Why get married?

[djforce888]

I really don’t see a point anymore. Honestly, I used to be the type of guy that wanted to save myself for marriage (still am) and find a special someone. However, the more I think about it the more I realize how much I love being single and doing whatever I want. Besides, I feel like most Catholics want to get married so they can have sex. My friends tell me that you can just get a gf and have sex with her instead of getting married. Also, they say when you are older it doesnt matter, because girls like older guys and there will always be young girls. Thoughts?

 

[austenbosten]

Hey you’re happy being single, that’s great!

As for others, yeah sex is a big thing, but not everything as your friend said; if it were about sex then just get a gf. I think it’s more about companionship and intimacy. People get married because they want to love and grow with another person.

It’s not for everyone, same with the religious vocation. Different strokes fo’ different folks. I’m just glad you’re happy and content with yourself. Who knows maybe a special little lady might come along and change your views

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I really don’t see a point anymore. Honestly, I used to be the type of guy that wanted to save myself for marriage (still am) and find a special someone. However, the more I think about it the more I realize how much I love being single and doing whatever I want.

You really might not be ready for marriage but I bet you’d change your tune if the right woman came into your life. If you love being single, more power to ya. But don’t let the “doing whatever you want” lead to being selfish. Doing whatever you want might hitting the bars regularly or it might mean quitting a good paying job and going to Ecuador and working on a self-sustaining farm. As a woman I’d find the latter much more interesting.

Besides, I feel like most Catholics want to get married so they can have sex.

Hmm. Not enough “young” Catholics getting married and way too many having sex before marriage for this to really be true.

My friends tell me that you can just get a gf and have sex with her instead of getting married. Also, they say when you are older it doesnt matter, because girls like older guys and there will always be young girls. Thoughts?

Please don’t use women for sex. And if you wait till your old and marry someone young she might just be looking for “security” and just tolerate sex with your old geezer self.

 

[R1ch4rd]

I really don’t see a point anymore. Honestly, I used to be the type of guy that wanted to save myself for marriage (still am) and find a special someone. However, the more I think about it the more I realize how much I love being single and doing whatever I want. Besides, I feel like most Catholics want to get married so they can have sex. My friends tell me that you can just get a gf and have sex with her instead of getting married. Also, they say when you are older it doesnt matter, because girls like older guys and there will always be young girls. Thoughts?

Save yourself for that special someone, whom you obviously haven’t found yet. When you do, you’ll want to marry her to build a bond, have a family and grow old to have grand children and if your lucky enough to live long enough, great grand children. Your friends must be young because I can tell you the older you get the more it matters. If you buy into this old guy/ young girl theory, your going to end up like several of my friends who desperately wish they had found a soul mate when they were younger because now they can’t. Marriage changes sex into intimacy and that’s so much better then sex. Your showing some confusion in saying you “used to be” the kind of guy that wanted to save himself and then say (still am). you can’t have it both ways.Do what you know is right not what “they” say!

 

[Kelfa28]

The issue of sex doesn’t instantly become resolved once you get married.

Abstinence is still very real within marriage. If people do think that the only reason they are getting married is to have sex…they are in for a very rude awakening.

Abstinence is even more difficult within marriage because sex is allowed and encouraged but we still have to keep ourselves in check while practicing NFP, during times of illness or when recovering from childbirth and other circumstances that are bound to arise in every marriage.

Kudos for being happy while single. It’s a noble calling and it is nice to be free from certain responsibilities.

It’s far easier to say no to sex outside of marriage then it is to say no within marriage.

 

[dusza]

To answer the main question, you get married to help each other get to heaven. The only thing better for that purpose is religious life.

As for the having sex outside of marriage and going to hell (I added that part), I think you’re just trolling.

 

[djforce888]

Thanks for the replies. I am just feeling very conflicted right now. I just graduated college and have an awesome job, but no friends that are Catholic or even practicing Christian close by. (everyone in church is so old or married) My whole life I have been single and I think I am starting to get used to it. I have a dream of getting married and stuff, but I am tired of being a hopeless romantic. I don’t think a women will ever help me get into heaven as woman in there very nature tend to cause drama whether they want to or not. I just don’t see the point in ever getting married. I wanted to as I thought it will help me get into heaven, but im starting to see that maybe I am meant to always be single. There are very few woman who are into faith, attractive, and single now a days. Plus I move every 3 years. I just want someone to talk to who I can look up to. (why didnt they write about Jesus when he was in his 20s!!) would have helped…

 

[robwar]

I really don’t see a point anymore. Honestly, I used to be the type of guy that wanted to save myself for marriage (still am) and find a special someone. However, the more I think about it the more I realize how much I love being single and doing whatever I want. Besides, I feel like most Catholics want to get married so they can have sex. My friends tell me that you can just get a gf and have sex with her instead of getting married. Also, they say when you are older it doesnt matter, because girls like older guys and there will always be young girls. Thoughts?

