Why is cheating bad?

[kage_ar]

Are you referring to me? If so, I’m a she. (And here I thought my nick was flowery enough to sound female. LOL)

Also, I wasn’t comparing premarital sex with extramarital sex. Though I agree that extramartial sex is more wrong than premarital sex. I was saying that if two people are in an exclusive premartial sexual relationship (which is wrong) and one of those people has sex outside of that exclusive relationship, that act of cheating is more wrong because it includes the additional sin of unfaithfulness.

The sexual sins here are adultery and fornication.

That is it.

Lying would be an additional sin that comes into play in every instance of adultery.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is not marriage - to classify them as the same kind of commitment is maybe the gospel of Hallmark, but, it is not a reality in the eyes of God.

 

[geekborj]

First, I want to say that I know several people have been affected by this and I don’t mean to conjure anything bad up. So please try not to think that way.

Now, I know cheating is bad, but why?

I know the sacrament of marriage makes the two people one and God created us husband and wife, no third person. So cheating in a marriage is a big NO.

But what about in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend)? Why is it bad to cheat in a relationship? Again, I know it is bad, but why?

coolduude

1. Any form of cheating is morally wrong.
2. Cheating breaks the idea of Trust. Without trust, love does not grow. I can’t imagine God telling us promises that He can break anytime.
3. Relationship is a precursor of the catholic Covenant. Cheating in any kind of relationship (i.e. romantic or otherwise) does not make up a healthy relationship and therefore covenant in the end.

IMHO: One can never give trust if he/she has been cheated before; or a cheather him-/herself.

 

[SugarMagnolia]

The sexual sins here are adultery and fornication.

That is it.

Lying would be an additional sin that comes into play in every instance of adultery.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is not marriage - to classify them as the same kind of commitment is maybe the gospel of Hallmark, but, it is not a reality in the eyes of God.

Well, I do not believe all sexual sins are equal. A boyfriend and girlfriend have made a commitment to each other. Remember, every married couple started out a boyfriend and girlfriend. The reason they got married is because they love each other, are sexually attracted to each other, and intend to be faithful to one another. If they have premarital sex then they have done something wrong against God and if they sincerely repent God forgives them.

I really have a problem with people saying all sexual sins are equal. I do believe in a God who has common sense. Fornicating with your fiance is wrong but not as wrong as fornicating with someone else behind your fiance’s back.

According to your way of thinking as long as we take out the sex, one member of an exclusive dating couple can cheat all they want to and it’s not a sin. (Let’s assume they’re clever enough to date behind the other person’s back without having to lie.)

 

[kage_ar]

As I stated, the common term “cheating” means having sexual activity with another person, this may or may not include intercourse.

One in order to “cheat”, there is sexual activity.

If a boyfriend and girlfriend are engaged to be married, and one of them goes on a date with another person, it may be that they committed a sin against charity and friendship, that they lied, but if no sex is involved, it is not “cheating”.

And sex between a two people who are engaged to be married, even if it takes place 5 minutes before the wedding, is still fornication, it is just as sinful as sex with a stranger. They will both, if done with knowledge and intent and unrepented, going to wind you up in hell.

This making sins squishy and the idea that being a good person is what matters is a sad sad state of catechesis.

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

I don’t really disagree with you, so let me start off by saying that.

Merely hypothetical-A woman in the holocaust slept with a Nazi guard to save 100 innocent jews. Is she in hell?

If he raped her, that’s a different story. If she consented to sin, it is still a sin.

 

[Rascalking]

If he raped her, that’s a different story. If she consented to sin, it is still a sin.

I don’t argue that it’s not a sin. It’s just a hypothetical.

However, I cannot imagine that the 100 innocent people she saved is irrelevant to God.

God DOES have common sense, and while we bicker about what is sinful and is not, perhaps we should say that maybe, just maybe-there are instances that we truly should, leave up to God.

