Why don't people dress for Mass?

[Denae]

I usually just wear a nice pair of jeans, good shoes, a nice shirt or blouse. It’s sad when I see people (especially women) dressed immodestly. Like I would never wear a tank top or shorts or sweats to Mass, but at least they are there. They could have just said “s***w it, I’m not going if I can’t wear what I want!” but they chose to go. So I say God bless 'em for it.

 

[LilyM]

The way we dress often has an impact on how we behave. If I’m wearing jeans and a t shirt, I behave much more casually than if I’m wearing dress clothes & heels. I have started wearing a hat to church now because I love hats & it’s my chance to wear one. I’m on a crusade to bring back hats!

Peace,
Linda

Of course it affects how we behave - and if I wear dressy clothes I possibly behave more formally (though no less reverently), and I definitely behave with greater self-pride, greater vanity and greater egocentricity.

And you wear hats why - because YOU love them? And this sort of egocentrism is giving glory and reverence to God how?

 

[kage_ar]

I totally agree with this as a 43 year old father of a 17 year old daughter. My wife and I raised her in the faith and try as we might when she hit 12 she started pushing the limit with slutty dress for Mass. It was such a hard time as we had many loud discussions just before leaving for Mass! We were torn between keeping the peace for Mass and letting her go as-is, or insisting 100% that she dress non-slutty. It was such a terrible time!! Now she is somewhat respectful but still dresses in form-fitting tees, jeans and flip-flops. I hate it. Wife and I dress nicely, casually, but no jeans, sneakers or “go-to-the-mall” clothes.

Whoa.

Sorry, but, for a father to use the term “slutty” three times in speaking about his 12 year old daughter’s clothes is way over the top.

Here is a solution for you -

Don’t buy your daughter immodest clothes, if she recieves them as gifts, return them to the store or throw them out. Your daughter learns how to respect herself from her father. That is a serious duty.

 

[ChristinaM]

Whoa.

Sorry, but, for a father to use the term “slutty” three times in speaking about his 12 year old daughter’s clothes is way over the top.

Here is a solution for you -

Don’t buy your daughter immodest clothes, if she recieves them as gifts, return them to the store or throw them out. Your daughter learns how to respect herself from her father. That is a serious duty.

Beat me to it, kage_ar…clearly someone is buying that girl her clothes. At 12 she can’t drive herself to the store, and unless she has a very well-paying babysitting gig, she doesn’t have the money to buy them herself. Even if she’s 17 now, it’s your house, your rules. Mom and dad have to draw the line.

For myself, I prefer to wear a skirt or nice slacks to Mass, but I don’t mind what anyone else is wearing if it is modest and respectful. I do think people should dress a little nicer if they are EMHCs or readers. I will never forget the day my fiance and I went to the “youth Mass” and there was a shapely EMHC of 15 or so, wearing a skin-tight, electric-green dress with clearly visible panty lines! Not only was it immodest, it was horribly distracting since she was up there in front of the entire congregation.

 

[Sinnergy]

Whoa.

Sorry, but, for a father to use the term “slutty” three times in speaking about his 12 year old daughter’s clothes is way over the top.

Here is a solution for you -

Don’t buy your daughter immodest clothes, if she recieves them as gifts, return them to the store or throw them out. Your daughter learns how to respect herself from her father. That is a serious duty.

I’m sorry, I do not agree with your solution at all. I’ve seen girls runaway from home for such parental behavior. My daughter has friends with Christian parents who are very heavy-handed with them. Although we talk with the kids and try to teach them to respect their parents and their wisdom they still don’t even want to go home. One girl left home the day she turned 18 and doesn’t communicate with her parents. Given all the issues that can exist at any time in a family I believe you have to pick your battles. What’s more important? A zero tolerance environment or preventing a dysfunctional relationship with your child that may go on for many years? I believe you have to balance what you want the outcome to be with the potential for it to turn out a disaster.

