Why is confession so hard to do?

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maryelizabeth1

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Hi everyone,

I often find myself dreading going to confession, and putting it off. I know that Jesus gave us this sacrament as a blessing, but why is it so hard for me? I was wondering do others have this problem, and if so what do you do, besides actually going to confession?

Thanks,

Maryelizabeth
 
What helps me, sometimes, is making the trip to Confession fun. I stop for a soda afterwards, bring a book to read (a decent sort of book 🙂 ) if I think the line will be long, bring my dog with me - I leave him in the car then take him to the dog park afterwards, and lately I’ve been stopping at the fabric store after Confession. Maybe you could have brunch following Confession if it’s scheduled on a Saturday morning, or have dinner out if Confession’s in the evening.

And eventually you’ll get in the habit of going frequently and you’ll be so spiritually free.

Just my two cents.
 
I went for years without going and that was plain stupid. I now go fairly often and yes it is hard. I think it is PRIDE. It is what got us in trouble in the very beginning with sin and it will always seem hard I think. I have been going now for about 3 years again, and it does get easier. I think that practice makes it easier and you can actually get better at it. I also went online to find reconciliaton times for all the parishes around so that I could go at convenitent times to me. That helps also.
 
maryelizabeth1 said:
…why is it so hard for me? I was wondering do others have this problem, and if so what do you do, besides actually going to confession?
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Because the evil takes away our shame at the time we sin, yet gives it back when we try to go to Confession.

It’s not supposed to be easy. But persevering through the pain of embarrassment and shame, we come though to meet God’s grace on the other side. And the evil one weeps.

And for that we push through our own discomfort - for our own well being, as much as the confrontation of evil.

Don’t worry - you are not alone. But just keep going, it’s good for you to go, and even good for you when it’s difficult to go.

My God bless you in your struggle. My He bless us all.

~Liza
 
I have to agree…at age 62, I have always found confession the hardest thing to tackle in my life. As a 3rd grader, our pastor was hard of hearing so all of us standing in line to go to confession got to hum in our heads or anything else we could do to not hear one of our classmates yelling out his sins.

I also found sexual sins, I was a teenager once, very difficult to confess. Back in the 50s the priests were hardly our friendly confessors, as a child I was always pretty afraid of them. The fact that sex was a very taboo subject didn’t help a teenage girl enter the confessional,sometimes occupied by a young priest who was new to his profession and freaked out that it had been a month since you had been to confession. Every confession I have ever had, except 2, have been highly stressful for me. I have been married for 40 years, a mom and frankly, and happily in my position, I am not in a place where flagrant temptation comes my way every day. Thank God for that because, even at my age, it is just horrible. I wonder if I withheld sins when I was a teenager and need to confess them now, and how on earth can I get over a lifetime of fear and embarassment to even go to confession. I thank you for your post. I just know there have to be more than a few of us out here.
 
maryelizabeth1 said:
Hi everyone,

I often find myself dreading going to confession, and putting it off. I know that Jesus gave us this sacrament as a blessing, but why is it so hard for me? I was wondering do others have this problem, and if so what do you do, besides actually going to confession?

Thanks,

Maryelizabeth
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It isn’t hard. I look forward to it as it cleanses me.
 
crenfro said:
What helps me, sometimes, is making the trip to Confession fun. I stop for a soda afterwards, bring a book to read (a decent sort of book 🙂 ) if I think the line will be long, bring my dog with me - I leave him in the car then take him to the dog park afterwards, and lately I’ve been stopping at the fabric store after Confession. Maybe you could have brunch following Confession if it’s scheduled on a Saturday morning, or have dinner out if Confession’s in the evening.

And eventually you’ll get in the habit of going frequently and you’ll be so spiritually free.

Just my two cents.
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That’s what you do? I usually invite family and friends over and have a party;)

As for the last line, yes you’ll be spiritually free, but the dinner sure isn’t!

