Why is sex outside of marriage a sin?

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Why is sex outside of marriage a sin?

I know it is a sin–that I am not disputing.

I know it is a sin because God commanded–that I am not disputing.

What I’d like to know is *why *it is a sin. If we could look into God’s reasoning, what would we find?
 
Because the purpose of sex is children and children need a mother and a father and a stable environment, not a broken home.
 
I am not sure what on the hill is looking for :
**Why is sex outside of marriage a sin?
… I know it is a sin because God commanded–that I am not disputing.
What I’d like to know is why it is a sin.
If we could look into God’s reasoning, what would we find? **

Hmm, let’s see.

For some reason God invented a thing called Marriage (it probably has to with the creation of Eve).
Until one of their kids got old enough to have sex, there was NO chance of Adultery.

I assume that Creation did NOT go on for 100 years without some Hanky-Panky going on.
I imagine that God did not come down at that early time in Human history and BAN Adultery.

But, by the time of Noah, God had gotten angry at people who were practicing sexual immorality (and other things).
So, God decided to start it all over again.
POOF . . . all of the sexually immoral people are Gone (along with all of the Moral people, oh well).
Noah was the new Adam (in a way).
All Human Beings are NOW descended from Noah, through his 3 sons.

Those are some Facts.
What we DO know is** :** Something about sex (and performing it outside of Marriage) is that it is a SORE topic for God.

My thoughts about why God included “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery” in His 10 Commandments to the Jews is : God knows that the sexual urge is pretty BIG.
And many people will ONLY sleep with their own Spouse … Good for them.
But, something about the Wedding ceremony makes the 2 people into ONE Couple.
And this is supposed to be a Unit … A Family Unit.

So, God wants the Family Unit to live their Life together … and get all of their emotional needs to do with sex within the confines of that Unit.

I also think that God does NOT want kids from a Family Unit to come from a different Father.
This will screw-up their Family Tree, and make for ill feelings between Families.
For instance, a Husband and Wife are both Brown-haired (and come from a LONG line of “brownies”).
Then, this Black-haired Baby comes into their Family Unit.
Hmm, some of the Husband’s relatives are STRONGLY suspecting that this Baby is NOT Blood-related (AND, they are Right).

These, I think, are the 2 Major reasons for God to want Monogamy.
 
Sex is a marriage- that is, the joining of two things.

It’s better not to join things prematurely, or to the wrong person.
 
Sex outside of marriage is about using.
Sex within the bonds of matrimony is about giving.
You can’t give something you have not committed to.
But you can use someone for pleasure. People are not things to be used.
I would suggest getting one of the Theology of the Body books.
They explain it very beautifully.
God loves marital sex. It is not something to be ashamed of.
It is beautiful and has a purpose.
Anything used for the wrong purpose can be understood as to why it is wrong.
Misuse of sex is abuse of a good.
In the marital act, we participate in the creative action of God.

It’s a good thing. 👍
God bless.
 
pianistclare said : "Sex outside of marriage is about using.
Sex within the bonds of matrimony is about giving.
You can’t give something you have not committed to.
But you can use someone for pleasure. People are not things to be used."

Are you suggested that this is how God views the matter?
I ask you this, because that is what the Thread is about.

It sounds like a simplistic “poem” . . . and doesn’t even make much sense.
"Sex within the bonds of matrimony is about giving."
Sex within a particular Marriage is NOT always about Giving.
Many Husbands (especially in the Middle East) brutally rape their Wife on a regular basis (or, finish in 3 minutes FLAT).
Many Wives use Sex as a Toy … if Hubby wants some … he’s gotta OBEY her Rules.

And as far as : “Sex outside of marriage is [only] about using.” … this is certainly not Always the case either.
Who (are you suggesting) is doing the using … and what is he (or she) using it for?

And as far as : “You can’t give something you have not committed to.” . . . I can give Love to anyone I choose to : Wife, Child, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin …
I can give companionship without worrying about the identity of the recipient.
And the List goes on and on.

