no matter what I do or how much I pray I keep sinning year after year and continuously going to confession
That’s called ‘concupiscence’; that is, the human condition that we all suffer from: we’re all sinners.
why keep going knowing I will be back a week later surely heaven and hell becomes a lottery if I die after confession I’m saved but before confession I’m lost
No… that only holds up to scrutiny if you’re committing
mortal sins weekly.
Moreover, the sacrament of reconciliation requires not only sorrow for sin, but also the resolve to not sin again. Are you saying that it’s just mechanical – that is, that we really don’t
intend not to sin, but just go every week anyway? That would mean that we’re really not entering into the sacrament properly.
On the other hand, maybe you’re saying that we really
try not to sin, but it happens anyway. That’s ok – in fact, that’s why the sacrament is there: so that we have recourse to God’s grace when we try but fall to sin.
so just a gamble on which day I die also have to walk as if my life depends on it its like a wound that never heals and getting punished for bleeding on the floor
Very poetic and angsty.
However, it’s not the correct analogy. It would be more like “a self-inflicted wound, and a doctor that keeps patching me up, but I keep hurting myself. If I
truly don’t wish the doctor to help, then the doctor can’t heal me; but, if I cooperate with him, then he’ll keep working with me to ultimately heal me of my disorder.”