Me: Yes, I’d like the Caesar salad with extra dressing.
Waiter: That’ll be & $7.90.
Me: Oh, I just got back from Confession.
Waiter: Congrats! Isn’t Fr. so and so just wonderful in the confessional?
Me: Yes, he most certainly is!
Waiter: Will that cash or credit card?
Me: …
 
I hope I never find confession easy, because many times knowing I have to go confess to Jesus is the biggest strength to turning away from temptation!

I focus hard on the “reconciliation” aspect of confession. That’s easier to do now than in the middle ages, as no one yells at me or makes me wear sack cloth in public for a year 🙂

But the thought of Jesus giving me a great big hug, saying welcome back, and “I am well pleased” really gives me strength to be as brutally honest in confession as I can be.
 
Pride is the root of all sin. Hence, it is only fitting that we should make an act of humility through our act of contrition and seeking reconciliation in the Sacrament of Penance.

Society has taught us to value or self-esteem. Holy Mother Church teaches us to value the salvation of our soul. So much emphasis is placed on self-esteem today that Confession has become an “evil” in the eyes of many.

No greater answer have I ever seen than this question fielded by Fr. Vincent Serpa here in the Apologists section on a similar question of dealing with fear.

I’d like to add that if you are in southeast Michigan, consider coming to Assumption Grotto - my parish, in Detroit, where confessions are heard before the 9:30 (Tridentine) and Noon (English Novus Ordo) Masses. Get there 45 minutes early for Confession and stay for Mass. Come in the gym afterwards and have a hamburger with the rest of us - we do it every Sunday!
 
maryelizabeth1 said:
Hi everyone,

I often find myself dreading going to confession, and putting it off. I know that Jesus gave us this sacrament as a blessing, but why is it so hard for me? I was wondering do others have this problem, and if so what do you do, besides actually going to confession?

Thanks,

Maryelizabeth
Click to expand...
Yes, this sacrament is a blessing - it is not just about us confessing to God our sins, but more about asking God to grant us graces to be humble, humilty, accepting our crosses, to love God and people. When you realize the needs of such graces, confession will become easier.
 
I find that the more squeamish I am about Confession, the more I need to confess whatever it is that is making me uncomfortable. 😊

I tell myself to “play the man,” “suck it up,” and to accept the shame with joy because being ashamed of sin is part of the hard grace of a good confession.

👍
 
I don’t necessarily think confession should be easy. But, I do think that “welcome home hug, you are forgiven, go forth and sin no more” feeling has been woefully lacking in my experience in the confessionsl - I must say that has happened to me only once in what, over my lifetime has encompassed easily, guessing 300 to 500 confessions. I finally had an experience in my own parish with a priest who I thought - oh boy, now this is what they are talking about when they talk about having a “confessor” to discuss things with. Sadly, due to circumstances, he left our dioceses for a while and poof…I’m back in rattling off sometimes even very scrupulous sins, sins that aren’t even sins, just to say something, fill my obligation and get out. That hardly feels sacramental. I am sorry here for bringing up personal experiences and I realize that with priests you are dealing with personalities, not the church or Jesus per se, but another try to do the right thing that went afoul. I mentioned to a pastor once in a social setting how difficult it was for me to go to confession (even this took a lot of courage as he was of the very stern, old school type) but told him that I did want to give a good example for my children so really wanted to go to confession. He told me just to come see him for confession. I did, I only got out how long it had been since my last confession before he starting telling me what a horrible mother I was not setting a good example. This felt like bait and switch to me - and yes, I realize I need a lot of humility. Has it just been my unfortunate luck of the draw to have the yellers and screamers. And again I realize that these days sex is much easier to talk about in all situations but I think back in my day, when that might come up as a sin, the subject was so taboo, I wouldn’t have even spoken with my girlfriends about it…how could a young girl who didn’t even know the terms for such transgressions go into a booth with a man and verbalize things she had no name for, and bring things out of her heart and mouth that had never been able to make their way to that place in any other circumstances of her existance. It seems that when I was about 14 ( not yet old enough to drive and living 15 miles from the closest Catholic Church0 the young priest was so dismayed at my 2 month interval and yelling at me that I should walk through the snow to get there more often) the priest hardly left me room to get on to my sins before he had already let me know how truly humble and unworthy I was. Where are these compassionate priests? Would love to come to Detroit, my relatives are all Polish and from Hamtramck - right there will tell you how important my faith is to me and what a part of my being it is but Confession has never felt like a great Sacrament to me, it has felt like walking to the guilotine - If Jesus left it to us as a gift, as a grace, as a good positive thing…why do I always walk out of the confessional, not with the sense of a new beginning but a sense of having participated in some losing smack down confrontation. And one last thing…as I said I realize priests have their own personalities they bring to the confessional with them. I even had one priest friend tell me how disconserted he was when the pastor would leave with lines and lines of penetents still waiting to confess and he was the only one there. Guess they can get tired and a little irritable themselves, but somewhere shouldn’t they be taught that the penitents are all of different stripes also. Some personalities that have no problem laying it all out in confession or anywhere else in their lives and other, who either by nature, or family values, are much more sensetive as in “you just don’t talk about those things”. Just wondering and hate to make this so personal but it has been a life long struggle.
 