I don’t know if you’re a parent but, if you are, I hope your kids are perfect, God fearing angels. Not all kids are no matter how loving or hard-handed a parent is.

My prayers go out to all parents. May God bless you with peace and joy in your families.

Sinnergy

 

[DL82]

Taking the long view, dressing ‘up’ for Mass is a relatively recent phenomenon. Go back more than 150 years or so, most people had one kind of clothing, and that was the clothing appropriate to their work, whether farming or workshop work, homemaking, or the uniform of their employer. Only the upper classes had multiple styles of clothing, and they generally wore the middle-range of their clothes (i.e. morning coat rather than frock coat) to go to church. It’s really a Victorian bourgeois idea, dressing in your best clothes for church.

Of course, many young people are wearing their best clothes for church. If you have a cheap off-the-peg suit which you wear to work every day and associate with the time you’re sitting at a desk, and then a pair of expensive designer jeans which you would wear if you wanted to impress someone, I’d say the jeans are more your ‘best’ clothes than the suit.

 

[ladylinguist]

Several people seem to make the argument that dressing up puts you in a more reverent frame of mind. That you are someone able to be more “holy” if you’re in dressy clothes. In my personal experience, that is patently untrue. I have attended church in everything from dresses to raggedly old, old-my-gosh-I-slept-through-my-alarm-what’s-clean outfits and I have never once paid more attention to God based on my clothing choices. My clothing does not dictate the direction of my heart. I love God just as much in my jammies as I do in my most dressy outfits. Provided modestly is being attended to, you have absolutely no right to judge someone’s appreciation for the solemnity of the Mass or adoration of God based on their wardrobe. You are neither more reverent nor more righteous in your skirts and suits than someone in jeans and a sweatshirt.

 

[dconklin]

Several people seem to make the argument that dressing up puts you in a more reverent frame of mind. That you are someone able to be more “holy” if you’re in dressy clothes. In my personal experience, that is patently untrue. I have attended church in everything from dresses to raggedly old, old-my-gosh-I-slept-through-my-alarm-what’s-clean outfits and I have never once paid more attention to God based on my clothing choices. My clothing does not dictate the direction of my heart. I love God just as much in my jammies as I do in my most dressy outfits. Provided modestly is being attended to, you have absolutely no right to judge someone’s appreciation for the solemnity of the Mass or adoration of God based on their wardrobe. You are neither more reverent nor more righteous in your skirts and suits than someone in jeans and a sweatshirt.

Very well said! If you are at mass worried about what others are wearing, your heart is not fully loving the Lord. Sure, lead by example - but if you are at mass with the least bit anger or judgement on your heart you are missing the whole thing. Mass is a communial event - not an invitation only party.

 

[GraceDK]

God sees us in the nude, people, which I’m sure gives Him a good laugh. I am not a different person, neither is God a different God, for the fact of my putting on some dressy threads.

There are a few reasons why we dress, and why we choose certain types of clothing:

a) a concession to the weather (ie it’s too cold to sleep or strut around the house in the nude - I live alone by the way)

b) a concession to human respect and opinion which has nothing to do with God.
Either self-image or the respect of others. Fear that the neighbours/boss/President or Pope/my grandma/the people on the bus would be offended if I went naked/wore a bikini/wore a low cut top and miniskirt, or else I would feel uncomfortable going naked/wearing certain clothing in given situations, including church.

c) vanity or pride. I want to look good or show off in front of others.

I’ll freely admit that, a couple of things aside (fear of causing scandal and respect for my body as a Temple of the Holy Spirit) which dictate modesty and cleanliness but not skirts, suits or heels, I REALLY don’t think the Almighty cares what I wear, and most of our clothing choice is motivated by one of the above three reasons rather than anything else.

I like the poster who said you need to ‘make an effort’ for God. God Himself, in the person of Jesus, taught us to call Him ‘Abba’, a word akin to ‘Daddy’, not even a particuarly formal or respectful way of saying ‘Father’.

