Why is Divorce Bad?

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I’m personally against divorce. I think people should be allowed to divorce but marriage is such a special commitment it saddens me to see so many people go through so many marriages and divorces.

So why is the Catholic church against divorce? What does God want us to do when we marry but fall out of love or end up hating each other? Is divorce ok then?
 
TikiTokiguy said:
I’m personally against divorce. I think people should be allowed to divorce but marriage is such a special commitment it saddens me to see so many people go through so many marriages and divorces.

So why is the Catholic church against divorce? What does God want us to do when we marry but fall out of love or end up hating each other? Is divorce ok then?
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Civil divorce may be okay (we don’t think any more that a battered wife has to stay with her abuser), the issue is remarriage. A marriage is until death – that’s been taught for well over two thousand years. It’s definitely a very sad matter.
 
Love is not simply a feeling. It is an action. Marriage is a commitment of love that leads to the possibility of children. When couples divorce, the stability of the home is disrupted. It is painful for all involved.
Jesus specifically addresses the issue of divorce. Moses allowed divorce because of the “hardness” of men’s hearts. He calls remarriage adultery, except in the case of lewd conduct. Remarriage is only possible after divorce in the same way that one sin may lead to another.
It is true that sometimes people “fall out of love,” or lose the feeling. Seek to regain the feeling through loving actions. Take time to empathize with your spouse, to truly listen. If both partners take the time and effort, and place their marriage in God’s hands, it will survive. Pray together.
Think about friendships that you want to maintain. Apply the same principles in your marriage. Renew and maintain the courtship.
 
I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

or …

I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part.

God wants us to live up to the promises we make.
 
TikiTokiguy said:
I’m personally against divorce. I think people should be allowed to divorce but marriage is such a special commitment it saddens me to see so many people go through so many marriages and divorces.

So why is the Catholic church against divorce? What does God want us to do when we marry but fall out of love or end up hating each other? Is divorce ok then?
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mine wasn;t bad.
 
it’s bad because it separates mommies and daddies from their children. A young woman told me the story of her parents’ divorce yesterday. She was very very close to her father who had an affair with a co-worker. This was unacceptable to the mother when she learned of it (of course) and the parents called the children to explain they would be divorcing. The dad then went upstairs to pack. So, the daughter went to her bedroom and got out her Barbie doll suitcase and packed it and got ready to go with her beloved father. She became quite hysterical when her father explained to her she could not go with him. She was 6 years old. It broke my heart to hear that story.

I went through the same situation but I was 23 when my parents divorced. Even as an adult it was awful. And our family has been divided all these years. My mother was the one who wanted the divorce, since she had other plans. But holidays have never been the same, and it’s just sad.

I’ve been through a divorce (he died a few years after the divorce from alcohol poisoning). I had to divorce him just to stay alive.

My husband and I have been married a long time. We have had some very very tough times, but I’m glad we’ve stuck it out. I’ve stuck it out at times just because I believe divorce breaks up families.

If people put the energy, prayer, and effort into their marriage they would put into being single and looking for another partner for remarriage, a lot more marriages would stay together.

Because of divorce, our nation’s kids are having all sorts of problems. Some people no longer even worry about marriage and divorce, and I look around at work, and people are just living with people and then break up and go to live with other people (people who call themselves Catholic even).

Bleah…but the thought of that sweet child packing her Barbie doll suitcase will haunt me forever. She may be my daughter-in-law someday. I pray she never knows such heartache again.
 
My parents divorced when I was nine. I believe with all of my heart and soul that the divorce saved his life and his soul (my father that is).

Unfortunately my mother remarried and in the past ten years the relationship has become toxic. It seems like anything she touches turns to disaster.😦

Some relationships are so toxic and so destruction that to insist they MUST be stuck with is just … eh. I have no words.

Jesus DID say there are grounds upon which divorce is all right, and I believe there are even times when remarriage is all right. I don’t know if that’s church teaching and honestly I’d like to know what the CHURCH has to say about marriage, divorce and remarriage. In extenuating circumsntaces where adultery is concerned is it considered all right for either to remarry after the divorce is complete?
 
JerryS said:
I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

or …

I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part.

God wants us to live up to the promises we make.
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👍
 
nickybr38 said:
My parents divorced when I was nine. I believe with all of my heart and soul that the divorce saved his life and his soul (my father that is).

Unfortunately my mother remarried and in the past ten years the relationship has become toxic. It seems like anything she touches turns to disaster.😦

Some relationships are so toxic and so destruction that to insist they MUST be stuck with is just … eh. I have no words.

