Why I choose not to believe

[Holland]

I haven’t read all of the posts here but I can say the one thing you have to do is take your hands off the steering wheel and let God drive. In my journey back to the Catholic Faith I struggled a lot with what you are talking about. Its a lot harder than people think. We imperfect human beings always think we know more than God. We might not say it but our actions bely that fact. Once you quit fighting with God over the steering wheel, you will be open to his presence in your life.

 

[kev7]

Ask yourself how you would react and what you would do if you saw Jesus 2000 years ago.

Would you run away from him? No, I don’t think you would

Would you at least sit back and just watch him? Yes I think most people would.

Now, if he started to walk away from you with his followers would you follow him? Yes, I think you would. You might maintain your distance, but I’m sure you would want to keep your eye on him.

Would you not at least want to walk up to him and ask all these questions? I’ll bet like everyone your mind would be full of questions. Your mind would be full of doubt just like everyone. You might even demand that he explain the meaning of your life.

To that question Christ would simply ask. “Just walk with me for a short time.” There wouldn’t be any confusion. Just a simple walk with him and all your fears and questions would be answered.

The strange thing is just as you started to walk with him. Christ would leave you on the path. He would simply turn to you and say, “I have to go now”.

You would be worried and your mind would be full of confusion. All the questions you had would start to surface again. You would wonder why he just left you like that.

But then, just as you turned to look for him, you would see him run up towards a hill in the distance.

Before you had any time to think your heart, your mind, your body, and your soul would be full of a warm and extremely powerful light radiating from the hill. All your fears and worries would fade. You would feel the truth of Christ protect you. His light would radiate right through you. It would be the most powerful force of love you had ever experienced and you would feel its eternity. The light of Christ would make you realize that the evil of this world is totally insignificant when compared to the love and protection of Christ. You would realize that people who don’t ever try to walk with Christ create the evil of this world.

This is the truth of Gods plan. - his perfect plan. Knowledge of this plan alone should make you realize how blessed you are – how blessed all of humanity is! It is the hidden truth to life that is only answered by Christ. All manner of Sin is so utterly defeated. Your sin doesn’t exists when you turn to Christ because his love instant. Christ sets us free from sin in that way. He loves us all, and that is the only truth that we need know! There are no questions. There is only Gods love - a love that is calling out for everyone in this world. It cries for us all. It cries like a mother that lost her child. All we need do is look in the direction close our eyes and feel the warmth and ever-lasting protection surround our soul.

Let me tell everyone here that the sheer power of this light would make you cry every second you experienced it. I cannot explain this with words alone. I can only say that the love of God is so powerful and so personal that a mortal man or woman can only endure it for a short time. It may sound strange, but in that way we are also blessed.

There is no other option but christ for me. I’m also happy just being in world blinded from Gods light. I’m NOT ready for the full power of Gods love right now. Only God will know when I am ready.

 

[Chris_W]

Everstruggling,

Not sure if you’ve mentioned this before, but as I contemplate your struggle I asked myself a question that I tried but cannot answer with any confidence at all, so I’ll ask it of you:

What is it that makes you wonder about God? You seem much to thoughtful about this for it to be a passing curiosity, or perhaps the result of a casual conversation with someone.

I can’t put my finger on what it is that Ever is seeking. I know short term you wish for a powerful revelation from God in some way, but why?

Many people here have tried in some way to share what God means to them. How they experience God. What they think might be happening in your spiritual life. But it seems those thoughts are wanting somehow for you.

For me the answer is peace. That’s the main thing. The reduction of anxiety, anger, guilt, and discontentment. …my relationship with Him isn’t quite that self centered, but I’m trying to make a point.

Say God did what you asked. I know you said you’d believe, and/or dedicate your life to His service (something like that). But God created us for our own sakes. It is for our benefit that God loves us and we love Him.

If God did what you asked, aside from believing in Him or feeling somewhat indebted to Him, what do you suspect it would do for you long term?

Having seen His awesome power, would you then be content to pray and perhaps for years have your petitions seem unanswered? You would be able to tell others of this awesome event, but would it enable you to provide an answer if someone asks you the questions you have asked here? Will you be more able to accept that God may have a reason for not doing what you ask for (say healing a loved one)? Having had a brief but powerful interaction with God, would you be more able to console the people you help in your work who have not had a any such experience? What do you foresee it doing for you beyond the obvious amazement that God really can do what you ask for?

