Why is it always this way?

[AlanFromWichita]

Teresa9:

Why do threads always end up in arguments when the topics and materials discussed could be very beneficial, pride always seems to get in the way of the threads developing, to an outsider looking in it just looks like a whole load of arguing, rather than discussion?

Dear Teresa,

Part of the problem is that many people simply don’t know how to discuss issues effectively, particularly when the issues are emotionally loaded to them.

We are often quick to judge each other without really listening to each other. A great deal of the time there is no fundamental difference between the participants but they have different views or explanations of the same thing. Slight shades of differences in understanding words can make a big difference on issues where people already feel self-conscious or self-righteous.

Also, some of us have no problem with being corrected if we are wrong, but when we are accused and impugned, or otherwise spoken to in such a way that we perceive a lack of respect, we get defensive and then it becomes a contest rather than a discussion and the goal is no longer to share ideas or find truth, but to win. The other person thus changes in our perception from being a fellow part of the Body of Christ to being a minion of the enemy, if not the enemy himself. Once we discard the love of Christ, we revert back to “love your friend and hate your enemy.”

This all comes very naturally in a society where wordly success is brought about by presenting oneself as more worthy – to human observers and judges – than another for rewards.

I have come to realize that when I am called a heretic and otherwise impugned for stating my honest opinions, I am richly blessed. (Matt 5:10-12) We can then look at people who generate hostile posts against us as blessing factories! They do us a great service, and without pay. :dancing:

Alan

 

[Les_Richardson]

AlanFromWichita:

Also, some of us have no problem with being corrected if we are wrong, but when we are accused and impugned, or otherwise spoken to in such a way that we perceive a lack of respect, we get defensive and then it becomes a contest rather than a discussion and the goal is no longer to share ideas or find truth, but to win. The other person thus changes in our perception from being a fellow part of the Body of Christ to being a minion of the enemy, if not the enemy himself. Once we discard the love of Christ, we revert back to "love your friend and hate your enemy."Alan

Yes Alan, I agree. I even remember that one time when I was wrong about something. Let’s see, was it '75 or '79…

…anyway, being right all the time is a heavy burden, if you’re not as humble as I am.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Les Richardson:

…anyway, being right all the time is a heavy burden, if you’re not as humble as I am.

Yes, it can be tough being like us, can’t it? Those people who think they know everything can get very annoying to those of us who do!

Alan

 

[Les_Richardson]

You think maybe we should start a thread for perfect people like us?

I suppose the only question is, would it be just you and I, or would we be able to get a post in edgeways?

 

[Les_Richardson]

By the way Teresa9, I apologize for hijacking your thread for idle banter, but I just couldn’t resist.:tiphat:

 

[Teresa9]

Dear friends

Be careful. my perfectness might dazzle you! wear shades!!!

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[robertaf]

Hi Teresa9

You ask a very good question. I don’t think there is only one answer. I would like to try to address the question, though.

When I first came to Catholic Answers, I was all over all of the discussion threads. I attempted to participate in discussions, even when I had very strong opinions contrary to most of those in the thread. Usually, I didn’t read the “authors” opening post really well. When I finally started doing that, I realized that some threads were started in a way that invited debate. Others were not, they were started for various other reasons, including a place to get information, a place to discuss various aspects of a topic and in some instances, a place simply for sharing and fellowship. Some were even a place for silly humor. By not reading and discerning what the “author” of the thread had in mind, I didn’t show much respect. I would often join in debate in a thread that was not meant for debate.

Being a Charismatic, I see various threads on the Charismatic Renewal started in all of these different ways. Some invite debate and others are for information and some for fellowship. Since I usually hang around now in far fewer types of discussions, I really do limit myself, I most familiar with what happens here in Spirituality and especially the Charismatic threads.

There is a small handful of folks who act like I did when I first started here. They do not discern what the thread is all about and jump in, thinking every Charismatic one invites debate. In far to many cases, they use the same arguments over and over and all too often cause the thread to be locked down. The result is that those of us who really want to discuss the `Renewal are cheated of that thread and must start a new one all over again. Even when we open the thread stating it is not for debate, inevitably one of these folks choose to ignore it and try to start one.

I think it is simply a matter of respect and sensitivity. It doesn’t have to always be this way. Maybe one day it won’t.

 

[SPOKENWORD]

Teresa9:

Dear friends

Be careful. my perfectness might dazzle you! wear shades!!!

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

At least I have seen a glymps of the human side of you, but keep holding up the light of Christ. No shades necessary.

 

[JamesS]

While Teresa9 has a point, i think alot of people confuse sentiment and feeling good with *true *goodness.

After all, what is the source of goodness and kindness? God of course! But God is not sentimental and doesn’t care about ‘hurting feelings’ in the sense of how we think.

He is also the God of truth, and the truth often isn’t pretty.

I think these forums are of a good caliber. Want vile pettiness unabridged? visit the discussion boards at the democraticunderground.com

 

[Les_Richardson]

JamesS:

While Teresa9 has a point, i think alot of people confuse sentiment and feeling good with *true *goodness.

After all, what is the source of goodness and kindness? God of course! But God is not sentimental and doesn’t care about ‘hurting feelings’ in the sense of how we think.

He is also the God of truth, and the truth often isn’t pretty.

I think these forums are of a good caliber. Want vile pettiness unabridged? visit the discussion boards at the democraticunderground.com

I can imagine.

 

[Teresa9]

JamesS:

While Teresa9 has a point, i think alot of people confuse sentiment and feeling good with *true *goodness.

After all, what is the source of goodness and kindness? God of course! But God is not sentimental and doesn’t care about ‘hurting feelings’ in the sense of how we think.

He is also the God of truth, and the truth often isn’t pretty.

I think these forums are of a good caliber. Want vile pettiness unabridged? visit the discussion boards at the democraticunderground.com

Dear friend

Sentimentality must not be mistaken for lovingly dealing with people whether those people are right or wrong in their beliefs. There are numerous ways to show or tell people they are wrong, but indignant arguing whether a person is right or not will serve only to lose credibility for the person/s involved. All it serves is to bring a further larger and more expansive bridge between those you wish to draw closer to God…as my old head of department at my old law firm used to say ‘softly softly catchy monkey’

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa