Why so many crosses in my life?

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I am a married man in my mid 30’s. I am Catholic and have always been. I have a lot of crosses in my life and I am not sure why. I know we all have our troubles, but why so many? Here they are:
  • very bad eyesight
  • scoliosis (spine)
  • shy / backward
  • lack charity
  • low self-esteem
  • poor / in debt
  • problems with relationship with mom, bro., sis., grandpa
  • no friends
  • anxiety
  • periadontal disease
  • mitral valve prolapse (heart), I got a bad report last time I went to the doc., high blood pressure in my lungs because of this condition (extremely difficult to breath).
  • lypoma’s (fatty tumors) 30 or so on my body
  • allergies
  • depression
  • sexual addiction (masturbation)
  • alienation at work (after my “re-conversion” back to my Catholic faith).
  • Hemorroids
  • sleep apnea

    I am taking prescription medications (5 total). I was seeing a psychologist but could no longer afford it. My family and I are on public assistance too.
    I guess I just would like to know why so many crosses? Why not just a couple? I’m only in my mid-thirties, I compare myself to other men my age and they don’t seem to have anything wrong with them. If God is trying to “teach” me something I’m not getting it. Or am I being punished for a sinful life?
    I know the Bible says we will not be given more than we can handle. That’s part of the problem, I am not handling it, it is handling me. I just feel overwhelmed with all this stuff. I am ALWAYS tired and irritable and prayer is a chore, I can’t focus, I have a hard time finding the time. I have given this to God, but I’m not sure what is supposed to happen next. Either, so far nothing has happened or things have gotten worse. I’m so sad and feel so helpless. I can’t get out of my own way. I know God CAN help me, but what is he waiting on?

    I’m just curious what your thoughts on this might be. Thank you.
 
Is that all?

Sorry 😛 my list is soo much longer.

I would take every suffering known to man if it would heal my daughter. Through private meditation and Catholic books and scripture, I am taking my suffering and offering it up in Jesus’ name for my penance and for my daughter’s healing.

I am also doing the 54 consequtive days Rosary which is POWERFUL. No suffering should be wasted. Suffering could help the world if we could accept it and offer it up.

Maybe your sufferings are to keep you humble. Look at the state of the world and the behavior of others…Prayer and penance can keep us loving, obedient and trusting in Our Lord. We spend just a short time on earth and eternity in Heaven with Our Savior Jesus Christ.
What is the limit of what we are willing to invest in order to make Our Lord proud?

These words apply to me too. My Catholic books an prayers keep me strong.
:blessyou:
 
Dear Shameless,

There is a nun named Sister Monica who likes to say that the only real tragedy in the world is sin.

You have listed many crosses. What you must first do in order to be able to deal with even the smallest, is to, with God’s help, rid yourself of sin and maintain yourself in a state of grace.

You say you have given this to God. Sometimes you must give the same cross as an offering to God over and over, and in such a way that you volunteer to help carry His at the same time, as a sacrifice for sinners.

Something that comes across to me as interesting is how I share some of the items in your list of crosses, but I really haven’t seen them as crosses before … Maybe we can each learn something from each other here. I can now better offer up some of my deficiencies, which I’ve been taking for granted as “that’s just the way I am,” as crosses and that will help me to become more prayerful.

For example, when it comes to such things as eyesight, allergies, or personality, I figured that at least I could see, that at least the allergies weren’t worse than they were, and that as far as personality at least I was the unique unrepeatable individual whom God created for a reason, to complete a task which no one else can do since everybody has their own set of circumstances, and time and place in history … with strengths and things to celebrate, as well as weaknesses to overcome.

Do you also have a list of blessings, and another list of dreams?

