Why is it so hard to forget myself?

[HoldingGodsHand]

Everyday I try and do succeed at times. But even when I do, it just seems so hard! I try to put others first as often as I can, yet it is so much of a struggle! How can I ignore my feelings and put someone else’s first? It seems so against the norm, but in most cases I think it’s always the right thing to do. Why is it always so hard to do the right thing? I pray and ask God to change my heart, but nothing changes. I’m still so weak.

 

[OneSheep]

Everyday I try and do succeed at times. But even when I do, it just seems so hard! I try to put others first as often as I can, yet it is so much of a struggle! How can I ignore my feelings and put someone else’s first? It seems so against the norm, but in most cases I think it’s always the right thing to do. Why is it always so hard to do the right thing? I pray and ask God to change my heart, but nothing changes. I’m still so weak.

So, you are trying to put others first, and you are feeling some frustration. Perhaps you are thinking that your own needs are to be ignored.

We are God’s temples, and as such we are not called to ignore our own needs as we do all we can to serve others. It is difficult to respond further without knowing what is going on, but I will pray for you.

 

[JRKH]

Why are you trying to “forget yourself”…What does “forget yourself” mean to you?

The second great commandment is to Love your neighbor as yourself…So it seems to me that forgetting one’s self would make loving neighbor rather difficult.

Peace
James

 

[R_C]

Why is it so hard to forget myself?

Because…you are yourself That’s a fact.

It takes time and patience to have the right intention behind our acts. And it is a strange and mysterious thing, that we must wish and pray for our own sanctification, in fact we must strive to be perfect, and yet in this we must have no pride and no motion of the ego. This is my understanding: until the time comes when I am made perfect, my imperfection inexorably causes sorrow to God’s little ones and offends God’s majesty. Out of love for Him and out of love for my neighbor I must become better and better, even when this appears almost impossible. And what is the way of perfection? To serve, to become the servant of all. Even when this, for some, may mean to live in the world and let their light shine when they would rather live hidden in Christ, away from all human sight, in one uninterrupted chant of thanksgiving. But there will be time for that in the Beatific Vision.

If your approach makes it hard, then change the approach, but not the intention. Just try to do good, bear sacrifices as cheerfully as possible (for “God loves a cheerful giver”), try to make others joyful always and everywhere (but especially when things are extremely difficult or they are making you very upset), and remember this: your weakness is your greatest blessing, for in weakness is the power of Christ made perfect, and in this is the little way of holiness of St. Therese of Lisieux: “we must not become greater, but smaller and smaller”.

Pray to Our Lady for the gift of loving kindness

 

[HoldingGodsHand]

Why are you trying to “forget yourself”…What does “forget yourself” mean to you?

The second great commandment is to Love your neighbor as yourself…So it seems to me that forgetting one’s self would make loving neighbor rather difficult.

Peace
James

What I mean by that is to: to forget myself and “put others feelings first” … that I shouldn’t put my own feelings before someone else. Now, I don’t have a problem with putting others first most of the time. It just seems like I’m always working around others feelings and that no one cares about my feelings. But to put someones feelings before mine and then turn around and feel uncared for in return, defeats the reason for putting others feelings first in the first place?? Guess I’m confused too!

Another thing is when I do something nice for someone, I find myself looking for something in return. Not that I tell them that, they don’t know. I just find that I always want to be reciprocated, even by God. I want to feel fulfilled or in some way I want proof that I’m doing the right thing.

It just make me feel so selfish.

 

[IBombAtomically]

Satan WANTS you to get demoralized and give up. He wants you to dwell on yourself and your faults. Be patient with yourself, as St. Francis de Sales reminds us. How easy it would be if all those feeling just came naturally! Remember that sacrifice for others and love is a choice, and a choice of action. Don’t stress too much over if you’re feeling the right way. Try just focusing on Christ instead, and only Christ.

Personally, when I’m in your situation, increasing my spiritual reading works. It lets me focus on the words in the book rather than myself (my own thoughts) and I can allow the ideas to just flow into me. Sometimes, something will strike me really hard that makes everything click. I promise you Jesus is working in your heart, so don’t give up! You’re already on the right track by choosing to do the right thing even when you don’t always feel like it, and by being aware of your own feelings and what needs remedying. Hope that helps!

 

[JRKH]

Thanks for the clarification…It helps a lot…

What I mean by that is to: to forget myself and “put others feelings first” … that I shouldn’t put my own feelings before someone else.

This may not always be a good thing. As you note below…when it’s all give and no get one can get emotionally run down to where you feel that you’ve nothing left.
Now - it’s important to note that I am speaking emotionally here - not spiritually…Though the two things can certainly be interconnected.

Now, I don’t have a problem with putting others first most of the time. It just seems like I’m always working around others feelings and that no one cares about my feelings. But to put someones feelings before mine and then turn around and feel uncared for in return, defeats the reason for putting others feelings first in the first place?? Guess I’m confused too!

Actually no - it does NOT defeat the reason for putting someone else first. We do not “do unto others…” with an expectation of return…
We put others first our of Love - not out of some economy that requires a tit-for-tat.

Another thing is when I do something nice for someone, I find myself looking for something in return. Not that I tell them that, they don’t know. I just find that I always want to be reciprocated, even by God. I want to feel fulfilled or in some way I want proof that I’m doing the right thing.

Yes - I can understand this - and I also understand the problem of giving until there is nothing left…been there - done that back in my heathen days .

