Why marry? Why have kids?

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Why marry? Why have kids??

Because it’s awesome and a lot of fun!

I wish someone would have told me how much fun children are, because I would have started earlier.

Don’t get me wrong - it’s a lot of hard work and a bit of trouble, but the joy of it all vastoly more than worth it!
 
I can’t say “officially” but I do remember being told by nuns and priests that the Church had added single (and, presumably, celibate) to married and religious as licit vocations. This was probably in the '70s.
That makes me even question its legitimacy even more.
 
Because it’s awesome and a lot of fun!

I wish someone would have told me how much fun children are, because I would have started earlier.

Don’t get me wrong - it’s a lot of hard work and a bit of trouble, but the joy of it all vastoly more than worth it!
I share your opinion but it seems to be a minority view.

In particular, I’m really surprised I can’t find any books that discuss marriage and family along these lines. All seem to begin with the assumption of marraige and/or children and then discuss how to deal with them as if they were afflictions and not wilful, purposeful choices.
 
**2231 **Some forgo marriage in order to care for their parents or brothers and sisters, to give themselves more completely to a profession, or to serve other honorable ends. They can contribute greatly to the good of the human family.
Yep, from the CCC, that sounds familiar.
 
Other than the benefits that first come to mind about getting married and having kids (companionship, tax benefits, other financial benefits, shared experiences), you learn a lot about yourself and grow exponentially as a person. Being married is the first step on that path. This is where you learn to start making sacrifices for the sake of making someone else happy. When you have your first child, you know that you’d do ANYTHING for them. It’s powerful. Self sacrificing. I know I’d be quite a bit more selfish than I am right now without having my children and husband around. I’m a much better person than I would be if I didn’t have my husband and children. Not to say that you can’t be a good person without it, but it helps selfish people such as myself mature.
 
1 Corinthians 7:9
But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry, since it is better to be married than to be burnt up.


This is really the only thing marriage has going for it.
You’re sound-biting St. Paul. In the same passage, after all, he also said:
Indeed, I wish everyone to be as I am, but each has a particular gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 1 Cor. 7:7 Note that he did not say “some of us have gifts from God and others don’t.” He also says “I should like you to be free of anxieties.” (1 Cor. 7:32a) He is concerned about those whose marriages pose a distraction from God.

Let us remember the understanding of marriage for which Canon Law advocates:
Can. 1055 §1. The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized.
§2. For this reason, a valid matrimonial contract cannot exist between the baptized without it being by that fact a sacrament.

Who remembers their Baltimore Catechism? *A sacrament is an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace. *The capacity of marriage to be an outward sign and a source of grace is built into its very nature, and that nature includes openness to procreation and the education of children. Getting married and faithfully rearing the children God sends is a means of advancing in grace and enjoying the blessings sent by Heaven.
 
I share your opinion but it seems to be a minority view.

In particular, I’m really surprised I can’t find any books that discuss marriage and family along these lines. All seem to begin with the assumption of marraige and/or children and then discuss how to deal with them as if they were afflictions and not wilful, purposeful choices.
Perhaps that’s because people don’t bother to read books about it unless they have a problem with marriage or children. Here’s a pretty good book about how to improve even good families: How Happy Families Happen, by Audrey Ricker.
If I knew how hard it can be raising teenagers I would have become a nun.
But teenagers eventually grow up into people, and can be very pleasant to have around. (of course teens are people, but sometimes they’re not too civilized.) The trick seems to be not to take anything they say as graven in stone, give good advice even if it seems to fall on deaf ears, and never give up on them. So far this is working on 4 out of my 5; the jury is still out however.
 
I got this quote from a nun on TV ( IDK her name ):

"Openness to the mystery of God to lead us away from selfishness. To allow love to be definitive. What good is our marriage vows if they do not cost us anything? In marriage we give what we don’t even have to give- our future. Marriage is the mystery of the limit. God ( who is love ) teaches us the limit. He embraced the limit our human nature In His incarnet limit which had a limit of suffering on the cross to brings with Him into the limitless into the horizon of eternity across the threshold of divine love.*

We imitate the way He loves by follow in His footsteps with our wedding vows, “'this one for all my life”. There by in embracing the limit we find entry into the limitless.

Marriage draws us out of ourselves. * Those in heaven neither marry nor are given in marriage. This does not mean that your spouse is no longer importantto you because it is your spouse who helped you to grow out of that selfish love. *Your love was transformed & so in fact you’ll have an even more tender, purified, & deeper love *for your spouse. *That love will be transformed & taken in most perfectly & completely into Divine Love."
 
Perhaps that’s because people don’t bother to read books about it unless they have a problem with marriage or children. Here’s a pretty good book about how to improve even good families: How Happy Families Happen, by Audrey Ricker.
Although not what I’m looking for here, this seems like a great read and I will get a copy.

I do think your point is correct that most people who buy books are looking for solutions to their marriage and/or family problems.