I hope you understand what I’m getting at (I’m not asking you to provide an answer to all those specific questions) I’m looking for an idea of what you’re really looking for (more long term than the miraculous event).

 

[Viki59]

Dear Ever,
I will pray for you that God makes himself known to you.

I’ve heard from God a few times but don’t like to dwell on it because I worry that people will think I’ve lost my marbles, or am naive, hallucinating, etc.
Could it be that God speaks to people that He can’t get through to in other ways? I had been to various churches all my life, but was heading down into a pit of depression when He spoke to me. He said, “Read the Bible.”
Laconic.
Now you have no doubt read the Bible, so He doesn’t need to tell you that.
You sound like a much better person than me. Without God, I’d be pretty selfish, definitely wouldn’t lead the life I do now taking care of a disabled husband, working with disabled children. Why waste time if this life is all there is?
But you, even without the assurance of God’s existence, lead a good,caring life. Perhaps you are already doing His will and He’s happy with how it’s going.
But you are not happy. I think something will happen to you, but can’t say what or when. Someday you may walk into a church, and the weight of God’s reality will fall on you out of nowhere.
I suggest you begin to act as if you believe in God. Do the things that Christians do, pray for faith, attend church, read the Bible.
Please do not be impatient. One thing I know about God is that His timing is not like ours.

Once I thought of a foolproof method of communicating with God. I needed an answer to a question, so I said, if the answer is yes, I’ll get a letter from out of state in the next week. If the answer is no, I’ll get an in-state letter. Very simple.
I always got mail every day, so I knew it would work.
What happened? No mail, not one piece of junk mail, for the next seven days.
I took that to mean that God did not want to be treated as a ouija board. He wants me to have a relationship with Him.
I hope this helps a little.

 

[hurst]

Everstruggling:

One thing I noticed seems to come up a lot is the idea that God is already as involved in my life as he ever is going to be. … Isn’t this just the same as saying that God is no more than a metaphore?

I hope the following scripture shows that God is more than a metaphor, and that it matters because we will be judged:

Acts 17:26 And hath made of one, all mankind, to dwell upon the whole face of the earth, determining appointed times, and the limits of their habitation. 27 That they should seek God, if happily they may feel after him or find him, although he be not far from every one of us: 28 For in him we live, and move, and are; as some also of your own poets said: For we are also his offspring. … 30 And God indeed having winked at the times of this ignorance, now declareth unto men, that all should every where do penance. 31 Because **he hath appointed a day wherein he will judge the world in equity, by the man whom he hath appointed; giving faith to all, by raising him up from the dead. **

As for involvement, I would compare it to the ocean’s involvement in the life of a fish. Perhaps it is taken too much for granted by the fish to even be noticed.

But God has plans of glory, and these plans require a certain cooperation in our nature before God will elevate us. We must cooperate in our sanctification in this life to prepare for the next life in heaven. If we don’t, then we can be thrown out as a bad fish.

Matthew 13:47 Again the kingdom of heaven is like to a net cast into the sea, and gathering together of all kind of fishes. 48 Which, when it was filled, they drew out, and sitting by the shore, they chose out the good into vessels, but the bad they cast forth. 49 So shall it be at the end of the world. The angels shall go out, and shall separate the wicked from among the just. 50 And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

hurst

 

[hurst]

Everstruggling:

The other thing I find weird is, was I the only one holding out any hope that God was actually going to show?
… I thought that maybe one person would have said, “I’ll pray he does show up for you.” or even “Give it a bit of time and he will.”

Are you familiar with this scripture?

James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea, which is moved and carried about by the wind. 7 Therefore let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.

Also, you haven’t mentioned much about pleasing God. Mostly about God pleasing you. This is why I was reminded of the story about the Dominican friar who was arrogant in his soul.