First of all, you need to stop listening to the other single guys that are telling you that you can have all the sex you want and don’t get married. This is not what God has in mind for married life and sex. While there might not be available single Catholic women, there are a number of single Catholic web sights so if you think you might be called to marriage maybe you should try one of these sights. Finally, what concerns me is the attitude that I like being single because I can do what I want. That is a pretty selfish and immature attitude. If you are single, you do have more time to do a ton of things for others. You have more time to be helpful to those in need. While you are single, maybe you should try to spend your extra time not on yourself but others. When I was single, I did volunteer in a number of things that I simply do not have time to do now being married and with a family.
And as you do things for others, who know maybe you just might met your future wife. This will prevent the me attitude from growing.

 

[cmscms]

However, the more I think about it the more I realize how much I love being single and doing whatever I want.

Cool enjoy it while you can. Marriage isn’t the only thing that stops us from doing what we want. You may have to one day care for a sick older relative since all your siblings and cousins are too busy with kids

Besides, I feel like most Catholics want to get married so they can have sex.

Although some may, most marry because they are in love and just want to spend the rest of their life together

My friends tell me that you can just get a gf and have sex with her instead of getting married.

But since you don’t want to have sex outside marriage, according to their logic you don’t need a girlfriend

Also, they say when you are older it doesnt matter, because girls like older guys and there will always be young girls. Thoughts?

Yes, there will always be younger girls than you but believe it or not, those girls get older as well. You can’t always date a 20 year old girl. Sure when you are 30 you probably could but by the time you are 45 yes you can go for the 35 year old woman, but the 20 year olds will think you are gross. Also, the bigger the age discrepancy, the more money most of the girls willing to date you will expect you to have

I just graduated college and have an awesome job, but no friends that are Catholic or even practicing Christian close by. (everyone in church is so old or married) …

Sadly, church is not always the best place to make friends

I don’t think a women will ever help me get into heaven as woman in there very nature tend to cause drama whether they want to or not. …

Ok, I tried to politely help you and ignore the underlying attitude in your post, but I must say, the above quote clearly explains why you are single. How judgemental !!! Woman do NOT always cause drama. Mature people realize life is full of struggles and they deal with them appropriately. This clearly shows you are incapable of dealing with conflict and need to grow up

I just don’t see the point in ever getting married. I wanted to as I thought it will help me get into heaven, but im starting to see that maybe I am meant to always be single. …

Well there is nothing wrong with that. And if it is God’s will for you to be single, all the more reason not to marry

There are very few woman who are into faith, attractive, and single now a days. …

Attractive??? Please define? What a shallow statement. And what kills me the most is the men who tend to talk like this are the ones according to societies standards are not too attractive themselves

(why didnt they write about Jesus when he was in his 20s!!) would have helped…

Jesus dies in his earliy thirties, yet he helps many people over 35 even though they can’t read about Jesus when he was 80

 

[MarcoPolo]

I really don’t see a point anymore. Honestly, I used to be the type of guy that wanted to save myself for marriage (still am) and find a special someone. However, the more I think about it the more I realize how much I love being single and doing whatever I want. Besides, I feel like most Catholics want to get married so they can have sex. My friends tell me that you can just get a gf and have sex with her instead of getting married. Also, they say when you are older it doesnt matter, because girls like older guys and there will always be young girls. Thoughts?

If you don’t feel called to marry, then stay single or be a priest. If you feel called to marry, pursue the girl you feel called to, and don’t assume there will be women available or suitable to you when you’re older. Also, if you do feel called to be married at some point, do not have the attitude to “do whatever you want” as a goal. You must give of yourself to her and your children. Sometimes, it might not be “whatever you want.” But such is the nature of all agape love, to give of oneself.

 

[ConstantineTG]

The only thing better for that purpose is religious life.

No it is not. The call to marriage is as great as the call to celibacy.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

Love and Life in the Divine Plan Family (2011)
Sister Jane Dominic O.P.

