Why Have a Girlfriend/Boyfriend? Am I being conceited?

[johto760]

First some background:
I’m a 19 year old college student, I’m currently here in the philippines, but after I graduate I will be going to Canada to start my life there. I’m single since birth, although I tried courting some girls when I was in High-school, but ended up giving up or messing up.

Here’s where the title goes:
If I were to have a girlfriend here in the philipines or anywhere else, “I want her to be “!The One!” I get to marry, and have a life with”, even if we are, or anyone else are both just in Elementary, College, High-school or no school, I believe that this concept should be the main goal of having a healthy boyfriend/girlfriend relationship lead by God through the Holy Spirit,

one could say that: “We don’t always get what we want in Life”,

I say: “Ask God, and be Faithful to Him and your special someone”,

One might ask: “If you tell her that you want her to be “The One” you end up marrying, you could scare her, or worst, lose her don’t you think?”

I say: “I have asked God for every bit of guidance, strength, knowledge, mostly wisdom and help in accordance to this matter, what must I fear?”

Imagining/envisioning things that might happen (Daydream) and Experiencing things that are happening (Life) are very much different, one might add, ^_^,

I say: “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3: 5-6 ^_^”

NOTE that I’ve never had a GF before ^^, so I don’t have a clue on what a girl might say to me if I were to tell her all these, but I try my very best not to worry about it too much, and leave it to her and God to say and do what’s best, I have my Girl-friends (friends who ARE girls ^^), a few of them are really JUST friendly to me, and I to them, the rest are either: one of my closest friends or just a friend, but no one of them are close enough to be in a relationship situation with, so, until I get to meet a potential someone, get to know her and stuff, I would just have to trust God, that He leads me rightly to her one day, ^^ haaayss, it’s tough, especially that I haven’t really experienced approaching a girl I like, I usually get so so nervous and just back down, but this time I have to be strong, even if I’m nervous, ^^ wooohh, walk by faith, not by sight?, it’s tough, ^^ but it’s what a Catholic/Christian should do (2 Corinthians 5:7) resistance is futile in my experience. ^^

I whole-heartedly asked and prayed to God for the Wisdom in discerning all these things mentioned above, so;

Am I being Conceited by believing all these things/concepts?

Please give some feedback about all these, I’m totally at peace with all of the above concepts, but our heart is/can be deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) right?, so I don’t want to base a big of a concept in my single life RIGHT NOW on JUSt feelings. After praying for Wisdom, through the Holy Spirit, I believe that I should ask other people’s opinions, who also believe in the Risen Christ’s way of life, as well. ^^ Also, this topic is part of my struggles in finding God’s will in my daily tasks, my dreams, and my desires, basically, I think, for all of my life. ^^

GOD LOVES YOU>

 

[Seatuck]

I think it makes sense to wait until you are thinking about marriage to date. You can be friends with the opposite sex , of course. But to me dating is an interviewing process for finding a spouse.

 

[lizaanne]

I think it makes sense to wait until you are thinking about marriage to date. You can be friends with the opposite sex , of course. But to me dating is an interviewing process for finding a spouse.

I totally agree. And until this time comes for you, don’t sweat it. Just live your Faith, enjoy being with friends, and be open to the Holy Spirit. Don’t think about it so much, you just don’t know what the future holds for you, so trying to figure out God’s plan and prepare for it is not a great use of your time and energy.

You will know when it’s right - and in the mean time just be faithful.

~Liza

 

[gearhead]

Here’s where the title goes:
If I were to have a girlfriend here in the philipines or anywhere else, “I want her to be “!The One!” I get to marry, and have a life with”, even if we are, or anyone else are both just in Elementary, College, High-school or no school, I believe that this concept should be the main goal of having a healthy boyfriend/girlfriend relationship lead by God through the Holy Spirit,

I think it’s fine to go into a relationship with the hope that it will grow into marriage, but IMO, it would be hard to tell whether a particular woman is “the One” without getting to know her. Just as important, it would be hard for that woman to know whether you’re her “the One” without getting to know you.

One might ask: “If you tell her that you want her to be “The One” you end up marrying, you could scare her, or worst, lose her don’t you think?”

Yes, you could… if she doesn’t feel the same way for you.

