Why doesn't God send me a good man?

[LuciaPacifici]

You are beautiful at heart. I believe Yahweh could provide you strength for this one.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

You know what is worst? Just because you aren’t married by a certain age than God must be calling you to be a nun.

That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard.

It seems you are already doing a lot of things to expand your network and your possibilities of finding Mr. Right.

I hope and pray that you do find him.

Oh yeah! Especially when it’s a married or engaged woman telling you maybe you can be a nun, in a pitying voice, and you know she herself would never want to be in religious life and is only offering it to you as a consolation prize.

Religious life is an amazingly beautiful calling, but if it isn’t yours it isn’t yours.

Thank you for your prayers.

 

[Sarcelle]

Oh yeah! Especially when it’s a married or engaged woman telling you maybe you can be a nun, in a pitying voice, and you know she herself would never want to be in religious life and is only offering it to you as a consolation prize.

Religious life is an amazingly beautiful calling, but if it isn’t yours it isn’t yours.

Thank you for your prayers.

True.

The religious life is a positive life affirming call and not the “oh well I failed to get married, on to plan B”.

 

[hwriggles4]

Thank you…yes I do try really hard to get out there. Online dating, young adult groups, volunteer, active at church. In other words, everything other people have done and found someone. In fact, at my old parish this group of young adults I was in, all the rest of them (10 I think) became couples with each other. I dated a guy from that group, we did not end well, and he left the parish entirely. Now I am the 11th wheel. I do everything I am supposed to…(by the way I don’t hang out with that group as much now obviously.)

I do give men encouragement. For better or worse it is a turn off if a guy can’t even ask me to coffee, coffee is no big deal. But I make it very clear if I am interested, so.

Plus, I have asked out men all the time and usually I get no reply at all, sometimes feigned interested followed by flaking.

It’s very encouraging to hear from someone who waited for the right person and it worked out later on with marriage. God bless. Thanks for the support.

Lucia Pacific:

First, I’ve been there, done that, brought the t-shirt. I’ve been in some young adult groups in my younger days where people began serious relationships that folded, and one party left the group because they felt uneasy. By the same token, others have endured successful and fruitful marriages. I know a few couples who married into their 30’s and had three or more children.

Second, I’m sure you have practiced the “go for the event, not for who is going to be at the event or what guys (in my case, it was what girls) are going to be there?”

Third, some of the guys do want to make a friend first before taking the next step. Some girls are like this too, and want a guy to get to know them a little bit first. A case in point - my two brothers who are married and several of my married friends were friends with their spouse for a little while before they actually began dating. Therefore, a guy may want to see you and talk to you in person a few times before he may ask you for a phone number, a lunch date, or even some one-on-one time to take a walk at the city park on Sunday afternoon, or a drink after work. It gives the guy and the girl a comfort zone, and a foundation to start. I’m sure a few of you get together for Sunday Mass and then go out to brunch (or if it’s a late afternoon Mass, dinner) afterwards.

Fourth, I’m sure many young adult groups have combined functions with others - so you can meet others at a dance or a banquet. Those are fun too.

Fifth, a few years ago, Amy Bonacorsso wrote a great book titled, “How to Get to I Do.” Amy was young like you when she wrote this (it was written circa 2009 or 2010), and she relates how she met her husband. I really think it’s a good read for you and your girlfriends, particularly the after college and up to say, 35 crowd. Amy has also been interviewed on Catholic Answers, so you can find her radio interviews in the archives.

Sixth, as far as asking a man out, you can be subtle about it too where a guy may not register that he’s being asked. You can say something to a male friend like, “I’m going to get a cup of coffee (or a soda), would you like to join me?” When I was younger, I had a female friend that I would sometimes go work out with at the gym (I would usually ask her first, but sometimes she would ask me). I’ve had women ask me to dance at a party, and that is welcoming. I’m sure you and your girlfriends have done that a time or two, and you may have asked a male friend to join you at say, a Christmas party as your date. Some men today are a little scared to ask a woman out - from what my parents have told me, it was much easier in the 50s and 60s, when the world was a different place.

Seventh, online dating is OK, but be sure you two spend some time getting to know each other in person. I’ve done some Catholic online dating myself, and while I know personally at least 30 marriages that started with online introductions, having some in person time early on (i.e. within a few weeks) is very valuable. I recall Ave Maria Singles advising men and women to meet early on. If the two of you are in the same city, set up a coffee date or lunch date within a few weeks. If long distance travel is involved, meet within three months, otherwise your wasting each other’s time.

Lucia Pacific, you sound nice and I can hear your frustration - quite a few young adults are going through similar scenarios that you are going through. Your not alone.

Take care and God Bless

 

[ADS1987]

It’s so hard sometimes I see women who are like “oh I got a husband early I am so glad I am not 30 and unmarried” and I get so sad, especially because if I was married w kids I would be relieved too. My twenties were mostly spent dealing with my family of origin’s really serious problems. It feels unfair sometimes.

I am almost 30 and unmarried. I am very successful career wise and am well respected in my field of work. I have a very bright future. But I have been very unlucky and unsuccessful with women. It is truly amazing the ways I have lost women.

God has a plan for all of us. We do not see the full plan and have no way of knowing the future. We live in the present and can only guess the future. The future can feel so distant and even scary at times. But God knows what is best for us and has a reason for why we are single for so long. I and am sure most singles would like to know why and for how long we are to be single. When we get to heaven we can ask God why it needed to be this way. I would ask why does there need to be so much heartbreak and so much of an empty feeling after a failed relationship. It seems that if you and your spouse were brought together much sooner than things would have been much easier with less heartbreak.

God wants to make us stronger and is building us up to try to fight the bigger battles against sin. In some way, God’s plan for us did not include people in past relationships from being permanent fixtures in our life. But he wanted them in our life for a short time to show us something, to teach us something. We might figure out what that is or maybe we wont but there is a reason for all this.

Maybe one day I will be married and you will find someone. But it is in God’s timing and not our timing. I dont know what God wills for my life but I do know that He knows better than I do what is best for me in my life. That is the best way at looking at dating. Keep praying. God will bring us to our calling. Pray for the strength to get through the crucible that can be the dating world. Married life will offer its own struggles and in some way God is preparing us for that through dating.

 

[beauraing]

Hello, Lucia Its not easy to give you an appropriate reply. Well your doing the right thing in praying. My suggestion is to not become to anxious about it. Focus on your interests as you have been doing, getting involved in church related works and Eucharistic adoration. Let your prayer be ‘Lord, your will be done’.We were put on this earth each and every person to know love and serve God. This is our vocation. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.
God bless