However, there is another option if you truly wish for God to manifest Himself to you…

PLAN B: “To him who will love Me and will observe My commandment, will I manifest Myself”

If you would that God manifest Himself to you, you should know that He would like to do it in a loving manner. Are you willing to love Him and give up your own will to be united to Him? Here is an excerpt from a Doctor of the Church, St. Catherine of Siena:

The soul, who is lifted by a very great and yearning desire for the honor of God and the salvation of souls, begins by exercising herself, for a certain space of time, in the ordinary virtues, remaining in the cell of self-knowledge, in order to know better the goodness of God towards her. This she does because knowledge must precede love, and only when she has attained love, can she strive to follow and to clothe herself with the truth. But, in no way, does the creature receive such a taste of the truth, or so brilliant a light therefrom, as by means of humble and continuous prayer, founded on knowledge of herself and of God; because prayer, exercising her in the above way, unites with God the soul that follows the footprints of Christ Crucified, and thus, by desire and affection, and union of love, makes her another Himself. Christ would seem to have meant this, when He said: To him who will love Me and will observe My commandment, will I manifest Myself; and he shall be one thing with Me and I with him. … It is therefore true, indeed, that the soul unites herself with God by the affection of love.

Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena, p. 14
catholicprimer.org/catherine/catherine_dialog.pdf

You know it is a choice to believe. It is also a choice to love. God will definitely manifest Himself to you if you decide to love Him. He has told us so.

John 14:21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them; he it is that loveth me. And he that loveth me, shall be loved of my Father: and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him. … 23 Jesus answered, and said to him: If any one love me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him, and will make our abode with him.

Thus, to love Him means to obey His commandments. This must be done in our heart as well as in our actions. But to know and be virtuous in our thoughts requires prayer. Pray for wisdom to know yourself and recognize God. If you turn to justice in your heart, to obey God, then it will only be a matter of time that God will manifest Himself to you in love.

hurst

 

[Philomena]

Ever, I **have **been praying that God will knock you off your stinkin horse!!! Guess that was a given. Be careful what you ask for! You just may get it!! God bless you!!

 

[I_Leatherman]

Dear Ever,

  I was not joking when I said go find a mountaintop. :D

You were TOLD by Him to put Him first - before all else.
That is what Elijah found on the mountaintop.
’ ELIJAH, WHY ARE YOU HERE ? ’
’ EVERSTRUGGLING, WHY ARE YOU HERE ? ’
Seek and you shall find.

 

[TobyLue]

Everstruggling,
I hope and pray that I am saying the right thing.
Some things that you have posted that I would like to touch on.

You said: “Could he not once, just once, come down and tell me he’s here.”

Guess what? He just did!! Look at another post “I’m starting to feel a little guilty for posting this thread.” Why feel guilty? If there is no god, there should be no guilt whatsoever. There would be no right and no wrong; nobody to tell you the difference. But God has just spoken to you! God is speaking to us all the time but we have to open ourselves up to hear him. That guilt is something that God has put in our hearts that’s called a conscience. God has written in all of men’s hearts His laws. He IS talking to you right now, telling you that He is in your heart.

  You say you want “faith”, but on the next breath you say you want Him to once, just once come down and tell you He’s here. Remember, faith is a “belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence” (dictionary) and you want both. If I come home from work and ask my wife “Where is our son?” and she says, “In his room” I have faith in what my wife is telling me and am sure he is there. However, if I say I have faith in what my wife has told me, but I still go into his room just to satisfy myself, then I DO NOT HAVE faith in what my wife has told me. You are asking for faith, however, you want God to come and show Himself to you. I afraid it aint gonna work, ever!  Just like the person that asks God, “God, please give me patience, but I want it RIGHT NOW”.

God is speaking to you and He is touching you right now!! He is getting you back on the right track. He has led you here where others can share God with you.

Sometimes people (me included as I have done it many, many times) are so busy “TALKING” to God and putting demands on God that we fail to listen. We need to just** shut up **for a moment and let God speak to us. Going before the Blessed Sacrament and, as scripture says, in Eccl. “there is a time to be silent”, is an excellent place for us to listen.

 

[Ryan_King]

I should like to recommend the book The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis. I read it a few months ago, and found it most useful.

 

[Phaedrus]

Ever,

I have two bits of evidence of God’s existence to offer you:

1. The responses you have gotten from the people in this forum. God works through His people. You sought His voice, and He has answered you.
2. Your original post. You cannot let go of God. You are going to great lengths to reassure yourself of His existence. I don’t think you will ever be free of Him, and I think your heart will be restless until it rests in Him (St. Augustine).

I am also no stranger to doubt. My patron saint is the apostle Thomas. But I think you have already answered your own question by asking it.

Under the Mercy,
Phaedrus

 

[Everstruggling]

Philomena:

Ever, I **have **been praying that God will knock you off your stinkin horse!!! Guess that was a given. Be careful what you ask for! You just may get it!! God bless you!!