I actually agree that too many people say, “But I am a good person, so that justifies X” (insert bad behavior in X). That doesn’t mean that there are NEVER instances where there is gray.

 

[SugarMagnolia]

As I stated, the common term “cheating” means having sexual activity with another person, this may or may not include intercourse.

One in order to “cheat”, there is sexual activity.

If a boyfriend and girlfriend are engaged to be married, and one of them goes on a date with another person, it may be that they committed a sin against charity and friendship, that they lied, but if no sex is involved, it is not “cheating”.

No, it’s still cheating; they were being emotionally unfaithful.

And sex between a two people who are engaged to be married, even if it takes place 5 minutes before the wedding, is still fornication, it is just as sinful as sex with a stranger. They will both, if done with knowledge and intent and unrepented, going to wind you up in hell.

This making sins squishy and the idea that being a good person is what matters is a sad sad state of catechesis.

And you do not see that the intent of these two acts is so hugely different?

 

[coolduude]

It’s situations like this (see above) where I wish there was a 3rd group of sins outside that if mortal and venial.

 

[Rascalking]

It’s situations like this (see above) where I wish there was a 3rd group of sins outside that if mortal and venial.

That is a GREAT point.

For the third time today, I wish we could thumbs up something like we can on Facebook!

 

[david_friol]

1 cor.6:9-Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.

-seems like some people were squabbling over who is more dead in sin. dead is dead and it must be confessed in the confessional.

-but in answer to the original question, cheating is bad because it s offensive to an all good, all loving and holy God. We are called to rise above our passions and live rightly. chastity both in and outside of marriage is one of the fruits of the holy Spirit which should be produced in our lives

-God bless all of you and your families

 

[jmcrae]

Well, I do not believe all sexual sins are equal. A boyfriend and girlfriend have made a commitment to each other.

Um - not really. As far as I know, there is no ceremonial exchange of promises when you become boyfriend and girlfriend.

Remember, every married couple started out a boyfriend and girlfriend.

Yes, but not every boyfriend and girlfriend end up married to each other. In fact, if they are of high school age, the chances of the dating relationship lasting more than three months is pretty low, unless they’ve known each other since childhood.

I really have a problem with people saying all sexual sins are equal. I do believe in a God who has common sense. Fornicating with your fiance is wrong but not as wrong as fornicating with someone else behind your fiance’s back.

Perhaps so, but both of them are still mortal sins. If you die without repenting of them, the fires of Hell will burn just as hot in either case.

According to your way of thinking as long as we take out the sex, one member of an exclusive dating couple can cheat all they want to and it’s not a sin. (Let’s assume they’re clever enough to date behind the other person’s back without having to lie.)

Even if you don’t tell a direct lie, you are still withholding pertinent information from your good friend, and putting him or her in a situation to feel betrayed when they find out about it. Last I looked, lying was on the same list of “things not to do” as adultery.

 

[SMHW]

In general, cheating is bad because cheating is stealing.

We can understand this if we are talking about tests or taxes. We are taking knowledge or money that rightfully belong to someone else. In the case of a married couple, the cheating spouse (and cheating partner) are stealing what rightfully belongs to the other spouse. (And of course, adultery is a sin in its own right.)

So what is the issue with boyfriends and girlfriends?

Well, by most people’s understanding of “boyfriend and girlfriend” there is an implicit promise of exclusivity in dating, at least until such time as one or the other partner terminates the relationship. If one partner to the relationship “cheats” they are breaking the promise of exclusivity and hiding the knowledge of that breach from someone who has to right to know the status of the promise.

One of the problems, though, is that sometimes boyfriends and girlfriends are not really in a position to make a promise of exclusivity to begin with. Making such a promise really ought to be a first step towards discerning marriage. Many high school students and other young adults are really are NOT in a position and/or don’t really want to make a promise of exclusivity. So sometimes the problem isn’t really the “cheating” so much as it is making a spurious promise.

