Why is Catholic Marriage so important?

[Hirgy03]

I am currently engaged to be married. In deciding our wedding plans, I find myself really wanting to be married in the Catholic Church. I was raised Catholic, was married in the Church during my first marriage (am now widowed…cancer), and view it as the only “real” church out there. Since my wife died just shy of 9 years ago, I rarely go to mass. I had a “parting of the ways” with my faith and the church. However, a LOT of soul searching followed those years and I realize that I have an incredibly strong faith…if not Knowledge…of His existence (llong story).

All that said, everytime I attend mass, l can’t help but be quite bothered by the people I see there who are quite active in the church, who are there for the most part of show (at least that is how I have been led to believe), and the one-upsmanship that goes on there throughout the churches in this area. I’m not casting stones at anybody here, please don’t take it that way. However, I feel “closer to God” when I just spend quiet time praying, or meditating, or talking my problems out loud to Him when walking around outdoors, etc.

All this would lead to the conclusion that “just any old Christian church” would do the trick for somebody like me. However, it doesn’t work that way for me, and quite frankly I can’t put a finger on it as to why. I don’t really see marriages outside of the Catholic Church to be “the same”, though again, I can’t figure out “why” I see things this way. I don’t denounce those other marriages, heck, I have quite a few friends married in the Lutheran church, or Methodist Church, etc. who have strong marriages (at least from what I can tell), and they have great kids, great hearts, etc.

I am engaged to a woman who is divorced, was married LDS, and was raised outside of any church, though her family claims it is “Methodist”, but it doesn’t seem that she was ever baptized (which we are looking into). She was never LDS, but her ex-husband was, hence the marriage in that “church”.

So, now we come to the point where we are planning marriage. It is important to me to be married in a Catholic Church-Recognized marriage. But, when asked why it is important to me for reasons other than “window dressing”, I can’t quite figure out why it is so important to me. I’ve been weighing on this for several days now, and over that time, it seems to have become more and more important to me…but that makes it even more frustrating when I can’t put a finger on just “why” it is a big deal to me.

Please point me in the direction of a place to look for assistance in getting to the bottom of this. Thank you in advance for any help.

 

[nodito]

So, now we come to the point where we are planning marriage. It is important to me to be married in a Catholic Church-Recognized marriage. But, when asked why it is important to me for reasons other than “window dressing”, I can’t quite figure out why it is so important to me. I’ve been weighing on this for several days now, and over that time, it seems to have become more and more important to me…but that makes it even more frustrating when I can’t put a finger on just “why” it is a big deal to me.

I’m not sure why it’s important to you, but I can tell you why it’s important to me.

I believe that Christ instituted one, true Church, which is the Catholic Church. I believe the Church has the right and the responsibility to to explain, defend, and set requirements for the sacrament of marriage. I married in the Church because:

1. Christ and his Church are the center of our lives as Catholics and it seemed most appropriate to me that we should begin our lives as husband and wife by being in communion with both,
2. Sexual activity outside of a valid marriage is a gravely wrong and I want to avoid mortal sin,
3. Marriage is difficult and the grace that comes from being in a sacramental marriage is indispensable to living a happy life, and
4. Being a Catholic in good standing is important to me, and I want to continue to participate in Church life. I would not be able to receive communion or teach CCD if I was in an irregular marriage situation. It would have been heartbreaking for me to have been separated from what I believe to be the truth.

Have you been to confession recently? It might help you to examine your conscience and set before Christ through his minister, the priest, all the troubles, grief, anger, and sin that has held you back from participating fulling in the Church. It can be a truly freeing experience. While it is of course possible (and very necessary) to find God in the silence, in prayer, and in nature, it is also our responsibility to worship God publicly in Church every week like he requires of us.

You’ll also want to discuss with a priest the possibility of marrying your intended. Because the Church recognizes as valid the marriages of non-Catholics and presumes them to be valid for life, the divorced woman you are currently dating is not free to marry. She would need to have that marriage examined to determine whether it was valid or not.

It can be overwhelming, I realize. Stay close to Christ and his Church and may God be with you on this journey.

 

[Hirgy03]

I’m not sure why it’s important to you, but I can tell you why it’s important to me.

.

Thank you for your honest response, and yes… I know that YOU can’t tell ME why its important to ME…so I guess I was actually asking your responses as to why its important to you as well.

I am meaning to start going to church regularly again, which brings me to another question… I don’t know if I should start another thread, if so, please tell me. BUT, is it “okay” to “shop around” for the Catholic Churches in the area to see if there is one that stands out as most comfortable for me, or is this “wrong” in some way? You would think that a church is a church is a church, and that a priest is a pries is a priest. However, that isn’t necessarily the case if you ask me. But if I start by going to say the 3 Catholic Churches nearest my home and find one that I feel more comfortable in than the others…even if that one is a bit more out of the way than the others…is that “okay”, or is that frowned on in some way?

 

[SonCatcher]

Thank you for your honest response, and yes… I know that YOU can’t tell ME why its important to ME…so I guess I was actually asking your responses as to why its important to you as well.

I am meaning to start going to church regularly again, which brings me to another question… I don’t know if I should start another thread, if so, please tell me. BUT, is it “okay” to “shop around” for the Catholic Churches in the area to see if there is one that stands out as most comfortable for me, or is this “wrong” in some way? You would think that a church is a church is a church, and that a priest is a pries is a priest. However, that isn’t necessarily the case if you ask me. But if I start by going to say the 3 Catholic Churches nearest my home and find one that I feel more comfortable in than the others…even if that one is a bit more out of the way than the others…is that “okay”, or is that frowned on in some way?

Welcome home! Yes, it is okay to visit various Catholic churches in your area in order to find a particular community where you are most comfortable.

I agree with nodito that if your fiancee’s ex-husband is still alive then her previous marriage would have to be examined by a tribunal for validity. Your priest will be able to help you with this.

 

[Leslie12012003]

Welcome home. I would suspect the reason you feel it is important to you is because God is pulling you home. My husband and I are both on our second marriages. When I was married before I had fallen away from the Church and we were married in a civil ceremony which was null due to lack of form. My current husband was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and married a JW. We had a civil ceremony but when he joined the Church at Easter of 2010 it became so important to us to have a Sacramental marriage as well. It took a long while to go through the paper work (My ex marriage was fine due to lack of form but he had to get a Pauline privilege in order for us to have the wedding). It has meant the world to both of us in both our married life as well as our spiritual. When you put God first in the marriage, He finds ways to bless you that it simply amazes you.

I wish you the best of luck and pray that you will find the peace you are seeking once again in the Catholic Church with all her richness, traditions and graces.

Leslie

 

[nodito]

I am meaning to start going to church regularly again, which brings me to another question… I don’t know if I should start another thread, if so, please tell me. BUT, is it “okay” to “shop around” for the Catholic Churches in the area to see if there is one that stands out as most comfortable for me, or is this “wrong” in some way? You would think that a church is a church is a church, and that a priest is a pries is a priest. However, that isn’t necessarily the case if you ask me. But if I start by going to say the 3 Catholic Churches nearest my home and find one that I feel more comfortable in than the others…even if that one is a bit more out of the way than the others…is that “okay”, or is that frowned on in some way?

Absolutely look for the church that you feel most comfortable in. Some churches have better choirs; if you like to sing, you might find one of them. Some of them have support groups for widows and widowers; if that’s important to you, find one of them. Each church has its own personality, and in my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with finding the right fit, so long as you aren’t church shopping to find a priest that holds opinions that might contradict authentic church teaching.