Why gender neutral child raising is a terrible idea

  • Thread starter Thread starter JimG
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
“My boys have never asked me for a My Little Pony backpack. What would I say if they did?
“No. That’s for girls.””
I agree more with one of the comments:
I agree, and the one point from the author that I bristled at was when she said she wouldn’t allow any of her sons to have My Little Pony, and would tell them it’s only for girls. It’s one thing to say we shouldn’t be trying to force our boys to play with My Little Pony when what they really want to be doing is crashing their trucks into each other, but it’s quite another to deny your children toys they’re interested in because they’re the wrong gender. Playing with My Little Pony or Barbie isn’t going to make a little boy into a girl the same way that a little girl playing with Star Wars or Transformers isn’t going to magically turn into a boy.
And on the lesbian parent trying to get her son to wear tutus, I agree, that’s wrong, if the son isn’t comfortable with it, but in the linked article quoted in the main article, she mentions that she’s mistaken in doing it:
“When I catch myself trying to do these things, it ends up making me feel really retro and dumb about gender,” Michelle continued. “It just takes me away from the reality of like, him. Atticus. Like who is he? What does he want? And the sort of purity of the things that he’s interested in or delighted by.”
“Obviously, I want to support whatever he wants to be,” Michelle said.
 
Apparently the problem is more than just socializing or gender stereotyping. I clicked on one of the links in the article to a book by Leonard Sax—“Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men,” and read a few excerpts from the book. It seems that boys have within the last few decades been becoming physically more fragile, more apt to break bones, as well as becoming less motivated.

One anecdote tells of the good money to be made by journeyman plumbers, but when someone tried to recruit just 12 young men to joint a training program with a promise of a good job at completion, they could only get ten in the whole county, and then most of them dropped out. He thought they would be motivated by good pay and benefits, but they weren’t. They just didn’t want to put in the work.

So, I think there’s something going on that is more than gender roles. It seems that boys are becoming feminized both mentally and physically. But the same problems aren’t affecting girls, who continue to be motivated.
I can see how this happened though and it has nothing to do with feminisation. Hard Labour is not appealing to people anymore and there is far less need for it. Or rather, there are better alternatives. Now I don’t know what it is like in America, but I know that being a plumber would have been a good trade in my dad’s day. However my generation (I’m 25) would have been basically conditioned by our teachers and society with the notion that we pretty much had to go to university / technical college. Jobs that would have been considered very good in the past were considered demeaning by our generation; jobs that only those who couldn’t get into uni would consider doing. The reason you don’t notice it with girls is that they rarely did hard labour in the first place. Disclaimer: I am not knocking anyone who has these jobs. This was just the essence of the unconscious opinions held by the kids of my generation and they were very flawed.

Kids in general are more fragile because they don’t exercise enough. They eat less healthy food so don’t get calcium. They don’t go outside so no vit D. They stay in because of TV and video games. If you don’t exercise your bones get weaker. Parents are far too protective and drive their kids everywhere. Again, this is something that probably effects both genders equally but might be more noticeable in boys.
 
Actually, pink for girls and blue for boys dates back only to around the 1940’s.
No tin England. It was in full swing decades at least before then as my own mother knew. She was born soon after the turn of the century

I find it a lovely thing though. Always parental choice and watching mothers- to -be choosing baby garments at my market stall is a constant joy … I make white and cream for the “don’t yet know” ones. And green trim this being Ireland…

These customs mean so much to so many so long may they last.
 
I’ve nothing against pink and blue clothes for girls and boys its just the lack of choice in shops, eg I was shopping for someone who was having a girl but didnt want all pink clothes for her. I ended up making something for her.

It just bugs me that some people gender stereotype small children when it shouldnt be necessary and dont get me started on the whole "we knew our son was really a girl when he wanted to wear pink’ attitude, why cant someone just be a boy who likes pink?
 
I’ve nothing against pink and blue clothes for girls and boys its just the lack of choice in shops, eg I was shopping for someone who was having a girl but didnt want all pink clothes for her. I ended up making something for her.

It just bugs me that some people gender stereotype small children when it shouldnt be necessary and dont get me started on the whole "we knew our son was really a girl when he wanted to wear pink’ attitude, why cant someone just be a boy who likes pink?
Yeah exactly. To be honest this is what confuses me about the transgender movement. It seems like, rather than being progressive, it reasserts gender barriers and stereotypes, as male anatomy precludes an interest in the feminine.
 
I should know better than to link to another article by Rachel Lu. But I like her writing, and was intrigued by this article. As the mother of four boys she does not think that boys need to be liberated from boyhood. And there is this pertinent quote:

“My boys have never asked me for a My Little Pony backpack. What would I say if they did?
“No. That’s for girls.””

Why gender neutral child raising is a terrible idea.
Gender neutrality would have made high school French so much easier! I could care less if my kids refer to their <> as <> or <>, but French teachers (and native speakers) are much less forgiving.

My kids have no genders, just sexes. And the boys are not allowed to be Bronies, even if a My Little Pony backpack would make them 20% cooler.
 
I’ve nothing against pink and blue clothes for girls and boys its just the lack of choice in shops, eg I was shopping for someone who was having a girl but didnt want all pink clothes for her. I ended up making something for her.

It just bugs me that some people gender stereotype small children when it shouldnt be necessary and dont get me started on the whole "we knew our son was really a girl when he wanted to wear pink’ attitude, why cant someone just be a boy who likes pink?
With little infants, blue or pink is a nice clue for strangers/slight acquaintances, especially when they wear basically the same thing (one piece sleeper) regardless of gender.