I think Seatuck’s piece of advice about considering dating as the interview process to find a spouse was a good one. It’s a lot of pressure to put on a first date (and on you!) to go into things with the mindset that this girl absolutely has to be the one you spend the rest of your life with.

I’m definitely not saying that you should do anything you don’t feel right doing while dating, but just remember that dating isn’t marriage.

 

[Alexius]

I told my gf only a few months into our relationship how I felt–similar to how you feel–and that was not bad at all. Of course, now she expects much more from me than before–more PROOF

You are right though, it could scare the other person off if they are not ready to hear that, so best be careful. If you feel there is a special connection, then go for it. You will know when that happens–you will see it in their eyes. Still, it can make things hard if that other person has a desire inside of them to travel the world and they also know you want to be with them. Internal strife is not good for relationships, but…you just take it one day at a time and SACRIFICE and SERVE just as our Lord did–what a great model for how to be a great bf!!!

Prayers and petitions,
Alexius

P.S. the serenity prayer is awesome for anyone in a relationship, especially in those times of trouble…

 

[johto760]

I think it makes sense to wait until you are thinking about marriage to date. You can be friends with the opposite sex , of course. But to me dating is an interviewing process for finding a spouse.

“Dating”, hmmm… I’ve researched about what dating is and how it’s done, apparently there are a lot of ways to find someone to date huh?, wheew, I guess I would just have to take the oppurtunities when it comes. wooohh…

dating is somewhat like an interviewing process, I mean a man/boy and a woman/girl meet in the hope of being connected, sounds about right, thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut Seatuck.

GOD LOVES YOU>

 

[johto760]

I totally agree. And until this time comes for you, don’t sweat it. Just live your Faith, enjoy being with friends, and be open to the Holy Spirit. Don’t think about it so much, you just don’t know what the future holds for you, so trying to figure out God’s plan and prepare for it is not a great use of your time and energy.

You will know when it’s right - and in the mean time just be faithful.

~Liza

It’s like letting tomorrow worry about itself, ^^ (Matthew 6:34), is using bible verses this often dangerous?, I haven’t really read the cathechism of the catholic church in total, but it is part of our curriculum in high-shcool, and I love the way it explains bible scriptures and topics relating to adultery, and how it says somewhere that our identity is in Christ, it helped give me a boost of moral after reading some parts. ^^

Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut Liza, I may be worrying about future things in the past, but now that you’ve mentioned it, I don’t see it as a lifestyle anymore, I was always frustrated, haayss, anyways, thanks again.

GOD LOVES YOU>

 

[johto760]

I think it’s fine to go into a relationship with the hope that it will grow into marriage, but IMO, it would be hard to tell whether a particular woman is “the One” without getting to know her. Just as important, it would be hard for that woman to know whether you’re her “the One” without getting to know you.

hmmm… I’ve mentioned about getting to know her and stuff in the NOTE part of my first post, but anyways, I appriciate the seconding.

Yes, you could… if she doesn’t feel the same way for you.

^^, then being clear about how we truly feel for each other is the way to go huh? ^^

I think Seatuck’s piece of advice about considering dating as the interview process to find a spouse was a good one. It’s a lot of pressure to put on a first date (and on you!) to go into things with the mindset that this girl absolutely has to be the one you spend the rest of your life with.

I’m definitely not saying that you should do anything you don’t feel right doing while dating, but just remember that dating isn’t marriage.

Dating isn’t marriage, gotcha. ^_^,

Here in the Phlippines though, COURTING (actually humor) is the best way into a woman’s heart. If the Courting concept is somewhat foreign to anyone here, here is a good article about it:

revolutionoflove.com/singles/courtship/courtship.html

COURTSHIP is nothing like dating, It’s way harder to find a woman who wants to be courted at home, when you’re in the states, but here in the Philippines, you’ll find ample, if not many, Filipinas who want to be courted at home,

here are some sites to give some light about all these:

articlesbase.com/gifts-articles/courting-a-filipino-woman-720723.html

seasite.niu.edu/Tagalog/love.htm

Not many Filipinas are much into dating, plus I think dating is a little too dangerous, because the parents, who cared for the woman for so long, and should have a more mature and better knowledge and wisdom about relationships (since they are in one ^^), doesn’t get invovled much, this is all due to the concept that if you’re 18, you can do whatever you want, haaayss, this is a rather cunning way to mess up true freedom’s meaning, authentic freedom means doing whaterver you want, yes, but also said in the CCC-1733 The more one does what is good, the freer one becomes. There is no true freedom except in the service of what is good and just. The choice to disobey and do evil is an abuse of freedom and leads to "the slavery of sin."28, if a couple can attain a good relationship through dating, then a couple can attain a better relationship through courtship, not only between couples, but between friends and family members as well, hitting 2 (actually 3) birds with one stone thing. ^^

