Why marriage?

[Lucius_II]

Salevete,

first let me make it clear that I, by all means, believe in the Church teaching on the sacrament of marriage. However recently I was asked the following question and I could not answer it very well, so perhaps you, good people could provide me with a good (and not too long) answer.

Why is marriage necessary? Let us say that you have a couple who live together more uxorio yet without marriage (and they have not been married or divorced before) They are faithful to each other, share finances and responsibilities, pains and joys of common life, they seem happy and satisfied and all that. Maybe they have children too.

Now you tell them that they sin by living like this and they look at you incredulously as though you came from another planet and say:

We don’t need a piece of paper, or anything like that. We love each other and are happy, we lead good and moral lives, we have children together and we are faithful to each other. What do we need a marriage for? What does it prove? Look at other Catholic married couples: they are often not as happy as we are. The Church has no business telling us that we live in sin when we obviously see that what we do is good!

Now I am obviously talking about people who are (at least by the grace of baptism, first communion and perhaps confirmation) Catholics.

Also, why is it not sufficient for them to get only civil marriage? What could I say in such a case that would not be too long and complicated and too abstract for them?

Gratias vobis!

 

[pianistclare]

Marriage is a vocation.
Marriage is about fidelity and love as Christ loves His church.

 

[Tuscana]

It’s God’s command. All we need to know.

 

[jaimeleglise]

When we get married we make lifetime vows to our spouse and to God. We receive many graces through the Sacrament of Matrimony. This is how God wants us to marry.

 

[1ke]

If you are talking to uncatechized Catholics, lapsed Catholics, or cultural Catholics-- the place to start isn’t with marriage per se.

There are a lot of things that come in to understanding the Church’s teaching on marriage, sexuality, and just the basics of grace and sacraments. I think you’d do better to start somewhere else-- milk before meat (1 Corinthians 3:2).

 

[JimG]

If such a couple intends for their relationship to be permanent, faithful, and open to life, what objection do they have to proclaiming the commitment vocally, before God and man? Do they wish to keep their options open?

 

[Bradski]

As far as I understand it, it’s the commitment made to each other rather than any ceremony:

1626 The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that “makes the marriage.” If consent is lacking there is no marriage.

1627 The consent consists in a “human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other”: “I take you to be my wife” - “I take you to be my husband.” This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two “becoming one flesh.”

1628 The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear. No human power can substitute for this consent.If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid.

 

[Lucius_II]

Thank you for your contributions. I have been thinking more about this and I came to the following conclusion:

when speaking with a Catholic on this matter one should not even go into the subject of marriage but of what Catholicism is and what it consists of, showing that they, if they wish to remain in good standing, must obey the authority of the Church. If they deny a teaching of the Church as valid and binding then they must be shown that they thus fall into heresy and if they persist in this they will incur excommunication latae sententiae. The fundamental question is: who has the authority? You or Christ? And it is charitable to show a person the extent of his error and the seriousness of it that he may be able to make a conscious choice.