D
doglover2
Guest
It begins with Jasiek, my first boyfriend. His friend Lukasz and others were always around. The first time Lukasz talked to me I noticed he seemed friendly and easygoing. I was out of town for 2 months. When I came back I didn’t remember Lukasz’s name but I was VERY happy to see him, I hugged him and asked him what his name was. Then I ran into him on Uxbridge Road and we had a short conversation where I was asking him about where someone was and then another time I sat near him and had a brief conversation with him when we were eating. One day I ran into him when I got off the bus. He asked me where I was going. Then he zipped up my sweater and all of a sudden I realised that I had feelings for him.
The next time that I saw Lukasz, we had dinner and then he, our friends Pawel, Bartek’s brother who refused to ever tell his name, and I were sitting in a park area. I put my hand on Lukasz’s leg and he ignored me. I put my head on his shoulder and he ignored me. I almost walked away. Then I told Lukasz, my hands are cold, so he put my hands in my sleeves. Then I said, but your hands are warm, so he put his hands on top of mine stiffly. I put my fingers through his but it was clearly just platonic. Then I took his arm and put it around me and he finally got the message.
The next time that I saw him, Lukasz, Pawel, and another guy who was also named Pawel, and I walked to a Christmas activity together. I held Lukasz’s hand and he was okay with it. Later on while we were in there we ate something and then sat together, then Lukasz asked when I wanted to meet again. Then he volunteered to walk me home which really shocked me because if I had asked my ex boyfriend Jasiek to do such a thing he would have told me off.
When Lukasz and I were first in a relationship I did not want to set times to meet with him because I was afraid he wouldn’t show up and I thought he was probably busy with his friends. However, he went out of the way to show up where he knew I would be in order to see me so I started trusting him. The icing on the cake was when one day I was sick and he went with me to the hospital. Wow. That was when my feelings for him turned from like into love. When I first met Lukasz I thought he was incredibly ugly and when we started dating I never looked at his face because I was afraid I would stop liking him as much. The few times I accidentally saw it, yes I was disgusted to be honest. However, after my feelings turned into love, I could look at Lukasz straight in the face and he honestly appeared to be the most handsome guy I had ever seen.
The first time that Lukasz told me he loved me actually was when I had tonsillitis and couldn’t talk. I wrote him on a shoebox, “Lukasz, do you love me? It’s fine if you don’t, I’m just asking” and he wrote “So much! I missed you, really!” Something that really shocked me was that one day I told Lukasz, I don’t want to sleep with you until marriage and his response was “no problem.” That really shocked me big time because all the experiences I had ever had before people pressured me to sleep with them immediately which I did, and based on what I had heard, most guys wouldn’t be good with waiting until marriage. I ended up changing my mind but I felt like Lukasz respected me big time.
One day I saw Lukasz looking at a picture of a woman in lingerie. That was when I realised that he was attracted to other women. Now I had definitely heard people mentioning this phenomenon before but in my mind I wrote it off as a joke or an exaggeration because personally it’s incomprehensible to me that you would have feelings for one person but get any sort of enjoyment out of looking at another person’s body. Even when I was in high school and a girl with a boyfriend said she’d hypothetically like to kiss a celebrity, I felt weird…how could you possibly be attracted to someone else if you had feelings for one person already? And a male friend of mine told me that once he had a chance to sleep with someone other than his wife and he said no but it was really really difficult. I didn’t get that either. I mean, how could you even find the idea of sleeping with someone besides your partner appealing??? The way that I have always been, is even if I am watching a movie and I see 2 good looking guys in there, my mind immediately chooses one to feel those feelings of attraction to because I simply cannot be attracted to 2 people simultaneously on any level. After this happened with Lukasz, I went from being a US size 6 for 7 years to a US size 0 within 2 weeks. Sometimes when I think about this topic I feel like am I being punked? because my mind still cannot grasp the idea that someone loves someone, but yet enjoys looking at other women’s breasts??
