I’m neverous now because obviously the Easter vigial will entail her first communion, and I will be there as we (and I certainly should be recieving at that mass) but we’re not ready, and I just don’t know when/if we will before then.
I’ve talked about this with her as well.
Of course this is also equally my fault. I let her move in, despite my misgivings about it, and I certainly am not kicking her out (honestly I have been praying for her to want to move out so we can put Christ first) and I do still do impure deeds with her. So it’s not like I’m Mr. Innocent here.
Crazzeto, if she decides she wants to move out, would you really be putting Christ first? Right now it sounds like you’re putting your desire to avoid a painful conflict with your loved one above doing God’s will. If the difficult situation disappears without your having to take a stand for God, how does this mean that you are putting Him before her? You might not be committing the outward sin anymore, but the wrongful attitudes (idolatry is putting someone or something above God) would remain because you still would never have chosen God above her.
She would have chosen God before you, and her soul would be right with God, but you would not yet have put God before her and your interior priorities would still be just as much in need of change.
You’re praying for a solution that is not really a solution at all, because if God answered your prayer as you’re asking Him to, you would still have never chosen God above your girlfriend. Your heart would still be with your girlfriend, or avoiding a conflict with her, more than it is with God, and transformation would still be necessary. Only it would be less easy to measure then than it is now, while you can deliberately choose God first through a painful act of obedience.
Outward sins aren’t the only mortal ones. There are interior mortal sins as well.
There would be no reason to believe, if God answered your prayer and the sexual part of the problem dissolved, that you now suddenly care more about God than you do about your girlfriend. She would still mean more to you than God – only your loyalties wouldn’t be being directly tested any more as they are right now.
I personally suspect that God may be being merciful
to you by not answering your prayer, because He is prolonging your opportunity to choose Him above your loved one in a clear way. If He answers your prayer and speaks to your girlfriend, and she leaves of her own will and not because you have insisted, then you won’t have benefitted except insofar as you are relieved from the sexual temptation. The temptation would be removed, which would be good, but the heart attitude of choosing the loved one above your Divine Lover would still be wrongfully present. God would be no more first in your life than He is now, because your heart would still be placing your girlfriend ahead of Him.
It is a painful trial though; I certainly recognize that.
God has put the responsibility in your hands to save your soul and help your friend’s.
I’ll just share a note of encouragement before ending this post.
I was the first of my family to convert to Catholicism and my family were somewhat Anti-Catholic. I lost friends and I suffered badly damaged relations with family members who once looked up to me, but came to see me as fallen in my relationship with God.
However, the consequence was that I received God’s light and now so are they. One of them has decided to convert and another is almost there. The unity I share with my converting family members is
deeper, more profound, more loving and more beautiful than we have previously known. This was a result of my choosing pain and God above the comfort and pleasures of the status quo. The joys I am experiencing now, spiritually, are far greater than the painful trials were harsh. Even if I hadn’t experienced the restoration of family ties, the unity for
me personally with God was decidedly worth it.
This choice is indeed very painful. I’m only sharing this so that you know how God uses that pain, that breaking of unity between loved ones, in order to
deepen it and perfect both us and those we love. It is most loving to your girlfriend as well as to yourself and God to act in this way.
God blesses us through these trials, though they are horrible while we are going through them, if we choose Him above ourselves.
Here are Jesus’ words on the matter.
Mark 10:29-31
29
Jesus said, “Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel
30
who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come.
31
But many that are first will be last, and (the) last will be first.”
And the reverse:
Matthew 10
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14 Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father.
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But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father.
34
"Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword.
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For I have come to set a man ‘against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
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and one’s enemies will be those of his household.’
37
"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;
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and whoever does not take up his cross 15 and follow after me is not worthy of me.
39
16 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