There is also another category of books that reflects a popular cultural norm: how women can get men to marry them. I’m sure everyone if familiar with this theme in movies and television if not first-hand. The presumption here, of course, is that women naturally desire marriage and men naturally avoid it. Such men, of course, will not read a book to learn why they should deisre marriage so I’m not surprised that nobody has written a book for them in the popular press.
 
I got this quote from a nun on TV ( IDK her name ):

"Openness to the mystery of God to lead us away from selfishness. To allow love to be definitive. What good is our marriage vows if they do not cost us anything? In marriage we give what we don’t even have to give- our future. Marriage is the mystery of the limit. God ( who is love ) teaches us the limit. He embraced the limit our human nature In His incarnet limit which had a limit of suffering on the cross to brings with Him into the limitless into the horizon of eternity across the threshold of divine love.*

We imitate the way He loves by follow in His footsteps with our wedding vows, “'this one for all my life”. There by in embracing the limit we find entry into the limitless.

Marriage draws us out of ourselves. * Those in heaven neither marry nor are given in marriage. This does not mean that your spouse is no longer importantto you because it is your spouse who helped you to grow out of that selfish love. *Your love was transformed & so in fact you’ll have an even more tender, purified, & deeper love *for your spouse. *That love will be transformed & taken in most perfectly & completely into Divine Love."
These and similar comments from other posters give me encouragement that I am not searching in vain here.
 
Why marry? Why have kids??

Because it’s awesome and a lot of fun!

I wish someone would have told me how much fun children are, because I would have started earlier.

Don’t get me wrong - it’s a lot of hard work and a bit of trouble, but the joy of it all vastoly more than worth it!
That, right there. Nailed it. Emotionally, we were designed to be in families. As a whole, we tend to do better in families than all alone. Even single people are members of families. Marriage forms the basis for families, and so it is ordered to our happiness and well-being. I know I am a better man for having been married and had kids than had I remained single.
 
You’re sound-biting St. Paul. In the same passage, after all, he also said:
Indeed, I wish everyone to be as I am, but each has a particular gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 1 Cor. 7:7 Note that he did not say “some of us have gifts from God and others don’t.” He also says “I should like you to be free of anxieties.” (1 Cor. 7:32a) He is concerned about those whose marriages pose a distraction from God.

Let us remember the understanding of marriage for which Canon Law advocates:
Can. 1055 §1. The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized.
§2. For this reason, a valid matrimonial contract cannot exist between the baptized without it being by that fact a sacrament.

Who remembers their Baltimore Catechism? *A sacrament is an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace. *The capacity of marriage to be an outward sign and a source of grace is built into its very nature, and that nature includes openness to procreation and the education of children. Getting married and faithfully rearing the children God sends is a means of advancing in grace and enjoying the blessings sent by Heaven.
None of that goes against what I said. There’s nothing wrong with marriage, but it’s still an inferior state to virginity. Marriage would subjectively be a greater good for an individual person only if they knew they couldn’t handle lifelong celibacy.
 
None of that goes against what I said. There’s nothing wrong with marriage, but it’s still an inferior state to virginity. Marriage would subjectively be a greater good for an individual person only if they knew they couldn’t handle lifelong celibacy.
The CCC does NOT place virginity over chaste marriages, "2349 “People should cultivate [chastity] in the way that is suited to their state of life. Some profess virginity or consecrated celibacy which enables them to give themselves to God alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner. Others live in the way prescribed for all by the moral law, whether they are married or single.” Married people are called to live conjugal chastity; others practice chastity in continence:

There are three forms of the virtue of chastity: the first is that of spouses, the second that of widows, and the third that of virgins. We do not praise any one of them to the exclusion of the others. ... This is what makes for the richness of the discipline of the Church."
 
None of that goes against what I said. There’s nothing wrong with marriage, but it’s still an inferior state to virginity. Marriage would subjectively be a greater good for an individual person only if they knew they couldn’t handle lifelong celibacy.
That’s like saying it is better to be a dog than to be a cat. It is best for cats to be good cats and dogs to be good dogs, and praise to the Lord for making every creature, great and small.

Is it better for a grain of wheat to fall to the ground and die, so as to produce much wheat, or is it better to be ground up and made into a host, to be a species transformed and replaced by the person of Christ, Who feeds the people of God with Himself? What is important is that the grain be what it is meant to be, and not go to waste by pretending to be for itself only, and therefore being nothing.

Virginity that is not given over to transformation by God–whether given over inside or outside a religious community–accomplishes nothing, after all, nor does a couple who say their vows and do not live the married vocation. It is not the vocation we receive that will prove our merit, then, but our fidelity to living the vocation we were called to live. Anyone concerned about whether to marry or not to marry has to know that this is the bottom line that is the most important.
 
I don’t see why you necessarily have to marry and have kids to live a good, God-filled life. Marriage and children are important, but they’re not necessary for you to show how much you love God. I’m actually all for finishing college and having financial stability. A lot of couples have problems in the long-term when they get married and don’t have financial stability, that’s why it’s always important to plan ahead.

