Why doesn't God send me a good man?

[LuciaPacifici]

I know that I don’t “deserve” love in the sense that it’s a free gift and we are undeserving and so on.

Ok but I was seeing this guy who treated me really well and then I caught him texting another woman and it was not platonic and so I had to end it. Up until then he was so sweet to me and I haven’t even had a real boyfriend in years. He knew my story too and was so accepting. I’m afraid no guy will ever accept me like that.

So I realize God loves me but when this happens I can’t help but feel, God does not think I am good enough for a good man. I feel like God thinks my friends and acquaintances who have great relationships and happy smiley lives, are just better than me. Like I’m being punished.

I know it’s not true but it’s how I feel. I have been looking and praying so many years and I’m getting past my peak attractive years and soon even childbearing years. No I don’t want religious or single life. I know my emotions don’t make sense. But I’m down because I don’t have a lot of friends and having a guy who pursued and talked to me daily and was kind and considerate helped a lot. Now I am going back to like, not even being sure if a guy will text me back and not having a connection. Now I feel like I will be paranoid of a guy treats me like a princess, paranoid it’s all a lie.

I’m turning to Jesus but I don’t understand why He keeps allowing this.

 

[Trishie]

You touched my heart with the faith you maintain even in the hurt and disappointment that you feel. You sound like a lovely girl. I’m sorry this man failed you. You deserve better.
May God bless you with kindness and love.

 

[petra22]

I wish I understood why God does what he does, but we are not God.
I’m praying for you.
Lord, hold her in the palms of your hands and hide her in the shelter of your wings. Let her feel the love you have for her every breath she takes and every beat of her heart.

Amen.

 

[1ke]

Ok but I was seeing this guy who treated me really well and then I caught him texting another woman and it was not platonic and so I had to end it.

You don’t give details as to how long you’d been dating, whether you had both established exclusivity, etc, so it is difficult to comment. It does hurt when we our expectations differ from someone we have grown to care about.

So I realize God loves me but when this happens I can’t help but feel, God does not think I am good enough for a good man.

God doesn’t give or not give boyfriends. That is sort of a common thing we see on Facebook or whatever- people always quick to praise God for whatever good thing happens to them and blame God for whatever bad thing happens to them.

But, God doesn’t work that way. He gives us free will. He gave your boyfriend free will. It didn’t work out. That simply “is”, not a direct act of God. We should certainly pray for God to protect us from bad decisions, to help us make good decisions, but direct intervention is a rare thing.

I feel like God thinks my friends and acquaintances who have great relationships and happy smiley lives, are just better than me. Like I’m being punished.

Smiley live are easy to craft on Facebook, Instagram, or when you see each other at work or socially. You never know what is going on in someone’s house. Likely their smiley lives are not that smiley in private.

Now I feel like I will be paranoid of a guy treats me like a princess, paranoid it’s all a lie.

I’m turning to Jesus but I don’t understand why He keeps allowing this.

I suggest you get some counseling. You have some distrust and some expectations that may need exploring with an objective third party.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

You touched my heart with the faith you maintain even in the hurt and disappointment that you feel. You sound like a lovely girl. I’m sorry this man failed you. You deserve better.
May God bless you with kindness and love.

Thank you. That is very kind of you to be supportive like this. I don’t feel like I’m having enough faith but where else to turn but Jesus?

 

[LuciaPacifici]

I wish I understood why God does what he does, but we are not God.
I’m praying for you.
Lord, hold her in the palms of your hands and hide her in the shelter of your wings. Let her feel the love you have for her every breath she takes and every beat of her heart.

Amen.

Thank you very very much.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

You don’t give details as to how long you’d been dating, whether you had both established exclusivity, etc, so it is difficult to comment. It does hurt when we our expectations differ from someone we have grown to care about.

God doesn’t give or not give boyfriends. That is sort of a common thing we see on Facebook or whatever- people always quick to praise God for whatever good thing happens to them and blame God for whatever bad thing happens to them.

But, God doesn’t work that way. He gives us free will. He gave your boyfriend free will. It didn’t work out. That simply “is”, not a direct act of God. We should certainly pray for God to protect us from bad decisions, to help us make good decisions, but direct intervention is a rare thing.

Smiley live are easy to craft on Facebook, Instagram, or when you see each other at work or socially. You never know what is going on in someone’s house. Likely their smiley lives are not that smiley in private.

I suggest you get some counseling. You have some distrust and some expectations that may need exploring with an objective third party.

