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pianistclare
Guest
Timely article.
Thanks
Thanks
Tis_Bearself
Patron
While no teenager is going to have the wiser judgment of a 35-year-old (and one could argue that the 35-year-old will not be as wise as a 55-year-old, and so on), I take some issue with the idea that all teens go around making “outlandishly stupid” decisions on a regular basis because of their brains.
I knew teens who, on a fairly regular basis, chose to drink, party, stay out all night, etc. but I also knew quite a few who had fairly good judgment and had only an occasional lapse, if any. There are teens who simply find a lot of “bad decision” behavior to be stupid and a waste of time and would rather do something else with their time. I was one and I wasn’t alone among my high school friends. Most of us in that group also had parents who were constantly keeping an eye on us and enforcing some fairly strict rules, penalties and expectations.
These articles should perhaps work on explaining why some teens make generally responsible decisions. We always seem to see tons of excuses for the teens that don’t, with no explanation of why some teens are quite mature and well-behaved. It’s almost like society is setting an expectation that all teens will act like idiots.
I knew teens who, on a fairly regular basis, chose to drink, party, stay out all night, etc. but I also knew quite a few who had fairly good judgment and had only an occasional lapse, if any. There are teens who simply find a lot of “bad decision” behavior to be stupid and a waste of time and would rather do something else with their time. I was one and I wasn’t alone among my high school friends. Most of us in that group also had parents who were constantly keeping an eye on us and enforcing some fairly strict rules, penalties and expectations.
These articles should perhaps work on explaining why some teens make generally responsible decisions. We always seem to see tons of excuses for the teens that don’t, with no explanation of why some teens are quite mature and well-behaved. It’s almost like society is setting an expectation that all teens will act like idiots.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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Then again, we have had more than one occurrence here of “responsible and reasonable” teens IRL who post and have temper tantrums because they are told a conflicting idea. We have teens who post ideas they think “are the best evvvvvvvver” when in reality they are endorsing trash. We’ve had hundreds of young people create the most inane threads about how they wish to pursue a spouse or how they think that person should behave. Should I go on? Again, for the most part it seems these teens have their “real” life very together and are responsible human beings. Some are even very intelligent. But they show that lack of judgment ability on this board.
It’s not saying that adults cannot, or that teens/young adults must behave badly but that there is something about the teen brain that facilitates these behavioral and emotional issues.
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pianistclare
Guest
Not to mention that the teens here tend to suffer greatly from scruples and this board definitely makes their struggle harder.
I really wish there was an age limit. Not that people couldn’t get a workaround in 2 seconds, but honestly.
These kids need to be in their parish youth group learning, not pontificating here. But then again, we wouldn’t see this if the parents had any idea what their teens were going through, what they thought, what their beliefs are, and just WHO is catechizing them. I ran our Religious Ed program for nearly 20 years. Parents were continually shocked at what their kids thought about life and morals, They had no idea. They leave them alone with their devices thinking “Oh my kid is so smart!” Maybe. But they still need parents. Adn they are still not grown.
I’m out.
It was a good article.
We tend to “nice” common sense out the door.
I really wish there was an age limit. Not that people couldn’t get a workaround in 2 seconds, but honestly.
These kids need to be in their parish youth group learning, not pontificating here. But then again, we wouldn’t see this if the parents had any idea what their teens were going through, what they thought, what their beliefs are, and just WHO is catechizing them. I ran our Religious Ed program for nearly 20 years. Parents were continually shocked at what their kids thought about life and morals, They had no idea. They leave them alone with their devices thinking “Oh my kid is so smart!” Maybe. But they still need parents. Adn they are still not grown.
I’m out.
It was a good article.
We tend to “nice” common sense out the door.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
Agreed. The lack of supervision and guidance some of these 13-17yo’s have is appalling and in more than one case (especially with the south of 15 crowd) should be considered criminal neglect. The 16-21yo cohort also reveals many times neglectful parenting in their past. I’m not saying we shouldn’t care or should ignore it, but its a shame we can’t trace IP’s and report it to the proper authorities.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
I don’t consider having some difficulty handling a disagreement to be a particularly “bad choice”. It’s a learning experience. People who haven’t been on the Internet for years also don’t always react in the sensible way when other people criticize what they post or disagree with them. I see this frequently among 30, 40, 50, and 60 -year-olds who have not spent a lot of time online, not just teens.
We have to differentiate between examples of young people learning the skills of how to socially interact in an adult group, and learning to separate themselves from their parents, vs. genuinely bad choices like drinking, drug use, reckless driving, theft, promiscuity, staying out all night, etc.
We have to differentiate between examples of young people learning the skills of how to socially interact in an adult group, and learning to separate themselves from their parents, vs. genuinely bad choices like drinking, drug use, reckless driving, theft, promiscuity, staying out all night, etc.
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Xantippe
Guest
To be fair, some older people are also capable of tantrums and oversharing.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
There’s learning and there’s simply poor behavior.
Yes, adults behave badly, too but they can help it. A teen cannot.
