Why I don't think I want a big family

[Xantippe]

You don’t mention your wife’s desires anywhere here. Have the two of you talked about this?

Yes.

If the family is doing 15% giving, I would suggest reallocating anything over 10% to a combination of the following:

–better mental health support for the OP’s wife
–housecleaning help if you don’t already have it (cleaning or lawn or whatever–even lawn help could free you up to do stuff that can’t be outsourced as easily)
–a mother’s helper
–morning preschool or parents’ day out
–dates for you and your wife
–easing up the budget in areas that cause particular distress to your wife–it sounds like you guys (or one of you) has cinched it too tight

It isn’t normal for your wife to be regularly crying when she is alone with the kids all day and your high giving does jump out at me. You are spending lavishly on giving at the same time that your wife is rather obviously suffering.

(Of course, if you guys are making $250k, you probably totally can do 15% giving. But it doesn’t sound like it.)

Good luck!

 

[Xantippe]

And by the way, Catholics aren’t given any particular hard number for charitable giving.

Are either of you scrupulous? I ask because there seem to be a lot of self-imposed burdens in the OP.

 

[1ke]

It isn’t normal for your wife to be regularly crying when she is alone with the kids all day

Exactly.

 

[nodito]

It isn’t normal for your wife to be regularly crying when she is alone with the kids all day and your high giving does jump out at me. You are spending lavishly on giving at the same time that your wife is rather obviously suffering.

Ohhhhh. That makes more sense. I had read it as he comes home in tears and she has to deal with it and comfort him on top of her childcare duties. Your way makes more sense.

Yes, OP, I agree with previous posters that your priority should be figuring out a way to help alleviate your wife’s stress., and that this should take precedence over volunteering and tithing.

How old are you children? I ask because as they grow you may be able to include them in your hobbies and interests. For example, if you’re into hiking or fishing, those things get a lot easier when they’re a bit older. Or if you like old cars (as my dad did), you can make a day of taking them to car shows. The only pursuits I can think of that you really would never be able to include kids in would be something physically risky or adult. (And if you were my husband I’d probably object to those activities on other grounds). Well, maybe wine tasting.

You may well have just reasons for using NFP. There are a number of NFP methods out there and they all have their own distinct advantages and disadvantages. If your current method is not working for you for whatever reason, learn a new method. But to answer your specific question, no reason, however serious, justifies recourse to contraception.

 

[Xantippe]

How old are you children? I ask because as they grow you may be able to include them in your hobbies and interests. For example, if you’re into hiking or fishing, those things get a lot easier when they’re a bit older. Or if you like old cars (as my dad did), you can make a day of taking them to car shows. The only pursuits I can think of that you really would never be able to include kids in would be something physically risky or adult. (And if you were my husband I’d probably object to those activities on other grounds). Well, maybe wine tasting.

Yes, it’s been a very nice two-fer for our family that my husband’s hobbies are big kid appropriate.