Why isn't God helping my sister out?

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WildCatholic

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I pray for her every day. Yet she falls farther and farther from the church and from God and says she hates organized religion. I feel so bad for her because she has deep deep and dark severe depression that for some reason has lasted since college and was probably present in high school with slight remission at times.

At times it almost feels like prayers for her aren’t being answered, almost like she’s “prayer proof” I know people have to help themselves but i’m afraid that she’s experienced so much pain in her life from bullying and our dad’s death and just not being able to make friends.I sometimes wish God would just find a way to reach her and tell her “I love you more than anything in the world” but she doesn’t accept love from anyone.

It’s sad because she can’t accept love and acts very mean to my family and I can tell its just her lashing out because of her pain (for example calling us fat idiots because sadly in elementary and middle school she was called fat and stupid because she was big and had a speech impediment, and regularly tells me and my brother to f off all the time because she feels people basically tell that to her because she doesn’t have friends). What do I do. It’s almost as if she’s in such despair that she just doesn’t even live in the real world and act’s like a timid mouse in public and a complete terror at home. I’m afraid she’ll sink so deep into depression that she won’t ever live any sort of life and just sit around and watch tv like she does now. She doesn’t even want to see a counselor (she sees a GP who’s given her antidepressants but sadly it’s only dialed her anger down a touch) and I worry she’s just wallowing, and it doesn’t help that my mom basically has the idea that since she’s 21 she needs to do something about it on her own. So is their anyway to help her. as I said she has no faith and won’t speak to anyone Catholic or christian about help (since sadly her tormentors in school are devout catholics now with one of them even becoming a nun and changing her life around which sadly makes my sister think that catholicism supports bullies).
 
This is my personal opinion but… I don’t think we are guaranteed answers to our prayers. I think God could change things, if He wanted to, but more often than not I think He sits back and lets things play out how they will.

Imagine all the parents whose babies have cancer or other incurable diseases, begging God for mercy. However, the recovery rates are what they are. When someone defies the odds, we call it a miracle. When someone succumbs, we say God didn’t answer our prayers. Maybe God is listening and providing people with graces, but ultimately does not meddle with humanity like it’s a chess game He’s playing.

I’m sorry that your sister is depressed and rejecting God. Depression is really tough. She needs medication and treatment, possibly (name removed by moderator)atient. All you can do is continue to pray, keep your distance if she is abusive to you, and make gentle suggestions that she seek intensive psychiatric care (A GP is not equipped to deal with major depression.) You could even do the legwork and find a good doctor, and let her know that life COULD feel better for her if only she would call.
 
Avocadomom said:
This is my personal opinion but… I don’t think we are guaranteed answers to our prayers. I think God could change things, if He wanted to, but more often than not I think He sits back and lets things play out how they will.

Imagine all the parents whose babies have cancer or other incurable diseases, begging God for mercy. However, the recovery rates are what they are. When someone defies the odds, we call it a miracle. When someone succumbs, we say God didn’t answer our prayers. Maybe God is listening and providing people with graces, but ultimately does not meddle with humanity like it’s a chess game He’s playing.

I’m sorry that your sister is depressed and rejecting God. Depression is really tough. She needs medication and treatment, possibly (name removed by moderator)atient. All you can do is continue to pray, keep your distance if she is abusive to you, and make gentle suggestions that she seek intensive psychiatric care (A GP is not equipped to deal with major depression.) You could even do the legwork and find a good doctor, and let her know that life COULD feel better for her if only she would call.
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Thank you so much. The sad thing is is I don’t think she cares about anything anymore. She’s gained weight, doesn’t care how she acts or how she treats us at home. The sad thing is that no one else will notice. she’s so quiet outside of the house and it’s sad because she’s a talented writer and is witty but I think she’s been wounded by people so much she can’t trust anyone. I just wish God would do something to bring her close and show her his love. Sadly she doesn’t want love since she’s never felt it.
 
WildCatholic said:
I pray for her every day. Yet she falls farther and farther from the church and from God and says she hates organized religion. I feel so bad for her because she has deep deep and dark severe depression that for some reason has lasted since college and was probably present in high school with slight remission at times.

At times it almost feels like prayers for her aren’t being answered, almost like she’s “prayer proof” I know people have to help themselves but i’m afraid that she’s experienced so much pain in her life from bullying and our dad’s death and just not being able to make friends.I sometimes wish God would just find a way to reach her and tell her “I love you more than anything in the world” but she doesn’t accept love from anyone.