And, to me, the least believable Line is the Last one, that :** “People are not things to be used.”**
If I am a Boss, then I use my Employees.
If I am a Teacher, then I use all of those Young Minds.
If I am a Husband, then I can use my Wife as merely a Sexual Object, mistreat her, never give her any Love or Understanding (and it’s perfectly Legal).
Bette Davis once said : "Everybody uses Everybody."
That is the Way I see it, But I do NOT see that as a Bad thing.
All people are here to be used (at least once in a while) . . . such is Life.
 
4love2God said:
pianistclare said : "Sex outside of marriage is about using.
Sex within the bonds of matrimony is about giving.
You can’t give something you have not committed to.
But you can use someone for pleasure. People are not things to be used."

Are you suggested that this is how God views the matter?
I ask you this, because that is what the Thread is about.

It sounds like a simplistic “poem” . . . and doesn’t even make much sense.
"Sex within the bonds of matrimony is about giving."
Sex within a particular Marriage is NOT always about Giving.
Many Husbands (especially in the Middle East) brutally rape their Wife on a regular basis (or, finish in 3 minutes FLAT).
Many Wives use Sex as a Toy … if Hubby wants some … he’s gotta OBEY her Rules.

And as far as : “Sex outside of marriage is [only] about using.” … this is certainly not Always the case either.
Who (are you suggesting) is doing the using … and what is he (or she) using it for?

And as far as : “You can’t give something you have not committed to.” . . . I can give Love to anyone I choose to : Wife, Child, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin … **SEX is NOT love. **
I can give companionship without worrying about the identity of the recipient.
And the List goes on and on.

And, to me, the least believable Line is the Last one, that :** “People are not things to be used.”**
If I am a Boss, then I use people.
If I am a Teacher, then I use all of those young minds.
If I am a Husband, then I can use my Wife as merely a Sexual Object, mistreat her, never give her any Love or Understanding (and it’s perfectly Legal).
Bette Davis once said : "Everybody uses Everybody."
That is the Way I see it, But I do NOT see that as a Bad thing.
All people are their to be used (at least once in a while) . . . such is Life.
Click to expand...
Read Theology of the Body. These are John Paul II’s words. This is what the Church really teaches. Honest.

And if one wants to live in a world where “everyone uses everyone”…God help us.

A boss LEADS people, not uses.
A teacher INSTRUCTS, not uses.
If you are a husband you are absolutely not to use her as a sexual object. You may engage in sexual relations in love and respect, but NEVER usage.
You post should be about CATHOLIC beliefs. That is what the thread is about.
Not about rapists or scheming wives.
Peace.
 
Well, first let me say that I don’t have to always understand God’s reasoning, in order to trust that He knows what He’s doing when He says something is or isn’t sinful. The simple fact that He says it is a sin… means it is, because God does not lie. 😉

That said, I think we do know some of the reasons sex outside of marriage is wrong.

Sex outside of marriage is a sin because it is a lie.

At its most basic, it is selfish, not loving; it’s not about what is best for the other. It’s also bad for us spiritually, emotionally, and mentally (and can also be bad for us physically), partly because of what it does to distort our view of others and ourselves–it degrades our human dignity.

We human beings tend not to value those things (or those relationships) which do not require any sacrifice or “price” from us. So it also encourages us to place less value on the other person, and on the relationship.

Does this mean all married people value each other, and all sex within marriage is always holy, all of the time? Of course not. No one is making the argument that sex outside of marriage is bad because sex within marriage is always good. (That would be a rather illogical argument, anyway.)

But it does mean that without marriage, there is always a missing necessary component in sex. We can never reach the ideal in sex outside of marriage, no matter how much we try, no matter how much we want it, because there will always be that necessary piece that’s missing.

For someone who has not had awesome, fulfilling, married sex, this might be difficult to grasp. But for those who have… no additional explanation is necessary.
 
God gave us humans the chance to participate in the act of creating more of His highest creation: new human beings. This great privilege occurs through sexual activity.

Now, if you had a teenage son and you said he could drive your brand-new Rolls Royce back and forth to work, but nowhere else, what would you say if he took it out joyriding on Fridy night? Just as tye teenage son should respect the restrictions his dad puts on his sharing his very special car, so should we respect our Fatger’s restriction in sharing His creative power.
 
Well, God designed sex to be between one man and one woman. If we all respected marriage, we wouldn’t have all the out-of-wedlock pregnancies, the sexually-transmitted diseases, the single parent families, and all the rest of the social problems which spin off from these.