“Praying God will knock me off my stinkin horse…Be careful what you ask for… God bless you.”

I just found that so confusing I had to quote it twice. You are praying that God punish and bless me in 50 words or less.

I just don’t have a response to that.

 

[Everstruggling]

One thought…

Again it has come up that I’m the one who has to blink first as it were. That God won’t come to me unless I humble myself before him.

Interesting. Why?

We are talking about an entity that is all-knowing, all-loving, all-caring, and all-forgiving aren’t we?

I used to have a dog. I loved my dog. Let me rephrase that, I LOVED my dog. I would go out and walk him when I was too depressed to move. I would pick up his feces, just so he would be able to run in the parks he liked to run it. I fed him the food he liked, even though it was more expensive. I trained him to do some things that he probably didn’t care about, but I made it worth his while. I rewarded him when he did the right thing. After awhile I rewarded him less for things he already knew, but I still gave him treats, still gave him things he liked. Here’s the thing. I expected a lot of him. I gave him a lot. But I never expected him to be as rational as I was. If he broke out of the yard, I went and got him. I didn’t say, “You’ve run from me who loves you. Your loss.” I went out, found him, and brought him back. I cleaned him up, and gave him dinner.

I was more loving to my dog than he was to me. Oh, sure, he wagged his tail, gave me kisses, snuggled on the couch. He could even seem to tell when I was down. He was upset when I was angry, but he never put aside his concerns for mine. And I never expected him to.

Now I know that people are bound to tell me, “But God has done all of this for you, because…” But seriously, in the Bible, Jesus tells people to be demanding. He tells them “ask and it shall be given” If you don’t believe Jesus was right, then fine, tell me how I’m going to be punished, that is completely consistent. But if you believe him, how can you say that I’m being unreasonable? Jesus says, “What father will give his son a stone when he asks for bread.” I’m asking for bread, and I’m being told that what I get is bread. It’s not bread. It might not be a stone, but it’s not bread.

If God is so much more than me, why would he have a problem coming on my terms? Is it embarrassing to him? I don’t think so. Would it be too much trouble? I don’t see how it could be.

Is it just that I’m the dog, he’s the master, and he expects me to go to him? A little petty of him if it is.

 

[Everstruggling]

Viki59:

You sound like a much better person than me.

:nope: REALLY, I’m not, trust me. I just haven’t bothered to list all of the rotten, petty, and self-indulgent things that I’ve done. I don’t really want to make a full public confession in this thread, but please don’t get the impression that I’m…

Look, all that I am trying to do in helping others is a desperate attempt to give back as much as I’ve taken. (Well, that and the fact I genuinely like them. There isn’t any great virtue in being kind to the people you like.) As far as the great moral cheque-book is concerned, I’m mired in the red.

 

[Everstruggling]

Why am I pursuing this?

That’s the $64… actually, the priceless question.
Many people here have shared their experiences of God or Jesus. I’ve gone through a huge range of emotions reading this. Desire, Longing, Awe, inspiration, sorrow, anger, and even in a few cases… pity. I sense that I’ve also made a range of impressions on those who’ve posted here (I can’t imagine that I’ve inspired awe, longing, or desire, but there does seem to be a range.)

I am indebted to those who’ve sent their love, their hopes, their prayers, and their concerns. I have much more faith in people than I ever did before. I don’t doubt the sincerity. I don’t doubt that so many of you have felt the touch of God. But I can’t build my faith on the experience of others. It would be a false faith. I’ve been there, done that.

I really can’t describe what this thread has done to me. I’ve barely slept. I’ve stopped calling my friends, I haven’t gone out much except to walk through the park and wonder all about this. My parents are getting really frustrated (it’s their computer I’m typing all of this on), my mother has said, "I kind of miss you being scattered. Could you talk about or do something else for awhile?

So why?

I don’t know. It’s important. I don’t know why, it just is.

What do you do if you are dumped in a raft, out in the middle of the ocean? Hundreds of miles from any trace of land. No paddles, no compass, no way of knowing what way to go. Even if you guess right, even if you pick the most direct path, you will never make it. The tide is so much stronger than you are, there is no point in trying. What do you do?

What do I do? If I can’t beat the ocean, I pick a fight with the sky.