It’s sad because she can’t accept love and acts very mean to my family and I can tell its just her lashing out because of her pain (for example calling us fat idiots because sadly in elementary and middle school she was called fat and stupid because she was big and had a speech impediment, and regularly tells me and my brother to f off all the time because she feels people basically tell that to her because she doesn’t have friends). What do I do. It’s almost as if she’s in such despair that she just doesn’t even live in the real world and act’s like a timid mouse in public and a complete terror at home. I’m afraid she’ll sink so deep into depression that she won’t ever live any sort of life and just sit around and watch tv like she does now. She doesn’t even want to see a counselor (she sees a GP who’s given her antidepressants but sadly it’s only dialed her anger down a touch) and I worry she’s just wallowing, and it doesn’t help that my mom basically has the idea that since she’s 21 she needs to do something about it on her own. So is their anyway to help her. as I said she has no faith and won’t speak to anyone Catholic or christian about help (since sadly her tormentors in school are devout catholics now with one of them even becoming a nun and changing her life around which sadly makes my sister think that catholicism supports bullies).
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Praying to the Holy Spirit to give your sister guidance & direction back to the Church.
 
When we or someone we love is in pain it can be hard to be patient.

Many things go on in The Will of God that is hidden from us. We see a small part. Think of it like we are looking at a puzzle piece and God sees the entire puzzle.

God may have give opportunity that was turned down or ignored. We don’t know.

Continue in your prayers. They are worth everything.
 
WildCatholic said:
I pray for her every day. Yet she falls farther and farther from the church and from God and says she hates organized religion. I feel so bad for her because she has deep deep and dark severe depression that for some reason has lasted since college and was probably present in high school with slight remission at times.

At times it almost feels like prayers for her aren’t being answered, almost like she’s “prayer proof” I know people have to help themselves but i’m afraid that she’s experienced so much pain in her life from bullying and our dad’s death and just not being able to make friends.I sometimes wish God would just find a way to reach her and tell her “I love you more than anything in the world” but she doesn’t accept love from anyone.

It’s sad because she can’t accept love and acts very mean to my family and I can tell its just her lashing out because of her pain (for example calling us fat idiots because sadly in elementary and middle school she was called fat and stupid because she was big and had a speech impediment, and regularly tells me and my brother to f off all the time because she feels people basically tell that to her because she doesn’t have friends). What do I do. It’s almost as if she’s in such despair that she just doesn’t even live in the real world and act’s like a timid mouse in public and a complete terror at home. I’m afraid she’ll sink so deep into depression that she won’t ever live any sort of life and just sit around and watch tv like she does now. She doesn’t even want to see a counselor (she sees a GP who’s given her antidepressants but sadly it’s only dialed her anger down a touch) and I worry she’s just wallowing, and it doesn’t help that my mom basically has the idea that since she’s 21 she needs to do something about it on her own. So is their anyway to help her. as I said she has no faith and won’t speak to anyone Catholic or christian about help (since sadly her tormentors in school are devout catholics now with one of them even becoming a nun and changing her life around which sadly makes my sister think that catholicism supports bullies).
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Praying to St. Dymphna for your sister’s health & recovery. Praying to the Holy Spirit to give your sister guidance, direction, strength & fortitude in her time of need.
 
Never give up hope “persevere in prayer” that’s what Our Blessed Mother told us to do. God loves us and wants what is best for us. For example St. Monica - a saint admire so much for her tenacity, patience, and perseverance in prayer for the conversion of her son, St. Augustine. A persistent prayer warrior, Monica never gave up on her son, Augustine, a great sinner, who later became so strongly drawn to the faith that he was eventually canonized, as one of the Church’s greatest teachers and philosophers, and was designated a doctor of the Church. Saint Monica prayed for 20 years for the conversation of Augustine, and what a great man he became.

catholicfire.blogspot.ie/2012/08/st-monica-patron-of-married-women-and.html?m=1
 
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is painful when we do not feel that our prayers are being answered. But, we must remember that God hears them. He operates on His time and by His will, which is always for the good of us, but sometimes that isn’t immediately apparent to us mear mortals. I am reminded of something Bishop Fulton Sheen wrote:
I remember inviting a woman to see me who had just lost her eighteen-year-old daughter. She was very rebellious and had no faith whatever.
She said, “I want to talk about God.”
I said, “All right, I will talk about Him for five minutes, and then you talk about or against Him for forty-five, and then we will have a discussion.”
I was talking about two minutes when she interrupted me. She stuck her finger under my nose and said, “Listen, if God is good, why did He take my daughter?”
I said, “In order that you might be here, learning something about the purpose and meaning of life.”
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Keep praying for her everyday that she may know the Love of Christ. St. Monica prayed for St. Augustine’s conversion for years. Perhaps you could give her C.S. Lewis’s classic work, The Problem of Pain. If she will not read it, perhaps you could read it yourself. I will pray for you.

JMR
 
I have a suggestion: Unless you truly feel you must have TV get rid of it or cut back on TV as much as possible. TV is truly addictive. A friend got rid of his TV and it changed the by 380 degrees and his children became outstanding students and citizens. No snacking in between meals would probably be good for everyone. And it sounds as if Mom could benefit from a little counseling, too. Have some nice social functions at home, too. If a computer is available encourage her to start her own blog. Sometime(often) the is written word is very powerful. Continue to pray for her, but do not press “religion” on her: prayer is a most powerful medicine. Lead up front, by example. This is not medical advice. Hope the ideas help. BTW, my own blog helped me change and grow in the spirit. I will pray for your sister and family.
 
