Why is it common for parents to frown upon the Religious Life for their children?

[christcnection1]

Why is it common for parents (and family in general) to frown upon the Religious Life for their children? This even seems to be the case with “faithful” Catholic families. I would think most faithful Catholic parents would be thrilled with the idea that one of their children wants to be consecrated to the Lord.

 

[Phemie]

Why is it common for parents (and family in general) to frown upon the Religious Life for their children? This even seems to be the case with “faithful” Catholic families. I would think most faithful Catholic parents would be thrilled with the idea that one of their children wants to be consecrated to the Lord.

Because parents start dreaming of grandchildren the day their kids are born and a commitment to religious life makes that impossible. At least that’s my take on it as a mother of 3. Had I become a sister my parents would have had no grandchildren since my older brother hated kids and never wanted any and my younger brother is gay and his only children are his partners grown up daughters.

We have no wish to see our children denying themselves the marriages that have made us happy. Even my former pastor’s father, back in the 50s, questioned his decision to opt for the priesthood and even more to opt for a religious congregation. “I can’t imagine my life without your mother and if priests are ever going to be allowed to marry it’ll only be the diocesan ones who will have that option. Why limit your options by becoming a religious priest?”

Plus, how many of us REALLY believe that most religious and priests are happy with the life they’ve chosen? I’ve worked closely with 4 priests in recent years and 2 were miserable with their life, 2 were very happy and satisfied. It was the two in their 70s who were happy, the ones in their 50s were miserable alcoholics, men who couldn’t make a decision and stand by it in any aspect of their ministry yet opted to make the irrevocable decision to be ordained. One is handicapped, the other is an admitted homosexual.

 

[onetruechurch]

Parents are human beings. Many parents have children for “selfish” reasons. They want their children to be beautiful, handsome, brilliant, and potentially “rich” to reflect well on them. Parents like to brag. Have you ever seen the bumper stickers bragging about their kids? Parents can also be competitive. Ever attend a little league game? I have yet to see a bumper sticker that says, “My daughter is a nun” or “My son is a priest”. Not only will that child who joins the convent or seminary not become rich but the parents are expected to support them as they attend their schools.
Even practicing Catholics can be immature when it comes to practicing their faith. They pray to God to make their child brilliant, successful and rich and sometimes forget the big picture. Only when a catastrophy happens does the parent start to see the big picture. The child that they put all their hope into has become an atheist, alchoholic, New Ager, radical feminist, (insert worst nightmare), etc and finally the parent wakes up. That’s when the parent realizes that material success does not lead one to God. “if only” …“if only” the parent had directed the offspring toward the religious life!

 

[christcnection1]

Because parents start dreaming of grandchildren the day their kids are born and a commitment to religious life makes that impossible. At least that’s my take on it as a mother of 3. Had I become a sister my parents would have had no grandchildren since my older brother hated kids and never wanted any and my younger brother is gay and his only children are his partners grown up daughters.

We have no wish to see our children denying themselves the marriages that have made us happy. Even my former pastor’s father, back in the 50s, questioned his decision to opt for the priesthood and even more to opt for a religious congregation. “I can’t imagine my life without your mother and if priests are ever going to be allowed to marry it’ll only be the diocesan ones who will have that option. Why limit your options by becoming a religious priest?”

Plus, how many of us REALLY believe that most religious and priests are happy with the life they’ve chosen? I’ve worked closely with 4 priests in recent years and 2 were miserable with their life, 2 were very happy and satisfied. It was the two in their 70s who were happy, the ones in their 50s were miserable alcoholics, men who couldn’t make a decision and stand by it in any aspect of their ministry yet opted to make the irrevocable decision to be ordained. One is handicapped, the other is an admitted homosexual.

I have talked to dozens of religious. I have yet to meet one that was was not happy with their decision. I’m sorry you have experienced otherwise.