Sex within marriage makes a lot of sense.
 
4love2God said:
I am not sure what on the hill is looking for :
**Why is sex outside of marriage a sin?
… I know it is a sin because God commanded–that I am not disputing.
What I’d like to know is why it is a sin.
If we could look into God’s reasoning, what would we find? **

Hmm, let’s see.

For some reason God invented a thing called Marriage (it probably has to with the creation of Eve).
Until one of their kids got old enough to have sex, there was NO chance of Adultery.

I assume that Creation did NOT go on for 100 years without some Hanky-Panky going on.
I imagine that God did not come down at that early time in Human history and BAN Adultery.

But, by the time of Noah, God had gotten angry at people who were practicing sexual immorality (and other things).
So, God decided to start it all over again.
POOF . . . all of the sexually immoral people are Gone (along with all of the Moral people, oh well).
Noah was the new Adam (in a way).
All Human Beings are NOW descended from Noah, through his 3 sons.

Those are some Facts.
What we DO know is** :** Something about sex (and performing it outside of Marriage) is that it is a SORE topic for God.

My thoughts about why God included “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery” in His 10 Commandments to the Jews is : God knows that the sexual urge is pretty BIG.
And many people will ONLY sleep with their own Spouse … Good for them.
But, something about the Wedding ceremony makes the 2 people into ONE Couple.
And this is supposed to be a Unit … A Family Unit.

So, God wants the Family Unit to live their Life together … and get all of their emotional needs to do with sex within the confines of that Unit.

I also think that God does NOT want kids from a Family Unit to come from a different Father.
This will screw-up their Family Tree, and make for ill feelings between Families.
For instance, a Husband and Wife are both Brown-haired (and come from a LONG line of “brownies”).
Then, this Black-haired Baby comes into their Family Unit.
Hmm, some of the Husband’s relatives are STRONGLY suspecting that this Baby is NOT Blood-related (AND, they are Right).

These, I think, are the 2 Major reasons for God to want Monogamy.
Click to expand...
Yeah, this kinda makes sense to me. I am in the market for an answer, and this is an answer.
 
Thorns said:
Because the purpose of sex is children and children need a mother and a father and a stable environment, not a broken home.
Click to expand...
Yes, I agree. Not every sexual act will result in a child, but every marital act between a man and a woman is by its very nature, ordered toward the procreation of children.

Without children, the human race dies out.
But children are dependent, for a very long time.
And children need a mom and a dad–who stay together and raise a family.
Thus, commitment is needed, and that is marriage.

Without marriage, children are cheated of a family.
 
