Everstruggling:
… I actually entered the seminary. I prayed for decades … finally I decided to stop beating myself up, and just believe that God couldn’t answer. … Now I’m p***ed.
I am reminded of the following story of a Dominican friar:
An upright and fervent friar, who had served the Lord during many years in great purity of heart
without experiencing any of those comforts and delights of which he had heard and read, as he stood one night before a great crucifix in the church began fretfully to complain thus to our Lord: ‘Lord, I have heard that thou excellest all creatures in pity and goodness: behold I have served thee these many years past, " keeping to the rough path because of the words of thy lips," giving myself entirely to thee, and striving with my whole heart to observe the rules of my Order. Still I feel convinced that if I had served the most exacting of task-masters but one-quarter of the time,
he would have shown me some token of good-will, by a kindly word, or a favour bestowed, imparting some secret, or at least by an approving smile, while thou, Lord, hast not vouchsafed any heavenly sweetness, nor given me the slightest token of favour. Thou who art sweetness itself art bitter to me, and harder than the most callous of masters. What is the meaning of all this, and what can be the cause of it?’
As he repeated these and other
presumptuous words, suddenly a great crash was heard as if the church were falling in, while overhead resounded the noise as of a pack of wolves trying to tear off the church roof. Sorely frightened and trembling in every limb, he looked round and saw a hideous monster standing close by, who with uplifted club smote him to the ground. All maimed and in an agony of pain he crawled to an altar hard by, where the stress of his pains forced him to lie, and there he was discovered next morning by the brethren, utterly helpless and suffering severely. Not knowing what had happened, they bore him off to the infirmary, where for three weeks he lay prostrate, his body meanwhile becoming so offensive that hardly anyone could go near him. At last he began to mend, and when cured of his distemper of body and arrogance of soul, he went back to the spot where he had merited wrath, in the hopes of there obtaining pardon of his sin. There he put up this prayer: ‘Lord, "I have sinned against heaven and before thee " (St Luke xv 18), and I own that I am not deserving of thy mercies or unwonted favours; thou hast smitten me in thy justice and mercifully healed me.’ Prone upon the pavement, thrice he most earnestly and suppliantly begged pardon for his previous foolish thoughts and words; then presently a voice sounded in his ears: ‘If you would enjoy comforts and spiritual sweetness, you must first become as vile in your own eyes as the worm and the dirt which you tread beneath your feet.’ He took heart from the words, got up, and after due thanks to God, lovingly and eagerly from that hour espoused holy humility. He himself told the whole affair to the Master of the Order, and lived afterwards to attain high perfection, and hold rank of office among his brethren.
Is that what you want?
Everstruggling:
If you look at the old testament, there are cases of God coming down and meeting with people who weren’t so happy with him. I’m banking on that or no meeting at all.
Now I am reminded of this excerpt form Scripture:
Judith 7:23 Ozias rising up all in tears, said: Be of good courage, my brethren, and let us wait these five days for mercy from the Lord. 24 For perhaps he will put a stop to his indignation, and will give glory to his own name. 25 But if after five days be past there come no aid, we will do the things which you leave spoken.
Judith 8:10 And they came to her, and she said to them: What is this word, by which Ozias hath consented to give up the city to the Assyrians, if within five days there come no aid to us?
11 And who are you that tempt the Lord? 12 This is not a word that may draw down mercy, but rather that may stir up wrath, and enkindle indignation. 13 You have set a time for the mercy of the Lord, and you have appointed him a day, according to your pleasure. 14 But forasmuch as the Lord is patient, let us be penitent for this same thing, and with many tears let us beg his pardon: 15 For God will not threaten like man, nor be inflamed to anger like the son of man. 16 And therefore let us humble our souls before him, and continuing in an humble spirit, in his service: 17 Let us ask the Lord with tears, that according to his will so he would shew his mercy to us
Would you be willing to humble yourself forever?
hurst