 

[christcnection1]

Parents are human beings. Many parents have children for “selfish” reasons. They want their children to be beautiful, handsome, brilliant, and potentially “rich” to reflect well on them. Parents like to brag. Have you ever seen the bumper stickers bragging about their kids? Parents can also be competitive. Ever attend a little league game? I have yet to see a bumper sticker that says, “My daughter is a nun” or “My son is a priest”. Not only will that child who joins the convent or seminary not become rich but the parents are expected to support them as they attend their schools.
Even practicing Catholics can be immature when it comes to practicing their faith. They pray to God to make their child brilliant, successful and rich and sometimes forget the big picture. Only when a catastrophy happens does the parent start to see the big picture. The child that they put all their hope into has become an atheist, alchoholic, New Ager, radical feminist, (insert worst nightmare), etc and finally the parent wakes up. That’s when the parent realizes that material success does not lead one to God. “if only” …“if only” the parent had directed the offspring toward the religious life!

If Catholics would have a mature faith, they would realize that the highest possible calling is to the Religious Life, and especially the priesthood.

My Grandfather said that maybe instead of pursuing the priesthood, I should take a good job, with good pay so I could “have a comfortable life.” That’s a mockery of our faith; life’s goal is not to be comfortable with worldly riches.

With faith like that, it’s little surprise that most of my family has fallen away from the Church.

Not even the Protestants were able to snatch them up, which would have been far better.

 

[IrishAm]

Interesting question. I can’t say it has been my experience that parents would frown on their children entering the Religious Life, but then, sadly, there doesn’t seem to be many children out there choosing to enter the Religious Life. But – as when my daughter decided to enter the Marines – I would guess a lack of **initial **enthusiasm may include . . .

Not being prepared for the child to make this decision, being “blindsided” by the announcement.

• Not knowing a great deal about what would be expected of them. A need for education.
• Fear that the decision would draw the child away from the family.
• Concern that the child was making a life-changing decision hastily, without proper discernment.
• Concern that the child was making the decision to run away from some other situation.
• Concern that the child was not suited for the vocation (it is sometimes hard to see one’s own child in a position which one views as one of spiritual leadership . . . we aren’t especially encouraging when a young person declares they want to be President, either).
• Not wanting to seem too enthusiastic in case it does not come to be.

Those are just off the top of my head. Grandchildren wouldn’t even enter into my thoughts, but I guess it may to some who put more stock in genetic immortality.

As far as not encouraging religious vocations, I do think it is simply not on many parents’ radar. There is an assumption you have to encourage a child to be a doctor or a teacher or a chef, but GOD will take care of encouraging (“calling”) him or her to a religious life.

(All of my girls are married. But one young man I taught in second grade religious education is now a priest – and I’m as proud of him, and his parents, as I can be!!! )

 

[puzzleannie]

Why is it common for parents (and family in general) to frown upon the Religious Life for their children? .

I don’t know that it is common, and I have never seen any evidence to that effect. I am sure it happens for a variety of reasons, but common? maybe, maybe not. If it is an only child they may have some emotional hangup about handing on the family name or having grandchildren. They may have misconceptions about the priesthood or religious life which make them regard it as a less than desireable choice. They may genuinely feel this individual child does not have a vocation. Probably dozens of reasons.

 

[CatholicCajun]

I have only one son and I would have given anything had he become a priest, I would have had a whole parish of grandchildren!! But, that was not his calling. We had a lady in one of our stores tell my husband that her son very badly wanted to be a priest, but she was discouraging him, because he was too smart to be a priest!! Hello, does she realize how much they have to learn and remember. I still pray for him to have the courage to do what he is called to do.

 

[HOLYHEARTS]

I think that parents are not all that familiar with good religious
communities b/c for a long time we were not getting very
good example from religious…And because of this negative
influence, they might be afraid to let their children enter even
though there are now some very fervent & observant religious
communities out there…

 

[christcnection1]

Interesting question. I can’t say it has been my experience that parents would frown on their children entering the Religious Life, but then, sadly, there doesn’t seem to be many children out there choosing to enter the Religious Life. But – as when my daughter decided to enter the Marines – I would guess a lack of **initial **enthusiasm may include . . .

Not being prepared for the child to make this decision, being “blindsided” by the announcement.