A genuinely bad choice doesn’t have to be criminal. This kind of thinking drives me nuts and drove me nuts as a teen and young adult. Bad choices and bad behavior are always bad. There is little consequence for having a temper tantrum on a forum…but it’s still bad behavior.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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Very true. But fostering an environment where minors can do that is just asking for trouble. With adults, we can tell them to knock it off and seek proper help. They are legally capable of it. Teens often have no resources and less mental restraint making the situation more tenuous and even dangerous. IE a teen who threatens to lock themselves away if they don’t get their way.Xanthippe_Voorhees:
To be fair, some older people are also capable of tantrums and oversharing.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
The “brain development” argument is primarily being used in the legal context as a way to claim that teens have diminished culpability for all kinds of offenses, up to and including murder. I have mixed feelings about it.
Once you take it out of the legal context, you open the door to a whole lot of people just throwing up their hands and saying “we can’t do anything about the fact that the kids are making bad choices; their brains just haven’t developed yet.” It reminds me of “Dear Officer Krupke.”
I don’t doubt that brain development plays a part in behavior (along with many other forms of physical growth that teens are dealing with), but it should not be used to excuse everything teens do, which is what it too often gets used as.
Once you take it out of the legal context, you open the door to a whole lot of people just throwing up their hands and saying “we can’t do anything about the fact that the kids are making bad choices; their brains just haven’t developed yet.” It reminds me of “Dear Officer Krupke.”
I don’t doubt that brain development plays a part in behavior (along with many other forms of physical growth that teens are dealing with), but it should not be used to excuse everything teens do, which is what it too often gets used as.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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As an excuse for every behavior under the sun? Nope. That we can agree on.
That said, understanding that part of the brain is undeveloped should give us pause when dealing with teens. An adult who behaves badly on the internet can make legitimate adult choices. A teen who behaves badly–and is poorly supervised is a liability as they cannot be held accountable for their actions in the same way.
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Xantippe
Guest
There’s a book I really love entitled “Why Don’t Students Like School?”
One of the points he makes is that we think of ourselves as thinking when we are actually just remembering our past solution to a recurring problem. So a lot of times, we may think our teen is not thinking when they’re actually just inexperienced, and haven’t got as large a store of go-to solutions-to-problems as adults do.
One of the points he makes is that we think of ourselves as thinking when we are actually just remembering our past solution to a recurring problem. So a lot of times, we may think our teen is not thinking when they’re actually just inexperienced, and haven’t got as large a store of go-to solutions-to-problems as adults do.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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Ohhh this is a good point.
Which would highlight even more so why it can be dangerous to have unsupervised teens online. Their storage bank of solutions is very low and often devisive and troubling.
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Horton
Guest
There is nothing here that is new. Some teenagers have been making poor decisions for a very long time. We’ve also known for many years why. For anyone who has raised teenagers into young men & women, this is not news.
I went to college a long time ago and this concept was taught way back when.
I went to college a long time ago and this concept was taught way back when.
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F_Marturana
Guest
Scruples, I think, are extra hard on teens. I’ve got a scrupulous teenaged boy. He’s not allowed on here.
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DarkLight
Guest
I think the flip side people should remember is that teen brains are more plastic as well. So it’s even more important to guide them along the way they should go. I think it would be better to take it as an indication that perhaps simply trying to scare kids into doing the right thing isn’t the way to go.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
Yep. I did a whole part of one of my grad school projects writing a long-term success plan for an anti-drug coalition. I devoted a section on how “negative harm mitigation” (ie scare tactics) are proven to not only to not work but actually make risky behavior seem more pallatible because youth don’t think that bad things can happen to them even if the “bad” thing is a near guarentee.Tis_Bearself:
I think the flip side people should remember is that teen brains are more plastic as well. So it’s even more important to guide them along the way they should go. I think it would be better to take it as an indication that perhaps simply trying to scare kids into doing the right thing isn’t the way to go.
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ATraveller
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Precisely why the bond between children and their parents need to be protected. Developing brains are malleable. You want to ensure good influences are shaping them.
The way modern society is structured, both parents now have to work and working more hours too. It’s hard to raise children to become responsible adults like this. It’s hard to counter the negative influences from the entertainment industry and occasionally from peers and even schools. The breakdown of the family is the most corrosive thing in Western society.
The way modern society is structured, both parents now have to work and working more hours too. It’s hard to raise children to become responsible adults like this. It’s hard to counter the negative influences from the entertainment industry and occasionally from peers and even schools. The breakdown of the family is the most corrosive thing in Western society.
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pianistclare
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Amen. Ask anyone who is involved in Youth Ministry. The kids come to us having no formation other than what they see on tv, read on the internet, or hear from celebrities and popular musicians.
And it’s almost never what the Church teaches. And their parents are the last to know…often way too late.
Teens need to spend plenty of time with their parents, growing that bond, growing that trust. Or no amount of Sunday school can help them .
And it’s almost never what the Church teaches. And their parents are the last to know…often way too late.
Teens need to spend plenty of time with their parents, growing that bond, growing that trust. Or no amount of Sunday school can help them .
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