 

[Superstar905]

:nope: REALLY, I’m not, trust me. I just haven’t bothered to list all of the rotten, petty, and self-indulgent things that I’ve done. I don’t really want to make a full public confession in this thread, but please don’t get the impression that I’m…

Look, all that I am trying to do in helping others is a desperate attempt to give back as much as I’ve taken. (Well, that and the fact I genuinely like them. There isn’t any great virtue in being kind to the people you like.) As far as the great moral cheque-book is concerned, I’m mired in the red.

Let me tell you, if I listed all the rotten, petty, self-indulgent things that I’ve done, you’ll feel like you have some company here for sure. Believe me, you are not alone. One thing about Christians, is that we all recognize that we are sinners. The difference is, once you go through that transformation (we call it a born again experience) internally, and once you learn the truth, you have a much higher obligation to live a moral lifestyle and to reject Sin.

Good luck dude, I’m praying for you too. For everyone else here, pray for me too, I sure as heck need it.

 

[allhers]

Superstar905:

Let me tell you, if I listed all the rotten, petty, self-indulgent things that I’ve done, you’ll feel like you have some company here for sure. Believe me, you are not alone. One thing about Christians, is that we all recognize that we are sinners. The difference is, once you go through that transformation (we call it a born again experience) internally, and once you learn the truth, you have a much higher obligation to live a moral lifestyle and to reject Sin.

Good luck dude, I’m praying for you too. For everyone else here, pray for me too, I sure as heck need it.

So that’s what the Christians call “born again”?? I call it a daily examination of conscious. Well, that certainly clears that one up for me, I’ve been wondering about that for quite some time now, I think you just did a great job saying it in a few words there superstar. (now watch, about 50 other Christians will say: "no, that is not what “born again” is to me.) Oh well, at least it cleared it up for me.
See, this is why we Catholics go to Confession, we know we are sinful. (By the way…everstrugglin—when is the last time you went?) This is Advent, what a better time huh?? …and aren’t we all waiting now?
One other thing, to us Catholics…“born again” is Baptism (water and the Spirit), just to clear that up.

 

[the_phoenix]

Hullo, Everstruggling!

Everstruggling:

What do you do if you are dumped in a raft, out in the middle of the ocean? Hundreds of miles from any trace of land. No paddles, no compass, no way of knowing what way to go. Even if you guess right, even if you pick the most direct path, you will never make it. The tide is so much stronger than you are, there is no point in trying. What do you do?

What do I do? If I can’t beat the ocean, I pick a fight with the sky.

Years ago, a friend of my dad’s invited my family out onto Lake Ontario in his yacht. Near sunset, the yacht owner let me take the wheel. Said all I had to do was keep the ship steady according to the compass.

Trouble was, I have a weird electro-magnetism such that wrist watches don’t work properly around me and I mess up compasses. But back then, thinking that maybe it had only been a fluke that in my high school gym class my compass had pointed due South while everyone else’s pointed due North on orienteering day, I simply joked about my notoriously poor sense of direction, then happily took the ship’s wheel.

Well of course the yacht went off course. We were headed Southwest. But just as the yacht owner was about to take the wheel back from me and turn around, we noticed that we were being frantically hailed by a small speedboat.

Turned out that the speedboat’s motor had died, and the people aboard had no oars and a dead radio. Night was coming, and they were afraid they’d get run over by a steamship in the middle of the lake in the dark of night. We threw them a tow rope and lugged them safe ashore.

And all on account of God using my wacky deficiency in the right place at the right time!

Now, you say,

If God is so much more than me, why would he have a problem coming on my terms? Is it embarrassing to him? I don’t think so. Would it be too much trouble? I don’t see how it could be.

A good passage in the Bible to read is Luke Chapter 15. In it you’ll find the parable of the shepherd leaving behind ninety-nine sheep to seek out the one lost sheep, the parable of the woman sweeping the house to find a coin, and the parable of the prodigal son. They all have happy endings.

I’m looking forward to seeing good things happen for you, and you have again today been in my prayers.

