Why does the catholic church allow so many annulments?

[Veronica7978]

It appears to me that a lot of people are out to throw stones.

I mean to say, the way I read some of these responses, and even the question, annulments should be banned, and across the board no less. Those who seek annulment for whatever reason, should be denied. That is pretty harsh when you consider this is a forgiving religion - a religion based in knowledge and reason, not rash, rigid unfaltering and thoughtless rules.

You do not throw out the chaff with the wheat so to speak - or do you?

I’m glad the decision isn’t up to some of the angrier, holier than thou people here.

Thanks to the person who identified that there could be better ways of informing people before they marry. Looking for a cure is much better than complaining about the symptoms.

 

[falisrm]

your right maswearte, i was talking to myself the entire time. So would you think that what i was talking was accurate or misleading?

 

[jmcrae]

your right maswearte, i was talking to myself the entire time. So would you think that what i was talking was accurate or misleading?

It was completely irrelevant. The subject was the number of Declarations of Nullity in the English-speaking world, particularly the United States.

 

[masuwerte]

your right maswearte, i was talking to myself the entire time. So would you think that what i was talking was accurate or misleading?

Yes, I think you’re right.

 

[TheOldOne]

I am not surprised at all. When you consider the truly wretched state of Catholicism among the average layperson and the bizarre notions about marriage that infest our culture (soulmates and happily ever after and all that) I am convinced that very few people enter marriage with a mature understanding of what they are doing.
Think about it. For gay marriage to be even talked about seriously a society would have to have no Christian understanding of marriage at all. People today believe that marriage is about romantic love (the emotion) and personal fulfillment. You can’t build a stable marriage on these things alone year after year, especially when the troubles start.

 

[JRKH]

I am not surprised at all. When you consider the truly wretched state of Catholicism among the average layperson and the bizarre notions about marriage that infest our culture (soulmates and happily ever after and all that) I am convinced that very few people enter marriage with a mature understanding of what they are doing.
Think about it. For gay marriage to be even talked about seriously a society would have to have no Christian understanding of marriage at all. People today believe that marriage is about romantic love (the emotion) and personal fulfillment. You can’t build a stable marriage on these things alone year after year, especially when the troubles start.

Nicely put.
You put your finger on it very neatly.

Although I must say that I did marry my “Soulmate” in the sense that we compliment each other so fully, and we are living happily ever after. (I can say that even though we are now fighting alzheimers.)

Peace
James

 

[TheOldOne]

I am happy for you JRKH. Obviously you are right that an ideal marriage includes these things. My parents’ marriage was the same way.(though it was brief, my father died young)

Although we hope for such things in a marriage, sometimes the going gets rough (I can speak from experience) Marriage is the bedrock of society and as such we have a duty to stay put and sail through the rough times.

Sometimes, such as in cases of abuse, a couple must seperate, but most divorces I know about spring from selfishness and immaturity.

 

[manualman]

I’m from a very similar situation as the OP. My folks were married many years and didn’t divorce until after I was married. My darker side suspects that my mother simply knows how to game the tribunal system and say all the right things. But to be honest, I must admit that there are things I just don’t know about their relationship. Kids just don’t have all the facts, even when they grow up.

Jesus left us with a fine pickle. He very simply forbade divorce. Except he didn’t use those words. He COULD have. It would have been more concise if that was His intent. But instead he phrased as let no man divide what God has joined. (paraphrase from memory)

Think about that. The Church sure has. Over time she recognized that what Jesus meant that God doesn’t automatically join just anybody who dresses up and says “I do.” There are certain characteristics that are necessary for a marriage to be one in which “God joins” the two together (sacramentally). Sometimes, the wedding ceremony looks really nice, the Church is pretty, the couple smiling, etc. But all the ingredients aren’t there. The tribunal’s job is to help the couple figure out if God joined them or not. A hard job to be sure. I tend to think the tribunals hand out an awful lot of decrees. But then we live in an awfully stubborn and rebellious culture and an “I want it all my way” nation. Big surprise if a lot of folks aren’t bringing all the ingredients to the altar.

 

[KingAlfred]

“Why does the catholic church allow so many annulments?”

As the recipient of an annulment years ago, I’m grateful to the Church for giving me a second chance. It wasn’t easy, and took over two years to secure. I doubt I would go through it again. Whatever people might choose to believe about annulments, please know the Church doesn’t just hand them out freely. The average person is given countless opportunities to simply give up the endeavor, and convert to another denomination. That’s how demanding and long the process is, as far as I can tell.

We are all sinners, and must turn to Christ for forgiveness, which He grants through His Church.

 

[Cinette]

Well I do know one couple that had a happy marriage, had a kid, a great home, a great life for 25 years. Had many happy memories together. They took many vacations I never forgot. The husband was great to her. Never abused her or anything. Yet the church granted an annulment and that is just wrong. I know more about what happened in that marriage because I was the son. To say that after 25 years of marriage this marriage never existed is a crime.

Dear Sublime - I understand how painful this must be for you. I know a couple who divorced after 36 years - she asked for the divorce and I believe is now seeking annulment. Don’t know if she will get it.

There is something I cannot understand however. I was married when I was 18 to a man 11 years older than myself. I was extremely innocent and naive and he was fascinated by my innocence. He was an abusive husband and after 5 years and 2 children I divorced him. However, he remained the Father of my children and, as such, I always treated him as family. I remarried and we were always at the hospital each time he had a heart attack and were there at his death. I was always concerned about his happiness. So, when I look at the couple who parted after 36 years I cannot understand how she can turn her back. She is very religious - member of the Steering Committee of the Charismatic Renewal. etc. etc.

But then we can never know the inside story - even if we are the product of the union.

It is important that we respect the sacrament of marriage and that we are well prepared. You must also remember that your parents are the product of the 60s and 70s (possibly) when the sex revolution was in its heyday.

We all make mistakes and just think - a person can commit murder and repent and later be allowed to receive the sacraments but a divorced person cannot!!

All this is very complicated but we must accept that those who sit on the panel of judges and who study the case may very well find reason to support that the marriage may have been invalid. There are the outward signs and there are the inward signs.

And you are in the middle.

 

[Peter_J]

I am not surprised at all. When you consider the truly wretched state of Catholicism among the average layperson and the bizarre notions about marriage that infest our culture (soulmates and happily ever after and all that) I am convinced that very few people enter marriage with a mature understanding of what they are doing.
Think about it. For gay marriage to be even talked about seriously a society would have to have no Christian understanding of marriage at all. People today believe that marriage is about romantic love (the emotion) and personal fulfillment. You can’t build a stable marriage on these things alone year after year, especially when the troubles start.

Well said.

And I think the other side of this is that the “freedom to remarry” after an annulment is often over-simplified.

What I mean is, even if the marriage turns out to be a putative marriage (a marriage that is apparently, but not actually, valid, and which was entered into in good faith by at least one of the partners), the ideal is still for the couple to stay together and make their “apparently valid” marriage into a truly valid marriage. Separating so as to marry other people is technically possible, but should only be done for serious reasons and not just because “the honeymoon is over”.

 

[Jerusha]

And I think the other side of this is that the “freedom to remarry” after an annulment is often over-simplified.

Writing from my own experience, my marriage was so bad that the Catholic Church recognized it was flawed from the very first. I therefore have remained single for ten years. Really scared to try again.

Just because a person got an annullment doesn’t mean the person even wants to re-marry.