And waiting to be mature enough to be married is also not a bad thing. I know many people that are in their early twenties and already married, but they’re facing problems because they can’t afford to live a married life and are already doubting their choice of getting married so young, because they didn’t give themselves the opportunity to grow and develop as adults.

As for living a married life, it is important for a lot of reasons. It shows true commitment, selflessness, compassion, and many other beautiful things that can bring you closer to God. It’s really a beautiful thing, when you are ready to commit to it.
 
"2349 “People should cultivate [chastity] in the way that is suited to their state of life. Some profess virginity or consecrated celibacy which enables them to give themselves to God alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner. Others live in the way prescribed for all by the moral law, whether they are married or single.” Married people are called to live conjugal chastity; others practice chastity in continence
Again, nothing here that goes against what I said before, sooo… 🤷

But for a change of pace, here’s something that’s actually relevant.

Pope Pius XII, Sacra Virginitas, no. 32:
This doctrine of the excellence of virginity and of celibacy and of their superiority over the married state was, as We have already said, revealed by our Divine Redeemer and by the Apostle of the Gentiles; so too, it was solemnly defined as a dogma of divine faith by the holy council of Trent,[57] and explained in the same way by all the holy Fathers and Doctors of the Church. Finally, We and Our Predecessors have often expounded it and earnestly advocated it whenever occasion offered. But recent attacks on this traditional doctrine of the Church, the danger they constitute, and the harm they do to the souls of the faithful lead Us, in fulfillment of the duties of Our charge, to take up the matter once again in this Encyclical Letter, and to reprove these errors which are so often propounded under a specious appearance of truth.

vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xii/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xii_enc_25031954_sacra-virginitas_en.html
 
Again, nothing here that goes against what I said before, sooo… 🤷

But for a change of pace, here’s something that’s actually relevant.

Pope Pius XII, Sacra Virginitas, no. 32:
This doctrine of the excellence of virginity and of celibacy and of their superiority over the married state was, as We have already said, revealed by our Divine Redeemer and by the Apostle of the Gentiles; so too, it was solemnly defined as a dogma of divine faith by the holy council of Trent,[57] and explained in the same way by all the holy Fathers and Doctors of the Church. Finally, We and Our Predecessors have often expounded it and earnestly advocated it whenever occasion offered. But recent attacks on this traditional doctrine of the Church, the danger they constitute, and the harm they do to the souls of the faithful lead Us, in fulfillment of the duties of Our charge, to take up the matter once again in this Encyclical Letter, and to reprove these errors which are so often propounded under a specious appearance of truth.

vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xii/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xii_enc_25031954_sacra-virginitas_en.html
Again: You can say quite rightly that a fish is higher than a bug, but that doesn’t mean a bug can become a fish by recognizing that the fish is higher on the ladder or that God did not ordain that there be far more bugs in the world than fish. If you want to make the most beautiful furniture, perhaps you choose myrtle, but if you want to make a bat or an ax handle or a canoe paddle, what you want is ash. The beautiful furniture ought to be more highly prized than the bat, it is made of the rarer and finer substance, but sometimes a bat or an ax handle or a canoe paddle is what you need.

What the Pope is saying is not that the married have failed to reach their highest calling! No! He is saying that those who are fitted to do it will reach their highest state if they accept the call to be virgins for the sake of the Kingdom. There is also a special dignity in those who have committed themselves to celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom, and it ought to be recognized. Absolutely, I hope no one here would deny that priests, religious, and consecrated virgins should be shown heightened respect due the high calling they have accepted. Children should be taught both that it is a great thing to accept that calling and that those who accept it should be shown a particular respect, and I hope those who have been given that calling will not think it proud to accept that respect. The respect is not an implication that they never sin or are better than anyone else or that they ought to be proud of themselves, but a respect due to the high state to which they have been called.

The quibble you are hearing is that this truth does not mean when one is teaching children about the states of life that it ought to ever be implied that the married life ought to be denigrated in any way in comparison to the states of life which include consecrated virginity within their essence. Ax handles and canoe paddles made of ash have their place in God’s plan, and we are grateful for them, just as much as we need the altars and furnishings for our churches which have been wrought from the most noble of woods. We need them. Marriage, too, has its integral and irreplaceable place in God’s plan. It is not an “also ran” state in life, but a state in life which has lead many to sanctity and even canonization. Sometimes the furniture in the church is saved because a fireman had an ax with a reliable handle.

It is in no way opposed to the teaching you cited to say that it can be planned by God that the greatest sanctity that a particular person might obtain could be realized only in the married state, a level of sanctity that God would not be pleased to bring out of them in a convent or a monastery because God fashioned them as a soul entirely suited for sanctity, but ill-suited to that high vocation. That is the important distinction to make.

If you are myrtle wood, be willing to be used as myrtle wood ought to be used; it is better that an altar be fashioned of ash than that a piece of myrtle be put to a lower use. If you are made of the stuff best made into an ax handle, though, and not the stuff of which altars are made, then that is OK. God did not make a mistake in how He fashioned you. Be a reliable ax handle or a good canoe paddle or a durable bat. That is good, too, that is all we are saying.
 
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