"Openness to the mystery of God to lead us away from selfishness. To allow love to be definitive. What good is our marriage vows if they do not cost us anything? In marriage we give what we don’t even have to give- our future. Marriage is the mystery of the limit. God ( who is love ) teaches us the limit. He embraced the limit our human nature In His incarnet limit which had a limit of suffering on the cross to brings with Him into the limitless into the horizon of eternity across the threshold of divine love.

We imitate the way He loves by follow in His footsteps with our wedding vows, “'this one for all my life”. There by in embracing the limit we find entry into the limitless.

Marriage draws us out of ourselves. Those in heaven neither marry nor are given in marriage. This does not mean that your spouse is no longer important to you because it is your spouse who helped you to grow out of that selfish love. Your love was transformed & so in fact you’ll have an even more tender, purified, & deeper love for your spouse. That love will be transformed & taken in most perfectly & completely into Divine Love."

When love seeks to be definitive to the end it embraces the limit. And God himself who is love, he comes to teach us this mystery of loving in the limit. He embraced the limit of our human nature in the incarnation. The limit of suffering on the cross. He was nailed to it died on it. All to bring us with him Into the limitless. Into the horizon of eternity across the threshold of divine love. So we imitate his way of loving we imitate the one who is love … How … By following in his footsteps to embrace the limit into the limitless.

The measure of love is this, the amount of responsibility one takes for the beloved is the measure of love. A husband takes responsibility for his wife, for children; protects & provides. A wife takes responsibility for her husband, her children; nurtures & supports. God takes responsibility for us. He created us. Fell in love with us. Called us to love as he loves. When he turned away he came to suffer & die for us & to redeem us. He continues this work of redemption; this work of love everyday in the Eucharist and the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Celebrated from the rise of the sun to it’s setting. He is here right now for us in the Eucharist in all the tabernacles of the world. He will be here for us until the end of time.

Glory be to the Father, Son, & Holy Spirit. As it was in the begging is now & ever shall be world without end. Amen

 

[dusza]

No it is not. The call to marriage is as great as the call to celibacy.

I don’t know what you mean by great, but that is not correct. I don’t deny that married people can be holy, even saints, if they fulfill their duty perfectly, but those who want to live for God alone don’t choose married life, simply because they wouldn’t be able to live for God alone and He requires it if one is to be perfect. Married life is natural, a creature comfort, which is an imperfection. The reason why so few people choose religious life is because of how much must be renounced, but the promised reward is also greater (“you will have treasure in heaven”).

Our Lord implied as much in Matthew 19. There are degrees of holiness and those who leave everything for the Kingdom are greater in glory. He reiterates that to St. Faustina, comparing the religious to being in glory like the brightness of the moon as opposed to dimness of the stars.

 

[EasterJoy]

No it is not. The call to marriage is as great as the call to celibacy.

One is not greater than the other because it is not a competition. The highest thing is to be obedient to the call you actually get. When you are in a symphony, you get no points for pretending you are first violin when your actual role is to hit a cymbal.

There is no great merit in simply avoiding marriage–it can even be a more self-centered choice than looking for a spouse primarily in order to have sex–but foregoing everything, including marriage, in order to be set aside in obedience for the sake of the Kingdom: That is the highest calling in that sense. It is not because sex is a bad thing, something inherently to be renounced. It is because the religious life makes use of the evangelical counsels, poverty, chastity, and obedience, to renounce all in order to make onesself a total gift to God. This is only a high calling if it is your calling, though. It is headstrong to insist on a vocation you desire for the sake of “winning” some “competition”.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thanks for the replies. I am just feeling very conflicted right now. I just graduated college and have an awesome job, but no friends that are Catholic or even practicing Christian close by. (everyone in church is so old or married) My whole life I have been single and I think I am starting to get used to it. I have a dream of getting married and stuff, but I am tired of being a hopeless romantic. I don’t think a women will ever help me get into heaven as woman in there very nature tend to cause drama whether they want to or not. I just don’t see the point in ever getting married. I wanted to as I thought it will help me get into heaven, but im starting to see that maybe I am meant to always be single. There are very few woman who are into faith, attractive, and single now a days. Plus I move every 3 years. I just want someone to talk to who I can look up to. (why didnt they write about Jesus when he was in his 20s!!) would have helped…

Don’t knock the idea that a woman might help you get to heaven. You could use the help; you’re not exactly starting with an attitude likely to get you canonized. For instance, love of neighbor is not rooted in a desire to avoid all dramas that didn’t start with you. Our Lord didn’t go looking for drama, but he’d not have had any ministry at all, had he avoided it.