Praying for healing for you according to the Lord’s Will,

~~ the phoenix
 
Shameless said:
I am a married man in my mid 30’s. I am Catholic and have always been. I have a lot of crosses in my life and I am not sure why. I know we all have our troubles, but why so many? Here they are:
  • very bad eyesight
  • scoliosis (spine)
  • shy / backward
  • lack charity
  • low self-esteem
  • poor / in debt
  • problems with relationship with mom, bro., sis., grandpa
  • no friends
  • anxiety
  • periadontal disease
  • mitral valve prolapse (heart), I got a bad report last time I went to the doc., high blood pressure in my lungs because of this condition (extremely difficult to breath).
  • lypoma’s (fatty tumors) 30 or so on my body
  • allergies
  • depression
  • sexual addiction (masturbation)
  • alienation at work (after my “re-conversion” back to my Catholic faith).
  • Hemorroids
  • sleep apnea

    I am taking prescription medications (5 total). I was seeing a psychologist but could no longer afford it. My family and I are on public assistance too.
    I guess I just would like to know why so many crosses? Why not just a couple? I’m only in my mid-thirties, I compare myself to other men my age and they don’t seem to have anything wrong with them. If God is trying to “teach” me something I’m not getting it. Or am I being punished for a sinful life?
    I know the Bible says we will not be given more than we can handle. That’s part of the problem, I am not handling it, it is handling me. I just feel overwhelmed with all this stuff. I am ALWAYS tired and irritable and prayer is a chore, I can’t focus, I have a hard time finding the time. I have given this to God, but I’m not sure what is supposed to happen next. Either, so far nothing has happened or things have gotten worse. I’m so sad and feel so helpless. I can’t get out of my own way. I know God CAN help me, but what is he waiting on?

    I’m just curious what your thoughts on this might be. Thank you.
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I’m sorry, you’re really suffering and I’m worry that you need counseling, you sound depressed.
I will pray for you.
Maybe a support group would help, if you could find one friend to go fishing with or something things would be brighter.
 
Not to belittle your crosses, but some of these are not unique to you. Very bad eyesight, allergies, and masturbation are shared by thousands if not millions of other people around the world.

I think the answer is NOT to expect God to make your crosses go away. They may not and probably will not. The answer is to put your focus somewhere else. Why even make a list of your crosses? Instead, just as there is a virtue for every vice, why not list a blessing for every cross?

You have health problems, but on the other hand, you have life and you are a functional human being. Thank God for what IS working on your body, and that you can take medications for what is not working.

You have relationship problems with your family, but you do have a family. You are married. Focus on and enjoy your relationships that are working.

You are on public assistance, but you do have time and ability to give back to society in SOME manner. Can you volunteer to help in your community or parish soup kitchen, or summer festival, or school reading program, or some other worthy cause that is always in need of helping hands?

In other words, what is God waiting for? He is waiting for you to help yourself. Turn your focus away from your crosses. When you wake up every morning, say a morning prayer to thank God for all your blessings, and list them. Then decide what you are going to do this day that will give glory to God.

Mother Theresa said first Jesus, then Others, then Yourself

Jesus
Others
Yourself

equals JOY.
 
The more crosses that we have, the more beauty that we can find in other things in life. Suffering allows us to find beauty much more often in God’s creation, and in things other people take foregranted. Suffering makes us more compassionate, and able to listen to people without judging. Suffering allows us to be united with Christ on the cross and to grow closer to our Lord. Suffering can teach us to completly trust in God.

I love how the Church deals with suffering. It is definately one of the most beautiful mysteries within Christianity, that we use suffering to find joy. I don’t know why you have been given all of these crosses. Perhaps God is preparing you for something, or teach you something, or just bring you closer to Him. All I can say is that you need to stay strong in your faith. It certainly sounds like you are already strong. Talk to God, and share your feelings with Him honestly. Tell Him that you are struggling with all of the crosses you have been given to you.

I’m sorry that you have been given so much to deal with, and for the pain it is causing you. You will certainly be in my prayers. Also, you are not alone in some of your struggles, I suffer from some of them as well, so please pray for me. May Christ’s peace be with you always!
 
Wow, I’d be discouraged, too. But, maybe you shouldn’t list the bad stuff. Can you list as many good things happening in your life? Can I start you off?

You’re Catholic!
You have access to a computer and can come to CAF!
You are an intelligent person who likes to think about life and God.
Your new friend Leonie is saying a prayer for you right now.

I left some room for you to add some stuff.