It’s typically hard for Westernized brains to accept the concept in total, because of the invovlement of the parents, and the attention a couple gets from friends and relatives, but if a family is serious about asking God that one of their kids may find his/her soulmate, then letting them know and understand what courtship is, and what good and solid blessings it brings out, through the Graces of The Almighty, is a more family-oriented and God-fearing(in reverence) path, after all, if one marries another, one marries and accepts another’s whole life, his/her beliefs, moods, personalities and life-orientation, for a family-oriented person, it is easier to be a loving spouse and father, depending on the relationship of the family, than a free man who doesn’t value in a family’s blessing.

^^, I may have overdone it a bit about courtship, but I hope it’s clear that while I’m here in the Philippines, I wouldn’t have faith in dating much, Courting a lady is a way to go here. ^^

To sum it all up, we’ll see that I wasn’t really talking about dating a girl in the first place, it was an appriciated advice given,

From :revolutionoflove.com/sing…courtship.html

A distinction between dating and courtship is this: a person would never enter into a courtship with someone whom they would not consider marrying. Yet a person will often enter a dating relationship with someone to whom they are attracted to, while knowing in their gut that they would never want to marry that person. The reason this happens is because dating does not imply responsibility for the other person. The problem arises when emotional commitment and often physical intimacy leads a couple who are dating to consider marriage and even pursue it, only later to decide that it was the wrong decision.

In courtship, both the man and woman are aware of the importance of the decision they are making, regarding marriage. They are responsible to be honest and open with each other. They choose to guard carefully emotional and physical intimacy for the sake of the other, protecting themselves each from unnecessary heartache and pain if the relationship does in fact break off. If the relationship continues to lead toward marriage they will also discover the great joy of being faithful and self-sacrificing to one another. Their marriage will be blessed with untold joys because they will share in each other’s physical affection in total self-giving and pure love. And the wait will only make the expression of physical intimacy that much more exciting and wonderful.

GOD LOVES YOU>

 

[johto760]

I told my gf only a few months into our relationship how I felt–similar to how you feel–and that was not bad at all. Of course, now she expects much more from me than before–more PROOF

You are right though, it could scare the other person off if they are not ready to hear that, so best be careful. If you feel there is a special connection, then go for it. You will know when that happens–you will see it in their eyes. Still, it can make things hard if that other person has a desire inside of them to travel the world and they also know you want to be with them. Internal strife is not good for relationships, but…you just take it one day at a time and SACRIFICE and SERVE just as our Lord did–what a great model for how to be a great bf!!!

Prayers and petitions,
Alexius

P.S. the serenity prayer is awesome for anyone in a relationship, especially in those times of trouble…

Yeah, if the other is into traveling or doing something that she cannot do in Canada, like being a Director, or doing manga, it will get a little too complicated if the feelings were to arise early on.

Dating is not a sure way to get “THE one”, COURTING her is, ^^ because you’re in like a “trial relationship” (you’re responsible for the other but you’re not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship yet ^^) minus the physical intimacy like holding hands, mouth to mouth kisses and hugs, it is okay to hold hands, kiss and hug each other, but they got to be sure that they just don’t “Feel like doing those things”, they have to be prepared for the emotional effects that holding a special person’s hands, or hugging a special someone, or kissing him/her implies, in short, they have to be prepared to marry him/her in the future before going into kissing and hugging situations, because kissing and hugging someone special “Makes Emotions”, we don’t want to base our decisions on JUST what we feel right? that’s why we ask God for the wisdom when the time comes, so that we don’t have to lean on our own understanding or our experiences, but trust in God more.

THANKS FOR the comment Alexius.

GOD LOVES YOU>