~~ the phoenix

 

[barsapp]

Everstruggling:

One thing I noticed seems to come up a lot is the idea that God is already as involved in my life as he ever is going to be. That I’m just not seeing it. So if I start looking around I will see God everywhere.
My friends can be showing me kindness because they are, in fact, kind. Or it can be God showing himself. So my question is: What isn’t a sign of God’s love? I mean, it seems that everything that happens to me is attributable to God. Isn’t this just the same as saying that God is no more than a metaphore? That “seeing God” just means “being optimistic” or “looking on the bright side”?
If all God is a metaphore for love and joy. And being connected to Him means nothing other than looking at every good thing that happens as a gift. Then why bother with all of the rest of it? Why build churches, and fight with people in forums? Why worry about whether gays marry, or don’t marry, or use the word “gay” or live in the same neighbourhood, or go to the same schools, or worry about whether your kids highschool teacher went home with a guy at the bar last night? Why the mitres, the croziers, the books, and books and books of rules? Why not have female priests? Why have priests? I mean if all God is is just a figment of your imaginations? If the only way he ever acts is a …
I’ve gone and got carried away. I shouldn’t do that. Someone is bound to read all of that and feel the need to defend all of the particulars of Catholic faith and doctrine. That’s not the point I was trying to make. It was just a train of thought I went off on. My point is actually just the first part: If God is all around me, in all the people around me, and all of the things that happen, how is that really different than saying it’s just pretend.
The other thing I find weird is, was I the only one holding out any hope that God was actually going to show? I mean in a real, tangible, intelligible way? hurst seemed to consider it a possibility that I would get a wrathful response, and I Leatherman may have considered it, but it could also have been a joke. I thought that maybe one person would have said, “I’ll pray he does show up for you.” or even “Give it a bit of time and he will.”
Don’t get me wrong, people said that God would reveal himself “On his terms” or “in a way (I) don’t suspect” , but then again how is this any different than saying, “You will come to accept the metaphore.”
I’m not critcizing. I didn’t hold out a whole lot of hope, but I did have a little. I was just a little surprised that I didn’t see anyone else on board with it.

You have mentioned the word “God” a lot of times there… And I agree on this: the word “God” could become senseless nowadays, the days of the great apostasy when “God” becomes only a word to disguise a new kind of paganism … Better start talking about the Christ, God made flesh…

Mark 6, 2-3: “Where did this man get all this? What kind of wisdom has been given him? What mighty deeds are wrought by his hands! Is he not the carpenter, the son of Mary, and the brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?"

Our God is a hidden God, Deus Absconditus (Is 45, 15: “Truly with you God is hidden, the God of Israel, the savior!”). So, be sure you are not going to find Him everywhere. So, be sure you could have Him in front of your eyes and don’t recognize Him. John 9, 32: “It is unheard of that anyone ever opened the eyes of a person born blind”. You can have eyes, and don’t see. Luke 16, 30-31: “…’if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ Then Abraham said, 'If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.” Faith is a grace and a gift. Some stand, some fail. There are many kinds of seed: Mark 4, 4-8: “And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Other seed fell on rocky ground where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep. And when the sun rose, it was scorched and it withered for lack of roots. Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it and it produced no grain. And some seed fell on rich soil and produced fruit. It came up and grew and yielded thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold”.

 

[RobNY]

Everstruggling:

One thought…

Again it has come up that I’m the one who has to blink first as it were. That God won’t come to me unless I humble myself before him.

Interesting. Why?

God is always seeking us out and proding us with his grace. BUT, that doesn’t mean that we’re being receptive to his grace. Let’s go back to my C.S. Lewis analogy:

RobNY:

I don’t know if you read Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis, but he uses a lovely analogy. We examine the physical world with telescopes and other such instruments, and we examine and see God with our whole being. And, he says, just as a dirty mirror does not reflect the light shining on it, so too when our being is not properly predisposed, we are unable to see God distinctly and clearly. To translate this to the question of seeing God’s love, are you predisposed to see Him?

This is why you have to *humble *yourself. You have to clean that instrument that is your soul so you can see God clearly. It’s not so much that God isn’t coming to you-- it’s that God is coming to you and you can’t hear him or see him or feel him. You are right to ask and pray to God, but you also have to quiet your soul so you can hear his answer.

If God is so much more than me, why would he have a problem coming on my terms? Is it embarrassing to him? I don’t think so. Would it be too much trouble? I don’t see how it could be.

Is it just that I’m the dog, he’s the master, and he expects me to go to him? A little petty of him if it is.

God doesn’t expect you to go to him. God always initiates. But I’d refer back to what I was saying above about cleaning your ‘instrument’ so you can see clearly.