• Not knowing a great deal about what would be expected of them. A need for education.
• Fear that the decision would draw the child away from the family.
• Concern that the child was making a life-changing decision hastily, without proper discernment.
• Concern that the child was making the decision to run away from some other situation.
• Concern that the child was not suited for the vocation (it is sometimes hard to see one’s own child in a position which one views as one of spiritual leadership . . . we aren’t especially encouraging when a young person declares they want to be President, either).
• Not wanting to seem too enthusiastic in case it does not come to be.

Those are just off the top of my head. Grandchildren wouldn’t even enter into my thoughts, but I guess it may to some who put more stock in genetic immortality.

As far as not encouraging religious vocations, I do think it is simply not on many parents’ radar. There is an assumption you have to encourage a child to be a doctor or a teacher or a chef, but GOD will take care of encouraging (“calling”) him or her to a religious life.

(All of my girls are married. But one young man I taught in second grade religious education is now a priest – and I’m as proud of him, and his parents, as I can be!!! )

Very insightful points. Hmm… perhaps I’m looking at this a little selfishly? There is some meat here for me to chew on. Thank you.

 

[christcnection1]

I don’t know that it is common, and I have never seen any evidence to that effect. I am sure it happens for a variety of reasons, but common? maybe, maybe not. If it is an only child they may have some emotional hangup about handing on the family name or having grandchildren. They may have misconceptions about the priesthood or religious life which make them regard it as a less than desireable choice. They may genuinely feel this individual child does not have a vocation. Probably dozens of reasons.

Yes, I can see some of these things. Thank you.

 

[christcnection1]

I have only one son and I would have given anything had he become a priest, I would have had a whole parish of grandchildren!! But, that was not his calling. We had a lady in one of our stores tell my husband that her son very badly wanted to be a priest, but she was discouraging him, because he was too smart to be a priest!! Hello, does she realize how much they have to learn and remember. I still pray for him to have the courage to do what he is called to do.

Too smart, huh?

How could any faithful Catholic in their right mind think this way? Clearly she was not very devout.

Let me see… What’s more important? The salvation of souls or climbing the ladder of worldly success.

I just don’t get it.

 

[christcnection1]

I think that parents are not all that familiar with good religious
communities b/c for a long time we were not getting very
good example from religious…And because of this negative
influence, they might be afraid to let their children enter even
though there are now some very fervent & observant religious
communities out there…

Yes, I think there is a good deal of truth to that.

Ironically, it’s necessary for good people to step to the plate to help turn the tide. If they think highly of their children and see great potential in them, should they not be glad that they will contribute to the betterment of such Orders? Surely.

 

[Tonks40]

I think it also depends on where the parents are from. In the Philippines, faithful Catholic families encourage their children to consider the religious life. They consider it a blessing to the family if a son becomes a priest or a daughter become a nun.

At least, as a Filipina-American, that has been my experience. Personally, I would be thrilled and proud if one of my sons decides to become a priest or a religious!

 

[debraran]

I think the scandals soured some parents on the priesthood and being very disillusioned with the bishops, etc. I have heard them say they would hate to see their child in an institution that was so badly run and have people think their child was “one of them”.
That might take some time to heal. I have been reading a lot of books on priests and why they stayed/left in the last 10 years and it was very hard for many, the lack of support, being a big thing. We lost a priest who left after really disagreeing with his bishop and went to a different state to live. He couldn’t do things that weren’t “by the book” I think, but I never got the whole story, I just know he was very orthodox.
I wouldn’t mind if my son was a priest but if he was, I would hope he was in an order that supported him, a parish priest can be very difficult depending on where you live. But ultimately it’s not the parents desicion. Many priests were pushed into it years ago, (an Irish priest told me it was an unsaid rule one son should try) and that made for some discontent also.