I often am befuddled by the crosses that so many good people carry. There’s no way that we can know God’s plan. Maybe you could pray that He would reveal it to you–at least enough to give you hope.

My mom had a heart attack ten year ago when she was fifty two. She herself will tell you that it was the best thing that ever happened to her. Through the recovery, she found Jesus and a renewal of her faith. She had another heart attack last month. I wonder what God will bless her with this time?

Padre Pio had a nephew who had a bad leg. Once, a person asked him why he didn’t seek a cure for his nephew. St Pio said that the disability was necessary for his nephew’s salvation.

After I asked God to let me make up for all the unchastity in my life, my marriage went through a very difficult period. I knew that this was the suffering that He was giving me to let me do penance for those sins.

Remember, this world is NOT home. Here’s a prayer that I read recently in a book by a priest with terminal cancer:

Sacred Heart of Jesus, I give you my life.

Whenever you are suffering or discouraged, try praying that prayer.

Also, don’t forget to finish the list!
 
Thank you everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut, and prayers. I think you are right who said I need to count my blessings. It is hard though at times with these problems. I know others have them and some are much worse off than I am. I don’t have this book but I came across one called “The Consequences of sin”, by TAN books and that got me to thinking maybe that is why I have so many problems - all the sins I have committed. As I said I am a “MB” addict, since age 13. I was getting counseling but could no longer afford it, my insurance doesn’t cover it. I also have been participating in 2 Catholic sexual recovery support groups (True Knights and St. Mikes), though these have been helpful I still struggle with this sin, I also have bought many books on Catholicism and sexual recovery (one reason I am in CC debt), these too have been helpful, yey still the sin drags on.
Back to my original question, I just wondered why so many? My wife knows about my addiction and has been there to support me and encourage me. I am thankful for that.

I better go time to go to work. I’ll check in later tonight. Thanks again everyone and God bless you all.
 
Shameless said:
Back to my original question, I just wondered why so many?
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This question assumes that there are so many-- ie, more than most people.

If you’re right and you have more crosses to bear than others, it may be that only God knows why and only God can tell you.

But you often do not see the crosses others bear. Sometimes, the crosses are obvious, but those people bear them with such grace before God that we fail to recognize what a heavy burden they are suffering under.

There are a few things you can do about these problems.
  1. You can decide what you can control. (No friends? Join a club or group. Lack charity? Start giving. Start finding the good in others.)
  2. Find something good in what you can’t change. Just one example-- I try to use my crosses as learning opportunities. With a marital issue, I learn a little of what God must feel when I put more energy and love into all sorts of things other than Him-- and then wonder why I don’t feel closer to Him! I’d still rather those problems go away, but maybe it’s the only way I’d ever see clearly what I am doing to God.
  3. Quit comparing yourself to the supposedly perfect people. My husband sometimes feels as you do, when he looks at our friend who’s part owner of a development company. But then he goes to work (hospital) and sees all the 30-somethings who have destroyed their faces, lives, health, families, everything, with drugs, alcohol, stupid choices, etc, and he realizes he’s done a few things right, after all.
  4. Remember that the so-called ‘perfect people’ have their problems, too. With all their money and good looks, I wouldn’t trade places with any celebrity. How awful to have every detail of your life all over the news. Some of them may have plenty of self esteem, but does that mean they’re close to God, or even trying to be? You obviously ARE, and that is the greatest blessing of all, that you are wise enough to do that.
  5. As others said, make a list of your blessings. Everything should go on that list, a warm bed, regular meals, heat in the winter, having a job… everything.
Good luck.
 
Shameless said:
I know others have them and some are much worse off than I am.
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In my experience, knowing that others have heavier crosses doesn’t make your own lighter. But, it does give perspective, I guess.
Shameless said:
I don’t have this book but I came across one called “The Consequences of sin”, by TAN books and that got me to thinking maybe that is why I have so many problems - all the sins I have committed…
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I guess its possible that it is a punishment. More likely though, it is a gift from God to help you attain sanctity. The crosses enable you to obtain virtues that you may have been unable to obtain if you were stronger. For example, pride is a big soul killer. Crosses give humility. They teach compassion. They teach you perseverance.