 

[Burdensome1]

How is this not a trolling post? This person must know at least the tiniest amount of Catholic sexual teaching, in which case this makes no sense.

Decide if you are going to be Catholic or not. If you aren’t, fine, live like a pagan. If you are going to be Catholic, then you already know sex is reserved for marriage. Get married if you want, or not, but you know the rules about sex.

 

[nana3]

Thanks for the replies. I am just feeling very conflicted right now. I just graduated college and have an awesome job, but no friends that are Catholic or even practicing Christian close by. (everyone in church is so old or married) My whole life I have been single and I think I am starting to get used to it. I have a dream of getting married and stuff, but I am tired of being a hopeless romantic. I don’t think a women will ever help me get into heaven as woman in there very nature tend to cause drama whether they want to or not. I just don’t see the point in ever getting married. I wanted to as I thought it will help me get into heaven, but im starting to see that maybe I am meant to always be single. There are very few woman who are into faith, attractive, and single now a days. Plus I move every 3 years. I just want someone to talk to who I can look up to. (why didnt they write about Jesus when he was in his 20s!!) would have helped…

I think there are plenty of women out there, many virgins as well, but some may not be so attractive, as you mentioned here. They may be beautiful inside and have a heart of gold. They may be very Catholic and help you to heaven, but because they are not attractive, you won’t give them a chance. This is a topic that touches my heart because I have a 26 year old niece who is obese, but loves to go out and have fun. She wants a family some day and children. She is currently on a diet and lost 56 pounds, but she met two guys recently and they were both Catholic with only one thing on their mind. One wants sex and the other said he likes her, but won’t be seen with her until she loses about 100 pounds but they can stay friends and email each other. That made her feel like dirt. She allows him to make fat jokes and treat her so bad. She is upset because no on in the family likes him, but it is because of how he treats her. She allows it because she feels that is the best she can do being obese. I told her that it is interesting how he is skinny but his soul is so ugly on his view of human beings. She is not so attractive, but her soul is beautiful. Sad that men only want an attractive woman.

When I met my dh, I was not attracted to him, but for me that was a good thing because we became friends first. I usually got nervous around guys I liked a lot and didn’t know what to say, so he was easy to talk to. When he joined the military and lost so much weight, he was so handsome. But I had already fallen in love with him before the weight lost. Now he is morbidly obese and I still love him. That is true love. You love the person and not what they look like. I have a sister who always had a nice figure and her husband loved it. Everytime she got pregnant, she got big, really big and he was turned off by it. In her first pregnancy he left her but came back and then the second, the same thing he left her but this time for another woman. I think it so shallow that he based his marriage on looks above anything else.

Oh and about men helping and leading a woman towards heaven, I have seen this as well. So it can happen, it is that usually the woman is more faithful.

But if you are happy single that is great but remember you have to stay without sex unless you marry and unless you want to be guilty of fornication.

 

[Phaedra777]

My friends tell me that you can just get a gf and have sex with her instead of getting married. Also, they say when you are older it doesnt matter, because girls like older guys and there will always be young girls. Thoughts?

What a weird post. You say you are Catholic and then seem to think fornication and–well, my goodness, you seem quite interested in–your words–young girls.

Reading your post, I can only conclude marriage is not for you because as soon as your poor wife was not a young girl anymore, you’d be gone.

Dear Lord, deliver us from trolls.

 

[pure_angel]

I really don’t see a point anymore. Honestly, I used to be the type of guy that wanted to save myself for marriage (still am) and find a special someone. However, the more I think about it the more I realize how much I love being single and doing whatever I want. Besides, I feel like most Catholics want to get married so they can have sex. My friends tell me that you can just get a gf and have sex with her instead of getting married. Also, they say when you are older it doesnt matter, because girls like older guys and there will always be young girls. Thoughts?

That’s great that you are happy being single! Still save yourself for your future wife.

I think your mind is being feed to the media and your friends’ influences. Yeah, 60 year old dating a 20 year old (IT DOES MATTER). Does that sound gross to you or what? There is a point to get married besides procreate (it’s not just sex; it’s a beautiful thing that God gave us and should not be wasted like your friends are doing so). They get married because they want to be with their best friend forever (bff) and they want to be able to share EVERYTHING with that one person.

 

[Lucky7]

Honestly? You may be called to marriage one day still, but in my opinion you are in no way ready for it yet. You have a lot of maturing to do. It sounds like you are mostly interested in what marriage can/will do for you. What about what you can/will do for your future spouse?