Why does this bother me? (Modesty/Lust)

  • Thread starter Thread starter ModernCatholic
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Ya it’s probably a mix of that plus emotional problems. I’ve never really been an emotional type of guy, I’ve just thought things through and once finished moved on. I think what I am taking most from this is really just to let go.
 
Men and women would do well to cover up more and not dress form fitting. Nevertheless, it’s not really something you can avoid. Guard your eyes as best as you can.
 
The other thing I would tell you, OP, is you seem to be vastly underestimating the amount of things women get told are going to prompt others to lust over them. Forget leggings - I’ve been told that pants are going to make men lust over me. Or makeup of any sort. Or knee length skirts, or short sleeves, Really, in our society, as a woman I find that the messages that this or that or the other is distracting to men to be overwhelming enough that I pretty much have to ignore them.

That’s where a lot of the “it’s not for men” attitude comes from - the bombardment as a woman with the idea that no matter what we wear it is obvious to someone that that one thing is immodest.
It’s often quite clear to any individual man what things are immodest, but different men really do have very different standards. When as a woman, you get the message that you will be objectified no matter what, it’s much easier to throw your hands up in the air and say, fine, I can’t win so I’m just going to wear what I like. Even modest women are almost all going to draw the line at some place other than where some men want it.

Any modesty discussion on CAF will have some of that. Since we’re on a Catholic forum, the vast majority of women will believe in and practice modesty in some form. But there’s a lot of argument because different people think different things are obviously immodest.
 
How can your practice of virtue help others to become more virtuous?
That is the whole point of virtue. It’s not merely to avoid temptation for ourselves.

Virtue should be practiced in charity. It should lead others to charity by example. In this case maybe your practice of virtue can lead women to appreciate their own virtue somehow. Maybe your own practice of virtue can lead women to see the good in themselves.

Not easy for sure.
 
Last edited:
I understand that. I think we are explaining modesty completely wrong. What I defined it as is up above and though it caught on to some mistakes in the modern viewing of it. Modesty is a virtue not a dress code. If you are Christian practice modesty. If you go somewhere and they have a dress code well great! Follow that but don’t do it because guys will lust after you do it for yourself. Don’t listen to those people just practice modesty simply.
 
True but I feel lkke I would be doing it for the wrong reasons if I practiced virtue simply to try to get women to wear more clothing. I need a foolproof way that can keep me from being bothered at every little sight.
 
As a 58 year old man, let me make the observation that your attempt to get women to change their clothing styles is fruitless. We have to know our limitations.

In the mode of St Terese of Liseiux, do the small things that are in front of you, and do them with love.
Let God worry about women’s clothing.
You be the best you can be, out of love for those in your sphere of influence.

Do you have family? parents? Girlfriend. Guy friends.
How can you witness your Christianity to one person today?
 
Last edited:
ModernCatholic said:
True but I feel lkke I would be doing it for the wrong reasons if I practiced virtue simply to try to get women to wear more clothing. I need a foolproof way that can keep me from being bothered at every little sight.
Click to expand...
There is no foolproof way to avoid being bothered.
Prayer is not like an inoculation from disease. Prayer is communication with God. God may answer your prayer to remove temptation, but probably not.

If you suffer with this, count it all as gain. It’s your opportunity to participate in the cross of Christ.
In my struggles with lust, the prayers for it to disappear did not “work”.
The answer I got from the Lord was:
“learn how to suffer”.

Basically, I came to the realization that no easy way exists. Virtue is a lifetime of work, and if I’m not willing to suffer, virtue ain’t happening. The more you work at it, the more joy will come from the virtue.
It take time and patience.
 
Last edited:
Well, here’s some practical advice…

Wear a rubber band around your wrist. Whenever you find yourself getting annoyed over things that you have no control over, snap the rubber band sharply.

Eventually, your subconscious mind will come to associate those thoughts with an unpleasant sensation and will stop presenting them to you.
 
That sounds good in theory 😃 and would work for overthinking in general maybe?
 
ModernCatholic, have you ever read A Confederacy of Dunces? Because your complaint sounds very much like something the character Ignatius Riley would make.
 
I’ve done rubber band to get rid of annoying thoughts, such as after a breakup with a close friend where the relationship had gotten very toxic. I would be bothered throughout the day with feelings of anger, or remorse, or wondering how I would get by without the friend in my life, or just wondering what they were doing. Each time I found myself having such a thought, I snapped the band and said to myself, “Stop!”

After some weeks I had forgotten about the whole business sufficiently that I no longer needed to do this.
 
There is an old story of a man walking down the sidewalk with a wise priest.

A woman in a revealing outfit walked past.

The man said with great outrage “Father, did you SEE that woman?”

The wise priest said “She has a lovely smile!”

The point is, don’t get all wrapped around the axles about what other people wear. Look away if you must but pray “God, I thank you for that young lady. May you bless her and bring her much comfort.”

When you start praying for people, it is amazing how it impacts your own outlook.
 
I wish some one had suggested that to me last year,much anxiety and overthinking after break up.
 
I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings in any way. I guess I don’t fully understand because I’m a woman. What ever works for you…the only reason I suggested not to go up to a woman you don’t know is because [ please understand] I don’t believe that is your place to tell a stranger how to dress and you may hurt her feelings and she may hurt yours. I pray you find a way to work this out…God bless you.
 
Adding on, in our world of viral social media, such a confrontation could land you as a pariah or even in a legal battle. Prayer (and not “Lord, I pray you strike down that heathen”) is what works. Prayer and love.
 
ModernCatholic said:
They are not acting provocatively or enticing but I still am forced to look at them while they are showing something I really don’t want to see.
Click to expand...
Nobody is forcing you to do anything.

You’ll never get rid of attractive women, and you’ll never have control over what comes off the fashion runway. Your only recourse is to pray your way through this.
 
Last edited:
I’m not saying that short shorts, for example, don’t have any impact. They do. But how a woman dresses is the tip of the iceberg.

I’ve heard some guys confess that modesty is a lot sexier than immodesty because it leaves so much to the imagination, including the question of what Might Be. I also know some beautiful Muslim women whose hijabs are fooling nobody. 🙂

Regardless of how women dress, however, men do remain responsible for their thoughts and behavior.

I’m trying to give up sugar. But I’m not going to waste my energy by shifting the blame and getting mad at people for placing vending machines and Coca Cola ads in my plain view. I have to work through this on my own.
 
Last edited:
I didn’t read your whole message, but feel the same way you do. Sex has really been desecrated. But it’s holy, since it’s created for marriage. But sexually suggestive clothing, jokes, tv shows, etc. It bothers me that a lot of people maybe don’t see it as holy.
As for modesty, I never liked seeing women in low-cut dresses either; although i’m attracted to men. It’s like, why do they have to dress that way? And how some men dress as well.
Is that how you think?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top