Now I don’t know about how you all have been raised, but I have a human father, I know that he loves me and I love him regardless of clothing, and if he turns up in sweats to my wedding I will still be as pleased and proud as punch just that he is there as if he was in a tuxedo, and I believe he reciprocates those feelings about me.

AMEN

Jesus said: its not what comes into a man from the outside that makes him unclean but what comes out of his heart… all kind of sin.
I believe sometimes we focus on the form too much and overlook the content.
Should there be certain rules… certainly, but…
how about we focus on our own sin, beating our chest like the publican infront of God. He “stood far away” meaning, he was guilty infront of God and he lowered his eyes. He did not see the pharisee standing next to him… he saw himself and the Holy Lord…

Just a few thoughts.

 

[kage_ar]

I’m sorry, I do not agree with your solution at all. I’ve seen girls runaway from home for such parental behavior. My daughter has friends with Christian parents who are very heavy-handed with them. Although we talk with the kids and try to teach them to respect their parents and their wisdom they still don’t even want to go home. One girl left home the day she turned 18 and doesn’t communicate with her parents. Given all the issues that can exist at any time in a family I believe you have to pick your battles. What’s more important? A zero tolerance environment or preventing a dysfunctional relationship with your child that may go on for many years? I believe you have to balance what you want the outcome to be with the potential for it to turn out a disaster.

I don’t know if you’re a parent but, if you are, I hope your kids are perfect, God fearing angels. Not all kids are no matter how loving or hard-handed a parent is.

My prayers go out to all parents. May God bless you with peace and joy in your families.

Sinnergy

Good gracious, did I say to chain the child in the cellar and make her a scullrey maid?

If setting rules for our homes makes kids run away - how do you account for the hundreds of parents on this very board who make rules every day and have loving relationships with their kids?

Yep, I am a parent of a teen. I am a volunteer with teens.

Parents who do not set rules regarding the behaviour will have kids who do not respect the parents or society or for the Faith. Those kids will show that lack of respect in many ways, one of which is by dressing in inappropriate clothes for Mass.

I would really suggest you do some reading by good Catholic experts in parenting - www.drray.com is a fantastic resource. He helps parents not to be afraid to BE parents.

Prayers!!

 

[beencounter]

Jesus said: its not what comes into a man from the outside that makes him unclean but what comes out of his heart… all kind of sin.
I believe sometimes we focus on the form too much and overlook the content.
Should there be certain rules… certainly, but…
how about we focus on our own sin, beating our chest like the publican infront of God. He “stood far away” meaning, he was guilty infront of God and he lowered his eyes. He did not see the pharisee standing next to him… he saw himself and the Holy Lord…

Focusing on our own sin should be a given. When I returned to the faith 2 years ago, I noticed how my current clothing was fashion minded and it felt extremely inappropriate. My soul felt exposed as if the trappings of my previous pagan life were adorning me.

I have a fear of God and because I want to honor the 1st commandment…loving God with all my heart and soul…, that would include honoring him with clothing that honors and reflects the respect I have for Him.

I realize that other people may not have the means or the interest to dress better but since I have the financial means to pay for clothing, it is a great honor to dress for our King.

I have heard that poor people dress to the nines when they attend church, while the rich dress as if they are going to a golf outting.

 

[GraceDK]

Focusing on our own sin should be a given. When I returned to the faith 2 years ago, I noticed how my current clothing was fashion minded and it felt extremely inappropriate. My soul felt exposed as if the trappings of my previous pagan life were adorning me.

I have a fear of God and because I want to honor the 1st commandment…loving God with all my heart and soul…, that would include honoring him with clothing that honors and reflects the respect I have for Him.

I realize that other people may not have the means or the interest to dress better but since I have the financial means to pay for clothing, it is a great honor to dress for our King.

I have heard that poor people dress to the nines when they attend church, while the rich dress as if they are going to a golf outting.

