Why Is There So Much Hatred In My Family?

[savedbygrace92]

So I have a really big extended family and we were all brought up very well in terms of our faith and religion.

However, my mom’s side of the family is going through a lot of drama. There has always been a lot of tension between my aunts and uncles that was kept hidden in the beginning. But now that my grandfather has fallen ill, everyone is fighting with each other on a daily basis.

People are blaming other people for not taking care of my grandfather enough. There has even been talk about changing my grandfather’s will so that certain people don’t get his inheritance. There’s gossiping behind people’s back, in-laws brining up old fights that we thought were long and forgotten but somehow have managed to affect them to this day. And a lot of drama.

My mom and my dad have basically been playing peace-keeper throughout this whole ordeal. We pray to God that these problems will be resolved; we try to get people to forgive each other; we try to give them advice.

I just want to know that my grandfather will be able to see all his children, son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, and grandchildren at peace with one another and at peace with God before he dies. I don’t understand what’s happening or why God doesn’t seem to be making things better.

Is there something that could be blocking that grace? Or is this part of this will somehow? I don’t understand. Please help.

 

[DJK100]

So I have a really big extended family and we were all brought up very well in terms of our faith and religion.

However, my mom’s side of the family is going through a lot of drama. There has always been a lot of tension between my aunts and uncles that was kept hidden in the beginning. But now that my grandfather has fallen ill, everyone is fighting with each other on a daily basis.

People are blaming other people for not taking care of my grandfather enough. There has even been talk about changing my grandfather’s will so that certain people don’t get his inheritance. There’s gossiping behind people’s back, in-laws brining up old fights that we thought were long and forgotten but somehow have managed to affect them to this day. And a lot of drama.

My mom and my dad have basically been playing peace-keeper throughout this whole ordeal. We pray to God that these problems will be resolved; we try to get people to forgive each other; we try to give them advice.

I just want to know that my grandfather will be able to see all his children, son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, and grandchildren at peace with one another and at peace with God before he dies. I don’t understand what’s happening or why God doesn’t seem to be making things better.

Is there something that could be blocking that grace? Or is this part of this will somehow? I don’t understand. Please help.

I am willing to bet from what you typed your family is experiencing the strain of losing a loved one and also “guilt” about what they could have done differently. This is all being manifested in the “blame game” so that each can feel better about themselves. They best thing to do is try to understand that no one is blameless in these situation and that “we” all could have done more, let by gone be by gones and spend the rest of the time loving your Grandfather and trying to give him the peace and respect that should be afforded him.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

So I have a really big extended family and we were all brought up very well in terms of our faith and religion.

However, my mom’s side of the family is going through a lot of drama. There has always been a lot of tension between my aunts and uncles that was kept hidden in the beginning. But now that my grandfather has fallen ill, everyone is fighting with each other on a daily basis.

People are blaming other people for not taking care of my grandfather enough. There has even been talk about changing my grandfather’s will so that certain people don’t get his inheritance. There’s gossiping behind people’s back, in-laws brining up old fights that we thought were long and forgotten but somehow have managed to affect them to this day. And a lot of drama.

My mom and my dad have basically been playing peace-keeper throughout this whole ordeal. We pray to God that these problems will be resolved; we try to get people to forgive each other; we try to give them advice.

I just want to know that my grandfather will be able to see all his children, son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, and grandchildren at peace with one another and at peace with God before he dies. I don’t understand what’s happening or why God doesn’t seem to be making things better.

Is there something that could be blocking that grace? Or is this part of this will somehow? I don’t understand. Please help.

It’s very common when parents get sick or start dying, to have all the dysfunction start oozing out of the family. People bury stuff their whole lives, but when the older generation starts to pass, all of the sibling rivalry and resentments start coming up to the surface, and things can get REALLY ugly if there’s an inheritance at stake. I had a friend whose family fought over pieces of her grandmother’s FURNITURE, for Pete’s sake! Pieces of wood, they were willing to ruin any chance at having a continuing relationship with their family members. I thought it was so pathetic and sad.

The very WORST thing is to make one of the children the executor of the will, but a lot of people do just that, and just about guarantee bickering if not all-out war between the siblings.

Anyway, there’s only so much you can do to contain the volcano. Emotions that have been suppressed for a lifetime can be really nasty when let out. I fully intend to spend all my money before I die, so as not to leave my kids anything. They can work for their money and not count on my death for their nest egg. Either that, or give them a lump sum, their “prodigal” money, while I’m alive, and then they aren’t waiting for me to go, so they can inherit.

Hang in there, pray for all concerned, and try to stay above the fray.

 

[Carlan]

Oh dear, family politics! hard to escape, just like in every segment of society concerning the human condition. We pray and trust God!
Peace, Carlan

 

[exoflare]

In any case, I hope someone figures it out fast. These type of threads tend to get quickly locked for no reason.

 

[LSK]

I say the Chaplet to St Michael the Archangel for my family. So far, those who are trying their best to do the will of God are able to reconcile because they put themselves aside. Those who are living firmly entrenched in sin are still mad at the rest of us.

It is sad. You are not alone and you are in my prayers.

 

[m_crane]

I gone though a lot of what you are talking about with my own family.
Sickness, death , divorce can bring out the worst in people.

So many years I tried to keep peace between myself and certain family members and tried to keep peace between family meember who couldn’t get along with each other. It all fell apart anyway.
Now I don’t worry. I pray.

I hope you’re not shocked by your family’s behavior. For me, there were signs all along.
The only good thing about this for me has been that at least now I know how others feel there is some degree of honesty in people airing their grievences. I don’t have to pretend to like them anymore (believe it or not I still love them) and they don’t have to pretend to like me.

In the aftermath, I want to let you know that some of my family relationships have mended and some have not. Some may fall apart in the future.

Pray, do your best to be kind, try not to take meanness personally, set boundaries and be willing to forgive and you will have peace.

 

[savedbygrace92]

Thanks guys

I was just feeling kind of upset since we were all brought up so well. I just expected so much more forgiveness and acceptance from people—especially since everyone claims to be really strong in their faith.

Sigh.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thanks guys

I was just feeling kind of upset since we were all brought up so well. I just expected so much more forgiveness and acceptance from people—especially since everyone claims to be really strong in their faith.

Sigh.

This is called, “normal.” All kinds of stuff gets repressed in the course of growing up, but sibling rivalry comes out in awkward situations especially the death of the parent. Sometimes people have worked to let go of resentments, but not often. And faith is strengthened through trials, not peaceful times.