 

[christcnection1]

I think the scandals soured some parents on the priesthood and being very disillusioned with the bishops, etc. I have heard them say they would hate to see their child in an institution that was so badly run and have people think their child was “one of them”.
That might take some time to heal. I have been reading a lot of books on priests and why they stayed/left in the last 10 years and it was very hard for many, the lack of support, being a big thing. We lost a priest who left after really disagreeing with his bishop and went to a different state to live. He couldn’t do things that weren’t “by the book” I think, but I never got the whole story, I just know he was very orthodox.
I wouldn’t mind if my son was a priest but if he was, I would hope he was in an order that supported him, a parish priest can be very difficult depending on where you live. But ultimately it’s not the parents desicion. Many priests were pushed into it years ago, (an Irish priest told me it was an unsaid rule one son should try) and that made for some discontent also.

Yeah… I imagine…

I was talking to a priest friend of mine yesterday, and he seems to think that their is a great shortage of priests (and religious) because many parents have discouraged their sons (and daughters) from exploring their desires for that way of life.

I suppose it has worked both ways.

 

[onetruechurch]

Check out today’s homily on EWTN. The gospel is about giving up everything to “follow me”. Even leave your parents behind to be buried by others. Nothing is more important than to “follow me”. N O W Even if parents and friends discourage you…“follow me”.

 

[jmdsc]

I would be thrilled if either or both of my sons wanted to become priests. Sadly, however, and I am a bit ashamed of it…but if my daughter wanted to become a nun - I certainly wouldn’t discourage her - but I certainly would remind her of other choices that are out there!

I’m sure many people will disagree with me, but in my experiences (and yes, I have had countless) the nuns are treated as second-class citizens compared to priests!

 

[Mamselle_Duroc]

I’ve come across this attitude several times (never from my own parents, thank God, but from others who question my openness to the religious life), and I think it’s connected in part with the strange idea that some parents have about their children being their possessions, the same way that their dog or their car is their possession.

Their children are a reflection of themselves. For that reason they’ll sometimes brag about their children, but more often than not it takes the form of putting their children down in public. To their minds, to be proud of their children would be contrary to their own humility, as their children are in their view extensions of their own selves. I’ve seen a lot of parents neglect to be proud of their children on account of this, and even criticize them publicly, and I’ve seen a lot of children hurt by it.

This seems to leak over it the whole vocations thing, as well. Some parents think that the religious life isn’t the proper way to ‘success,’ and selfishly want to keep their children from reflecting badly on them. Some parents, believing that their children are their property, are upset when they realize that said children aren’t going to be giving them the grandkids they’d been planning on.

They just seem to have a rather strange view that their children are in their images, rather than being created in the image of God.

Some parents, too, are just a bit afraid. It’s true that a person has to sacrifice a lot and being will to endure much for the sake of Christ. But, guess what? If a kid is seriously considering the religious life, he’s probably already thought about all that, and is willing to follow Christ anyway. In this case he needs the support and prayers of his parents.

Incidentally, I find it a bit curious that more often than not, parents who object to their daughter becoming the bride of Christ rejoice and hand out the champagne when she announces she going to become the bride of a less-than-perfect, and occasionally downright scoundrel of a fellow.

If I speak with a touch of bitterness, forgive me. Like I said, my parents have never been anything but wonderful, but from my decision to pursue a liberal arts education to my mentioning that a convent might just possibly be on the horizon, I’ve been hounded by people who are determined to save me from myself, and it wears down the nerves after a point.

 

[onetruechurch]

I’m sure many people will disagree with me, but in my experiences (and yes, I have had countless) the nuns are treated as second-class citizens compared to priests!

All the more reason to pursue the vocation! Pride is the sin that gets most of us into trouble. One third of the angels fell into hell because of pride. They are so much “higher class” than we lowly humans…and yet one third of them fell.

Many “former nuns” never developed the virtue of humility and really wanted the first class role of being a priest. In fact, there are still many orders of sisters who are still hoping to become priests some day. They are wasting the wonderful graces that come with humility. When I was a young girl I sincerely wanted to be a sister just like the ones that taught me. I received no encouragement and never became one. However, the nuns that I so admired back in the 50’s are no longer there. They have thrown away the habit and have become “liberal”. Many of them are still hoping to become priests. Thank goodness there are many other orders or communities of sisters that are leading very holy and humble lives. This forum is a great help for those who want to find the orthodox communities where the sisters will work only for the glory and honor of God…not earthy praise.