In the case of those who are moving toward marriage and/or have become engaged, there is a very definite promise of exclusivity. Of course until marriage, the promise of exclusivity can be rescinded. But it is understood that until that time that there will be no “cheating”.

 

[jenlovesyu]

In general, cheating is bad because cheating is stealing.

We can understand this if we are talking about tests or taxes. We are taking knowledge or money that rightfully belong to someone else. In the case of a married couple, the cheating spouse (and cheating partner) are stealing what rightfully belongs to the other spouse. (And of course, adultery is a sin in its own right.)

So what is the issue with boyfriends and girlfriends?

Well, by most people’s understanding of “boyfriend and girlfriend” there is an implicit promise of exclusivity in dating, at least until such time as one or the other partner terminates the relationship. If one partner to the relationship “cheats” they are breaking the promise of exclusivity and hiding the knowledge of that breach from someone who has to right to know the status of the promise.

One of the problems, though, is that sometimes boyfriends and girlfriends are not really in a position to make a promise of exclusivity to begin with. Making such a promise really ought to be a first step towards discerning marriage. Many high school students and other young adults are really are NOT in a position and/or don’t really want to make a promise of exclusivity. So sometimes the problem isn’t really the “cheating” so much as it is making a spurious promise.

In the case of those who are moving toward marriage and/or have become engaged, there is a very definite promise of exclusivity. Of course until marriage, the promise of exclusivity can be rescinded. But it is understood that until that time that there will be no “cheating”.

Well said

Oh and just to be a nuisance, I just wanted to pop in and say that Kage and jmcrae are right. A sin is a sin is a sin. Just because a boyfriend and girlfriend say they are “committed” to each other doesn’t make their premarital sex any less sinful than other people’s (non-marital) sexual activity. I know this because it’s in the catechism but also because I have learned this the hard way. There are no “types” of fornication or adultery. If you sleep with anyone other than your SPOUSE, you have committed a grave sin. That’s it. Just because you believe something doesn’t make it true.

God bless

 

[iamrefreshed]

First, I want to say that I know several people have been affected by this and I don’t mean to conjure anything bad up. So please try not to think that way.

Now, I know cheating is bad, but why?

I know the sacrament of marriage makes the two people one and God created us husband and wife, no third person. So cheating in a marriage is a big NO.

But what about in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend)? Why is it bad to cheat in a relationship? Again, I know it is bad, but why?

coolduude

Because it is a betrayal. Are you really confused about it?

 

[Moscati]

From the CCC, on sin:

---

1858 Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: "Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother."132 The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger.

1860 Unintentional ignorance can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man. The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders. Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest.

---

It seems to me that one could make the case that adultery (sexual sin against a spouse) is in itself graver than fornication (sexual sin with someone you have no sacramental ties to).

In the same sense, it seems like a drunken, unplanned, one-night stand with someone who’s pressuring you might be graver than a systematically planned 5-year affair undertaken out of malice for one’s spouse.

It seems like a moot point, though–whatever happened, one should get to confession!

 

[RobnBobA1]

First, I want to say that I know several people have been affected by this and I don’t mean to conjure anything bad up. So please try not to think that way.

Now, I know cheating is bad, but why?

I know the sacrament of marriage makes the two people one and God created us husband and wife, no third person. So cheating in a marriage is a big NO.

But what about in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend)? Why is it bad to cheat in a relationship? Again, I know it is bad, but why?

coolduude

I’ll try to responde because I’ve seen this before. Cheating when used as a term involving an involved couple generally has to do with a monogomous relationship that they both decided on and one party “stepping out” on the other, to include lying and huding the infidelity. It is more the lying and decieving that is the most hurtful rather than the act of the cheating.