In my experience, my girls have been very assertive about wearing pink around 3/4, but toward the tweens, my oldest has moved far, far away from pink. Likewise, the 3-year-old is being very princessy right now, but I suspect she’ll eventually move away from that look.

There was also a time when our oldest was a 3-year-old when she insisted that she was Thomas the Tank Engine and insisted that she needed to wear blue all the time. (I complied willingly, as I had a younger brother in line for her hand-me-downs.)
 
Actually, pink for girls and blue for boys dates back only to around the 1940’s.
I’m not sure how true this really is. My grandmothers had their children in the late 1910’s-early 1950’s. Newborns all were neutral colors (mostly white) since all births were full of surprises so no way to plan what clothes to get out and ready. Both grandmothers had larger clothes for older children–blue for boys and pink for girls. My grandmother in the Northeast had lots of “Little Boy Blue” gowns and pink “Little Ms. Muffet” gowns for the girls. Yes, both still were white and gowns were common for both genders. They were coupled with sweaters and buntings for warmth as needed. The other grandmother lived in the Midwest. She dressed her boys in blue and girls in yellow.

During the 1990’s when the trend of parents putting boys in pink started to become common, both of my grandmothers were horrified. I highly doubt that pink for boys and blue for girls was really the norm, but maybe was what the “fashion industry” was attempting to establish
 
I remember watching a news program on TV about a couple who were raising their child to be gender neutral and I thought it was sooo strange. They took it to the extreme. The kid was about 3 or 4 years old. The kid always wore only neutral clothes, hair length and style was neutral where it could be a little long for a boy or a little short for a girl but could go either way. The kid had one of those genderless names like Terry or something. It was so bad that the couple even kept the child’s true gender a secret from their own family and even the grandparents! :eek: From pregnancy onward they never told anyone the child’s gender. I remember they said their family thought they were crazy. They never referred to the child as he or she, just by name. The only ones who knew the child’s true gender was the parents. I think that is very strange and will just make the child confused and does more harm than good.
:eek: That is just bizarre.
 
Yeah exactly. To be honest this is what confuses me about the transgender movement. It seems like, rather than being progressive, it reasserts gender barriers and stereotypes, as male anatomy precludes an interest in the feminine.
The transgender movement is unfortunately very confused about human sexuality and gender. There is a lot of that these days, though.
 
Yeah exactly. To be honest this is what confuses me about the transgender movement. It seems like, rather than being progressive, it reasserts gender barriers and stereotypes, as male anatomy precludes an interest in the feminine.
Transgendered individuals feel that were born with the wrong parts. It has nothing to do with gender stereotypes. A transgendered woman might be feminine, a tomboy, interested in makeup, interested in hunting, or all of the above.
 
But can a small child really know that they are in the wrong body? When my mum was about 10 she went through a phase of short hair and baggy tops and liked being taken for a boy. It was a response to her going through puberty early and I really don’t think she would have benefitted from people telling her she must be a man trapped in a womans body.
 
But can a small child really know that they are in the wrong body? When my mum was about 10 she went through a phase of short hair and baggy tops and liked being taken for a boy. It was a response to her going through puberty early and I really don’t think she would have benefitted from people telling her she must be a man trapped in a womans body.
Gender dysphoria is more complex than wanting to be a boy/girl. Some do experience it when they are younger but then make the decision to transition later on in life. It’s not really just liking being mistaken as the opposite sex/going through a phase tbh, more of being extremely distressed about their biological sex and always feeling out of place. (There are people who call themselves genderneutral, etc) With younger kids, parents shouldn’t be so quick to tell the child what she/he is feeling is dysphoria of course. I feel like the younger generations are so quick to put a label on everything
 
**
With little infants, blue or pink is a nice clue for strangers/slight acquaintances, especially when they wear basically the same thing (one piece sleeper) regardless of gender
.

In my experience, my girls have been very assertive about wearing pink around 3/4, but toward the tweens, my oldest has moved far, far away from pink. Likewise, the 3-year-old is being very princessy right now, but I suspect she’ll eventually move away from that look.

There was also a time when our oldest was a 3-year-old when she insisted that she was Thomas the Tank Engine and insisted that she needed to wear blue all the time. (I complied willingly, as I had a younger brother in line for her hand-me-downs.)**

👍 A great help indeed…
 
The transgender movement is unfortunately very confused about human sexuality and gender. There is a lot of that these days, though.
Wondering why? The fruit of the gay influence into the new generation maybe? Inclusivity and all that ?
 
Wondering why? The fruit of the gay influence into the new generation maybe? Inclusivity and all that ?
The “fruit” of the “gay influence” it is the gradual destruction of marriage and the family and an increasing erosion of the meaning of marriage in civil law into a basically meaningless sexual union between any two individuals.
 
But can a small child really know that they are in the wrong body? When my mum was about 10 she went through a phase of short hair and baggy tops and liked being taken for a boy. It was a response to her going through puberty early and I really don’t think she would have benefitted from people telling her she must be a man trapped in a womans body.
A child can feel anxiety about any aspect of who they are as soon as they are old enough to be self-aware, to make a distinction between themselves and others, between their own perceptions and what they think other people think and feel.

There are some sad cases where people have species dysphoria. They have a deep-seated anxiety about whether or not they even belong in the human race. Some seem to take solace in the idea that they are “really” some other kind of animal.
 
I guess the question is how the mature adults should respond to a child’s dysphoria. I just don’t feel comfortable with dumping complex ideas on children that they aren’t ready for, eg asking primary school children what gender they identify as. There is also a cynical part of me that wonders if being gender fluid is seen as being trendy so while there are those with genuine dysphoria there are also people jumping on the bandwagon.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top