I understand what you are saying, intellectually, like I said. But I am a fallen human so I feel emotions that don’t make sense logically. I know they don’t make sense but I still feel them. It’s very hard not to notice when majority of people around me are easily finding relationships.

I have distrust issues because of people who break my trust by seeming kind. I do have counseling and have for a long time. Although my recent spiritual director basically dumped me, which is not helping with the trust thing.

 

[WT1]

I have a sister in law (who is more like my little sister really) in the same boat and it;s tough. What I have told her is that she has to find happiness and contentment in her life as it is and just be open to meeting people and making new friends (she has a bad habit of finding issues with other people then just seeing the good in them).

If you are happy and have good quality friends then you will be happy and ready to share that with someone special when they come along. If you tie having a relationship to your happiness it can be a powerful deterrent. Focus on finding ways to have a fulfilling life and find ways to serve others in need. Everything else will take care of itself one way or another.

Ask yourself what positives can you bring to any relationship and focus on blessing others with those and yourself.

 

[GEddie]

God doesn’t send someone to anybody; neither in Scripture nor elsewhere does He promise everybody a mate. In fact, in Proverbs 31, it seems as though a man finding a virtuous wife (and therefore the inverse) would be a serious achievement – not something that just happens.

Life throws people together, and sometimes the interpersonal geometry is such that they stick, more often not.

My condolences, OP.

ICXC NIKA

 

[truthquester]

I’m turning to Jesus but I don’t understand why He keeps allowing this.

From my experience, you have to teach a man how to treat you. Take the lead and don’t let how another person is willing to treat you affect how you feel about yourself.

A guy should treat you like a princess but you have to find the one who is right for you. Keep praying on it and know that prayer has already been answered. Ask yourself if you and God want the same thing for you?
He loves you so much and wants what’s best.
Maybe you should ask for guidance instead and you never know, maybe He has already picked somebody for you and you just haven`t noticed yet. praying for you.

 

[WJeffrey]

Some say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

There are a lot of one woman men in this world. At least one billion, and probably a lot more. If you keep choosing the wrong type thinking you will change them, you are going to keep having the same results.

Why don’t you look for a nice ordinary person you meet at church or the library? You know, the ordinary type that mows the lawn on Saturday, pays his taxes on time, stays out of bar rooms, loves his mother, doesn’t feel the need to be the center of attention when he walks into a room, holds the door for little old ladies and helps people move when asked.

You know, the boring guy at work that you don’t give a second look at when he listens to you complain about never meeting the right guy because he doesn’t exist or is already married.

Or you can simply ask God to solve your problem, when it is as easy as opening your eyes and looking away from the same type of men that you choose over and over and over again that probably end in one off dates.

But hey, what fun are boring one women men? They are a dime a dozen.

 

[Regina7]

Some say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

There are a lot of one woman men in this world. At least one billion, and probably a lot more. If you keep choosing the wrong type thinking you will change them, you are going to keep having the same results.

Why don’t you look for a nice ordinary person you meet at church or the library? You know, the ordinary type that mows the lawn on Saturday, pays his taxes on time, stays out of bar rooms, loves his mother, doesn’t feel the need to be the center of attention when he walks into a room, holds the door for little old ladies and helps people move when asked.

You know, the boring guy at work that you don’t give a second look at when he listens to you complain about never meeting the right guy because he doesn’t exist or is already married.

Or you can simply ask God to solve your problem, when it is as easy as opening your eyes and looking away from the same type of men that you choose over and over and over again that probably end in one off dates.

But hey, what fun are boring one women men? They are a dime a dozen.

I married that guy- the shy, computer geek from my office. Best decision of my life.

OP, you can’t expect God to dump a guy on your doorstep. Go out and find him- look at church, the library, etc. Also,ask some trustful friends and family if they know anyone you may hit it off with. Many marriages have come from fix ups.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

I have a sister in law (who is more like my little sister really) in the same boat and it;s tough. What I have told her is that she has to find happiness and contentment in her life as it is and just be open to meeting people and making new friends (she has a bad habit of finding issues with other people then just seeing the good in them).

If you are happy and have good quality friends then you will be happy and ready to share that with someone special when they come along. If you tie having a relationship to your happiness it can be a powerful deterrent. Focus on finding ways to have a fulfilling life and find ways to serve others in need. Everything else will take care of itself one way or another.

Ask yourself what positives can you bring to any relationship and focus on blessing others with those and yourself.

I’m sorry for your sister in law. I try to be open, actually made a conscious decision to surrender more and be open to men that pursued me. Instead of finding fault. So this guy pursued and it ended really badly. The thing is I’m not really young I don’t have years to go through the “frogs” as they say, and my heart can’t take it.