I used to work with this couple that were in an open relationship. This means that although they were together (and got married later) they were both “free” to sleep with other individuals with the partners knowledge. It worked for them. Even after they were married, the would invite other people into their bed, either as a coupld (a threesome) or they would tell their spouse that they were going to sleep with another person, and had their permission to do so, therefor the lying and decietfulness was out of the picture. From a non-Catholic view, I cannot say that I disagree or rather that they are doing something wrong. I personally would never accept that behavior in my relationship nor would I eneter into an open relationship to begin with, but it seems to work for them. I have been asked to join and I declined and gave my reasons for doing so because my views on sex is different from theirs, and they respect that. To them they see no problem with separating the physical pleasure of sex with another person while still retaining their emotional pleasure of sex with their spouse. Does that make sense? I’m trying to explain it as best as I know how, but let me know if there is something you have a question about.

 

[garyr]

… I know cheating is bad, but why?..coolduude

Besides all the reasons already mentioned,

it is bad because the ‘cheater’ has ‘demonstrated’ (put into action, not just thought) that they put ‘lust’ on a much higher priority than fidelity, truth, honor, and at least a few of Gods commandments - - - Not much different than your run-of-the-mill convicted child molester, who harbors the same characteristics.

 

[Rascalking]

Besides all the reasons already mentioned,

it is bad because the ‘cheater’ has ‘demonstrated’ (put into action, not just thought) that they put ‘lust’ on a much higher priority than fidelity, truth, honor, and at least a few of Gods commandments - - - Not much different than your run-of-the-mill convicted child molester, who harbors the same characteristics.

I had to read this twice in order to understand it, and I don’t think I do.

In the interest of clarity, are you comparing cheating on a spouse (a deeply, gravely serious mortal sin) to child molestation (a much, much more gravely serious mortal sin)?

No argument, because if you really believe that there is not much difference between an infidelity and a child molestation…than you’ve left me speechless.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

I had to read this twice in order to understand it, and I don’t think I do.

In the interest of clarity, are you comparing cheating on a spouse (a deeply, gravely serious mortal sin) to child molestation (a much, much more gravely serious mortal sin)?

No argument, because if you really believe that there is not much difference between an infidelity and a child molestation…than you’ve left me speechless.

I have to agree here. Regardless of the fact that both are mortal sins, molesting a child is far more heinous than cheating on someone.

I know we keep discussing cheating on a spouse, but I think the OP asked about cheating on a girlfriend/boyfriend. I sort of understand why he asked – adultery is clearly a sin and easy to see why it’s wrong. I think he wants to know why it’s wrong to “cheat” on someone you are not married to.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

I’ll try to responde because I’ve seen this before. Cheating when used as a term involving an involved couple generally has to do with a monogomous relationship that they both decided on and one party “stepping out” on the other, to include lying and huding the infidelity. It is more the lying and decieving that is the most hurtful rather than the act of the cheating.

I used to work with this couple that were in an open relationship. This means that although they were together (and got married later) they were both “free” to sleep with other individuals with the partners knowledge. It worked for them. Even after they were married, the would invite other people into their bed, either as a coupld (a threesome) or they would tell their spouse that they were going to sleep with another person, and had their permission to do so, therefor the lying and decietfulness was out of the picture. From a non-Catholic view, I cannot say that I disagree or rather that they are doing something wrong. I personally would never accept that behavior in my relationship nor would I eneter into an open relationship to begin with, but it seems to work for them. I have been asked to join and I declined and gave my reasons for doing so because my views on sex is different from theirs, and they respect that. To them they see no problem with separating the physical pleasure of sex with another person while still retaining their emotional pleasure of sex with their spouse. Does that make sense? I’m trying to explain it as best as I know how, but let me know if there is something you have a question about.

Although I understand it is their right (especially as non-Catholics) to do whatever they want with their own bodies, and with consenting adults, I just wanted to say that I find that whole thing really very sad. I can’t imagine not caring that my husband was having sex with other women, and I REALLY can’t imagine wanting to watch/participate. Yuck. Talk about devaluing the act of making love. Of, course, JMO.