Here are some reasons why pre-marital sex is a mortal sin:
  1. Human law provides the minimum standard for humans to live by. In other words, what is the most that humans can get away with without destroying themselves? God’s law is exactly the opposite. God holds us to the highest standard possible. In other words, what behavior would be needed in order to achieve an absolute perfect society? We don’t change God’s law to suit us because we fall short. We don’t even change God’s law because it’s impossible for humans to achieve. Instead, we adapt because we should always be striving for the ideal. With that stated, what kind of behavior do you think God would expect of unmarried couples?
  2. Moral behavior also requires that we have the highest respect for human life possible. As such, we should never do harm, short of self-defense. Pre-marital sex, no matter how careful, always has a risk of pregnancy. This could lead the mother to another mortal sin through abortion. The couple is also putting a potential human life’s entire future at risk by not being prepared to accept the responsibility to raise it or be prepared to do so in advance. It might have to grow up in a single parent or unstable household, finances would not have been prepared, and so on. The fact that a couple could potentially put an innocent life at risk is the highest form of selfishness and is completely irresponsible.
  3. Despite years of scientific study and philosophical debate, no one knows precisely when the soul enters the human body and human life begins. As such, Catholics are required to take the safest route and assume the most conservative answer, which is that life begins at the moment of conception. Birth control can cause the failure of a fertilized egg to implant, thus causing an abortion. Someone could be the unknowing partner to unintentional murder. Some might also choose to use the morning after pill, which does essentially the same thing, but on purpose.
  4. Pre-marital sex always presents the possibility of sexually transmitted disease. It would be a grave sin to infect someone with a dangerous disease, and some diseases, like HIV, can be transmitted even through condoms. People might not even know they have them. HPV has no symptoms, and yet can cause cervical cancer. How many times have people believed themselves to be in a monogamous relationship, only to discover that their partner is cheating? Over 50% of the population has been cheated on at some point. How many had suspicions beforehand?
  5. Promiscuity leads to more promiscuity. By sleeping around, it decreases the special bond that one has when they are exclusive with a single partner. They want to explore the lustful side of sexuality more, unimpeded by feelings. It increases the possibility of cheating during marriage, and has helped to contribute to our skyrocketing divorce rate. Why get married when I can just sleep with someone and move on? People get obsessed with the initial sexual attraction, and never move on to the more intimate phases of relationships. When the fireworks stop, they simply dump their lover, find someone new, and recapture the feeling again. You always hear in the movies about “fear of commitment”. Well, a LOT of this is due to the fact that people think they have a good thing going. Why would they want to limit their sexual fun by committing permanently to someone?
  6. During pre-marital sex, one is treating the partner like an object of pleasure, rather than an object of love. (This can occur EVEN INSIDE OF A MARRIAGE, by the way…) Rather than using sex for its wondrous purpose, which is a special unity that offers the possibility for the creation of life, we detach from that purpose, and use it solely for pleasure. To be sure, sex is pleasurable and provides fun and great intimacy for couples, but it is meant to be a unique bond that strengthens the family unit, rather than fracturing it through promiscuity. By giving into lust, a couple is exploiting each other for selfish purposes, even if the bond of love is there. The minute that sex becomes just about fun, the couple begins to test those boundaries to see how much fun one can have. These boundaries are difficult to resist, and one can find themselves in trouble very fast. Even inside a marriage, when you are not open to life, you are taking one of the most special gifts of God, which is actually being allowed to participate in the process of creation, and rejecting it as if it is worthless.
So, why is pre-marital sex bad? It could lead to abortion, it could lead to the creation of a child with a family completely unprepared to raise it, it can transmit disease, it is selfish, it weakens the family, it provides a mentality for divorce and lack of commitment, it is exploitative, and is the misuse of a hugely unique gift from God. Does that help?
 
At the root, God created human sexuality as a totally inter-related ecosystem. Marriage, sex and babies are all tangled up together so totally that it is innately harmful to the human person to intentionally try to divide them into separate things.

Fornication damages the ability of sexually intimacy to support and enhance the rest of the relationship. When a man and woman share that aspect with one another and ONLY one another their whole life, that aspect of their relationship holds much more power than if each of them had shared it with a variety of other people before marriage. Fornication turns a unique bonding between man and wife into just another human communal experience.

Pretty much ALL of the church’s controversial teachings these days come back to the principle in the first paragraph. Think about it:
  1. Premarital sex: Tries to cut sex out from marriage and babies. (See second paragraph above).
  2. Contraception: Tries to have the marriage and sex as if they had nothing to do with babies.
  3. IVF: Tries to have the baby via other means than sexual intimacy
  4. Gay marriage: Attempts to modify definition of marriage to apply to a relationship that by its very nature is sterile.
Our society desperately wants the “freedom” (poorly defined) to partake of each of these three aspects of human sexuality ala carte, but it doesn’t work that way. When you try, you only damage all three aspects by trying to exclude one or more. Only when kept together as God intended is human sexuality healthy in a manner that leads to our flourishing and growing in our ability to love God, accept His love and steadily be remade by Grace. Note that this doesn’t REQUIRE marriage of anybody. Great saints of history have been celibate or never married. But it does require us to avoid misuse of the gifts of human sexuality.
 
It’s really very simple. Sex usually produces a child. Children need two stable parents for the best chance of them becoming faithful (to God), successful, and upstanding members of society. It is not fair to the children to put them in a situation with only one parent. As well meaning as a non-married couple can be, marriage is always a stronger bond than cohabitation, or even worse, “flings”. People who do not respect the gift of sex are being selfish. Jesus tells us to be masters of the flesh. We should not give in to the flesh just because it feels good. We are intelligent human beings. We are better than that.
 
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