Something that I think will help you is to examine the basis for all the law and prophets…the two great commandments in Mt 22:36-40.
These are to Love God above all else and to Love neighbor as ourselves.

When Love is the driving force…reciprocation becomes less important. When Love is the driving force, our “proof” lies in knowing that what we do is loving and therefore pleasing to Him who we love above all others.

Now - this does not mean that we won’t run into people who use us…take without responding in kind…are manipulative and entirely self centered - - and such people most certainly are emotionally draining. Thankfully such people are few and far between.

It just make me feel so selfish.

Well - welcome to the world of us imperfect Christians…
Dear one - we all struggle with this. It’s hard to get the right balance and to keep the right balance.
But - like I said - we can’t properly love others if we don’t properly love ourselves.
To understand how to properly love ourselves, we need to ponder on the two great commandments and also on the Golden Rule.

I hope this helps some.

Peace
James

 

[HoldingGodsHand]

Well - welcome to the world of us imperfect Christians…
Dear one - we all struggle with this. It’s hard to get the right balance and to keep the right balance.
But - like I said - we can’t properly love others if we don’t properly love ourselves.
To understand how to properly love ourselves, we need to ponder on the two great commandments and also on the Golden Rule.

I hope this helps some.

Peace
James

Yes, you helped some. I appreciate it and from everyone else too, thanks.

 

[JRKH]

Yes, you helped some. I appreciate it and from everyone else too, thanks.

I’m glad to help…The most important thing is to be patient with yourself…remember that we speak in terms of spiritual “growth” and growth takes time. Just keep plugging away.

Peace
James

 

[Lady_Love]

Satan WANTS you to get demoralized and give up. He wants you to dwell on yourself and your faults. Be patient with yourself, as St. Francis de Sales reminds us. How easy it would be if all those feeling just came naturally! Remember that sacrifice for others and love is a choice, and a choice of action. Don’t stress too much over if you’re feeling the right way. Try just focusing on Christ instead, and only Christ.

Personally, when I’m in your situation, increasing my spiritual reading works. It lets me focus on the words in the book rather than myself (my own thoughts) and I can allow the ideas to just flow into me. Sometimes, something will strike me really hard that makes everything click. I promise you Jesus is working in your heart, so don’t give up! You’re already on the right track by choosing to do the right thing even when you don’t always feel like it, and by being aware of your own feelings and what needs remedying. Hope that helps!

Maybe this will help:

Do not ignore your feelings, for you are valuable and precious in God’s eyes and do not ignore the “other’s” feelings either. The solution to this problem is to do what is right and just and when it comes to deciding between you or another person ask this question, “What is best for the relationship overall?” Sometimes, it is better for your relationship to serve your own needs or it is better for the relationship that you serve their needs. For example, if you are extremely tired and have an ugly disposition, it would probably be best for the relationship if you excused yourself and took a nap. Then again, you are tired and someone breaks down on the road at night and they are all alone, it would be best for the relationship if you overcame your tiredness to rescue/relieve them.

The “right” thing isn’t always what you “don’t” want to do.

 

[fred_conty]

What I mean by that is to: to forget myself and “put others feelings first” … that I shouldn’t put my own feelings before someone else. Now, I don’t have a problem with putting others first most of the time. It just seems like I’m always working around others feelings and that no one cares about my feelings. But to put someones feelings before mine and then turn around and feel uncared for in return, defeats the reason for putting others feelings first in the first place?? Guess I’m confused too!

Another thing is when I do something nice for someone, I find myself looking for something in return. Not that I tell them that, they don’t know. I just find that I always want to be reciprocated, even by God. I want to feel fulfilled or in some way I want proof that I’m doing the right thing.

It just make me feel so selfish.

What you expressed is just plain human nature wanting attention, which is right on for human nature. Our human nature is really like a spoiled little child always demanding something and if not given what it wants it starts to cry and make a scene.

But one glimpse at Jesus and we see what goodness is all about. Where he was at the end of the day that is where he slept. What was put before him at a table is what he ate. Yet he didn’t say a thing about himself or want anything because he was all about wanting to be with and help others. I suppose to find oneself then a person must die to themselves as Jesus did.

I’ve noticed in my life the people who seem to be happy. And it is almost all those who lose themselves in their family, friends, church, or some worthwhile org. They seem to be the happiest when they are giving. “Unless the grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it cannot bear fruit.”

It just seems to me that Jesus was always telling us to help others, not so much for their sake, but for ours.

“…no one cares about my feelings” and this hurts precisely because it is unfair. And yet, wasn’t it Jesus who was slapped in the face at his trial for giving a truthful answer? That was unfair and it hurt because he did not deserve that. But why did he accept that slap that was unfair?

Precisely because it was unfair to make up for your unfairness shown to others. He suffered innocently to help you. And now he asks us to suffer innocently to help others. If we are guilty then we get what we deserve. But if we are innocent, then we can accept it and offer it as Jesus did for someone else who deserved it and help them. So those who wish to come closer and closer to Jesus say, “blessed be the name of Jesus”, accepting all things, good and bad, that come their way from the Lord, but with the right understanding and intention. “Gather up everything so that nothing is wasted.”

If you pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance on this, with time you will rejoice at understanding and using this spiritual pearl, for it will make everything you do at one with Jesus. So ask the Holy Spirit to remind you to say “blessed be the name of Jesus”, in everything that may happen to you.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.