Jesus DID say there are grounds upon which divorce is all right, and I believe there are even times when remarriage is all right. I don’t know if that’s church teaching and honestly I’d like to know what the CHURCH has to say about marriage, divorce and remarriage. In extenuating circumsntaces where adultery is concerned is it considered all right for either to remarry after the divorce is complete?
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here’s what the Church has to say

a. you can divorce if its an absolute necessity (abusive spouse, either physically, emotionally, financially, etc.) but you cannot remarry
b. you can seek an annulment. there are many conditions for a marriage to be valid and you may be unaware of an existing impediment at the time of marriage. if you find out later, you can apply for annulment. for example, i agreed to sell my camera to you, and you said you’ll agree to buy it on the condition that its in good working condition. its able to take pictures, but later on you find out that the zoom is not working, and it hasn’t been working since i sold it to you. you can go back to me and go back on the sale, because you agreed to buy a camera that is in good working condition. and i gave you one that isn’t
c. an annulment is not a divorce. a divorce ends a legit marriage. an annulment recognizes that there is no valid marriage in the first place.
d. you can only “remarry” after an annulment. and because of the annulment, you’re not actually remarrying, you’re getting married the first time, because the earlier time you thought you got married was proven that you didn’t have a valid marriage
 
TikiTokiguy said:
So why is the Catholic church against divorce? What does God want us to do when we marry but fall out of love or end up hating each other? Is divorce ok then?
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The Catholic Church recognizes that Jesus elevated marriage between a man and a woman to a Sacrament. St. Paul compares this sacramental marriage between husband and wife (see Ephesians chapter 5 all) to that of Jesus and his body (his bride) the Church.

Would the bridegroom Jesus who gave his life for his bride ever divorce his Church?

This is how the Church looks at the sacredness of holy Matrimony as a sacrament. It is only death that releases a spouse from the sacrament of marriage never a divorce, because Jesus would never ever divorce his Catholic Church.

God told the prophet Hosea to take a wife, when all of Israel became a harlot to God by worshipping other false gods. Hosea insisted on God to punish (and divorce) Israel for their infidelities to the covenant (marriage). Hosea fell madly in love, and took a wife for a harlot himself. Hosea learning of his wifes adultery lifestyle in their marriage, shrunk of allowing God to punish her, because the prophet “Loved” her so dearly. The prophet understood God’s love and forgiveness for unfaithful Israel and stopped complaining to God for vengance. Because the Prophet now understood God’s great merciful love for His people, that God would give his only begotten Son in order to save her. In other words God himself provided the sacrifice from the covenant which demanded a life for infidelity to His covenant.

The Catholic Church takes marriage to be a very serious covenant between man and woman before God. That is why She prepares couples before entering into a covenant marriage.

Marriage is being attacked in this age from all fronts including societies accepting same sex marriages. When the sacramental facet of Holy Matrimony is taken out of the equation, couples replace God’s (Love, forgiveness, charity, hope) presence with desires and temptations of the flesh (world).

Peace be with you
 
My parents divorced when I was a teen. I heard many of the fights and threats, still it was rather upsetting for me and most of my siblings. Over the years between the divorce and their deaths in 2002 and 2007 I learned a lot about how they came together and how they got married. I must say, I agree, Divorce is not something the Church should back. Civil Divorce is one thing; I firmly belive my parents would have hurt of killed each other if they had remained together any longer than they had.
I also belive that they would have been able to get an annulment, had they asked for one. My Dad had no intention of ever getting married again and my Mom did not understand that a Civil Marriage is diffrent from the sacrament of marrage.
My wife and I have been married for almost 17 years now, most of my family had problems with the idea, because my personality is a lot like my Dad and my wifes is a lot like my Mom’s. But we have been focused on the commitment of Love in our marrage, not the feeling of love. Times have been Good, Hard and inbetween, but we have lasted because we are commited and we place that comittment in the hads of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
Junebug999 said:
A young woman told me the story of her parents’ divorce yesterday. She was very very close to her father who had an affair with a co-worker. This was unacceptable to the mother when she learned of it (of course) and the parents called the children to explain they would be divorcing. The dad then went upstairs to pack. So, the daughter went to her bedroom and got out her Barbie doll suitcase and packed it and got ready to go with her beloved father. She became quite hysterical when her father explained to her she could not go with him. She was 6 years old. It broke my heart to hear that story.
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The saddest part is that it was her father’s own selfish desires that brought such pain to her. How many marriages end in divorce simply because a spouse puts their own desires and wants above everything else?
 
nickybr38 said:
My parents divorced when I was nine. I believe with all of my heart and soul that the divorce saved his life and his soul (my father that is).

Unfortunately my mother remarried and in the past ten years the relationship has become toxic. It seems like anything she touches turns to disaster.😦

Some relationships are so toxic and so destruction that to insist they MUST be stuck with is just … eh. I have no words.