He is helping your sister out, but on his timeline, not yours.

Christ is near the poor, the sick, the marginalized.

Your sister, and yourself, whether she (or you) realize it, are closer to Christ, and blessed because of her suffering, and your suffering over concern for her:

Be at peace!

Matthew 5:3 speaks of her suffering:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 5:6 speaks of your suffering:

“Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied”.

So, through suffering, your dear sister has the opportunity (which could take a long time in human terms) to enter the kingdom of heaven; and you, through your desire that she find the righteous path will be satisfied, also in time!

Peace and all Good!
 
Neofight said:
He is helping your sister out, but on his timeline, not yours.

Christ is near the poor, the sick, the marginalized.

Your sister, and yourself, whether she (or you) realize it, are closer to Christ, and blessed because of her suffering, and your suffering over concern for her:

Be at peace!

Matthew 5:3 speaks of her suffering:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 5:6 speaks of your suffering:

“Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied”.

So, through suffering, your dear sister has the opportunity (which could take a long time in human terms) to enter the kingdom of heaven; and you, through your desire that she find the righteous path will be satisfied, also in time!

Peace and all Good!
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My worry is though that what if she is one of those people predestined to damnation? I almost wonder if sadly she just isn’t meant to be saved. Not that i’ll ever know but I always wonder about people who are just apathetic about God and religion if they are even meant to be saved. I know this is more of a calvinist view and not within catholic teaching but it scares me and makes me sad because I think God’s love and salvation is for everyone
 
WildCatholic said:
My worry is though that what if she is one of those people predestined to damnation? I almost wonder if sadly she just isn’t meant to be saved. Not that i’ll ever know but I always wonder about people who are just apathetic about God and religion if they are even meant to be saved. I know this is more of a calvinist view and not within catholic teaching but it scares me and makes me sad because I think God’s love and salvation is for everyone
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Rest assured, everyone is meant to be saved…this is the plan of God!

And, also, be assured that nobody is born, predestined to damnation! This is NOT God’s plan.

Through Jesus Christ we are all offered salvation “I came not to condemn but to save”.

Praying for you, and her.

Peace and all Good!
 
I don’t have answers but I can offer that I’ve suffered from depression for years, and the anger is very much a symptom of it. It’s good to see that those who bullied her have found redemption, or at least are trying to find it, though I’m sorry your sister had to suffer for it.

I’ll keep her in my prayers, and that the Lord will show her a way to Him.
 
I will join my prayers to yours. But I had an odd thought: maybe the “bully” who is/has become a nun would be willing to approach your sister on this matter. Could do them both a world of good. Don’t know if this is even possible.
 
I believe that God helps all of us who ask for His help. We should never decide to do things our own way. God understands everything we are going through. She just has to believe in Him, invite her to Church or offer to go with her to speak to a Priest. You can’t just turn off all resources for help. Maybe a good start would be for her to volunteer and help others. It would give her a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. There are so many good things in the world. She may even be able to prepare a lesson and speak to school children about bullying. Each one of us have been blessed by God with gifts and abilities that we can share. I will pray for her and all who cannot hope that everything will get better.
 
You might try to get closer to her so she could see you as a confidant and then maybe you would be able to help her in some way. Try to meet her on her path to help her with her struggles. She sounds like she’s in desperate need of love and friendship. Everyone needs love and if she’s not feeling like she’s loved, she is going to continue to be sad. You might do things with her that she would like to do. Try to come up with something that would spark her interest and something you could do with her that would give her a sense of pride about herself.
 
Is there anyway you can talk to your sisters dr about her behaviour…if she has an undiagnosed mental health issue then it may be causing her behaviour and she may not be able to help how she is behaving…

You mentioned that she behaved differently at home with your family than she does in public…maybe you could film her on your cellphone when her behaviour is at its worst and she is lashing out verbally at home and show it to her dr and say this is what we have to deal with…please can you help…

Also with regards to praying…dont give up and keep praying…the souls in purgatory are fantastic intercessors for those who pray for them…read the links in my signature in this post…maybe if you pray for the souls in purgatory you can get their assistance to help your sister
 
acadiANNA said:
I believe that God helps all of us who ask for His help. We should never decide to do things our own way. God understands everything we are going through. She just has to believe in Him, invite her to Church or offer to go with her to speak to a Priest. You can’t just turn off all resources for help. Maybe a good start would be for her to volunteer and help others. It would give her a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. There are so many good things in the world. She may even be able to prepare a lesson and speak to school children about bullying. Each one of us have been blessed by God with gifts and abilities that we can share. I will pray for her and all who cannot hope that everything will get better.
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Sadly anything religious will make her mad and she won’t attend especially if I invite her. Of course no one else will at where she goes to college. Honestly I just wonder if she’s too far gone. She’s been so wounded that basically she’s lost trust in humanity due to being so sensitive. Sadly she only does things when she wants to and doesn’t listen to anyone.
 
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