Since then after talking to trusted male and female friends I realised that all men (and some women as well) are attracted to people other than their partners. That’s why I cannot have a relationship of bf and gf, anything more than friends with benefits, because I cannot stand this phenomenon. Sure, being in a relationship in general is a good thing, but in my case the cons outweigh the pros. Here is some stuff that people have said to me about this topic:
The next time that I saw Lukasz, we had dinner and then he, our friends Pawel, Bartek’s brother who refused to ever tell his name, and I were sitting in a park area. I put my hand on Lukasz’s leg and he ignored me. I put my head on his shoulder and he ignored me. I almost walked away. Then I told Lukasz, my hands are cold, so he put my hands in my sleeves. Then I said, but your hands are warm, so he put his hands on top of mine stiffly. I put my fingers through his but it was clearly just platonic. Then I took his arm and put it around me and he finally got the message.
The next time that I saw him, Lukasz, Pawel, and another guy who was also named Pawel, and I walked to a Christmas activity together. I held Lukasz’s hand and he was okay with it. Later on while we were in there we ate something and then sat together, then Lukasz asked when I wanted to meet again. Then he volunteered to walk me home which really shocked me because if I had asked my ex boyfriend Jasiek to do such a thing he would have told me off.
When Lukasz and I were first in a relationship I did not want to set times to meet with him because I was afraid he wouldn’t show up and I thought he was probably busy with his friends. However, he went out of the way to show up where he knew I would be in order to see me so I started trusting him. The icing on the cake was when one day I was sick and he went with me to the hospital. Wow. That was when my feelings for him turned from like into love. When I first met Lukasz I thought he was incredibly ugly and when we started dating I never looked at his face because I was afraid I would stop liking him as much. The few times I accidentally saw it, yes I was disgusted to be honest. However, after my feelings turned into love, I could look at Lukasz straight in the face and he honestly appeared to be the most handsome guy I had ever seen.
The first time that Lukasz told me he loved me actually was when I had tonsillitis and couldn’t talk. I wrote him on a shoebox, “Lukasz, do you love me? It’s fine if you don’t, I’m just asking” and he wrote “So much! I missed you, really!” Something that really shocked me was that one day I told Lukasz, I don’t want to sleep with you until marriage and his response was “no problem.” That really shocked me big time because all the experiences I had ever had before people pressured me to sleep with them immediately which I did, and based on what I had heard, most guys wouldn’t be good with waiting until marriage. I ended up changing my mind but I felt like Lukasz respected me big time.
One day I saw Lukasz looking at a picture of a woman in lingerie. That was when I realised that he was attracted to other women. Now I had definitely heard people mentioning this phenomenon before but in my mind I wrote it off as a joke or an exaggeration because personally it’s incomprehensible to me that you would have feelings for one person but get any sort of enjoyment out of looking at another person’s body. Even when I was in high school and a girl with a boyfriend said she’d hypothetically like to kiss a celebrity, I felt weird…how could you possibly be attracted to someone else if you had feelings for one person already? And a male friend of mine told me that once he had a chance to sleep with someone other than his wife and he said no but it was really really difficult. I didn’t get that either. I mean, how could you even find the idea of sleeping with someone besides your partner appealing??? The way that I have always been, is even if I am watching a movie and I see 2 good looking guys in there, my mind immediately chooses one to feel those feelings of attraction to because I simply cannot be attracted to 2 people simultaneously on any level. After this happened with Lukasz, I went from being a US size 6 for 7 years to a US size 0 within 2 weeks. Sometimes when I think about this topic I feel like am I being punked? because my mind still cannot grasp the idea that someone loves someone, but yet enjoys looking at other women’s breasts??
Since then after talking to trusted male and female friends I realised that all men (and some women as well) are attracted to people other than their partners. That’s why I cannot have a relationship of bf and gf, anything more than friends with benefits, because I cannot stand this phenomenon. Sure, being in a relationship in general is a good thing, but in my case the cons outweigh the pros. Here is some stuff that people have said to me about this topic:
- People in a relationship aren’t blind. I know they’re not. But there is a difference between thinking someone is good looking and being attracted to them. I’m straight but I think plenty of girls are good looking.
- It’s just like flowers. You don’t have to like one. Well yes but you can also have 2 flowers at once but not 2 women so I guess the analogy doesn’t work
- He’s looking at the menu but chose you. I’m still not good with it. It’s like I feel like sex and whatever is between the two of us, and if you quite like it when you see a woman in a low-cut top’s cleavage, that’s like whoaaa I thought that was between US.
It is hurtful.