And that is you and your personal experience which may very well be insired by the Holy Spirit. However this does not mean that because you then later see another person dressed in fashionable clothes you have any business assuming anything about the person or go to him and indicate that he is making an idol out of his clothes. Do you not agree?

Some of the finest and most innocent people are, I bet, those who dont notice the clothes of others but notice souls, rejoice that they are there, love them, and have all patience in abundance with everyone while being demanding of himself in accordance with what the Holy Spirit tells him.
What business is it to others what a person wears? None. That particular person may be taught by the Holy Spirit about transformation in other areas of his life because the clothing, which was a problem in your life, might not be so in this person’s life from God’s point of view.
Let me remind you that Jesus and his disciples did not wash their hands and the pharisees were shocked and scandalised. They looked at surface things and they got lost in them.

In the Christian culture that surrounds me caring about other people’s clothes has always been seen as a sign of spiritual immaturity, lack of charity and actually pharisaism. Coming to these fora and reading all the threads on this topic has made me agree with that…

 

[beencounter]

And that is you and your personal experience which may very well be insired by the Holy Spirit. However this does not mean that because you then later see another person dressed in fashionable clothes you have any business assuming anything about the person or go to him and indicate that he is making an idol out of his clothes. Do you not agree?

Yes, I strongly agree with you.

Some of the finest and most innocent people are, I bet, those who dont notice the clothes of others but notice souls, rejoice that they are there, love them, and have all patience in abundance with everyone while being demanding of himself in accordance with what the Holy Spirit tells him.

Agreed.

What business is it to others what a person wears? None. That particular person may be taught by the Holy Spirit about transformation in other areas of his life because the clothing, which was a problem in your life, might not be so in this person’s life from God’s point of view.

Perhaps how I dressed was a problem for sure, but that does not address what I want to emphasize. Here is a good example:

We have a eucharistic minister that was wearing the same dress every Sunday for several months. It became noticeable to me because she is an especially large woman and the dress print was very memorable. It seemed obvious that she wore the same dress because it was the best that she had! She and her husband have 6 children and their cars are very old which tells me they did not have money for clothes. (Brings back memories of my own family life.) Hers was not a great dress, it was simple, but to her it was dressing up and indeed she made the effort! How much more comfortable she might have been in warm ups. But she made the effort to come to God’s banquet with respect. All of her boys wear little black pants with white dress shirts.

When I speak of dressing up, I do not necessarily mean the quality of the garment, but the formality of the clothing.

Let me remind you that Jesus and his disciples did not wash their hands and the pharisees were shocked and scandalised. They looked at surface things and they got lost in them.

I do appreciate your reminder, for to care only for our clothes would be a stumbling block, but I am referring to clothing worn on the Lords day, Sunday at Mass, and I am always referring to clothing that is modest.

I occasionally attend daily mass of a very poor parish during the week because it is close to my work. I cannot help notice how poor and old the daily parishioners are and I would never make issue of their attire.

It is the people with the means that I would hope would take better consideration of their Sunday attire. What we are inwardly can show up outwardly, not always, but if I dress provocatively it certainly is an inclination that I want to attract the attention of men. That is the value in the media. But when I dress more formally, not necessarily as expensive, it means I want to attract the respect I have for God in the tabernacle. Having the means makes it a privilege.

The Blessed Mother’s clothing is always modest and formal. She is the model.

In the Christian culture that surrounds me caring about other people’s clothes has always been seen as a sign of spiritual immaturity, lack of charity and actually pharisaism. Coming to these fora and reading all the threads on this topic has made me agree with that.

We do not care about our clothes, but we care about our appearance to our Lord on Sunday at Mass. For those with the means, it ought to be a small sacrifice.