maryelizabeth1 said:
Hi everyone,

I often find myself dreading going to confession, and putting it off. I know that Jesus gave us this sacrament as a blessing, but why is it so hard for me? I was wondering do others have this problem, and if so what do you do, besides actually going to confession?

Thanks,

Maryelizabeth
Click to expand...
Pride - I think someone else mentioned this - pride is the root of so many sins.
Maybe start by trying to do an examination of conscience every night before bed:
fisheaters.com/examinationofconscience.html
dailycatholic.org/issue/2002Apr/apr11cat.htm

It doesn’t take long to do! 🙂 Pray, pray, pray for the grace to overcome your pridefulness (like you are the only one - ha! we all struggle) and accept the graces of the Lord’s forgiveness.
 
I think confession is hard for just about everybody I know. I am the type who still prefers the screen or confessional (unless I don’t know the priest, in which case I don’t care so much.) My experiences have been generally good, with the exception of one deaf, stern old priest, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still very difficult (and it’s not like I’ve murdered or robbed or anything…it’s just that pride we all have.)

I do feel very strongly that priests who “yell” or chastise severely are doing more harm than good. Some poor folks who have finally mustered up their courage to confess could be scared away for good. I don’t mean that priests should not point out areas of concern (when one is in an invalid marriage and thinks that simply going to confession makes it all fine, for example) but charity, love and compassion go a lot further than harshness, in my opinion.
 
WE can be forced to be honest with ourselves but sometimes, once you get in that box, if you are facing what your whole being feels is an assailant, before you even start, unless you have a handwritten note to hand over to the priest, all thought process runs completely out of the door. I do know that it is pride, and I also know that I am humbled and humbled over and over again every time I finally work up the strength that I have prayed for and thankfully, God gives, to go to confession I have many old grade school friends that are no longer practicing Catholics - they say because of the pain of confession - I’m the champoin who usually is telling them It ws just the priests personality had nothing to do with the sacrament…so I am toatlly on board with the concept. I have even confessed to not showing up at the old folks home often enough, which the priest quickly pointed out was not a sin, I knew it wasn’t but the moment that door closes I am one nth degree from a panic attack. Frankly, I am thankful for the gift of faith, even though I am steeped in pride, that does keep me going to ALL of the Sacraments. Personally, I loved the idea of some of the misguided priests after Vatican II who thought that the group confession was good enough. My husband is a convert, so in spite of what that priest said to me, I think I must have given some good example somewhere. During my husbands classes back in 1974 the priest giving the NCIS classes told my husband that the confeteor in the Mass was good enough. I told him that I surely wish that was true but that it wasn’t.
 
