully.
Therese20 said:
I can’t understand him when he gets like this.
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If he truly has a personality disorder, there is nothing to understand. He’s broken. And with a personality disorder will not want or be capable of working on himself or your marriage.

Go see a counselor on your own, even if he will not go to one.
 
Therese20 said:
My husband and his family have been expressing how they believe I should be on birth control or getting a tubal ligation, t
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His family? It is none of their business.
Therese20 said:
He FaceTimed our daughters to tell them goodnight, and saw they were holding rosaries.
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Facetime does not need to be confrontational. I would simply put them away when someone calls. You and your children’s prayer life does not have to be a public thing.

Get counseling. There is telecounseling available.
 
Dear sister. Do all your best to adhere to the Church’s teachings, to be faithful and obedient.
Serving the Lord and obeying Him will never be without persecution, strife, anger and so on. We ought to love God and others, and we need Him on the first place. Pray, for yourself, your husband, children, pray for all of us that the Lord may have mercy upon us all, and that He may bless us all according to what we need, so that He may be glorified.
Trust in God and pray. And, remember, with all you do, let it be bound by love, for without love we are nothing.
Peace!
 
It’s not a sin to use birth control I have had the snip and would challenge anyone on that ( I have 3 children already ).

It sounds like you are doing your best.

But from my own experience and I have mentioned this to many priests when they asked to give more information about oneself.

Not all Evil is bad , because some Evil’s bring us back to God.

Your husband wouldn’t be the first Christian to love God and turn away from him for a while and then return later on in life…

We all have different paths to follow and not all are righteous paths either. I should know…

Married twice and three children with three different women… But I have returned to him after 20 years away.
 
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