 

[julie4js]

Several yrs ago I mentioned this topic to my priest…I said that people don’t really know or understand and maybe we could get pamphlets that I had a sample of that explained how Our Lady disliked inappropriate dress and how its disrespectful.
.
He told me to take the LOG OUT OF MY OWN EYE.

right.
That totally turned me off although now, I really love him but won’t forget that…I think people should atleast hear the proper way out of respect …what to wear

Julie
aChildsHealth.com

 

[LilyM]

Perhaps how I dressed was a problem for sure, but that does not address what I want to emphasize. Here is a good example:

We have a eucharistic minister that was wearing the same dress every Sunday for several months. It became noticeable to me because she is an especially large woman and the dress print was very memorable. It seemed obvious that she wore the same dress because it was the best that she had! She and her husband have 6 children and their cars are very old which tells me they did not have money for clothes. (Brings back memories of my own family life.) Hers was not a great dress, it was simple, but to her it was dressing up and indeed she made the effort! How much more comfortable she might have been in warm ups. But she made the effort to come to God’s banquet with respect. All of her boys wear little black pants with white dress shirts.

How do you know that? How do you know they dress this way purely because these clothes are their ‘best’? How do you know she’s not just too lazy or too sinfully cheap to shop for more clothing? There are plenty of stores out there now that make larger-size clothing at decent prices, y’know, so size on its own is no barrier.

Point being, people dress for a myriad of reasons and what they wear is NOT, as a general rule, any sort of window into their souls.

The Blessed Mother’s clothing is always modest and formal. She is the model.

Why are you equating modesty with formality here? Are baggy jeans and a loose high-cut sweat top not modest as well?

Formal? Never. What Our Lady wears is what she wore in life, the ordinary street dress of a humble woman of her day. Simple gown and veil. If her robes were silk and satin or spangled with gold and diamonds then you could say she dressed ‘formally’, but there’s never any indication that they are. She never speaks of dressiness or formality in dress, she only ever speaks of modesty.

 

[Cat]

I dress dressy–for me.

I’m sure that to some other people, I am dressed casually.

I wear a pair of slacks and either a sweater (winter) or shirt (spring, summer, fall). The sweater is always one with an ice skating theme (e.g., little skating penguins or bears). Often the shirt is a t-shirt, but it is a pretty t-shirt, the kind that fat ladies wear, with a floral print. No writing.

I wear a pair of SAS shoes (orthopedic). Black socks.

To me, this is dressy.

I don’t wear dresses because they look really bad with the SAS orthopedic shoes. I bought a dressier pair of SASs for my daughters wedding, and I did wear a dress–a very fancy black dress with a lot of shiny beads. It would not be appropriate, IMO, to wear to church because it is a tank top and because of all the shiny beads. I would look like I was dressed up for a wedding instead of a sacrifice.

I think that many people who come to church think they are dressed “Dressy.” For us to judge them and say, “They look like slobs, why don’t they dress up?” is wrong. They are doing the best they can, just like I do.

Personally, I think that a good guideline for all of us is the same Dress Code that the Vatican requires. Apparently jeans are OK at the Vatican. Apparently slacks on women are OK. So if it’s OK with the Holy Father, it should be OK with us. Right?

As for those who wear shorts, etc.–well, I say let the Holy Spirit convict them. I’m just glad they’re there at Mass instead of sitting down at our llocal megachurch sipping latte and listening to a videopastor.

 

[francesca_gen]

As for those who wear shorts, etc.–well, I say let the Holy Spirit convict them. I’m just glad they’re there at Mass instead of sitting down at our llocal megachurch sipping latte and listening to a videopastor.

LOL!!! (Although often one of the first things I do *after *Mass is get a vanilla latte and go read somewhere… my Sunday afternoon treat.)

I almost always wear a skirt to Mass because I almost always wear skirts. I’m big, although my legs are slim for my size, and I find skirts make me look less like a beach ball on stilts. I do occasionally wear slacks; sometimes wear nice heavy-gauge T-shirts (no writing). Very rarely do I wear jeans to a Sunday Mass – I did while on vacation in Hawaii, once for a 10 PM Newman Hall Mass on my way back from camping (Hawaii was camping as well), and maybe a couple of other times.

