Why I don't go to church anymore

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ReeferShepard

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I am 19, born and raises Roman Catholic, and up until recently, attended mass every Sunday (or Saturday). It got to the point, when I just took a step back, and thought to myself…my parents claim to be so “religious,” and I felt as if I “had” to go…like it was work.

The main reason, was because I’ve been treated terribly lately, especially about my dreams and goals…my Mom saying “get real,” or “that will never happen.” Especially because of my dad…I don’t even talk to him anymore, but I heard him the other day say something to his friend about how I’m never going to amount to anything, etc…that was the last straw.

So I thought, go to church, and end up like them? Hell no. I’m not saying every Catholic is like this, but for the time, I’m fine not going to church. I still pray, believe in God, and everything else, and have actually felt a closer relationship with God since this has happened. I believe being “religious” comes from within…I don’t care if someone goes to mass everyday, if they don’t show it and live it, it means nothing.
 
When I was your age, I believed all churches were nothing better than social clubs. If you still believe in God, I suggest you pray to him, read up on religion, and meditate. If you are sincere, He will communicate with you. Be prepared to do what you are asked, however. That may be the problem. Your parents probably don’t like your attitude, lately. Sometimes, we can be a little nasty. I’m sure they are only trying to motivate you to apply yourself.
 
ReeferShepard said:
I don’t care if someone goes to mass everyday, if they don’t show it and live it, it means nothing.
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Well to be completely honest with you, that doesn’t matter. It’s not up to you to decide whether going to mass matters or not. If you feel the need to be so different from your parents, that’s fine, but why are you turning away from God rather than the traits of their’s that you don’t like? I’m sorry you’re having a tough time at home, I know how that can be… but as someone who was just confirmed at the Easter Vigil, I can tell you how lucky I feel to be able to participate fully in this part of our faith. You said it feels like you were going because you had an obligation to your parents – well you do have an obligation, but your parents have nothing to do with it. You have an obligation to Jesus. I would suggest going to mass every Sunday (or Saturday like you mentioned) and dealing with home problems by including God more in your life, not less. I hope I’m not coming across as judgmental, because I really do understand where you’re coming from, but I also think that shutting God out of your life will only make things worse.

Good luck and God bless
–Eric 🙂
 
First of all, please realize that it is not Catholicism – or even Christianity – that causes your parents to do and say such terrible things. It is their own sins and shortcomings that are at fault, not their religion. If you can, I recommend speaking to a therapist about your parents’ attitude toward you. An ounce of prevention and all that. Is there a trusted adult you can speak with, one that will help you confront your parents about their behavior? Is family counseling an option? Your parents should not be allowed to believe that their behavior towards you is appropriate.

Secondly, going to Mass is not always easy. You’re right, sometimes it does almost feel like “work.” That’s the fault of our own sinful natures. But considering Jesus suffered on the Cross for 3 agonizing hours for us, is it too much to ask that we spend one hour a week worshipping Him with a community of believers?

Thirdly, missing Mass for unjust reasons is a sin, and possibly a mortal one. I recommend the following article from This Rock:
Why is it mortal sin, objectively speaking, to choose to stay away from Mass on Sundays or holy days of obligation? The answer is, by that decision, on that occasion, we turn our backs on Christ and on the process of our redemption. We refuse to carry out Christ’s command to “do this” for the recalling and receiving of him and his salvation.
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The utter folly of what we do by willfully ignoring our Mass obligation is somewhat analogous to a deep-sea diver’s putting a crimp in his air line so that no air can come through to keep him alive. By a decision to miss Sunday Mass or a holy day of obligation we suspend the operation of sanctifying grace in our lives. For the sake of our eternal salvation, we must go to confession in true contrition as soon as possible and take the crimp out of our air line, so to speak, allowing sanctifying grace again to flood our souls.
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I recommend you speak with a priest about your feelings so you can get some spiritual guidance regarding your decision to stop attending Mass.

Good luck, and I’ll say a prayer for you.
 
My friend,
People fail… they all will–if you look to people, particularly those you are close to, for your faith–they will fail you.

God however will not fail you and neither will the Church! Those within might, but it will not!

I assure you, it is not the Church causing these hateful things, nor is it the Church’s fault that the hateful things are occuring.

Church and religion are vital for us to come to a full understanding of God.

God never said that Christian’s would have it easy, in fact quite the opposite. Most of the early Christian’s were subjected to illness, imprisonment, etc.

I’m not saying this to sound like a downer, but bad things happen to Christian’s, the same as anyone else.

The difference being, that as Christian’s, we have a higher order, we have Jesus’ life on earth to show us God, and the Heavenly Father who loves us beyond any human comprehension. I assure you He knows exactly what you’re going through and why, even if it doesn’t make sense.