Also, it is a way that God obtains glory. Others see your faith in the middle of your struggles and desire to have that same faith. Remember the blind man that Jesus cured? They wanted to know what sin he had committed, but Jesus said his disability was to Glorify God.

You can do penance for your sins through your suffering. You can save souls.

I can see that you have deep guilt and shame over your persistent sin. Consider how in your perseverance in fighting this sin you are glorifying God.

Personally, I would stay away from any books that are going to make you feel worse about your struggle. Instead, I recommend you read St. Faustina’s diary.

And, pray often, Jesus, I trust in Thee.

On a practical note, exercise can be as effective as anti-depressants. Consider taking a walk daily for 20 minutes. It’s a good opportunity to meditate, too. 🙂
 
How about a list of the blessings in you life? Tack them up and read them often.

Just a thought. Prayers going our to you.
 
First, before I start with my thoughts, I just wanted to say that our perspective from online is limited, and we don’t know you as well as people in real life, so some of my advice may or may not be very helpful.

Anyways, while it is important, I think you may be putting too much emphasis on what you are doing to create all of your suffering. While some of it is likely a direct effect of your sins, much of it may not be directly linked to your sins. Look at the book of Job for instance. Here is a brief summary:
Job, an oriental chieftain, pious and upright, richly endowed in his own person and in domestic prosperity, suffers a sudden and complete reversal of fortune. He loses his property and his children; a loathsome disease afflicts his body; and sorrow oppresses his soul. Nevertheless, Job does not complain against God. When some friends visit him to condole with him, Job protests his innocence and does not understand why he is afflicted. He curses the day of his birth and longs for death to bring an end to his sufferings. The debate which ensues consists of three cycles of speeches. Job’s friends insist that his plight can only be a punishment for personal wrongdoing and an invitation from God to repentance. Job rejects their inadequate explanation and calls for a response from God himself. At this point the speeches of a youth named Elihu (Job 32-37) interrupt the development.
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In response to Job’s plea that he be allowed to see God and hear from him the cause of his suffering, God answers, not by justifying his action before men, but by referring to his own omniscience and almighty power. Job is content with this. He recovers his attitude of humility and trust in God, which is deepened now and strengthened by his experience of suffering.
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SOURCE

The point is that there could be any number of reasons for your suffering. I’m not saying this is what is happening to you exactly, but am just using it to demonstrate that our righteousness or lack thereof is not always proportionate to the ammount of suffering we endure. You may never completly know why you were given so much suffering in your life, but just trust in God because He is perfect in justice and love. Be comforted that you abide in God, and God in you. God is perfect in every way.
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
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Matthew 11:28-30

Go to confession, and continue trying to get away from sin. I would say also though, spend more time praying and meditating on the suffering of Jesus. Our prayers are with you!
 
Hello brother in Christ.
I struggled with sexual self-abuse for years myself, since I was 13 too (what is it about age 13???).
I’ve prayed fervently about it, and the Lord gave me victory over it. But I still have plenty of other temporal, emotional, and spiritual problems.

I am impatient and naturally quick-tempered, big vices.
I also find that I lack charity often too.
There’s a good cure for that (but it’s gradual).
If you don’t have the time to help out in soup kitchens etc.,
try praying daily for the conversion and salvation of other sinners. That is a great act of charity, and ask God for the Grace to actually WANT to pray for the salvation of other sinners. Don’t know what to use as a prayer? Try either The Chaplet of the Divine Mercy, or the Chaplet of the Holy Wounds. Both are very powerful prayers, and if you google them, you’ll find the texts of the prayers and how to pray them. All you use is your own personal rosary.
As an antidote to my selfishness, I try to pray the Chaplet every day for the relief of the Holy Souls in Purgatory.