If I go to a weekday Mass on Fridays and I’ve worn jeans to work, I will wear jeans then. I have been known to go to the weekday TLM in jeans and a mantilla – a bit o’cognitive dissonance, I suppose, but there you go. I figure if no one in that parish takes offense at my jeans, I’m OK.

Francecsa

 

[GraceDK]

Several yrs ago I mentioned this topic to my priest…I said that people don’t really know or understand and maybe we could get pamphlets that I had a sample of that explained how Our Lady disliked inappropriate dress and how its disrespectful.
.
He told me to take the LOG OUT OF MY OWN EYE.

right.
That totally turned me off although now, I really love him but won’t forget that…I think people should atleast hear the proper way out of respect …what to wear

Julie
aChildsHealth.com

I understand that that was a turn-off for you. But maybe the priest thought you had reached the spiritual level where you dont loose face but just listen and learn (if he is a very holy priest who saw your heart).
However, there is also a big chance that he was just being down right rude and did not listen to anyone but himself in all his might… it happens …

However… to deal with the suggestion you gave him. I find it problematic… because the question is: who should write the pamphlet? Our Mother Mary is not available to write something like this on command. and you cant use images from 2000 years ago in Nazareth and think: here it is!
Appropriate and respectful is a wide concept… Who says what it is? I have heard women saying that only dresses are appropriate… but thats their own judgement… it has nothing to do with the Virgin Mary whatsoever.
The Virgin Mary looked like everyone else at her time. She wore what other young women wore. Had she been living today I assume she would not have worn a scarf on her head… she would probably have worn skirts sometimes… pants other times and shirts that were moderate but still pretty. And she would have been just as wonderful in that because holiness comes from the inside…

The Gospel of Christ was very much about putting things in the right perspective.

 

[julie4js]

I did not write the pamphlet.
One of the Pamphlets was from Tan Books another was from :

christianfamilyoutreach.com/pamphlets/dress.pdf

There’s also an audio of it: AUDIO christianfamilyoutreach.com/pamphlets/audio/howshouldidressformassandadoration.mp3

I’m looking for this catholic org. that had bundles you could buy and put in your church for people to randomly pick up.

I also am a Girl Scout leader and had the girls go to EWTN for Kids.
This was to earn their Junior Girl Scout Badge…Looking Your Best.
We went to ewtn.com/ewtnkids/
Go to the Town and Click on the church,
then the step to the choir,
click the left pews and the books on the pew.
Then Dress Up for the King.
We learned how we shouldn’t wear shorts, no miniskirts or skimpy shirts.
God gives us the best and deserves no less-
Let’s Dress up for the King and reverence for our Holy Lord
Who always gets the best!

Julie

 

[Cat]

I did not write the pamphlet.
One of the Pamphlets was from Tan Books another was from :

christianfamilyoutreach.com/pamphlets/dress.pdf

There’s also an audio of it: AUDIO christianfamilyoutreach.com/pamphlets/audio/howshouldidressformassandadoration.mp3

I’m looking for this catholic org. that had bundles you could buy and put in your church for people to randomly pick up.

I also am a Girl Scout leader and had the girls go to EWTN for Kids.
This was to earn their Junior Girl Scout Badge…Looking Your Best.
We went to ewtn.com/ewtnkids/
Go to the Town and Click on the church,
then the step to the choir,
click the left pews and the books on the pew.
Then Dress Up for the King.
We learned how we shouldn’t wear shorts, no miniskirts or skimpy shirts.
God gives us the best and deserves no less-
Let’s Dress up for the King and reverence for our Holy Lord
Who always gets the best!

Julie

I’m sorry to repeat myself, but if a parish is going to set out printed suggestions for a “dress code,” why not use the dress code that is used at the Vatican? Why should we try to be holier than them?