It is even very difficult for me to be posting on this thread - all the wordiness would belie that but, I have never been anywhere where I have felt safe enough to even discuss this I really thank the OP for bringing it up. If I am ever going to find some real answers I guess this will be the last time an place I will be able to get them. I really would like to have a sacramental experience receiving this particular sacrament. None of you can eat me or slap me through the comuter screen…the confessional screen is quite a bit thinner. I even don’t mind the face to face if I know the priest, in fact, if it is a sensetive priest, perhaps he can see the fear and panic and try to overcome it, but as a human being, I feel more like Pavlov’s dog. Why would you keep going after that treat if you are constantly zapped
 
sharonh28 said:
It is even very difficult for me to be posting on this thread - all the wordiness would belie that but, I have never been anywhere where I have felt safe enough to even discuss this I really thank the OP for bringing it up. If I am ever going to find some real answers I guess this will be the last time an place I will be able to get them. I really would like to have a sacramental experience receiving this particular sacrament. None of you can eat me or slap me through the comuter screen…the confessional screen is quite a bit thinner. I even don’t mind the face to face if I know the priest, in fact, if it is a sensetive priest, perhaps he can see the fear and panic and try to overcome it, but as a human being, I feel more like Pavlov’s dog. Why would you keep going after that treat if you are constantly zapped
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You’ve been extremely honest throughout this thread sharon. It’s pretty obvious that Confession is a tough thing for you.

But as others have said here, it is tough on most of us. You shouldn’t beat yourself up so much about it. Maybe you need to concentrate more on the penance that the priest gives you to say afterwards. Really concentrate and devote your full attention to the prayers the priest gave you, and don’t worry so much about your expieience in the confessional itself. You sound to stressed out over the confessional expierience to do a really devoted and thoughful prayer.

For me, thats the part of confession that makes me feel so good and cleansed again!🙂
 
As a convert, I dreaded going to confession at first. But the more times I went, the easier it became. Now I think of it as a cleansing experience, not the most fun thing in the world, but necessary, kinda like going to the dentist or something (except you don’t risk going to hell if you don’t go to the dentist!). I find that the sacrament gives me the grace to avoid some of my pet sins, at least some of the time. :o

As others have said, pride is often the source of our anxiety about going to confession. But as I stumble through this life, I have greatly grown in humility, and I thank the sacrament of confession for much of this growth.

Jesus already knows my sins; I’m not telling Him anything new. IMHO, it’s better to deal with as many sins as possible while I have the chance of receiving absolution. So I’d rather tell the priest now and get it over with, than to have to try to justify myself to Jesus after I leave this world!

I only had one priest really scold me about something I did, but looking back, he was absolutely correct in what he said to me. I was lying to myself and trying to make excuses for this particular sin, but he called me on it. Yes, it hurt my feelings, but my soul was much better off in the long run than if he had sugar-coated things and enabled me to keep sinning.

So examine your conscience, take a few deep breaths, and go for it! Take yourself out for a treat afterwards if you have to. Hopefully in time, the feeling of being cleansed will become its own reward, and you will not find it so difficult.
 
Thank you - but some of you sure make it look pretty easy, as I sit there waiting to get in line. It takes a while to kick myself up into the line and some of you look like it is a walk in the park. I find what you say very encouraging and will be sure to confess my great sin of Pride first thing next time I work up to going to confession. I hate flying to, so I get to take a train lots of tiimes but when I have to take a plain, I stress fro weeks about that also. I wonder if God understands phobias and if going to confession can be classified as one. I don’t think a soda as a reward would work, my parents used to do those after we got our dreaded booster shots. But the more spiritual side, about the pennance, I can probably get a grip on that. As of now, it is all part of the whole experience, I run out, rattle off my 3 Hail Mary’s and flee the church thankful it is over. At my age, only 62, I keep wondering when my last confession will be and if somehow I can make it be a “good” one. It is a very sad feeling indeed. When I go before the Blessed Sacrament or receive Communion, I do feel the Sacramental Grace and God’s love. I just wish I could get over this with confession. Many of your answers have been very helpful. Just like my pilot friends who explain flying is nothing to be afraid of - the last part of the fear is something only I can deal with but to all of you, your advice beats, the engine is not going to fall off. Thanks

PS Due to these discussions and being able to express myself here…I am almost tempted to just write my whole life up in a nutshell - go into the confessional and give the piece of paper to the priest - it really might be easier for me. I come from a family that didn’t have secrets but still many things were not spoken of and many subjects not to be broached - this does effect the formation of a human being and like it or not, these things become a part of us (i.e. me).
 
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