I try not to tie relationship to happiness but I definitely feel like a failure on some level. I don’t have many close friends and my closest friend died a month ago.

I have hobbies and interests but it will never replace love. I’m a survivor but I want to thrive. Thank you for your support.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

God doesn’t send someone to anybody; neither in Scripture nor elsewhere does He promise everybody a mate. In fact, in Proverbs 31, it seems as though a man finding a virtuous wife (and therefore the inverse) would be a serious achievement – not something that just happens.

Life throws people together, and sometimes the interpersonal geometry is such that they stick, more often not.

My condolences, OP.

ICXC NIKA

Thank you. I know rationally what you say is true. But it really feels like everyone around me is getting married. I’m at that age. It’s really challenging. Catholics, non Catholics, everyone. Like magic. And I don’t have any good marriage examples in my family, not even extended fam, I just fear I don’t know how. I pray not to care so much.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

I’m turning to Jesus but I don’t understand why He keeps allowing this.

From my experience, you have to teach a man how to treat you. Take the lead and don’t let how another person is willing to treat you affect how you feel about yourself.

A guy should treat you like a princess but you have to find the one who is right for you. Keep praying on it and know that prayer has already been answered. Ask yourself if you and God want the same thing for you?
He loves you so much and wants what’s best.
Maybe you should ask for guidance instead and you never know, maybe He has already picked somebody for you and you just haven`t noticed yet. praying for you.

Thank you thank you. This is so sweet. And yes I tried to teach him how to treat me. I feel like I could be better at that. What he did is also his problem though.

Thank you for saying I should be treated well. It means s lot. I’ve listened to you and prayed for guidance of God’s will.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

Some say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

There are a lot of one woman men in this world. At least one billion, and probably a lot more. If you keep choosing the wrong type thinking you will change them, you are going to keep having the same results.

Why don’t you look for a nice ordinary person you meet at church or the library? You know, the ordinary type that mows the lawn on Saturday, pays his taxes on time, stays out of bar rooms, loves his mother, doesn’t feel the need to be the center of attention when he walks into a room, holds the door for little old ladies and helps people move when asked.

You know, the boring guy at work that you don’t give a second look at when he listens to you complain about never meeting the right guy because he doesn’t exist or is already married.

Or you can simply ask God to solve your problem, when it is as easy as opening your eyes and looking away from the same type of men that you choose over and over and over again that probably end in one off dates.

But hey, what fun are boring one women men? They are a dime a dozen.

Wait, what? Where did you get the ideas I am like that? Everything you are talking about I thought this guy was. Hard working church goer, doesn’t go out to bars, responsible, available, kind. Quiet yes but reliable. I am not sure why you assume I keep choosing bad guys over and over. I think it’s a little unfair to expect me or anyone, to figure out right off the bat that the quiet strong man who treated me like a princess and still keeps insisting I’m a princess, was actually a liar.

I don’t think I can change him! I dumped him! I’m leaving. I don’t think I can change anything but to pray for him.

I would love if one of the men you mentioned above took an interest in me. I put myself out there to the maximum but don’t get asked out.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

OP, you can’t expect God to dump a guy on your doorstep. Go out and find him- look at church, the library, etc. Also,ask some trustful friends and family if they know anyone you may hit it off with. Many marriages have come from fix ups.

I hope I don’t come off as impatient, but this is hard for me to hear, because I have been on dating sites, an active member and even leader of many, many young adult groups and volunteer groups in my area, moved in Catholic circles and been open to dating for many years. Yet, none of those guys asked me out. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t expect God to dump someone at my doorstep.

 

[Neofight]

He sent all of us a good man; Jesus Christ!

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

Someone on TV married herself.

She said she had to love and respect herself first before she could expect someone else to do so. Apparently she enjoyed life enough alone where it did not bother her. If she felt like traveling, she would travel. If she felt like dining out or going to the theater, she would do it even though she had to do it alone.

Don’t know what the outcome of it was. Some people criticized her, but she did this to make a point, I suppose.

 

[Regina7]

I hope I don’t come off as impatient, but this is hard for me to hear, because I have been on dating sites, an active member and even leader of many, many young adult groups and volunteer groups in my area, moved in Catholic circles and been open to dating for many years. Yet, none of those guys asked me out. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t expect God to dump someone at my doorstep.

Have you ever asked out a guy? I’m very traditional and prefer the man to make the first move, but some men are too timid. I asked out my husband. He never would have asked me out. He said I was way out of his league (not true). Perhaps try asking a man for coffee?