The Christian life is one full of “process”, some good some bad, sometimes we know the outcome, sometimes we don’t. But it is how faithful we are to Him that He is after. Bad things happen, and those that are close will hurt you, it is not because you are bad or because of something you, God or the Church did.

I understand exactly what you are going through–I was there myself for well over a decade–and I dont’ expect you to fully grasp what I’m saying because I wouldn’t have if somebody had told me.

However, I hope you will look back one day and understand what God was doing, what He was allowing and that He did INDEED have a plan for you… He had a plan in mind for you long before you were born, I firmly believe that! Give Him a chance and don’t give up!

The problem with internalizing religion (I mean this in a negative, anti-church manner), is the further you get from Church and her sacraments, etc. ultimately, the further you will lose sight of God (I know, I was there). This will not be an immediate process, but you will see it happen over time, so I encourage you, regardless of what your parents may say to you, to continue to attend Church and stay close to God. He IS your Heavenly Father who loves you!

I would also encourage you to participate in some sort of church events and make some friends within the community. I am certain they will care for you as if you were their own! I’m not saying some of these people won’t let you down at times, they’re human! But the broader base of interaction within the church you have, the better off you’ll be!

I will be praying for you, and your walk!

Peace be with you!
 
Your parents have said hurtful things. That is the fault of the sinners (your parents), not the church. People like your parents who go to church but do not show holiness in their lives are not interiorizing the teachings of Christ. They often go to church and show acts of piety out of habit. A good habit, but one that is not producing fruit.

What you can learn from your parents is that it’s not enough just to “go to church.” You must learn and live the teachings of Christ. Interiorize the teachings. Move forward on the path to holiness. Live in imitation of Christ. Going to Mass and receiving the sacraments will help you in this effort. Refraining from going to Mass will not help you.

Forgive your parents and teach them by example. God Bless.
 
Your post reminds me of a song… from the early 90’s … so you might not know it… I think it was Janet Jackson… “What have you done for me lately?”

It sounds like your parents have said some things that have hurt you (I would be hurt if someone told me I’d never amount to anything) - and because you are mad at them - (and don’t want to be like them) you’re giving up on the Church. (but not God).

First, rather than focus on the mean things your parents have said, let me ask you: who has sheltered you for 19 years? Who has fed you for 19 years? Who bought your clothes? Took you to school? Took you to the doctor when you were sick? Had birthday parties for you? Bought you Christmas presents? Did the best job they knew how to do? Are your parents perfect? I am sure they aren’t. Nobody’s parents are - but if yours did all the things I said and loved you all those years - then you’ve been luckier than alot of kids. Can’t you cut them some slack?

Maybe your dreams are ligit and they are wrong for not being more supportive - but maybe - just maybe you’re dreams are foolish and they worry that you’ll never be able to SUPPORT yourself and they’ll be taking care of you for another 19 years?! Could there be any truth to that?

I’m happy that you haven’t given up on God - He’ll never give up on you, that’s for sure. But get yourself back to mass. You know in your heart it’s the right thing to do. And you sound like the sort of kid who does the right thing.

God Bless you,
CM
 
ReeferShepard said:
I am 19, born and raises Roman Catholic, and up until recently, attended mass every Sunday (or Saturday). It got to the point, when I just took a step back, and thought to myself…my parents claim to be so “religious,” and I felt as if I “had” to go…like it was work.

The main reason, was because I’ve been treated terribly lately, especially about my dreams and goals…my Mom saying “get real,” or “that will never happen.” Especially because of my dad…I don’t even talk to him anymore, but I heard him the other day say something to his friend about how I’m never going to amount to anything, etc…that was the last straw.

So I thought, go to church, and end up like them? Hell no. I’m not saying every Catholic is like this, but for the time, I’m fine not going to church. I still pray, believe in God, and everything else, and have actually felt a closer relationship with God since this has happened. I believe being “religious” comes from within…I don’t care if someone goes to mass everyday, if they don’t show it and live it, it means nothing.
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Sigh It sounds like your parents are giving you some good advice. I’ll bet they have a lot more real world experience than you do. You have quite a bit of growing up to do, “Reefer”!
 
Cor_Jesu said:
Sigh It sounds like your parents are giving you some good advice. I’ll bet they have a lot more real world experience than you do. You have quite a bit of growing up to do, “Reefer”!
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Maybe this isn’t the time to be patronizing? I’m sure there are things we can say here to help this guy out, but I’m also fairly sure that this kind of thing will only push him away.
 