Jesus DID say there are grounds upon which divorce is all right, and I believe there are even times when remarriage is all right. I don’t know if that’s church teaching and honestly I’d like to know what the CHURCH has to say about marriage, divorce and remarriage. In extenuating circumsntaces where adultery is concerned is it considered all right for either to remarry after the divorce is complete?
Click to expand...
My heart and prayers are with you. Yes, some parents/people can be very toxic. I’ve experienced that too. Even though the toxic people in my life are very difficult to deal with, I love and honor them. I do have a respectful distance though. My father was a Baptist preacher, and I love my mother and father, pray for them, go to visit them, but I’m careful. I have to be – when my mother becomes upset these days she throws you out of the house and if you don’t immediately go, she picks up the phone and threatens to call the police. Soooooo, I’m careful what I say, I don’t want to set her off. : )

A lot of people THINK they know what the church teaches about marriage. I would direct you to ask a question of one of the apologists who will give you some great links and of course I would direct you to the catechism. My ex-husband died of alcohhol poisoning/pneumonia before I joined the Church so I did not have to go through a procedure with the Church to look at the validity of the establishment of the marriage. I would recommend the Church’s Catechism, discussion with a priest, or discussion with the people who run the marriage prep class at the local parish. There have been some excellent books written that I’ve heard about on the radio program Catholic Answers. Maybe a search on this website can come with good information.
 
So it can be said that the Catholic church does not allow divorce and is illegal in the eyes of the Catholic church?
 
Lots of reasons why divorce, mentioned above, is bad.

But there’s a huge reason why remarriage after divorce is wrong…and it’s the whole thrust behind annulment.

Divorce is not the undoing of a marriage. Our society has brainwashed us into thinking that divorce is the undoing of a marriage. It is not. It puts marriage into a different state, in which property and other matters can be handled civilly and equitably.

Remarriage puts a permanent structure, an impediment to reconciliation, and the Church can’t be a promoter of that. Reconciliation, in the Church, needs to be modeled after God’s own way of reconciling with us.
 
TikiTokiguy said:
So it can be said that the Catholic church does not allow divorce and is illegal in the eyes of the Catholic church?
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The Church holds that marriage vows are permanent and irrevocable until death. If one party dies the other can marry. Until then, what God hath joined together man cannot break asunder whether or not they think they are “in love”. It has nothing to do with illegality of divorce, but permanency of marriage.

Saying all that, the Church has procedures whereby if you can prove you didn’t know what you were doing, thereby showing you have never been truly married, you are free. Some people think it is scandalous how easy it is to get a piece of Catholic paper to show couples were never married sacramentally, even though they said vows, lived together, and made babies. I tend to think that in our age…the scandal isn’t in the eventual annulments, but in the original “weddings”.
 
RoryMcKenzie56 said:
The Church holds that marriage vows are permanent and irrevocable until death. If one party dies the other can marry. Until then, what God hath joined together man cannot break asunder whether or not they think they are “in love”. It has nothing to do with illegality of divorce, but permanency of marriage.

Saying all that, the Church has procedures whereby if you can prove you didn’t know what you were doing, thereby showing you have never been truly married, you are free. Some people think it is scandalous how easy it is to get a piece of Catholic paper to show couples were never married sacramentally, even though they said vows, lived together, and made babies. I tend to think that in our age…the scandal isn’t in the eventual annulments, but in the original “weddings”.
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Amen
 
TikiTokiguy said:
So it can be said that the Catholic church does not allow divorce and is illegal in the eyes of the Catholic church?
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A sacramental marriage, if valid, cannot be ended except by the death of one of the spouses. So it really depends on what you’re asking. If a wife is abused and says, “I’m going to file for divorce and get a restraining order against that creep so I never have to see him again,” is that okay? Yes, in general terms. But getting a civil divorce does not end their marriage as a sacrament, so neither party is free to remarry. No one denies that a situation like that is incredibly unfortunate.

Does that answer your question?
 
TikiTokiguy said:
I’m personally against divorce. I think people should be allowed to divorce but marriage is such a special commitment it saddens me to see so many people go through so many marriages and divorces.

So why is the Catholic church against divorce? What does God want us to do when we marry but fall out of love or end up hating each other? Is divorce ok then?
Click to expand...
Well when GOD Joins two people in Holy Matrimony the Two become One. And what GOD has joined together let no man put asunder. Holy Matrimony is a Sacrament.

Now when you say divorce - there is no such thing as divorce in Catholicism. It doesnt exist.

An Annulment means that no Marriage took place - that GOD did not join the two together. To me - the Annulment process has been liberalized to the point of a Mockery in some cases today - but thats another subject.

A Civil Divorce is a legal process whereby two people find they simply cannot tolerate living together for what ever reason and sometimes for legitimate reasons but that Has absolutely nothing to do with Catholicism.

Now - say a woman has an abusive Husband or an Alcoholic Husband and she cannot tolerate the Situation. should she be forced to stay? The Church is not in favor of Marriage to the point of making a Woman undego abuse. She would be justified in removing herself from the situation. If however , she was legitimately married to this individual , she cannot marry another until that individual dies. The Marital Bond extends to a lifetime bond , in sickness and in health for richer for poorer till death do you part - NOT - until someone better comes along. She would be charged with praying for her husband to repent his sins. He would remain her husband in the eyes of GOD.

So “Divorce” itself isnt bad - its what people do after thats bad. IE remarrry and thus enter into an Adulterous relationship when they remarry.

Pax
 
He wants us in marriage to give ourselves totally to the other, out of love for Him and for our spouse. He wants total and mutual self-donation; and if it’s not mutual, he still wants total self-donation from the one following Him. To our last breath. And to do it willingly and joyfully.
 
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