Another thing, God accepts prayer even if you have to struggle to force yourself to have the will to pray. Praying when we feel good is good, but praying when we are spiritually, physically, and emotionally drained is even better and God appreciates the extra effort. Whatever you do, for your own spiritual needs, definitely pray 5 decades of the Rosary each day.
Before praying it, offer it up for all of your own spiritual and temporal needs. Mary is our mother, and she greatly appreciates our using her Rosary to pray and meditate, and she prays for us. If you have trouble with the mysteries of the Rosary, or find the rosary boring, try using a SCRIPTURAL ROSARY. Just go to Google and type in SCRIPTURAL ROSARY, and links to online scriptural rosaries will come up.
Click on the links, print out the scriptural rosary, and use it when praying the mysteries. The Rosary is a very powerful and beneficial prayer.

God be with you, buddy.
God bless,
Jaypeeto3 (aka Jaypeeto4)
 
Just think about those who have no crosses, those with fortune, beauty, friends, good health, good times…They are so consumed with enjoying life that they never even stop to consider where God is in their life. You are truly blessed to be drawn so close to our Lord in so many aspects of your life and to know that you are truly dependent on him. Look at how many people are moved to pray for you. Who prays for the people who appear to have it all (but are truly poor where it matters the most, yet they know it not)? You might just find some comfort in praying for these poor souls.

“All those who are willing to be saved through the cross will find salvation there. But those who desire to be saved without it will perish miserably. There is no salvation except in this cross.” – St. Francis de Sales
 
Shameless said:
I’m just curious what your thoughts on this might be. Thank you.
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You should read the lives and writings of the saints, as they unanimously agree that crosses are a blessing from God to the one’s He loves. Bear with them patiently and with submissiveness to the Providence of God and they will be a source of great merit!

What a blessing!
 
Thanks again to all you who have help me here on this question (another blessing).

I hope I didn’t give anyone the impression that I am worse off than anyone else. I know that there are a lot worse off than me. But, I can’t help but notice that when I look at people my own age, they don’t have ANY health problems (not all, but most), let alone so many. Also how does temperament fit into all this? I have a melancholic temperament. I also have difficulty in prayer (focusing), partly because of the sleep apnea. I have a hard time getting up early to pray, then at bedtime I’m too tired to pray. With the anxiety my mind is always racing, I am on medications for the apnea (2), MVP (1), allergies (1, sometimes 2), anxiety/depression (1).

I just sometimes feel so burdened that I will be lucky to overcome one or two problems, let alone all the rest. I don’t handle things well and I’m not sure how to learn to.

Thanks again everyone.
 
Shameless said:
But, I can’t help but notice that when I look at people my own age, they don’t have ANY health problems (not all, but most), let alone so many.
Thanks again everyone.
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Well I’m in my mid-thirties I’ve had two open heart surgeries(by the time I was 8 years old), I have a pacemaker, I have a defective heart valve,atrial fibrilation, my heart is malformed and I am in heart failure. I will need a transplant. I also have crohn’s disease. And those are the biggies.🙂 So don’t feel alone, you have company.
God Bless!
 
Hi,

I haven’t posted (or visited) on this site in a few weeks, but today I came back online. I was attracted to this thread, because I’ve been asking myself this same question for about a week now. I have been praying consistently for almost 6 months, for a specific intention, as well as for the grace to accept the Lord’s will, courage, guidance, strength and faith. Things were goign really well and all of a sudden things went stagnant. I got very discouraged, and I know that’s the point where I’m supposed to turn to the Lord even more; but I got angry and frustrated, I felt as though my prayers weren’t being heard, and I also felt hopeless- because if God already knows what’s best for us, what good does prayer do? I tell you I was mad, and to be honest I still am.

I know that I have so many things to be grateful for- health, good job, ok friends, good family, a house, a car, a good education…etc etc, but I still manage to focus on the things that I don’t have like a family of my own, a healthy, loving personal relationship with the person that I love ( we borke up months ago).

So yes, we can all play “who has more crosses?”, but really everyone has crosses; some more than others…

But my question right now- is how do I pray my way through this depression?

Lately, I pray but there’s no real feeling or faith behind the words- I’m distracted and I keep think- it doesn’t matter what I say God has a plan for me…

I just wanted to say- you’re not alone- and that’s for sure.

Is there a specific prayer that has helped anyone through a difficult time. I recently completed a 54 day novena- and I still don’t feel better.

I guess we all have to believe that we get what we can handle, and that everything will be alright!
 
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