Cor_Jesu said:
Sigh It sounds like your parents are giving you some good advice. I’ll bet they have a lot more real world experience than you do. You have quite a bit of growing up to do, “Reefer”!
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Well, we all have growing up to do…doesn’t matter what age you are. He may need to “grow up” some but clearly so do his parents if they are lowering him like this.
 
ReeferShepard, you have stopped going to church because you do not see it’s effects in your parents life.

I would like you to consider this: you have no idea how much worse they would be if they were not going to church.

We are all sinners. Not a one of us is perfect. Some are worse than others. But - as long as we keep trying, keep getting up after each fall, we can become holy. Saints.

Giving up going to church is not the answer. Examining yourself and working at overcoming your dominant faults is the answer. You are not responsible for your parents faults, they are. You are only responsible for your own faults. You need the grace that you can get from going to Mass and frequenting the Sacraments to help you to become holy.

Concentrate on that and pray for your parents.
 
ReeferShepard, I suggest you speak to a priest about this situation and that it is causing you to sin. But also some of the people who have responded have come up with some good advice as well.

If you love God and your faith eventually you will yearn to attend mass. I’ll admit there are days when I just dont’ feel like getting up and going but I feel so much happier and at peace when I am there in God’s house.
 
ReeferShepard said:
I am 19, born and raises Roman Catholic, and up until recently, attended mass every Sunday (or Saturday). It got to the point, when I just took a step back, and thought to myself…my parents claim to be so “religious,” and I felt as if I “had” to go…like it was work.

The main reason, was because I’ve been treated terribly lately, especially about my dreams and goals…my Mom saying “get real,” or “that will never happen.” Especially because of my dad…I don’t even talk to him anymore, but I heard him the other day say something to his friend about how I’m never going to amount to anything, etc…that was the last straw.

So I thought, go to church, and end up like them? Hell no. I’m not saying every Catholic is like this, but for the time, I’m fine not going to church. I still pray, believe in God, and everything else, and have actually felt a closer relationship with God since this has happened. I believe being “religious” comes from within…I don’t care if someone goes to mass everyday, if they don’t show it and live it, it means nothing.
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Reefer it must have been painful hearing yhour father saying that you wont amount to much. It showed his lack of tact and his lack of confidence in you his son. However, I can tell you that God your Father, believes, thinks and knows that you can amount to anything you want to. Your father in heaven loves you immensely. Your brother in heaven (Jesus) loves you in huge lots.
So dont give up on these. The first step is to abandon the church, the next is to abandon the faith and then to apostosise. that is to follow other shepherds. Please before it gets to that, reconsider your idea. You do believe that not all who go to church are like that. But could I suggest that you see your parents as poor people who sin, justlike the rest of us and fall short of the pesrons God wod have liked them to be.
Courage, dont give up your catholic family.
God Bless
GraceAngel.
 
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ReeferShepard:
It got to the point, when I just took a step back, and thought to myself…my parents claim to be so “religious,” and I felt as if I “had” to go…like it was work.
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Is there something wrong with work?
 
ReeferShepard said:
I am 19, born and raises Roman Catholic, and up until recently, attended mass every Sunday (or Saturday). It got to the point, when I just took a step back, and thought to myself…my parents claim to be so “religious,” and I felt as if I “had” to go…like it was work.

The main reason, was because I’ve been treated terribly lately, especially about my dreams and goals…my Mom saying “get real,” or “that will never happen.” Especially because of my dad…I don’t even talk to him anymore, but I heard him the other day say something to his friend about how I’m never going to amount to anything, etc…that was the last straw.

So I thought, go to church, and end up like them? Hell no. I’m not saying every Catholic is like this, but for the time, I’m fine not going to church. I still pray, believe in God, and everything else, and have actually felt a closer relationship with God since this has happened. I believe being “religious” comes from within…I don’t care if someone goes to mass everyday, if they don’t show it and live it, it means nothing.
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Reefer, I’m glad you’re posting here. I think it indicates you want approval for your position, like posting it is a way to test it. Being a Christian and being a Catholic can be difficult. Being 19 is almost impossible. It’s easy to point to a reason like your parents’ actions and say, “That’s why I’m not going to church.”

I think you know in your heart this thinking is not right. Might I suggest an alternative?

Prove your worth. Go to school, get a degree or multiple degrees and be successful. Go to mass, maybe more than you have been, maybe much more. Your relationship with God is very important and it can be of tremendous help in your life. When the going gets hard, in your work life, family life, or spiritual life, think of how good you’ll feel when your father says, “Son, I never thought you would make it, but I’m really proud of you!”

Remember that getting agreement for your positions does not make them right. That position your friends might agree with may be very harmful to you.

My family and I will be praying for you. God bless you.
 
Reefer,

How much worse would your parents be if they didn’t go to mass every week?
 
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